He wasn’t worried about disease, but what if she became pregnant? What if he died in the upcoming op and he’d left her carrying his child? He threw an arm overhead in frustration. What had he done?
“Something is wrong,” she said.
“Are you on the pill?” he asked.
She laughed, a delicate sound, yet one that somehow broke the tension in his gut.
“I think we have more to worry about than birth control,” she said.
He nodded. Right. Of course they did.
“But, yes, I am.” She snuggled closer and said, “You really are a control freak.”
“Thanks for the second opinion, Dr. Sidran.”
She raised her head and smiled at him. He smiled back and brushed a tangle of hair from her eyes.
“Have you always been this way?” she asked as she placed her head on his chest again. “Even as a child?”
The question surprised him. Had he always tried to manage everything on board Ganesh? He continued to stroke her long hair.
“You must have driven your mom and dad nuts. I imagine these carefree people, sailing wherever the wind took them, and yet their son constantly fretted about every little thing.”
“I don’t think I was a total asshole that far back.”
“You’re not a total asshole,” she said, a smile in her voice.
“Gee, thanks.”
“It must have been the FBI training that changed you,” she said.
“No,” he said as the truth hit him. He knew exactly when he’d developed this need to control his environment. Dr. Moon had diagnosed the situation months ago. “It began after my brother was murdered.”
She sucked in a quick, startled breath. Javi exhaled when she did. He’d never spoken those words aloud to anyone but his therapist. Saying them didn’t get any easier.
“Murdered?”
“When he was fifteen years old.”
“How old were you?”
“Thirteen.”
She remained quiet for a few heartbeats. A last log on the fire shifted and fell into the embers, flaming up briefly.
“You blame yourself for some reason, don’t you?”
“He wouldn’t listen to me,” Javi said. “He was my older brother and thought he knew everything.”
“What happened?”
“We were in Belize, the two of us out in our inflatable exploring an island when we stumbled onto what we both knew was a drug drop. There were four men, all of them with guns. I told Roberto we should get the hell away. He thought it was exciting and wanted to watch, called me a wuss.”
He was back on that island now, still smarting from his brother’s taunts. They were crouching on slippery rocks, hiding, waves crashing around their bare feet. Berto slipped, lost his balance, made a noise. A man in a ripped faded yellow T-shirt turned, raised his arm in slow motion and pulled the trigger. As Berto rose from where he’d fallen, the bullet slammed into him, throwing him back into the crystal blue water, blood streaming from his gut. The men laughed, called them stupid kids and told Javi he could go.
“I dragged Berto to the inflatable and got him inside, but he bled out by the time I got him to civilization.”
“Oh, my God,” Cat breathed.
Her soft words jerked Javi backed to the present, off that island of death.
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
“Me, too,” Javi said. “Especially since the murderers were never found and brought to justice.”
“You can’t believe his murder was your fault.”
“Logically, no. But I was there, and I couldn’t stop it.”
“You were a child,” she said. “What could you have done?”
“I should have been able to convince Roberto to leave.”
“Your older brother? I’ll bet he usually told you what to do.”
Javi managed to smile at that. He’d worshipped his brother, would do anything he asked. Like foolishly hiding to watch a drug deal.
“So you became a cop.”
“Eventually. Life aboard Ganesh changed after Roberto died.” Javi combed fingers through his hair, thinking about how everything had gone sideways with only three of them on the boat.
Cat remained silent, listening to Javi breathe, imagining the pain he had suffered after such a cruel twist of fate. No wonder he insisted everyone follow the rules.
“Hell,” he said. “Everything changed.”
“Do your parents still cruise around the world?”
“They stick closer to the US these days. But yeah, they still live aboard Ganesh.”
Cat noted a change in Javi’s tone. “They surely didn’t blame you.”
“They never said so.”
“But you wonder.”
“My mom was never the same after Berto died. Every time she looks at me, I know she’s thinking about what happened.”
“She’s probably thanking God you weren’t killed, too.”
“Maybe.”
Cat hugged Javi as tight as she could manage. “She loves you,” she whispered into his neck.
What a lost little boy he must have been. In her opinion, the mother was more to blame putting her children at risk, in a position to get caught up in a drug deal. She’d never tell Javi that, though. He’d disagree and probably get mad, defend his parents, tell her he loved the way they’d lived.
And she thought she had problems with her parents because they urged her out of her self-imposed shell? No one had an idyllic childhood.
He raised her chin and captured her mouth with his, a deep, lingering connection she wanted to go on forever, a kiss that said thank you for listening and understanding. Life was complicated, but precious. If only she and Javi had more time together.
When he pulled back, he smiled down at her. Placing her cheek against his chest again.
