by Amy Brent
I felt my body dropped on my bed gently as I tried to pull him down with me. “Cole,” I murmured as I sought to kiss him again. “Please.”
CHAPTER 4
I stared at him as he sheathed himself with the condom that he tore open with shaking hands. I was tipsy from the wine, bordering on sloppy drunk. However, I was primed and ready for this as he stared at me and stalked towards the bed. I’d never seen Cole in this way before, animalistic in his need. He knelt down before me and kissed me hard before he pressed me down to the pillows and parted my thighs. “Ris…I need you,” Cole told me as he positioned himself against my entrance and looked down as he slipped inside. “Fuck, you’re so tight.”
It had been a while since I’d slept with anybody and I cried out as he filled me with his thick cock. I rocked against him to bring him deeper inside of me as Cole drove himself inside of me, thrust after hard thrust. He rested against my chest as he kissed me clumsily in between thrusts and I moaned and whimpered as my body came close to releasing. “Oh, Cole. Don’t stop,” I begged him before I let out a keening sound and exploded all around him. I closed my eyes tightly as I held on tightly to him and breathed out as he jerked against me and stilled as he groaned out my name.
Heat flushed through my body, and I felt like I was flying for a moment before I felt his lips against mine. Cole was breathing heavily and his damp body heavy over mine before he rolled onto his back.
I drunkenly tried to compare the men, but I was caught up in Cole right now. I’d only experienced casual sex as well as a few relationships, some of which were scorching at the moment. I can’t say that I ever felt like I did right now. I moved to stumble to the bathroom and clean up before I crawled back into bed to wrap my arm around Cole. He had nuzzled his face against mine before he told me that he was going to use the restroom and be right back.
I was half-asleep when he returned, and Cole kissed me. “Want me to stay?” His voice was a soft whisper and I nodded sleepily as I snuggled against him again.
I dreamed about Cole as I slept restlessly, always feeling arms around me when I’d come to. I thought I was dreaming that as well until I woke up and looked around the room to see the sunlight peeking through the blinds. I ran my hands through my hair and felt a headache that could only come from too much wine.
I rolled over to feel a warm body beside me and fully opened my eyes to see Cole sleeping naked beside me. I gasped softly and curled up into a ball as I mentally checked over my body, feeling the aches and sore muscles from good sex as I blushed. I remembered some of the night before in vivid detail and frowned as I pictured dinner in my mind. Mom had married a guy that I’d slept with, which was so awkward. I didn’t even know how to deal with that so I dealt with the next issue on hand.
Cole…and the fact I’d thrown myself at him and slept with him.
I looked him over, admiring his muscles and toned planes for a moment. There was no denying that Cole was a gorgeous man, but he wasn’t necessarily mine to have. We were best friends and had been since we met two years ago. I could think of times that we might have flirted a little here and there, but it was never serious, and we always ended up with other people. That’s how it was supposed to be.
It was different, though, and I felt anxiety wash over me as I closed my eyes. Now I had two nights to regret, and I stood and grabbed my robe from the bathroom. This called for coffee and sobriety.
I made a pot of coffee in my pot that Mom and I bought when I got this apartment and checked the fridge. If it was any other morning and Cole crashed here after drinking or something, I’d make breakfast. We’d laugh and pig out, and it would be light and casual. I decided to go with that now and pulled out bacon and eggs, Cole’s favorite. I had no idea if he had practice today though I wasn’t ready to wake him up. I looked into the living room and saw his clothes in a heap along with mine as I blushed.
I cooked quietly, sipping coffee to wake myself up and bring back the unfortunate reality. My phone rang, and I glanced at the screen to see that it was Mom, a call that I ignored.
I looked down to flip the bacon when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I glanced over and saw Cole with a towel around his waist as he went to grab his clothes. “Hi,” I said as he gave me a long look and nodded. “Hungry?”
“Always. How are you feeling?” Cole asked as I frowned and thought about my answer.
