I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly, kissing him with more fervour. We lay back on the sofa, legs entwined, hands running through each other’s hair. I knew one of us had to break soon, because the point had definitely been proved and this was going beyond a stupid dare. But I didn’t want it to be me.
As I ran my fingers through Ben’s hair and down his back, all I could think about was ripping his shirt off, liberating him of his jeans and surrendering myself to him completely. I didn’t feel afraid, like I had when I’d screamed the night before as Daran touched me. I didn’t feel anxious. I just felt… oh my God! I felt absolutely everything. Every nerve ending fizzed.
Ben began to trail light kisses across my face to my neck and ears. A shudder of delight ran through me as I arched my body in response to his touch. Why were we still kissing? We didn’t fancy each other. We hadn’t been flirting. How had we got to this point? This wonderful, amazing point? Because of a dare. Because we were both too stubborn to stop. I was determined to win the king and Ben wanted to keep him. What a pair of eejits we were. It made no difference to me in my fiercely single status, but he had Lebony. Dare or no dare, this was surely being unfaithful, and Ben wasn’t that kind of man. I had to stop it. I had to… Oh Christ, Ben, just take me to bed!
A shrill ringing broke us apart. Saved by the bell! Ben pulled away looking completely shell-shocked, as if he’d expected it be Lebony opposite him, not me. What the hell had I done?
‘I’d better get that. Sorry,’ he muttered, dashing towards the sideboard and retrieving the phone from the cradle, then disappearing into the kitchen with it. I was sure I heard him say, ‘Hi, Lebony,’ but that could have been my guilty conscience.
I stood in the middle of the lounge, trying to recover my breathing, feeling suddenly very sober. I ran my fingers through my dishevelled hair, shaking my head. Feck! That was close. If that phone hadn’t rung, we’d… Well, we might have… Surely not… No, one of us would have had the sense to declare that the dare had gone too far. I just wasn’t sure it would have been me. Feck, shit, bollocks! I grabbed my beer from the coffee table, then slumped back onto the sofa, gulping the rest of it down in one.
When Ben returned to the lounge 10 minutes later, he looked pretty sheepish. ‘Sorry about that. I… er… you know I can’t stand ringing phones.’ He returned the phone to the cradle and stood awkwardly for a moment, his hands in the back pockets of his jeans, nearly overbalancing as he rocked on the spot. ‘Sorry.’
I needed to regain my composure and act normally. ‘I think you need to give me something, don’t you?’ I held out my hand to him.
He gulped. ‘You really want to do this?’
‘Of course. I wouldn’t have kissed you like that if I hadn’t wanted it so badly.’ I winked at him. ‘Are you going to make me beg for it?’
‘I… er… I don’t know if this is such a good idea.’
‘What do you mean? I won him fair and square. Unless you’re going to try to make out that you didn’t believe the fake chemistry.’
Ben closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. ‘The king. Of course. Well done! That was pretty amazing acting.’
‘Thank you. You were pretty amazing yourself. Hand him over, then.’ I put my hand out again and Ben dropped the king into my palm.
‘I’m seriously impressed with how far you took that,’ I said, ‘especially when you’re the one with the girlfriend. I’ve no idea why she spends her time abroad, when she’s got that on offer at home.’
Ben stiffened. ‘Yeah, well, life doesn’t always turn out the way we’d like it to, does it?’ He turned and left the room.
Awkward. I picked up my bottle and tutted. Eejit! I’d already emptied it. I placed it back down and waited. And waited. And waited.
It was a good 10 minutes before Ben reappeared. ‘Sorry about that. My mobile rang while I was upstairs. Pete called.’
‘Pete who threw the crappest New Year’s Eve party in the history of the world?’
Ben nodded. ‘Well, he and some of the lads had invited me down The King George tonight and I said no, in case you needed me. It’s Pete’s birthday and they’re pestering me to come down…’
‘Oh. So…?’
