She still doesn’t like to talk about her condition, about her inability to have kids in the future, and I don’t press her, just like I don’t press Tyler. He and I had gone swimming one more time on another unseasonably warm day, and it went well, probably because neither of us tried anything, and I didn’t ask Tyler about his scars. We just had fun, swimming together and being whatever it was we are, not quite a couple but more than just friends. I think we could be even more if he wasn’t still hung up on Laney or if he’d let me in on how he got his scars. But if I wasn’t going to push him before, I certainly won’t on a night like tonight, which is about letting lose and having some well-earned fun.
The gym is decorated for fall with leaf cutouts, pumpkins, a few bales of hay and an old carriage that I think might still be used for hayrides. There are bright, bulb-shaped yellow lights strung all around the walls and country music playing overhead. It’s all basically okay, status quo for dances at BLH, but I’m starting to think if they’d let Nina run things, it might have turned out a lot more interesting.
Once we all find a place to sort of congregate while we decide what to do next, Tyler leans into me. “I usually stayed away from dances back home,” he says. “Seemed more fun to be antisocial.”
“Really? Is being antisocial really that much fun?”
He laughs. “Let’s just say it can be a hell of a lot less stressful sometimes.”
It’s hard not to nod in understanding, especially when I think of the near breakdown Nina had about her dress. “Maybe I just go to them because I figure once I’m in college, I’ll have a nonexistent social life, but I guess I kind of like dressing up too.”
“I’m all for that, the you dressing up part,” he says, giving me just the kind of smile that compels me to drag him out on the dance floor.
“Dancing is also one of those things I should probably get my fill of,” I tell him once we’re in the middle of the gym, a small number of people actually dancing to the sappy country song playing overhead.
“I don’t like dancing,” he tells me, “but I’m making an exception for you.”
He holds onto my waist, and the weight of his hands and the warmth that radiates through me because of them is intoxicating. I drag my palms over his strong shoulders before I drape my arms over him. I’m not sure anyone would classify what we’re doing as actual dancing—it’s a lot more like shuffling—but I couldn’t care less because we’re close, and that’s all that matters to me.
“I could get used to this.” His voice is deep, serious even, and I can tell he’s a fan of our proximity as well.
“We’ve still got the spring fling and prom to look forward to, so you’ll get your chance.”
“Will I have to wear a bowtie to those too?”
“Hey, the bowtie was your choice,” I tease. “And you look really cute in it. I’m surprised your girlfriend never forced you to any of these.” I mention Laney in the way you mention someone when you don’t want it to seem like you’re intimidated by them, but I kind of am, if I’m being honest.
“Well, I didn’t say I never went, just I didn’t like to,” he says quietly. “She and I weren’t really together long enough to go to more than a couple. And before that, there was no girlfriend, at least not any serious ones.”
I don’t answer that right away because of how unnerved I am at his mention of Laney, which is weird considering I was the one to bring her up. The thing that I want to say, that is at the very tip of my tongue, is that I’m glad he and Laney weren’t together long because maybe that means the feelings I know he still has for her will eventually fade. But that’s not what I say.
“It’s better that way. I mean, getting too serious in high school can wreak tons of havoc.”
“Oh?”
Shit. I look up at him and bite my lip. “I didn’t mean to us… if there is an us… I mean, I think there is, but…” I sigh and shake my head. “You know what I mean, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I think I do.” He laughs gently.
To this point, there’s been no proper definition of our relationship. I assume we’re dating, but neither of us has pressured the other to make it completely clear. And are you really dating someone if you haven’t even kissed them? And what would I do if Tyler confirmed that he doesn’t only just have feelings for his ex but that he’s stuck on her. Considering how much I’ve grown to care about him, I’m not sure how I’d handle that. It would definitely mess with my head and screw up my focus.
“We could probably do this in a corner or something,” Tyler says, looking down at me and smiling.