“I think I’m better than last night. I was upset…I’m sorry for calling you over like that,” I said as I started piling the meat on a plate lined with paper towels. I couldn’t look at him, fearing that I’d fucked things up.
“I’d come running for you anytime you needed me, Larisa,” Cole assured me as pulled on his pants behind the door the separated the kitchen from the living room. “You know that.”
“I didn’t necessarily have what happened in mind,” I admitted as I saw his feet move in front of me.
“Do you regret it?” Cole asked as I reached for the eggs and started cracking them into the oiled pan. Cole loved his eggs in bacon grease, and I’d learned to eat them like that over the years.
“I…I’m not sure. Do you?” I asked as I watched the eggs sizzle in the pan.
“Ris, it was a great night. I’ve never felt anything like that before. I understand that you were drinking and upset, though, and I’m not sure if that’s what you wanted. You’re so beautiful, and I should have stopped it. But I didn’t, and I need to know if you are you okay with that?” Cole asked as I focused on turning the food over with my spatula. “Larisa?”
I turned them and looked up at him with a forced smile. “I’m okay with it. It was great, you know?” I grabbed some plates and slid two eggs on each one along with some bacon before sliding some bread into the toaster. “Coffee?”
“I’ll get it,” Cole told me as he poured a cup and added some cream. “Things are going to be weird now, aren’t they?”
“They don’t have to be. I mean, we’ve both had sex before with other people and moved past it, right?” I looked at him for affirmation, realizing that my feelings for Cole had officially crossed the line that I’d drawn in the sand. I’d had a crush on him for some time but always hid behind the fact that we were such good friends.
“I guess, yeah. That’s what you want to do?” His face looked disappointed, and I turned as the toast popped up, buttering the slices and putting one on each plate.
“It’s best, Cole. We’re not like that towards each other.” I stared at him as he walked heavily to the couch and sat down with his plate. I grabbed my breakfast and coffee and followed him, choosing to sit in the chair across from him. I couldn’t stop the memories from replaying through my mind of last night, and I took a quick drink of the coffee as I looked away, towards the television that Cole was changing channels on as he scowled.
He ate quickly and made some excuse about meeting the team before he left. Cole was cold and didn’t even look at me as he walked out, and I sighed. It had gone from bad to worse in a matter of hours. I went back and tore the sheets off of my bed, washing the scent of Cole and of us off of them as I allowed self-hatred to fill me.
God, I was just messing things up left and right. I spent the rest of the day miserable and studying, pretending that Cole wasn’t ignoring me. It wasn’t that he was always in touch with me, being busy with football and school anyway, but I knew that things were different now. I didn’t know what I would do without him since I didn’t click with a lot of girls and was usually shy with guys. Cole had always been different for me.
Mom called that evening to talk about the upcoming Thanksgiving week, which I had off from school. I agreed to come home even though I dreaded spending any time with Brett. I hoped that I would get past this uncomfortable feeling at some point with him since he was my stepfather. Ugh, what an awful thought. My life should be a movie on the Lifetime channel.
I had two weeks until I went home and just decided to get through it the best that I could.
; CHAPTER 5
Sadly, getting through that time meant a lot of drinking for me. Mom gave me a generous amount of money every month, and I bought a lot of wine and even a few bottles of sweet hard alcohol. I’d go to class and then home, where I’d drink, study and watch anything that I could on television.
Cole didn’t call me, and I saw him around school with a new blonde girl. He had his pick of ladies being athletic and handsome and it didn’t come as a shock to me at all. It just hurt a lot more than ever before. I’d see him look at me before turning his head away, punishing myself with the inner shame and hatred all over again. I used to be more important than his flings and even some of his football buddies, but now I was nothing.
I was just a fling to him. Ouch…that stung a lot.
