* To Sarah
Such a relief! Send them my best. Cottage is lovely. Stevie helped us unpack. Sunday would be great. Will text tomorrow to make arrangements. Hope you sleep well tonight after a couple of difficult days xx
* From Ben
I’m staying in W’bro Bay for the rest of Easter weekend. Do you have any time to talk tomorrow?
* To Ben
We’re going to explore North Beach tomorrow if you fancy joining us?
* From Ben
Sounds great, but I was hoping to catch you alone. Any chance you could meet me early evening?
* To Ben
I’m intrigued. 6pm? 6.30pm? Where do you suggest?
* From Ben
6pm. There’s a bluebell wood a mile north of Little Sandby. Head north out of the village and you can’t miss it on your right. Meet me by the pond. Sleep well xx
I was early, just in case I got lost, but Ben had been right (as always); it was really well signposted. Plus, his car was parked in a lay-by next to the entrance stile, which was a slight giveaway.
Birds chirped their evening song and butterflies fluttered past. As I clambered over the stile, thankful that I was wearing jeans and canvas shoes, rather than a dress and heels, butterflies also fluttered in my stomach. Strange. I hadn’t had my dinner yet. It was obviously hunger pangs, not butterflies.
The woods were quite spectacular. The lowering sun penetrated through the gaps in the trees, like hundreds of spotlights on the bluebells. I followed a well-worn path through the flowers, rising slightly, then dipping back down towards the pond, where I could see Ben sitting on a bench, staring at the water with his chin resting in his hands. I paused, leaning against an old oak tree, and watched him. He looked troubled. Hardly surprising, given the situation with his Auntie Kay. I must have trodden on a twig or something, because he suddenly turned around as I approached him and jumped to his feet.
‘You’re early!’
‘So are you. Are you okay, Ben?’
He nodded. ‘Just thinking. It’s a good place for it.’
‘It’s beautiful,’ I said, turning in a circle.
‘Mum and Dad used to bring us here when we were little. Sarah and I played hide-and-seek between the trees. She was rubbish at seeking so I used to let her find me.’
I smiled. That was so Ben, letting someone else win.
‘Come and sit down,’ Ben said. He waited for me to take a seat on the bench before sitting down again. ‘I’m sorry for being all mysterious and luring you here, but there’s something I wanted to say to you on your own.’
‘You’re going to tell me I owe you £١٦,٠٠٠ in back rent, aren’t you?’
Ben smiled. ‘It’s £٢٦,٠٠٠, actually, but that’s not it.’ He bit his lip. ‘Okay. Here goes. You know we were talking in the early hours yesterday about being completely honest with friends, no matter how that might affect the relationship?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you still believe that?’
‘Definitely.’
‘Good. So, I haven’t been honest with you about two things. Two pretty big things.’
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach again and I felt my heart quicken. ‘Go on…’
‘The first thing is my relationship with Lebony.’
My stomach churned at the mention of her name.
‘We’re not together. We split up.’
‘Jesus, Ben! When? Was it Thursday night? Was that why she didn’t stay?’
He shook his head. ‘No. It wasn’t Thursday night. Lebony and I… We… Well, we split up about six months ago.’
‘What?’
Ben lowered his eyes. ‘We’re just friends now.’
‘But you Skype her and call her all the time. And she rushed to your side on Thursday. That was Lebony, wasn’t it? Not some actress?’
He laughed. ‘That was definitely Lebony and, yes, we do call and Skype regularly. She’s a good friend. She’s been giving me some advice recently.’
‘I don’t get it. Why make out that you’re still together when you’re not?’
Ben sighed. ‘That brings me on to the second big thing I’ve been lying about. The reason Lebony and I split up was because I’d fallen for someone else. Lebony knew it before I even realised it.’ He smiled. ‘I was stunned the day she pointed it out but, as soon as she did, it was like the biggest light-bulb moment ever.’
‘Do I know her? Or is it a he? After the Elise-and-Gary situation, I don’t want to assume.’