“A corner?” I let out a giggle. “What do you mean?”
“Well, we aren’t really dancing, and maybe we’d be better off somewhere more… private?” His eyebrows lift.
“Private. Okay.”
I take his hand and follow him past the other dancing couples, in between tables and beyond the gaze of our chaperones, Mrs. Timmons and Mr. Turner—thank god Mom didn’t sign up to be one too. We head to the darkest corner in the entire gym, the string lights casting only a faint glow on us.
“This is good,” he says, putting the weight of his hands on my hips again, pulling me close, and finally kissing me.
Our first kiss.
An amazing kiss.
His lips are full and soft, and having them opening and closing over mine makes me feel weightless. I hold my hands up against his chest for balance, my tummy fluttering, my nerves awakening and my body aching for him. This isn’t anything at all like the almost kiss I’d gotten from him at the lake, but something so real where I can actually taste the fresh mint of his breath.
When he eases his tongue into my mouth, I grab hold of the material of his shirt and step up, even with heels, onto my tiptoes. He unlocks something in me that I’ve been missing, a deep yearning in my belly, something so incredibly different from anything I’d ever felt with Austin.
His eyes are heavy and a little lustful when we part, his forehead touching mine. “I really like this.”
I’m breathless.
“We could go somewhere… after,” I offer, thinking of the lake and his Jeep, how we could sit close to one another and look across the water at the twinkling lights of the rental cabins and mini-resorts.
Or maybe more.
“Yeah, I think I’d like that,” he says, nervous excitement in his voice. “And, Claire… I think I’d like to tell you some stuff… about my past?”
“Really?”
He nods. “Yeah, definitely.”
The idea that he’d trust me enough to talk about something he obviously holds very close makes me feel special.
“Whatever you want to tell me is fine,” I assure him.
“Okay.” His eyes are wide, and there’s this buzz about him, an excited happiness I decide.
I begin to lean back into him again, to take in the masculine scent of the light body spray he’d applied, to feel the firmness of his body against mine, to just be with him and let it sink in that he and I are at the dawn of something incredible.
But a tap to my shoulder pulls me out of my moment with Tyler.
“You don’t even want to know who just got here,” McKenzie says, moving to my side and inching Tyler out.
“Who? Oh…” Making a quarter turn, I see Austin waltzing through the gym with a few of the guys from the football team and some senior girls. Having not seen him when we’d first arrived, I’d been hopeful he wouldn’t show.
“And he’s drunk,” James says, appearing behind McKenzie.
“He won’t bother us. We’ve got an understanding.” I say this with vehemence, as if it will make it true for him too, but when Austin left my house the night of the dinner at Tyler’s, he didn’t seem ready to give up on us.
I don’t even need to look at Tyler to know his state of mind—I can almost feel the heat of anger emanating from him. When I do finally peek, he’s silently fuming, his body tense, his hands stretching out, then balling into fists l
ike he’s preparing a preemptive attack on Austin’s face.
“Shit, Claire. I don’t think Austin is as understanding as you think,” McKenzie notes as he saunters his way over here.
“Who the fuck even let him in?” Nina adds to the chorus, she and Nick now having arrived to the corner that is no longer private.
“Yeah, considering I can smell his breath from here, not sure how he got past the door,” Nick says.
Austin is more stumbling than sauntering as he gets closer. His inebriation is obvious, and before he can reach me, Tyler steps forward, putting his body in front of mine.
“I need to talk to her,” Austin slurs from the other side of Tyler. “I just want to talk.”
“That’s not going to happen.” Tyler stands his ground, straightening his posture as much as possible to eat up the inch or so Austin has on him.
“When the fuck did you become her guardian, you fucking pussy? You got a vagina between your legs or something?” Austin takes a step forward, and I ease past Tyler and grab onto Austin’s arm.
“Just stop, Austin. You’re making an ass of yourself.”
