Memphis shook his head.
“Me?”
He nodded, just once, and suddenly the last few hours took on whole different meaning. It was too much. I moved away from him slightly. I needed space to process what he was saying.
“You think I am your soul mate or something? That's probably something you should’ve told a girl before we had sex, you know.”
I threw back the blanket, suddenly very glad I couldn’t read his thoughts. Just seeing his face morph back into its neutral mask hurt enough. Guilt swept in to temper my anger.
I pulled on my clothes, and when I was no longer naked and vulnerable before him, I knelt back on the bed.
I put my fingertips on the sharp angle of his cheekbone. “I’m not, I don’t know, saying no. If this is even something you can say no to. I just need to process, okay?”
I pulled on my shoes, and stopped at my bedroom door. I looked back at Memphis, lying as still and expressionless on my bed as the statue I’d compared him to earlier. “Don’t leave?” I asked, the words escaping my mouth totally at odds with my brain. My brain was telling me that this was too much. I already carried the weight of others emotions. I couldn’t carry the burden of being Memphis’ last chance at love.
I left before my wayward tongue could say anything else. Picking up my keys, I rode the private elevator up to the top floor and the rooftop garden that would hopefully be empty at this time of the night.
Stepping out into the cold night air, I went and sat on a lawn chair, stretching out beneath the stars. Well, one or two stars, the rest were obscured by light pollution. It was odd for me to feel alone, but I did. Rella had gone to Geneva, and Charlie with her. Adnan had left. While I’d never been alone, the sensation that settled in my chest was one I was far too used to. I felt lonely.
I pulled at all the emotional threads in the apartment building, wrapping them around myself like a blanket. I let everything in, the hate, the happiness, the jealousy, anger and joy. But especially the love.
I knew what I should do, and I knew what I wanted to do, and the problem was they were two wildly different things.
But when it came down to it, there was only one road to take. I just had to hope it wouldn’t come back and bite me in the ass later.
I fell asleep on the uncomfortable plastic lawn chairs, and woke when the bitter cold of predawn froze my limbs. Stumbling back down to the elevator, I wondered what I’d find. Would Memphis still be there? Would Adnan be there?
I stared at myself in the mirrored walls of the elevator. I looked like shit. Huge dark smudges made me look a little like a corpse. I’d lost weight too, which definitely added to the skeletal thing I had going on. My strawberry blonde hair was a rat nest at the back of my head, and my clothes were crinkled. I scratched at a crusty spot on my face that looked suspiciously like dried drool. I didn't look like the love of anyone's life.
I’d never been so thankful for a private elevator. I was going to go into my apartment, fall into bed, and not come out for a year.
The first sign that wasn't’ going to happen was the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the apartment. The second sign was the huge onyx angel cramping up my kitchen. He was perfectly attired again, and I sent a small thanks to...whoever one thanked for fully clothed fallen angels in your kitchen.
He turned at the sound of the door shutting. I raised a hand before he could speak.
“Before you start, I have something to say. Firstly, you should have told me, but that is neither here or there now. I'm willing to give the idea of an us a go. But I want it to be organic, I guess. So, we are going to pretend that yesterday never happened. We are going to be friends. And if something builds from there, then that's great, but if it doesn’t, then so be it. Because I refuse to be peer pressured into something for your feelings or anyone else's. My life is my own. Got it?”
Memphis’ tense shoulders seemed to relax an infinitesimal bit and he nodded. “I agree to your terms.”
“Also, no more hitting Gusion, or anyone else for that matter, out of jealousy. If anyone knows that love isn’t necessarily linear, it’s me. I will love who I like, and make my own decisions.”
He nodded again, if a bit more begrudgingly. I honestly didn’t think I’d end up with a relationship like my parents, but I wasn’t ruling it out. My childhood had been mostly happy, if not always smooth sailing. There’d been fights, and disagreements, and all the other things that went with being in a relationship with another person. But then you times that by eight people, and it could be a little tricky. But there had never been a lack of love. That was always given easily and received thankfully. Love had saved them, and they all knew it.