‘It’s a she.’
‘Does she know?’
‘No, but her sister guessed.’
My walk along The Headland with Aisling popped into my head. ‘Oh my God, Ben! Are you talking about me?’
‘We used to have such great craic, as you call it, when you were visiting. For years, I thought of you as a friend, but it all changed when you moved in with me the first time round. I got to see the real you, the person who loves to remove her make-up and put on her PJs as soon as she’s home from work, the person who gets all emotional watching a film and pretends she’s bored by it so she doesn’t cry, and the person who’s spent years refusing to be beaten by a challenging past and can proudly declare herself as king of every moment.’
Tears pricked my eyes. I couldn’t speak. In fact, I could barely breathe.
‘I didn’t think it was possible to care for you any more than I already did, but when I saw how you were with Luke and Shannon, I fell even deeper. I’d never have said anything while you were living with me. I’d never have risked you feeling awkward and uncomfortable. Lebony gave me a lecture on Thursday. She insisted I tell you how I feel, especially as you were moving out anyway. So, here I am, telling you that, last September, you didn’t just become the owner of my spare room, you also became the owner of my heart.’
My heart raced. Oh. My. God! I didn’t know what I’d expected Ben to say, but it certainly hadn’t been that. So Aisling had been right about him! How did I feel? He was looking at me intently, waiting for me to speak. But what could I say? What could I offer him in return? I’d shut myself off to love for 17 years. I’d even struggled to let Daran back in, and he’d been the person I’d believed I’d love until the end of forever.
Ben reached across and tenderly caught a tear rolling down my cheek with his finger. I hadn’t even realised I was crying.
‘You don’t have to say anything,’ he said. ‘I’m not expecting some grand declaration of love in return. I just wanted to be honest with you, in case there was the slightest possibility that you may feel something towards me at some point in the future. I just hope that I haven’t jeopardised our friendship and you never want to see me again.’
The thought of not spending time with Ben filled me with panic. I shook my head quickly. ‘You haven’t jeopardised anything. I’ll always want you in my life. It’s just that…’
He nodded. ‘I know. It’s completely out of the blue, it’s a lot to take in, and you’ve got so much going on at the moment.’
‘I wish I could say I feel exactly the same,’ I whispered.
He lowered his eyes. ‘But you don’t. And that’s fine. It’s good. I expected it.’
‘It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just that I swore I’d never love anyone ever again. The thing is—’
But I didn’t get to tell him what the thing was. Someone called my name. I jumped up, startled. The next moment, Daran had hold of me and was spinning me around, just like he used to in our farmhouse.
Chapter 53
‘I hope you don’t mind me coming early,’ Daran said. ‘The kids were so excited about going on an airplane that I thought, “Why not change the flights?”’
‘Where are they?’
‘Shannon and Callum have taken them to the park. Our daughter’s gorgeous, Clare, and our grandson
is adorable. I’m so proud of you.’ He certainly looked it, with a beam from ear to ear and his eyes sparkling. ‘Oh my goodness, it’s so good to see you!’ He grabbed me and kissed me. Startled, I glanced over at Ben. He smiled, but his sad eyes told of his devastation. ‘I’ll go,’ he mouthed.
Awkward. I pulled away from Daran, giggling nervously. ‘Emm. We’re being rude. This is Ben. He’s…’ I paused. How could I describe Ben? ‘Friend’ actually seemed so inadequate for what he really meant to me. My throat felt tight as I said, ‘Well, he’s just amazing.’
Daran grinned and shook Ben’s hand enthusiastically. ‘So, you’re Ben. It’s so great to meet you. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for this one.’ He flung his arm around my shoulder. ‘She never stops talking about you. I thought you were her boyfriend at first, but she says you’re just a friend.’
Ben nodded. ‘That’s me. Just a friend.’
‘I haven’t interrupted anything, have I?’ Daran asked. ‘Shannon said you were catching up about your auntie. There’s been some sort of accident?’