“Oh, am I?” He lets out a short laugh before placing his hand over mine and then tugging me along, trying to lead me away from Tyler.
“Let go of her!” Tyler orders, which even with all of the music and noise, garners the attention of Mr. Turner who starts to come toward us.
“You want me to let go?” Austin asks me. “Is that what you really want?” His eyes are red, but I read them as sad, not angry.
Is he crying?
I have no idea what to say. I’ve already unloaded everything in my arsenal on him. What can I do but just repeat that I want him to leave me alone?
“You don’t touch a girl like that,” Tyler snarls, grabbing at Austin’s arm.
In an instant, Austin lets go of me and then swings his fist at Tyler. He misses, but Tyler doesn’t when he pulls his arm back and lands a heavy blow to Austin’s jaw.
“What the hell is going on here?” Mr. Turner asks, even though it’s clear a fight has just broken out.
Nick tells Tyler, “Not worth it.”
James adds, “You’ll get expelled.”
But Tyler just keeps going after Austin until Nick, James, Mr. Turner and another guy finally jump into action and pull him off. It takes them all to do it—he’s just that strong, just that angry.
And I’m horrified at the rage in Tyler’s eyes—I can’t help but imagine that anger goes beyond just he and I and the threat Austin poses to our relationship. It’s quite frankly a little scary, and when he looks over to me, still being held back by Nick and James, I don’t move toward him. I turn away, unsure of how I should react to what he just did, and in doing so I find myself facing Austin.
“What the actual fuck?” Nina is next to me, her arms crossed. She’s talking about Austin, about the spectacle he’s causing, not because of his display of violence but because Austin is crying uncontrollably, in big giant sobs that I have no clue what to do with.
“What’s wrong with him?” I know I should be focusing on Tyler, but I can’t look away from the apparent breakdown my ex-boyfriend is having.
“He’s being a fucking douche is what he’s doing,” she sneers. “What the hell did you ever see in him, Claire?”
He was my first. For good or for bad, he was, and I thought maybe I loved him once upon a time. I know that’s not true now, but it doesn’t stop me from going to him and forcing him to look up at me.
“We need to finish this,” I tell him, getting this sense that I’ve missed something about him, something deeper, and if we can just talk it out one final time, then we can finally be over… for good.
He nods while he’s pretty much choking on his tears.
As conflicted as I am about what Tyler did tonight, I turn to tell him I need to do this and that we can still have that talk he promised afterward.
But he’s gone.
“Where is he?” I ask anyone who is listening, not understanding how he could disappear in just a matter of seconds.
“He left,” McKenzie says, crossing her arms and looking at Austin with disgust. “Maybe you should go after him?”
“I… well, Austin needs closure,” I say, still looking around the gym for Tyler, a little unsure if I’m doing the right thing.
“Just fucking… leave… if that’s what you want,” Austin gets out between his ugly tears.
“Oh, Jesus, Claire… what a mess,” McKenzie says.
“Clean up on aisle pathetic ex,” Nina adds in.
“I have to deal with him, now or never,” I whisper to McKenzie and Nina. “Can you guys track Tyler down? Can you tell him I’ll call him later?”
McKenzie shakes her head. “I don’t like this.”
“You never liked me period,” Austin mumbles, overhearing us.
“Please? I’ll be okay.”
“Come on McKenzie,” Nina says, taking her arm. “As much as I love a good train wreck, we don’t want to see this one play out.”
I give McKenzie one last nod before she and Nina leave the scene. And as they do, I finally see just how many other people had been watching, a crowd of my peers, including my littler sister, just dispersing from having gathered around a sobbing Austin and an angered Tyler who is now gone. When I lock eyes with Kate, she looks at me with what I think is disappointment before turning and walking away with her date.
“We can talk outside,” I tell Austin, setting my hand on his slumped shoulder, his friends having all deserted him.
“Yeah… okay.” His drunken sobs have at least dissipated, but he’s still sniveling like a child.