‘Well, I said I’d go. I’d invite you but it’s blokes only and, well, you’ve met some of them and they’re not exactly… erm… It’s just…’
I jumped to my feet. ‘It’s grand. You go. You were probably planning to before I demanded an Indian and a movie, weren’t you? You should have told me.’
‘You’ll be okay on your own?’
‘Of course. I’ll unpack, then get to bed.’
Ben nodded. ‘I’m at work early in the morning so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night.’
‘Grand. See you tomorrow.’
It was only when he’d gone that I looked at my watch and realised it was 11.15pm. Who went out to join their mates at a pub at 11.15pm on a Tuesday night, when they had to be up early the next day? Arse! I’d completely bollocksed things up with that kiss, hadn’t I? He couldn’t get away from me fast enough. If that had been Lebony on the landline, I couldn’t blame him for wanting out. That had been some intense kissing and he probably felt 50 shades of guilty. Ooh, speaking of 50 shades… I put my fingers up to my red cheeks. I had to stop thinking about that right now. All that had happened was that the trust and friendship I had for Ben had triggered some dormant feelings. Not for him, just for a relationship. Although, kissing Daran, the former love of my life, hadn’t had the same effect, which meant... Stop it! It had been a one-off and, while extremely pleasurable, it would never happen again.
Chapter 49
‘We’ve got, like, amazing news,’ announced Shannon, the moment she spotted me the following day. ‘They’re letting me out!’
‘That’s just grand. When?’
‘Friday!’
‘Jesus! So soon? And that’s Good Friday, isn’t it?’
‘I know. Very good Friday for me! Apparently, I’ve made great progress,’ she said, grinning, then her face fell. ‘How was the funeral?’
‘Great craic! Ma was plastered, had another go at me and revealed the reason why she hates me so much. Turns out I’m not actually her daughter, which means you’re not her granddaughter. My da had an affair with the woman over the road for 20 years and I was the unexpected output a few years in. She’s lovely and can’t wait to fly over to England to meet her new family.’ I plonked myself down in the chair by the bed. ‘And I have even more incredible news for you, Shannon. Your dad, Daran, is still alive and, if it’s okay with you, he wants to meet you next week.’
I had a lovely day at the hospital with my family. Shannon squealed when I told her about Daran, promptly waking Luke up, so he added his own louder squeals to hers. She wanted to know all about him so I gave her the edited highlights, leaving out any mention of what had happened between us.
‘We wanted to talk to you about moving,’ Callum said. ‘We’ve done some research and we think that Whitsborough Bay looks pretty decent. We want to explore before we commit to anything, so we’ve booked a holiday cottage for two weeks from Friday in a place called Little Sandby.’
Little Sandby. It rang a bell. ‘Oh! That’s where my friends Elise and Stevie live.’
‘Is it nice?’ Shannon asked.
‘I’ve only been there once, but it’s a lovely village.’
‘We’d like you to stay with us. If, like, you’re free,’ Callum said. ‘There are three bedrooms so Ben can stay, or Shannon’s dad when he comes over next week. Luke’ll sleep in our room.’
‘I’d love to stay! What happens if you like the place?’
‘Then we find somewhere to rent until we can buy next June, when my inheritance comes through,’ Shannon said. ‘Do you think we’ll like it, Mum?’
My heart melted as she called me that. ‘Yes. I
think you will. But if you don’t, we’ll find somewhere else that’s right for us all.’ I didn’t really care where it was, as long as we were together.
Luke was going to stay with Callum at Jimmy’s until Shannon was discharged. It didn’t make sense to disrupt the routine and bring him home with me, so I said my goodbyes and looked forward to seeing my family again the next day.
As I drove through Leeds later that afternoon, I found myself hoping that Ben wouldn’t be late home from work so I could share the news with him. And so I could apologise for taking the dare too far the night before. My body fizzed again as I thought about lying on the sofa, kissing him. Why did it keep doing that?