I thought about Rella, and the guys. I didn’t know if polygamy was hereditary, or if you were just destined to follow in the footsteps of your parents in general, but she seemed to be happily waltzing down the same path. I smiled at the thought. She was going to have her hands full.
Memphis held out a coffee like a lifeline, and I took it thankfully.
“So, how do you feel about the classic cinema channel?”
12
I winced as the doctor told me for the tenth time how miraculous my recovery had been. Little did he know…
I’d been on death's door. Literally. Now, I could probably run a marathon. It wasn’t the physical scars that remained, though I did have a pretty impressive one on my jaw. The injuries that persevered were harder to treat.
“She needs a referral to a therapist. She has PTSD,” Memphis said, and my eyes shot to him, as did the doctors. Well, the doctor’s eyes had kept drifting to the big angel naturally. Even in his more human form, he had a presence that pressed down on you like a great weight.
I narrowed my eyes at the big traitor. Logically, I knew he was right. But I was dealing with it already, in my own way. Kind of.
The doctor dragged his eyes back to me. “Would you like a referral to see someone? You went through a violent and traumatic event.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t mesh very well with the last welfare officer. If you have someone you trust, then I’d appreciate it.”
I was going to kick Memphis’ ass later though.
We went over a few more things, and then I was officially discharged from the doctor’s care.
As we walked to my car, a Tesla because I could no longer look at my Prius, I elbowed Memphis. “What the hell was that? You were my ride, you didn’t have any right to interfere in my consultation.”
Memphis looked completely unapologetic. “I waited for you to say something, and deduced you were not going to tell your healthcare professional about a potential health issue, so I intervened.”
I clenched my jaw, because he was right. I had no intention of mentioning it. Still it irked. I pointed a finger at him. “You don’t get to decide things for me. Not now. Not ever.”
He looked at me with his usual neutral mask. I huffed and slid into the driver's seat. I peeled out of the parking lot, and merged into traffic. The silence was deafening, but eventually he puffed out a breath. “Okay.”
I raised my eyebrows. “It took you that long to decide to do what is right? No wonder they kicked you out of Angel School.”
He laughed, and I let the sound wash over me. He had the best laugh, all the better because it was so rare. “I am sure it’s blasphemous to call Heaven ‘Angel School’.”
“Is it where you learn to be an angel?” I didn’t let him answer. “I rest my case.”
He laughed again, but I watched it slip from his face. I felt like an asshole, making a joke about something that forever altered how he’d live his immortal life. Apparently if I didn’t have twenty-four/seven access to someone's emotions, I became an insensitive jerk.
“Gusion is the reason we fell.” I sucked in a breath through my teeth. I knew that from Gusion’s own emotions. I didn’t know the why. I stayed silent. I didn’t want to press, but I was dying to know why.
“He fell in love with a daughter of man
. They had a relationship, and then a child was conceived. Afterward, the Father made us all infertile, barren. We understood. Even Gusion. But then Michael, on the orders of the Father I suppose, had Gusion’s lover erased. His child too. The entire village. Just to protect the image, I guess. Gusion was ruined.” He sucked in a ragged breath. “A broken shell. Luc loved so deeply, and he loved us most of all. His cadre. Acerezeal, Gusion, Azriel and me. Gusion’s pain swept through us all and those few decades were dark, dark days. Then Luc did the unthinkable. He questioned why? Why did she have to be killed? We could have forgiven the child, just a tiny spark, none of us would know what such a creation would result in. But Gusion loved her so, so very much. That very love that the Father wanted to spread through the world. Michael would not give him an answer. So he did something that went against everything we had ever been taught. The vanity of assuming that what the Father did was wrong.” He sighed deeply, the kind of sound that dragged you back millennia to the source of a raw wound that still festered. It was a tragic noise that broke my heart. “The rest you know. It was the first and only divide in the Heavens. But balance was necessary, so perhaps the whole thing was preordained,” he finished, and it had a rehearsed quality of frequent repetition.