I left my last class and drove back to my apartment to finish packing. My mom lived close by and it was an easy drive, but there were times that it felt like a separate country to me. I threw some clothes into my backpack and heard my phone chime from the kitchen counter. “Geez, Mom. I’m leaving soon.” I rolled my eyes as I grumbled out loud and walked across the room.
To my surprise, it was a text from Cole.
Cole: Are you headed home for the holiday?
Me: I am leaving now. How about you?
There was so much more that I wanted to ask him but I merely waited for his response.
Cole: I am going to see my dad over the weekend. He wants to fix things and have me meet his new wife.
I knew that Cole had been on the outs for years since his parents divorced when he was fifteen. I’d never met either parent and knew very little about them since he stayed quiet about the subject. Something big must’ve happened for him to go see him since Cole chose his mother’s side from the beginning. Maybe he was just tired of the distance.
Me: I hope it goes better than meeting my new stepdad.
Cole: I don’t think I’ve slept with any older woman lately, so I’m not worried. Have a good week, Larisa.
Was that a dig at me? Asshole! I took a deep breath and decided what to write back.
Me: You, too. I’m sorry, Cole.
I took the phone and shoved it into the pocket of my jeans as I took one last look around the house. I had everything I needed to make the one-hour trek, and I slung my backpack over my shoulder as I slipped my purse the other way. I made my way to the car, listening too closely for a text that didn’t arrive. I turned on some loud music to play over the speakers while I drove and sang along as I forced my mind to go numb. My mom could be tough to deal with on a normal basis much less with a new guy. I wanted to be happy for her, but it was just weird right now.
I pulled up to the big house with the tall turret and parked near the garage where I wouldn’t block anybody. I gathered my things and headed to the front door, opening it as I smelled something good inside. Mom didn’t cook so maybe she had a chef. I set my bags down on the couch and walked towards the kitchen to find Brett standing at the stove as he stirred something. My eyes roamed over his body, remembering how tight his ass was as I pulled him inside of me and begged for more. I knew what he felt like inside of me, but I had no idea that he was a cook. I found that sad. “Where’s Mom?” I asked as he turned around to look at me with a smile.
“She’s out of town for the night. Work stuff.” I frowned and pressed my lips together as I realized what an uncomfortable night this was going to be. “I hope that you like beef. I made a roast with some veggies for dinner.”
“It’s fine,” I answered dismissively as he looked me over for a moment, seeming to be unsure of something. “I’m going to put my stuff away.”
“Larisa? I think we need to break this iceberg between us,” Brett said as I paused in my spin and frowned. “I recognized you at the restaurant, but I didn’t know who you were before that. I hadn’t seen any photos yet since I was still living in an apartment.”
I knew that there wasn’t a lot of family photos here, to begin with. Mom preferred art to real life, it seemed. “If you had, would it change anything?” I asked as I slowly looked at him. I saw the way his eyes darkened and felt the heat in the room as I cursed myself.
“I…I wanted to contact you after that night, Larisa. I know we left it with no way to do so, but I enjoyed myself. A lot,” Brett told me as I frowned at him. “It was more than just a one-night thing to me, despite meeting in a bar. I think that if I knew that she was your mom, I might not have rushed into this. I don’t know.” He seemed confused and leaned against the counter.
“It doesn’t matter now, right? That was a long time ago, and you’re here now.” I waved my hand around and shrugged. “We just have to find a way to move past that.”
“Do you ever think about it?” Brett asked as I looked at him. “I could tell that night that you’re not the kind of girl to just sleep around, though I sensed that you were hurting inside.”
“God, it was a one-night stand. Aren’t those supposed to be epic?” I had asked before my face flushed pink. “Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.” I started to leave the room as I heard him chuckle.
“I got my answer. Dinner is at six, Larisa. I’ll see you then.” God, he had a sexy voice, and I snatched my bags from the living room and hurried upstairs to my room.
