A tear escapes and slides down Mom’s cheek, and I go to her and offer a hug. “Maybe she still can. They’re coming up with new treatments all the time.”
Mom shakes her head. “It won’t be the way Kate wants. She’ll never carry a child of her own—that’s for certain.”
“But—” Words escape me as I hold tight to Mom, having always wanted to be a doctor so I could fix people, but I know from my father that isn’t always possible.
“Just be there for her. That’s all we can do right now.”
When I finally leave the classroom, I feel as though I’ve cried more tears in just a few short minutes than I have in the last couple of years. I try to fix my makeup in the bathroom mirror, but my eyes will still be red, and I’m already coming up with a lie to tell McKenzie as to why.
CHAPTER SIX
TYLER
“I haven’t seen you around here before,” the young blonde behind the counter at Pamela’s says to me. “Just passing through?”
Her nametag says Beth, and while she’s not exactly interrogating me, I’m not really in the mood for much of any conversation. I just came in for some coffee so I could put off seeing my dad as long as possible.
“This town is really small,” I say, doing my best to sound friendly.
“Oh, I’ve been to smaller—Eastern Washington is full of them,” she comments while she’s preparing my drink, a plain old coffee with a tower of whipped cream floating at the top. “But you live here all your life, and you get to know everyone.” Then she kind of shrugs and sets the drink in front of me.
I briefly imagine she hates this town as much as I think I will. Then I see she’s wearing a wedding ring, and she smiles as she takes my ten. Can’t say she looks unhappy.
“I’m Beth,” she says, placing the change into my hand. “And I apologize if I came across as nosey.”
“Not a problem,” I tell her, then tack on, “Actually, my family just moved here this summer.” I figure I might as well just get that out of the way if I’m ever coming in here for coffee again.
She looks at me, and I can tell she wants more information, as I’ve learned people in small towns often do.
“I’m Tyler.” I smile. “My dad’s—”
“The new fire chief.” She nods knowingly. “He’s been in every morning before work, so I’ve gotten to know him a little. Nice guy. He mentioned he had a son named Tyler.”
“That would be me.”
“Well, let me know if you need anything. My husband, Ben, and his family own the grocery store in town, so he and I are what you’d call townies I suppose.” She laughs, as if to herself. “Anyway, if you need anything or have any questions, feel free to stop in and ask.”
“Thanks.”
I guess I need to get used to small talk, which seems to come along with living in a town the size of Basin Lake. It could have been worse—Beth was nice enough and loaded my coffee up with extra whip cream, so there’s that. But I’m still hoping I can mostly fly under the radar this year.
There are only a handful of customers actually sitting down, but I still breeze past them and head toward a table in the corner, not quite getting there before I notice Claire and McKenzie coming through the front door of the coffee shop together. I’m immediately self-conscious about the heap of whip cream in my coffee, knowing my dad would call it childish or even girly. I grab the nearest chair and take a seat before my eyes have the chance to meet with Claire’s.
Claire.
I’d enjoyed being around her during second period, found her to be smart and mature and not annoying like that girl, Nina. There was a part of me that had wanted to relax completely around her, but I’d clammed up, especially after I’d mentioned Laney’s name. I shouldn’t have had to answer Nina about my ex, but I figured keeping quiet would have just added more unnecessary weight to my relationship with her.
But Laney had left me with a burden, one I built upon after she’d rejected me. It makes me realize I probably won’t be able to relax at all around a girl like Claire. Nick hadn’t been kidding when he’d mentioned that thing about her being too good for mere mortals. Sure, she’s beautiful up close, especially with those hypnotizing blue eyes of hers, but more than that, she exudes this kind of confidence about her I’m not sure I’d ever noticed in a high school girl before.
She and McKenzie obviously know Beth by the tone of their familiar conversation—Beth did say she knew everyone in this town. I try not to eavesdrop as I open my laptop, and even though I don’t catch any full sentences, I notice how metered Claire’s voice is while McKenzie’s leans toward the animated.