“Memphis…” I started, but my phone ringing cut me off. Clicking the accept button on my steering wheel, I went into business mode instinctually.
“Hope Jones speaking.”
“Hope, it’s Rouen. We met the other day.”
I scrambled around in my brain for my connection to Rella. It was faint, because she was across the world, but it felt blissfully happy. She was safe. “What can I do for you, Rouen?”
“How quickly can you get to France?”
I looked at Memphis, who nodded. “I’m only a thought away. Why?”
I could almost feel Rouen’s happiness through the phone. “There’s going to be a wedding, and I know a beautiful woman who’d love for her twin to be there to see her marry her best friend.”
I swerved onto a side street, shocked to my very core. I slammed the car into park. “No fucking way. Charlie?”
Rouen’s happy laughter thundered through the cars speakers. “Totally fucking way. It’s kind of to all of us, but Charlie needs this formal bit the most.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.”
My emotions were a tangle but happiness is what prevailed. “I’ll be there. I’ll bring pastries.”
“You don’t happen to have a catholic preacher lying around?”
I turned to stare at Memphis, my smile so huge, it might actually crack my face. “I know a guy.”
So much love swirled around the small clearing in the Middle-Of-Nowhere, France, that I was tempted to cry again. Rella looked beautiful. Like an angel. Well, maybe not an angel; there was also enough lust in the clearing that I was going to need a cigarette and a gatorade after I took my leave. I looked at Memphis talking to Romanus, the big one. Well, they were all pretty big. Apparently, the Gargoyles and Memphis knew each other, from, uh Hell. Sometimes my life was just the strangest thing.
Maybe Adnan was right, maybe it was us.
“What’s going on with you?” Rella asked, basically inhaling another pastry. I pasted a grin on my face. It wasn’t hard. I was genuinely happy for her.
I locked my thoughts down tight. “Nothing. I’ve got it all under control.” Liar, liar pants on fire. “Actually, we should go. Memphis?” He looked up and smiled, and it was like someone cut off my oxygen every single time. Why did he have to be so pretty? With all the lust up in here, I was seriously rethinking my ‘just friends’ policy.
Rella stood, and I wrapped my arms around her. I hugged her close. I tried to keep a lid on my emotions, just for a little while longer. But I was happy, and scared, and amazed and a little jealous. I stomped on that last emotion. Rella was never going to be my Rella forever. She had a husband, er husbands, now. We were adults with differing lives. She would always be my twin, the other part of my soul. And now, they were connected to me too. I poked at their connections in my mind a few more times. At least the Gargoyles and Naz’s connection. I looked over Rella’s shoulder at Charlie. I had no doubt there would be another thread soon enough.
“Love you, Rella. Be safe.”
She hugged me tighter. “You too, Hope.”
Memphis came and wrapped me in his arms tightly, the look on his face unreadable. “Home?” he whispered. I nodded once, smiling. Home.
The swirling disorientation of my cells being moved half a world away made me want to vomit. It was worth it to see Rella get married, but it was like seasickness times a thousand when you stopped. And doing it twice in one day made it twice as bad on the way back.
I slipped out of Memphis’ arms and bolted for the bathroom, losing the better part of my brunch. Memphis appeared in the door of the bathroom holding a bottle of sparkling water. I took it thankfully. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. Give me a fifteen hour flight any day,” I grumbled, rinsing my mouth at the sink before taking a sip.
“Your body is not really made for it, though your angelic ancestry allows you to do it without killing you. Otherwise, you would quite literally explode. With some exceptions, of course. Raphael can transport humans as long as they are encased in his healing light. Sometimes, there is exceptional wisdom in our creation. Other times, our powers feel more like a curse.”
I remembered what he said, about knowing everyone's darkest secret. It sounded like a terrible burden to bear.
“I don’t know what you’re whining about. Try knowing how everyone is going to die. That's a pain in the ass.” I whirled around, but I still hadn’t gotten my land legs, so my ankles tangled and I pitched toward the floor. Two strong hands reached out to grab me simultaneously.