The house was in silence, but that was fair enough, as Ben didn’t usually get home till after six and it was only half five. I dumped my handbag on the kitchen worktop and looked around at the steriliser, bottle warmer, empty bottles and teats. I had better start packing, to be ready for our move. The kitchen could wait. I’d start upstairs.
Four hours later, I’d packed most of Luke’s possessions and had even managed to disassemble his cot, despite not being able to find the instructions. I was pretty proud of my handiwork. There was still no sign of Ben, though. My stomach growled in protest at the late hour without food, so I padded downstairs and made some cheese on toast.
* To Ben
Where are you? Getting worried! Hope you’re not avoiding me after last night. Pleasurable as it was, I promise not to force you to repeat it! ;-) xx
* From Ben
Forgot to say. Working really late. Back about midnight. Don’t wait up
I frowned. Those last few words sounded like an order, i.e. he absolutely didn’t want me to wait up because he was avoiding me. No! It was just a text. People are curt in texts. I shook my head. I was curt in texts, Ben wasn’t. Bollocks. I should never have got drunk and thrown myself at him like that, dare or no dare.
I picked up the number of the counsellor he’d left me on the kitchen worktop. It was a Leeds landline. If we were moving to Whitsborough Bay, a Leeds-based counsellor wasn’t going to work for me. I’d call her in the morning, though, and see if she could recommend anyone on the coast instead.
Time to return to the packing. I’d just turned towards the stairs when my phone rang and, as soon as I saw the name on the screen, I cursed myself.
‘Daran! I’m so sorry. I completely forgot.’ I was meant to have FaceTimed him at eight. Feck it. How had I forgotten that?
I lay in bed, watching the clock, and listening for the sound of Ben’s key turning in the lock. I hated that I hadn’t seen him that day. Having previously found his home a haven, even when on my own, it had felt empty and lonely without his easy banter. Even though I’d had a good chat with Daran on the phone, I’d found myself wishing it had been Ben who I was talking to about my plans for the future. But that was only because Ben would have been excited for me about the move, whereas Daran suggested that if I wanted the coast and the countryside, I couldn’t go far wrong with Wicklow. He was never going to move to England, and I was never going to move to Ireland. What did that mean? I definitely didn’t love him, but I still cared for him deeply and he was the father of my child. Could my feelings come back? Would they ever be enough to bridge the distance? A long-distance relationship worked for Ben and Lebony. Could it work for Daran and me? As I drifted off to sleep, the last thought in my mind was: did I want it to work for Daran and me?
Chapter 50
I switched my phone back on as I left Jimmy’s the following afternoon. I had the packing to finish before we moved the next day. I felt quite giddy with excitement at the thought of the fresh start with my new family.
My iPhone beeped, indicating a missed call from Ben from a little after 11am and a text advising me that I had a voicemail. Phew! He was still alive, then! He hadn’t been around when I’d awoken that morning and a quick look in his bedroom suggested he hadn’t been home all night.
Crossing the car park, I dialled into my voicemail: Clare. It’s Ben. My dad’s just phoned. Auntie Kay’s been in a coach crash. It’s on the news. There are fatalities. We don’t know if… We’re hoping she’s… Oh God! I can’t bear to think about it. I’m going to Whitsborough Bay. Mum and Sarah are in bits. They need me… I’m sorry I didn’t come home last night. I hope you were okay. It was… It doesn’t matter. Look, call me when you get this, if you can.
I ran across the car park, jumped into the car, attached my phone to the hands-free system with shaky hands, then sped towards the A1. As I waited impatiently at a red light, I speed-dialled Elise’s mobile. Voicemail. ‘Elise. It’s Clare. Call me on my mobile the minute you pick this up. I’m on my way to Whitsborough Bay. We need to see Sarah.’
She rang back less than 10 minutes later, panic in her voice. ‘Has something happened to Sarah?’