I take the spoon on the table and dip it into my drink, pushing the whip cream into it and letting it dissipate instead of licking the top part off first—something left over from my childhood when Mom would make hot chocolate on snow days and drown the entire thing with whip cream.
Connecting to the wi-fi here, I risk a quick look over to the counter. McKenzie happens to be looking over, so I can’t very well just bury my head again like I’d done in the cafeteria this morning. She offers me a short wave, one I return in the form of briefly lifting my hand to her. I’m about to turn back to my laptop, figuring I’d done the friendly thing when Claire looks my way. McKenzie starts to walk toward me, and I expect Claire to do the same, but instead she takes hold of her friend’s arm, stops her and whispers something into her ear. Next thing I know, Claire is guiding McKenzie away toward a table near the window.
I’d actually expected Claire to do the opposite, to come up to me, if for no other reason than to apologize again for her sister bumping into me at lunch, maybe even point out the mustard stain that I’d done my best to wash out but was still on my shirt. But when she doesn’t, there is a familiar upset in the pit of my stomach, followed by a paranoid concern that Claire knows things she shouldn’t about me. I take a moment to watch them at their table, watching their lips, wanting to know what they’re saying while knowing I’d look like a freak if they caught me doing it.
“Do you know about his dick?” I imagine Claire asking McKenzie.
“No… what about it? Do tell!”
“Well, a dog pretty much ripped it apart when he was a kid,” Claire would tell her friend.
“No!”
“Yes! I mean, it’s been reconstructed of course, just like the rest of him. I hear it’s pretty nice, ya know… satisfying and all, but it’s still a Franken-dick.”
That’s the point I imagine both of them busting up into fits of giggles, unable to control themselves until I walk up to them and they realize maybe I just heard everything they said.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Tyler… you didn’t hear that, did you?” Marissa Chandler said during that party junior year, the party I’d been looking forward to because I knew Laney would be there.
I’d known Marissa since I was in kindergarten, and the conversation I’d imagined Claire and McKenzie having was actually the one Marissa had with Laney when she was still the new girl at our school, before she knew about what had happened to me.
The jokes were nothing new. One of my best friends used to call me zipper dick because of all the surgeries I’d had, all of the stitching they’d had to do. He’d remind me it was a friendly term of endearment, and I’d never challenged him on it, not wanting to be the guy who couldn’t take a joke. And when it came to your penis being included in the many other body parts injured because of a dog mauling you, there was an endless supply of them. Everyone was a comedian, especially at my school it seemed.
I can still picture Marissa’s apology the next day, telling me she’d been drunk and out of line. She told me Laney actually liked me and that the information about my accident hadn’t changed her mind.
“I practically did you a favor,” Marissa said, and I’d made myself agree with her then, not that I did now. I think Laney had felt sorry for me, saw me as wounded, something that was attractive, but only for a while. Being in love with her and not knowing if she st
ill loves me is so painful at times that I’m not sure if and when it will go away, if and when it will free me up to love someone else, someone like Claire maybe.
I could spend the rest of the afternoon getting lost in my thoughts, but thankfully my laptop beeps, and a message pops up from my friend, Sam.
You got time for a video chat?
Since we’d moved to Basin Lake in late June, I’d only occasionally texted my old friends in Denver, but I’d video chatted with Sam almost every day, though I haven’t actually seen him in the two years he’s been living in Seattle and going to college there.
Me: In a coffee shop. Can’t have the girls here think I’m talking to myself.
Sam: Girls? They hot?
I can’t help but laugh, and I’m not even sure I care if Claire or McKenzie or even Beth see me doing it. I swear that fifty percent of what Sam says is about women. I’ve never gotten through a conversation with him without talking about a girl.
Me: Just girls from my new school.
Sam: Pictures!