She closed her eyes. She was in danger of falling in love with her sexy buccaneer. How embarrassing. Her feelings would never stand the test of routine day-to-day living. She and Javi needed each other, clung to each other, only because of the frightening situation they were in, revealing long-buried hurts that hadn’t seen the light of day in years. Better therapy than talking to any shrink.
If the pirates hadn’t crashed into her life and taken over Spree, this fling with the captain would have been over after one night. One night? If they hadn’t been cooped up together on a boat, he would never have paid the slightest attention to her.
But he was in her arms right now, and it felt good. Wouldn’t it be awesome to have the luxury of exploring her feelings for him, see if they lasted, grew into something meaningful? Knowing it was foolish, she allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to be Javi’s girlfriend, or maybe even his wife. She’d love to meet the nomadic parents. And how nice it would be to know Javi was coming home to her bed every night.
Unless he didn’t come home.
Hunting bad guys is what he did for a living, and he quite obviously loved every second of the danger. He’d already been shot once that she knew of—and who knew how many other times.
Was she the type of woman who could calmly wait by the front door, knowing he was out on one of his “ops,” in the crosshairs of someone’s gun? She would live with constant fear—fear as bad or worse than what she was experiencing now because she wouldn’t know what he was doing. Fear like that afternoon in the minimart. Fear that had changed her life.
Could she live with that uncertainty every day? She wasn’t that woman. She understood that about herself. She wasn’t strong enough. Or brave enough.
And what did it matter? She was fantasizing about a future that didn’t exist.
“Cat,” Javi said, his voice muffled, but startling her out of her musings.
“Yeah?�
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“It’s time to go.”
“Okay.”
The hollow dread flared to life again in her stomach. The daydreams were over. They’d been nightmares, anyway.
He rose, stepped into his briefs and shorts, dropped his T-shirt over his head.
Just like that, their intimacy ended. She reached for her bathing suit, hating the idea of squeezing into it again. “What time is it?”
“Probably around two.”
She felt his eyes on her as she raised her hips and pulled up the tight fabric.
“You don’t have to get dressed,” he said.
“I’m not going naked.”
“You’re not going.”
“What are you talking about?” She sat up, pulling one strap up and then the other.
“I’m talking about you staying here.”
She looked at him. He was serious. She should have known he’d try something like this. The bathing suit squeezed her chest, made it harder to draw air into her lungs. “Forget about it, Captain.”
“There’s no point in both of us swimming out to Spree. It’s a risk you don’t need to take.”
She scrambled to her feet. “I can help.”
“I don’t need any help.”
“The hell you don’t,” she said, untwisting the straps on her shoulders. “I can climb on board Spree and cut the lines while you’re working with the propeller. I weigh less than you, so the boat won’t rock as much in the water.”
His eyes widened. “What? You’re nuts. That’s too dangerous.”
“Holding your breath and diving to remove the prop isn’t?”
“I’ll be underwater. They won’t know I’m there.”
“They will hear you banging around the diesel.”
“I’ll be quiet.”
“So will I.”
He shook his head. “You’re not going.”
“You can’t stop me.”
She glared at him. He glared right back, and she realized he’d planned to go alone all along. Did he really think she’d stay behind and let him go rescue her friends without her? She took a deep breath.
“For your plan to work—which you know I have serious doubts about, anyway—we have to make sure they can’t use the sails.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t argue with me, Cat. You’re staying here.”
“You know I’m right. We don’t know these guys. They might be expert sailors.”
“I doubt that.”
“Joanie knows enough about sailing to move Spree. She’ll figure it out if they threaten to kill her.”
He turned away. “You’ll get in the way if you come.”
She followed him and got in his face. “How would I get in your way, Javi?”
He looked away. “I work better alone.”
“You just think you do. Have you ever had a partner?”
“Damn it, Cat.” He grabbed her shoulders and his gaze bore into hers. “You’ll be a distraction. I’ll worry about you.”
“Don’t you think I’ll worry about you?” She flung her words at him. “If you don’t come back, I’ll never know what happened to you. Or my friends.”
His fingers squeezed into her flesh.
“You’re hurting me, Javi.”
He cursed harshly, and then crushed her to him, taking her breath away.
“If I had a way to restrain you,” he said, “I swear I’d do it.”
“No, you wouldn’t. Because you know I’d never be rescued if you didn’t come back. I’d starve all alone on this island.”
“I will come back for you, Cat.”
She placed her palm against his cheek. “You can’t control everything. I know you want to, but you can’t.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
JAVI TURNED AWAY from Cat, recoiling from her words as if they were a slap across his face. Or a betrayal of his trust.
Why had he told her anything about himself?
She was right, of course. But the truth didn’t make it any easier to stomach.
Because this is exactly what had happened with his brother. No matter how certain he was that his counsel was the wiser way, she wouldn’t listen. Just like Berto hadn’t. And died because of that refusal.