“Gus!” I said, unable to help the high-pitched excitement in my voice. I mentally covered my eyes with my hands. Way to play it cool, Hope.
“Hey, Sweetheart. Been to a party?” He looked down at my pretty green tea dress. “Hey, Slugger,” he said, grinning at Memphis. I felt Memphis’ hand tighten on my arm, but he quickly let it go.
“Asshole.” His voice was a scary growl, but it just made Gus grin wider. “Aren’t you meant to be somewhere, doing something else that isn’t hitting on Hope and annoying me?”
He laughed. “What could be more important than that?”
I realized we were all crowded into the bathroom, which was spacious, but not big enough to house two huge angels, their wings and me, without us all being pressed nice and close.
For once, I was glad that I was the only one who could sense emotions, because I was lusting, hard. I was one heated look away from throwing myself on the bed and saying ‘come get me!’
“Let’s, uh, go sit in the living room, hey? It's a pretty tight squeeze in here.”
Gus looked me up and down. “I’m okay with a tight squeeze. How about you, Memphis?”
Memphis mumbled something incoherent, and his finger slid down my spine. “We should move to the living space. It would be more comfortable for everyone,” he sighed begrudgingly.
Gus raised both eyebrows so high they nearly touched his glorious hairline. “Well, that’s interesting. You guys been playing Seven Minutes in Heaven without me?”
“Seven minutes is all the heaven your conquests get, Gusion. Don’t insult me.”
I turned to stare. Did Memphis just make a joke? By the way Gusion was bent over laughing, I guessed he had.
Gus backed out of the bathroom, still laughing, and I followed him out.
“So seriously, why the fancy clothes? You guys been to a ball or something?”
“A wedding, actually.”
He reached out and hugged me close, ignoring Memphis’ growl. “You got married to the grumpy old bastard? Congratulations.” I knew he was teasing me and Memphis, but I paused at the thought. Memphis would look great in a tux. Could angels even get married? Why would they?
Memphis rolled h
is eyes, but his lips curled upwards. “This calls for a drink. Champagne?” Gus asked, clapping his hands together decisively.
My stomach revolted at the idea of more champagne. “I'm good thanks. I might just head to bed.”
Gusion sighed heavily. “Well, I usually demand to be wined and dined first, but if you insist…” he pulled off his shirt and headed toward my bedroom.
I was momentarily stunned by his perfection. Right down to the two little dimples either side his spine, just above his ass.
“Very humorous. She means alone. Shouldn’t you be watching Uriel?”
The Archangel Uriel?
“Ace is watching him.”
The comical horror on Memphis’ normally stoic face had me sucking my teeth to keep from laughing. “Luc trusts she won’t just kill him in his sleep?”
Gusion shrugged. “I guess so. She’s too smart to go after Uriel by herself.” He didn't sound as confident as his words would suggest.
I sat there silently, on the off chance they would forget I was there and spill all their secrets. Maybe talk about their feelings. Have a bro hug at the end. Wouldn’t that be nice?
“Weren’t you heading to bed, Hope? I bid you a goodnight,” Memphis said as he shot me a knowing look. Busted.
Gusion blew me a kiss. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come? I can promise you a goodnight.”
Memphis’ death stare bounced straight off the golden Fallen Angel. I shook my head, because I did not trust my mouth to say what my brain said it should. I waved and walked into my bedroom. As I stripped off my dress, I headed straight to my ensuite. I needed a cold shower.
13
Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. I stood in front of the modern glass and steel building that housed the corporate offices of the NRH Foundation. My first day back at work was not off to a good start. I couldn’t force my feet across the threshold.
I knew Sam and Tolli were upstairs. They’d taken over again while I’d be recuperating. But as soon as I walked in there, I’d have to field a million questions, weather a million pitying looks, steel myself against the bombardment of emotions that ranged from curiosity to downright hatred. Any one of them could have a gun. Any one of them could finish what they started. The call from Rella in the middle of last night replayed over and over in my head.
The Fallen- Part One Page 9