Me: I can’t do that man. I’m not a stalker.
Sam: I’m not asking for nudies. Just doooooo ittttttt!
I shake my head, knowing that if I don’t, he’ll just keep on me. So, as slyly as I can, I manage to snap a picture of McKenzie holding her coffee to her mouth and the back of Claire. I text the picture from my phone to his and await his response.
Sam: Okay, the red-head is really cute, but who’s the other girl? She’s hot from behind. How’s her face?
Even if Claire’s face wasn’t up to snuff, I wouldn’t say. Being judged for something you have no control over has made me sensitive about judging anyone else for something superficial. Not that I’m a total saint, but I do my best. But in Claire’s case, I’d have to play her looks down, and I’m tempted to, out of a strange sense that she and Sam will meet one day and that he’ll sweep her off her feet in a way I never could.
Me: She’s actually pretty beautiful.
Sam: Ahhhhh…. Ty in love?
If I’m in love with anyone, it’s still with Laney, which sucks.
Sam: Ty… Tyyyyyy… tell me.
Me: I just met her today, so not in love. But she’s really nice. Smart.
Sam: So, go for her.
Me: You know I can’t.
Even if I wanted to, even if I was really over Laney, I couldn’t walk into that particular fire again and risk messing my head up more than it already is.
He doesn’t respond right away.
Me: What, you don’t have a good response for that?
Sam: Sorry, just thinking. Not sure I agree with you, but I get it. College girls will be a little more mature.
Sometimes I’m jealous of Sam—he’s a nice looking guy and a serial dater, easing from one relationship to the next with no concern that what’s beneath his clothes might not be up to snuff. His experience with older, more mature college girls is probably a lot different than what mine will be.
Me: Hopefully. Hey, can I chat with you later tonight? I’ve got to meet with my dad.
Sam: Not a problem, but I’ll be at the gym. I gotta look good for the girls. Tomorrow?
Me: Sure.
I do some of the homework I’d been given today, which is really more just filling out information on goals for the coming school year. While doing that, I try not to pay too much attention to Claire or McKenzie. I’ve gotten over my paranoia about their conversation—mostly—but I’m not keen on getting up to leave before they do and get caught up in some superficially friendly back and forth. But once I’ve finished my coffee, I know I need to get going or I won’t hear the end of it from my dad. I’m about ten minutes past due, and Dad likes to keep his appointments.
“Hey Tyler,” McKenzie says after I’ve gathered up all of my things and slow toward the front door, deciding I should at least look their way and acknowledge them before leaving.
“Hey,” I offer back, feeling the pulse in my neck beating faster when Claire turns around.
“You settling in okay?” she asks in a polite way, but I think she’s just asking to say something, not that she really cares.
“Pretty much,” I answer, unable to think of anything to add to that.
“Cool.” She briefly smiles and then turns back to her friend.
“See you around?” McKenzie says with raised eyebrows.
“Sure.” I wait around another second or two, but it looks like I’m free, so I step to the door, pulling it inward like an idiot before I realize the sign says PUSH OUT.
The fire station is a couple blocks from Pamela’s, and when I get there, the giant bay doors are opened up, which must be nice on a day like today, warm with a clear blue sky above. Dad is just inside near one of the big fire engines, holding a clipboard and checking equipment on the wall.
“Hey, Dad,” I say, stuffing my hands in my pockets, waiting for him to turn around.
He angles toward me, says, “Hello, son,” before setting his clipboard down and gently hitting the side of my shoulder. “How was the first day of school?”
I shrug. “Okay, I guess.”
I hope he won’t expect me to check in with him every day after school. Last night, he’d said he thought it would be nice for me to be around the firehouse more, open me up to choosing firefighting as a career as well as a good excuse to bond. I still can’t believe he’d used that word.
“Come on in.” He waves me toward him, leading me into an office off of the engine bays.