He couldn’t let Cat die. The hell with her friends. If they did nothing, she’d live.
He turned back and said calmly, “I’m aborting the mission.”
She blinked. “What?”
“I can’t control the risk. You’re right. There’s too much danger.”
“You mean danger to me.”
He nodded. “You’re my priority now, and I can save you.”
“What about Joan and Deb?”
He shook his head, and looked away from the shock in her eyes.
“They’ll die without our help,” she said.
“But you’ll live.”
She stared at him a long moment. “Then give me the knife.”
He didn’t like the sudden resolve in her voice. “Why?”
“I’m going even if you don’t.”
He laughed and walked away from her. “Just what do you think you could do alone?”
“Something,” she yelled at him. “No matter how terrified I am, I can’t let my friends die.”
He whirled on her, and she took a step back, her eyes wide. Yeah, she ought to be scared of him.
He kept advancing on her until her back was against the wall. He placed his arms on either side of her face. She lifted her chin, bravely meeting his gaze, but swallowed hard.
“You don’t have to do this, Cat.”
“Yes, I do,” she whispered.
Time seemed to stop moving. Damn her. He didn’t want her to come but understood her need to be part of the rescue.
“All right,” he ground out finally. “But you have to do everything I say.”
“Don’t I always?”
That stopped him. Did she? Cat was no dumb lamb who blindly followed orders. She listened to his instructions, learned the facts, analyzed the situation and then usually had questions, arguments or counteroptions. Her suggestions forced him to reexamine his thinking. Once or maybe even twice during the crossing he might have changed his mind.
Wasn’t that actually the reason for a partner?
And when he gave a final order, she acquiesced. At least so far.
Her idea to cut the lines so the pirates couldn’t use the sails was a good one, one he should have considered. For his plan to truly work, the sails couldn’t be available. It needed to be done; he just didn’t want her doing it.
But the less time they worked on Spree, the better their chances of getting away clean. Removing the dinghy from the davits without making any noise would be more than tricky. Impossible, in fact. But he couldn’t leave the dink for the pirates. Hopefully, he and Cat would get away before the men were on deck and armed.
He definitely liked Cat’s suggestion to leave the dinghy in plain sight as bait.
He searched her face. “Do you really think you can do this?”
She nodded. “I’ll do whatever it takes to save Joan and Deb.”
“You’ll be quiet when you’re on the boat.”
“Like a mouse.”
He pushed away from her. “I don’t want any arguments once we’re in the water.”
She brought her hand to her brow and executed a sharp salute. “Yes, sir.”
Shaking his head, he felt his pockets, making sure he had everything they’d need.
“Let’s go,” he said.
She grabbed her dive bag and followed him outside.
When they emerged from their shelter, they entered a changed world. Javi looked to the south where lig
htning split open the night sky miles away, too far to hear thunder. The storm had passed, leaving behind a light but steady wind. Branches ripped from brittle Australian pines littered the saturated ground.
With Cat behind him, he entered the path back to the beach. The trail was now pockmarked with puddles of water, some of them deep enough to reach his shin.
He turned back to her. “Be careful where you step.”
Because of rough going, the return trip took longer than he expected. Often they had to move off the trail and climb over the tangled mangrove roots. Before long, his shoes squished with water.
Had the anchor held? Would the boat be where she was supposed to be?
They didn’t speak again until they arrived at the clearing where they’d made their first fire.
“That was some storm,” Cat murmured. “I’m glad we were inside.”
He nodded, his thoughts still on the boat.
“Do you think Spree’s anchor held?” she asked.
“We’ll know soon enough.”
They continued on the trail to the beach. Within minutes, he heard waves breaking on the sand. When the dark water became visible, he crouched low in case anyone was awake and out on Spree’s deck.
At the edge of the path, he pulled aside the vegetation, and there was Spree, riding peacefully on her anchor, her white hull clearly visible.
Cat squatted beside him and released a breath. “She’s still here. Thank goodness.”
He nodded in agreement, his attention fixed on the boat.
No lights were on—a mistake, Javi thought. Maritime regs dictated a white anchor light visible three hundred and sixty degrees. The lack of one could prompt another visit from the Bahamian authorities, further evidence that these guys were amateurs. Hopefully that meant they hadn’t posted a watch.
Wishing he had binocs, he scrutinized the boat, searching for any signs of activity. No one in the cockpit or on the foredeck. Nothing about the rigging had changed. The dinghy hung from the stern davits as normal. All seemed calm. Good enough.
But appearances could be deceiving.
“What do you think?” Cat whispered.
“I don’t think we need to speak so quietly,” he said. “Spree is a long way from us.”
Stranded with the Captain Page 16