‘No. Yes. Sort of. I don’t know much. I’ve just picked up a message from Ben. Kay and Philip are in Italy on holiday, but their coach crashed and he doesn’t know whether Kay’s…’ I couldn’t bring myself to say the word ‘dead’. ‘… one of the survivors.’
Elise gasped. ‘Oh my goodness. I can’t believe it. What about Philip?’
‘Ben didn’t say. I’m assuming they don’t know about him either.’
‘I only saw them a couple of days ago. They were so excited about the trip. How’s Sarah?’
‘Not good, by the sounds of it. I’ve just set off now. Do you want to go to Sarah’s directly or will I pick you up?’
‘Can you pick me up? Stevie will be here in an hour or so.’
I hung up after making arrangements to ring her when I pulled into the hospital car park. My heart raced. Poor Ben. And poor Sarah. Ben was close to Kay, but Sarah had an exceptional bond with her auntie.
As I headed north, I cursed myself for being so lax at keeping in contact with Sarah. She probably thought I didn’t care. I did. I just wasn’t very good at dealing with other people’s problems when I had so many of my own to sort out. And it wasn’t as if I hadn’t tried. I’d made a couple of attempts to visit, and I’d called her on the day of Da’s funeral when I was with Ben. I hadn’t tried again, though. I should have. I’d promised Ben I would.
‘Do you think she’ll be pissed off at us for turning up together?’ I asked Elise, as I rang the bell at Sarah’s parents’ house.
‘No. I think she’ll appreciate that we’re here.’
Ben opened the door, and my throat constricted as I took in his pale face and red eyes. ‘You got my message. I was worried you wouldn’t.’
‘I came as soon as I heard it,’ I said, reaching my arms out to him. He hugged me, then Elise, and ushered us into the hall.
‘Any news?’ I asked.
He shook his head and opened the lounge door. Sarah’s dad, Chris, was pacing up and down, talking in hushed tones on the phone. Sarah was curled up on the sofa, watching him intently. I frowned. She’d lost a lot of weight since I’d last saw her, and not in a good way. She actually looked quite frail. I glanced at Ben. He’d warned me something was up, but he’d insisted she wasn’t sick. Had that been a cover-up?
At that moment, Sarah looked up and spotted Elise and me. She stood up. ‘What are you two doing here?’ was all she managed, before she broke down in tears.
‘Did you think we’d let our best friend go through something like this on her own?’ I said, giving her a hug. Elise put her arms around her too, and the three of us stood in the middle of the lounge, clinging onto one another.
‘What’s the news?’ I asked, when Sarah had calmed down and we’d all taken a seat.
Sarah shook her head, clearly unable to speak. She looked at her brother. ‘The latest news report said three of the five fatalities were British,’ he said, ‘but they also said that two thirds of the passengers were British.’
Chris walked back into the room. ‘That was Adrienne from the to
ur operator. They’ve been able to confirm that Philip isn’t one of the fatalities, although that doesn’t mean he’s not injured. They still can’t tell us about Kay, though.’
‘That’s ridiculous,’ Ben cried. ‘The crash happened last night. How can they not know who’s dead and who’s alive?’
‘Apparently, the crash site was between two hospitals, so passengers have been taken to one or the other with no particular logic. It’s chaos out there. Families and couples have been split up so they’re struggling to work out who’s with whom and who’s where.’
Ben sat forward in his chair. ‘So, how can they confirm the nationalities of the dead, yet they can’t confirm the names?’
‘I don’t know, son, I really don’t know. She’s going to call me again within the next two hours and promises me she’ll do everything she can to get definitive information about them both.’
‘Has anyone contacted Daniel and Michael?’ Elise asked. ‘I could call them if you like?’ I could tell from the tone of Elise’s voice that she didn’t really want to, and I couldn’t blame her.
‘They know about the crash,’ Ben said, ‘but I’ll call and update them on Philip now.’ He headed into the kitchen.
‘Where’s your mum?’ Elise asked Sarah.
Dreaming About Daran (Whitsborough BayTrilogy Book 3) Page 31