There are only a couple of other guys around, and I’m surprised to see even that many in a town as small as this, but Dad still closes the office door behind us, as if whatever we have to say to one another is top secret.
“Kind of boring around here, isn’t it?” I sit across from Dad once he’s in the chair behind his desk, his office walls covered with framed pictures from his career in Denver. I can’t help but blame myself for being the reason why we left, even if in a newer picture of him and the mayor of Basin Lake, standing in front of one of the big red engines, Dad is smiling and looking happy. But maybe that’s just an act.
“I don’t mind boring,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “We had enough excitement in Denver, and now I actually have some time to devote to my hobbies and to your mother… and you of course.”
Somehow I feel like he tagged that last part on just because he felt like he had to, not because he has any actual interest in being the kind of dad he used to be a really long time ago. But he’s at least not blaming me for us being here, and for that I should be thankful.
“Meet anyone good at school?” he asks, clearing his throat.
“Sure. A guy named Nick—he’s pretty cool, kind of nerdy.”
“A nerd?” Dad lets out a quick laugh.
“Yeah… a nerd. It’s a good thing.”
“If you say so.”
“And I met some girls.” I know he won’t like me saying that, so that’s probably why I slip it in.
“Oh? Is that right.”
I nod, deciding to give him a little more ammunition. “Yep. I think I kind of like one of them—her name is Claire.”
“Claire?”
“Yeah. I don’t know, maybe she could help me get over Laney.”
At that, he stands up and paces to the other side of his office. “I think you should worry more about school and less about romance. You can save that for after graduation.”
I watch him. He’s so damn uncomfortable.
“Well?” He stops pacing and looks down at me. “You aren’t seriously thinking of asking this girl out, are you?”
I should stop myself, don’t really have a right to fuck with him when I’d put him through so much, and yet… well, he’s put me through a lot too. “Yeah, Dad, I totally am. Then I’m going to tell her a dog bit my dick off so she can tell the whole school what a fucking freak I am. That’s what you’re afraid of, isn’t it?”
I’ve caught him off guard, and he crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes sh
ifting back and forth before he finally says, “I’m more concerned about your response to Laney breaking up with you. It has nothing to do with your…” He clears his throat again. “Disfigurement.”
He has a point, but I’d be more likely to believe that was his main concern if he hadn’t always been the one to leave the room whenever Mom would bring up one of my surgeries. I was deeply scarred in other places, on my thighs, parts of my back, my flanks and my stomach, and yet the idea that my manhood had been marred and repaired always made my father cringe, as if it had been his own.
“I’ll make sure nobody finds out about my disfigurement,” I say, rising from the chair. “This town doesn’t have to know I’m a mutant.”
“Tyler!”
I’m out the door before he can follow. I walk away from the firehouse easily, even smiling at one of the firemen on my way out. I try not to let Dad get to me. I don’t lose sleep over his inability to accept my fractured body.
It just is.
CLAIRE
“So, what do you think his deal is?” McKenzie asks me after Tyler leaves Pamela’s. “I’m not sure I’d label him pretentious anymore.”
“I don’t know… shy? Plus it’s his first day, and he has an ex. Maybe he just has a guarded heart.”
“Yeah… the ex. Nina kind of filled me in on her interrogation of him in chemistry.”
“Not surprising.”
“Well, that’s just Nina, but I’d like to meet the girl that broke up with him,” McKenzie says, craning her head at the window as if Tyler is going to suddenly reappear. “She can’t be in her right mind.”
I shrug. “Who knows? Maybe he dumped her or it was mutual with him moving away and all.”
She pulls away from the window. “You don’t seem all that interested. I mean, if I was single, I’d be pulling out every last stop for cute, mysterious new guy.”
I shake my head. “I’m a lot more worried about Kate right now than I am about the mystery surrounding Tyler.” That’s true, but I’m definitely downplaying my interest in his story.
Between the Girls (The Basin Lake Series Book 3) Page 5