I nodded. Of course. I’d told Shannon that I was meeting Ben to hear the latest on Kay and Philip. She’d had no reason to believe we couldn’t be disturbed, and I could guarantee that Daran would have nagged her to let him surprise me if she’d tried to make him wait. I’d told her where I’d be and the woods weren’t exactly hard to find.
‘I’d better go,’ Ben said. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’
‘We’ll walk with you,’ I suggested.
Daran pulled me closer to him. ‘No, you go on, Ben. There’s something I want to speak to Clare about.’
Ben shrugged. ‘Nice to meet you at last, Daran. You look after her.’
‘I intend to.’
Ben looked at me and held my gaze. ‘I guess I’ll see you around.’
I swallowed hard as I nodded. ‘Bye, Saint Ben.’
‘Bye, Irish.’
‘He seems like a good lad,’ Daran said, once Ben had sauntered out of view.
‘He is. The very best.’
‘I’ve got something for you.’
‘Oh yes?’ My eyes were still fixed on the brow of the hill, where Ben had disappeared from view, a heavy feeling in my heart.
‘Yes, but I need you to sit down.’
I reluctantly peeled my eyes away from the hill and sat down on the bench where Ben had declared his love for me moments earlier.
Daran knelt on one knee on the soft moss in front of me. Oh no! Oh shit!
He took my right hand and touched my Claddagh ring. ‘I gave you this ring on your 16th birthday and told you that I’d love you until the end of forever. I meant it then and I still mean it now. I also told you that, one day, I’d buy you a real one.’
He paused as he reached into his coat pocket and opened up a box. A stunning platinum Claddagh ring, with a heart-shaped sapphire in the middle, gleamed as the last rays of sunlight filtered through the trees and bounced off it. ‘I know we’ve only just got back together, but it feels to me like we’ve never been apart. If you feel the same way, please will you take this ring and be mine until the end of forever?’
I stared at the ring, my heart thumping uncontrollably. ‘Daran. I’m genuinely touched but—’
‘I know there are some logistics to sort out. We could move here, the kids and me. They have religious education teachers in England, don’t they? I might have to retrain a bit because of the different exams. Or you could move to Ireland. We’d make it work. We would.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s not just the logistics, Daran.’
He gently stroked my face. ‘I know it was difficult for you when I touched you. We don’t have to rush the physical side of things. I’ll wait for you. We’ll get the support you need.’
‘It’s not that either. ’
‘Then, what is it?’
‘Please will you get up off your knee?’
He slowly stood up and sat beside me on the bench. ‘It was too much, too soon, wasn’t it? Aoife and Ma warned me that I’d scare you off. Have I?’
I shook my head. ‘It probably is too much, too soon, but I understood why you’ve done it. Your feelings for me have never changed over the years. You said so yourself, but…’ I couldn’t find a way of saying it without hurting him. There probably wasn’t a way.
He twiddled with the open ring box. ‘But yours have, haven’t they?’
‘I’m so sorry, Daran. I should have been clearer with you at the farm or on the phone, but I wasn’t sure how I really felt until this evening. I genuinely did love you with all of my heart back then, Daran, and I did mean it when I said it was until the end of forever. But our forever ended when we were separated for so long. It wasn’t your fault or my fault, but it happened, and I can’t just pick up where we left off. I wish I could, but I can’t.’
Daran nodded. He snapped the ring box closed and put it back in his coat pocket. ‘If it’s time you need, I can give you time…’ He smiled ruefully. ‘It’s not time you need, is it?’
I shook my head.
‘You’ve given your heart to someone else, haven’t you?’
A tear trickled down my cheek. ‘I’m sorry, Daran. I didn’t realise it had happened.’
Daran stood up and gently pulled me to my feet. ‘If you’re quick, you might just catch him.’
‘Who?’
‘Who do you think? It’s Ben, isn’t it? He’s your new forever.’
‘No. Of course not.’
‘You don’t need to protect me, Clare. I saw the look on your face when he left earlier. You used to look at me like that when we said goodbye. I hoped I’d imagined it so I stupidly proposed anyway.’