James and Nick reappear as I’m leading Austin outside.
“Did you see Tyler? Is he okay?” I ask, wanting to be sure.
“He left—he was pissed,” Nick says, “but I made sure he was okay… you know, he wasn’t going to drive off any cliffs or anything.”
“Well, do you know where he went?” Nick talking about driving off cliffs isn’t doing much to ease my concern.
“Fuck, just go after him,” Austin says. “I know that’s what you want to do.”
“You have no idea what I want to do,” I snap at Austin who shuts down as though I’d just slapped him.
“I don’t think he really wants to see you anyway,” James tells me. “Just give the guy some time to blow off some steam, okay?”
He doesn’t want to see me? After considering and reconsidering this, I follow James’ advice. I’ve gotten this far with Tyler by not pushing him too far or too hard, and I don’t want to start now. Maybe we both need a night apart so that when we talk again, we’ll both have clearer heads.
“Come on,” I tell Austin. “Let’s go and talk.”
Nick and James insist on waiting by the door to keep an eye on things while I lead Austin over to a bench outside the gym, and their presence adds to my peace of mind. The night is getting colder, and when we sit, Austin doesn’t offer me anything to put over my shoulders the way Tyler had on his deck. And just that small thing makes me ache for Tyler, makes me wish Austin could figure his own damn life out.
“You have to stop this,” I tell him as he’s hunched over, his face buried in his hands. “It’s getting scary actually… like, I’m starting to be afraid of you.”
“Of me?” He lifts his head up, looking like a sad little boy instead of a big football player. “Your little boyfriend is the violent one, not me.”
“You started it, Austin. He’s only reacting to your threats.”
He lets out an anguished sigh. “I fucking hate seeing you with him. He’s a little pussy, Claire.”
A strange thing to say considering Tyler could have taken Austin down tonight.
“And you’re basing all this on the fact he doesn’t play football, that he’s not in PE? That’s pretty lame, Austin.”
“I just don’t like the looks of him. It’s like he’s hiding shit… or he thinks he’s better than me, smarter
than me.”
Kids in middle school are smarter than Austin, but I don’t dare come back with that. “So, why do you care so much? If you don’t like the looks of him, then just ignore him.”
“I can’t ignore a guy who’s trying to fuck you, Claire. Shit, I fucking love you! Don’t you realize that?” His eyes are pleading. “I’m a complete and total fuck up. You think that I’m not aware everyone thinks my brain is defective? I couldn’t even graduate high school on time.”
I don’t want to hear about him loving me, mostly because I don’t think it’s actually true.
“But you’re working toward it now,” I encourage. “You’ll graduate in January. Just focus on that.”
“And then what?” He looks at me like I’m crazy to think he should be happy about that. “I fix cars the rest of my life? I’m not a good enough player to get a scholarship. And you dumped me, and you were the only really good thing in my life. You’ve got your shit together, and me… I’m just lost.”
“That’s not fair,” I tell him clearly. “If you’d loved me the way you’re making it seem now, you wouldn’t have let me go. You would have paid attention to me and what I needed from you, and you wouldn’t have moved on so quickly.”
“I was just pissed,” he says, the intensity in his voice beginning to crumble.
I shake my head and force him to look at me. “No… that’s not true. Whatever is going on in your head is about you, not about us, and us being together again isn’t going to fix it. You can’t put that kind of pressure on me—it’s not up to me to fix your life.”
“It would help,” he says, sniffling. “It would be nice to have someone pushing me to do the right things.”
“That’s what guidance counselors are for, not girlfriends.”
“You’re positive there’s no chance for us again?” His eyes are slowly becoming less sad, like he’s in the beginning stages of acceptance. He’s hanging on, but ready to let go I think.
“I’m positive.”
“You in love with that other guy?”
“His name is Tyler.”
“Yeah… well, are you?”
Between the Girls (The Basin Lake Series Book 3) Page 17