I was in hell, the worst kind of hell. I was still suffering from the loss of my best friend, and now I had to sleep here tonight with someone else that I slept with. “Drinking is bad. Drinking is atrocious,” I murmured to myself as I entered my room and put everything on my bed. It looked the same as when I left for college, with all of the same knick-knacks and pictures in the cork board near my door.
I looked at pictures of Brenna, my best friend from high school as I took a deep breath. If she were here, I’d discuss this with her, and we might laugh about it; but she’d been killed in an accident driving home from school in our senior year. That was a lot of why I shut down, and Cole was the only person that managed to break down my walls since then. I sighed and unpacked my stuff to put it in my closet and drawers, letting some music play from my phone. I rested against my many pillows and pulled out my Kindle to try and read a book, but the past kept flashing through my mind as I watched the screen blur through my tears.
I woke up when there was a tap at my door and blinked in the dim room. My room. “Yeah?” I croaked as I pushed my hair back and blinked a few times.
“Dinner’s ready,” Brett called through the door as I licked my lips. I was starving, and I decided that I needed to move past what happened with him as well as Cole.
“I’ll be right down,” I said as I stood and walked into the attached bathroom. I looked a mess, and I splashed some cold water on my face and shoved my hair into a messy bun. The fact was that Brett had seen me drunk and naked and nothing would probably surprise him at this point. I pulled on a flannel over my tank top and wandered down the stairs to the kitchen, where Brett had set up the small table by the window overlooking the lavish backyard.
“There you are. I didn’t know if you wanted a drink, given the last time that I saw you.” His face turned up in a smirk as I stared at him and felt my cheeks heat up.
“Do you mean the first time or dinner a few weeks back?” I asked in a sarcastic tone as I walked to the fridge and opened it.
“You were drinking both times, weren’t you?” He asked as I pulled out some wine and went to grab a big glass.
“You know I was,” I replied as I poured a generous amount and walked over to the table. He brought over something in a glass and joined me as I looked over the spread. “This looks good.”
“I hope so. It’s my mom’s recipe,” Brett told me as I looked at him in surprise. He didn’t seem like a mama’s boy to me. He sliced a few thin slices of the meat and loaded it onto my plate before I helped myself to the vegetables and picked up my fork. I tasted a potato and tried to determine what the spices were as I frowned. I took a bit of the meat and ate the same thing and chewed carefully as he looked at me in amusement. “Like
it?”
“It’s unique. Delicious. What am I tasting?” I asked him as our eyes locked across the table for a long moment before he sipped his drink.
“It’s a family secret,” Brett teased me as I raised an eyebrow and picked up a carrot with my fork. I had a memory of his face between my legs, tasting me with his tongue deep inside of me as I gripped his hair and stammered his name, making me blink as the silverware clattered on the table. My hands were shaking, and I grabbed the wine and drank a large sip. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.” Brett observed as I pressed my lips together.
A tear slid down my cheek as I sniffled and he leaned forward. “I…seeing you brought back memories of that night, something that started as a way to forget about my asshole ex and turned into everything I didn’t think it would be. I’d let it go until dinner that night and the way that I dealt with it was sleeping with my best friend at my apartment that night.”
“You’re bi?” Brett asked with a dark look in his eyes as I laughed and shook my head.
“Guy best friend,” I corrected as he nodded. “It was pretty good, and I knew that I fucked up the following morning. I crossed a line that I shouldn’t have.”
“So why not see him as more than a friend?” Brett asked as I looked at him.
“I was just confused that night. I was a hot mess,” I confessed as I took another drink of wine and wiped at my tears. “I still am, I suppose.”
Brett stepped up and walked over as he offered me his hand. I stared at him as I took it and felt him pull me into his arms. I sensed a sweet concern in this gesture, but there was an underlying heat that was hard to deny for me as I let out my breath and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’re not a mess, you’re beautiful.” His voice was low in my ear, and I shivered as his hand moved down my back. “This is so fucking wrong, Larisa but I can’t help but to want you.”