‘I didn’t know,’ I said, tears streaming down my cheeks. ‘I’m sorry, Daran. I never meant to hurt you.’
‘To be honest, Clare, I think I’ve done this to myself. You didn’t promise me anything. I just assumed we could pick up where we left off, which was a bit of a ridiculous fantasy.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, again. It felt so inadequate, but I hadn’t led him on. Yes, we’d kissed, but I hadn’t told him that I still loved him, and I hadn’t talked about a future together. That had all come from him. Perhaps I should have set him straight sooner, but I genuinely hadn’t known how I felt about him, and I certainly hadn’t realised that I’d fallen for Ben.
‘Go on! Run!’ he said.
‘Will you be okay?’
He took a deep breath. ‘Actually, Clare, I think I will. It’s not what I wanted, but it’s finally a conclusion to 17 years of dreaming and wondering and hoping and praying. I can finally lay the past to rest. God’s been telling me to do that for years, but I haven’t been listening to Him. I’ll see you later. Run!’
He didn’t need to tell me again. I sprinted up the slope, down the slope and leapt across the stile. Ben’s car was still in the lay-by. I charged towards the window, but he wasn’t there. I gulped in the evening air, trying to catch my breath, but my heartbeat just got quicker and quicker. Where the hell was he? I jogged a little way along the lane, away from the direction of Little Sandby, because there certainly hadn’t been anywhere he could have gone closer to the village. A minute later, I came across another stile in the fence, with a wooden sign pointing towards ‘Sea View’. It was a long shot, but it was worth a try.
I clambered over the stile and found myself in a wildflower meadow, just like the one surrounding the farmhouse where Daran had first declared his love for me. It seemed fitting that a meadow could be the setting for me letting love in for the second time in my life.
The meadow dipped and I stopped for a moment to catch my breath, as I took in the stunning view ahead of me. The meadow was on a clifftop, with the sea stretching out below. I scanned the edge of the fence, my eyes adjusting to the approaching twilight, but I couldn’t see Ben. My he
art sank. I was just about to turn around and go back to the car when something moved along the fence. It was him! I hadn’t been able to see him because there was a bush in front of him and he’d blended into it, but his silhouette was clear now that he’d taken a couple of paces to the left. I ran across the field towards him. He must have heard my approach when I got closer because he turned around, and my heart skipped a beat as I saw his tears.
‘Clare!’ he said, wiping his cheeks roughly with his sleeve and sniffing. ‘What are you doing here? Where’s Daran?’
‘Daran’s gone back to the cottage. He asked me to marry him. Turns out I really am irresistible to all men, women and small furry animals.’
‘Congratulations.’
‘Here’s the thing: I said no.’
‘Really? But I thought…’
‘So did Daran, but you were both wrong. I’m not the same person he fell in love with, and he isn’t the same person either. It would never have worked.’
‘It might have done. You could have got to know each other again. People do fall in love again after years apart.’
I shrugged. ‘True, but it’s not going to work for Daran and me. Too much time has passed and too much has happened.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Ben said. ‘I know you might not believe me, in light of my earlier confession, but I really am sorry. I only want you to be happy.’
‘I am happy. In fact, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I have a new family, and the potential for a new home and new career. It’s all good. And a lot of it is thanks to you.’
‘Me? What did I do?’
‘You were there for me every step of the way. I’ve got a little gift to say thank you. Put your hands out and close your eyes.’
‘Clare!’
‘Quit your nonsense and do as you’re told.’
Ben sighed, but closed his eyes and held out his hands anyway. I placed the king in his hands, my body fizzing as my hand connected with his. ‘Open your eyes.’
‘It’s the king,’ Ben said.
‘For everything you’ve done for me over the past seven or eight months, and especially for putting yourself out there earlier and telling me how you really feel about me, I declare you king of the moment.’
Dreaming About Daran (Whitsborough BayTrilogy Book 3) Page 33
