She felt Olivia’s hand on her arm, offering much-needed comfort.
“I was at the end of the rope—a good thirty feet away. When my head cleared a bit, I yelled at Bailey to hold on. I told her I was coming to get her. I asked her to wait for me. When she looked down at me, I could see the fear in her eyes. She told me to hurry.”
Sam remembered the sudden rush of adrenaline that had surged through her battered body.
“I’ve never climbed so fast in my life. But I wasn’t fast enough. The ice cracked again and she started to fall. Even though it took only a few seconds for her to pass me, it seemed to take an eternity.”
Olivia gripped her arm tighter. Sam could feel Olivia’s strength flowing into her, easing the heavy burden her heart continued to carry.
“I dug my feet into the ice and reached for her. I knew my ice axe wouldn’t support our combined body weight for long, but all I needed was a minute or two. Time enough for Bailey to find purchase. I held my hand out to her. She lunged for me. Her fingers brushed against mine, but I couldn’t get close enough to latch on to her. The rope was out of reach as well. I’ve never prayed so hard to be just a couple of inches taller. My prayers weren’t answered. One second, Bailey was above me. The next, she was below me and falling fast. When I knew I couldn’t stop her fall, I held on and waited for her weight to pull the rope taut. I waited for her to find her way back on the mountain or pull me off with her. The tug never came. Because Bailey did something remarkable. Before the rope played out, she reached for the carabiner attached to the belay loop on her climbing harness. I screamed at her to stop, but she didn’t.”
“No,” Olivia whispered in the dark.
“She told me she loved me, then severed the connection between us. It was twenty-seven hundred feet to the bottom of the canyon. My screams followed her the whole way down, preventing me from hearing the sickening thud when her body hit the ground. I was tempted to take the same route she did and follow her down, but I wasn’t brave enough to do it. I managed to descend low enough to catch the cable car. By the time I reached the bottom of the canyon, officials from the mountain rescue station had already recovered her body. Through my tears, I had to identify her remains.”
“I can’t imagine having to do something like that alone so far from home. So far from the ones you love.”
“But I was with the one I loved the most,” Sam said. “I had to do it. For her. I still can’t get over the look on her face. She was scared when she slipped—anyone would have been—but when she unclipped herself from the rope, she looked like she was at peace with her decision. She looked the same way at the mountain rescue center when the officials uncovered her face so I could confirm the body they found was hers.”
Sam dried her eyes. She could never tell the story without crying. She was surprised she had made it this far before her tears had begun to flow.
“Calling her parents was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Even though the trip was her idea, her folks blamed me for the accident. Her mother said what happened was my fault. Her father said if I hadn’t met her, she’d still be alive.”
“That’s harsh.”
“They didn’t say anything I hadn’t already said to myself.”
“What happened when you got home?”
“Life as I knew it was over so I tried to begin a new one. I packed my bags and set off with no real destination in mind. I bummed around Mexico for a while, working at bars and tourist hotels until I scraped up enough money to return to Europe. I missed climbing. No matter how hard I tried to stay away, I couldn’t resist the pull. I couldn’t let Mont Blanc beat me. I couldn’t let it beat us. I climbed it with a picture of Bailey in my pocket. When I reached the top, I planned to say good-bye to her. To finally lay her memory to rest. But when I reached the summit, I couldn’t let go. The weight I’d been expecting to fall from my shoulders got heavier instead of lighter. So I kept moving. I kept climbing. Thinking if I just got high enough, I’d find what I was looking for. I’d find peace. I’d find forgiveness. I guess I haven’t gotten high enough yet because I’m still looking for both. Bailey gave her life to save mine. For the longest time, I couldn’t forgive her for it. Then I couldn’t forgive myself. As the stronger climber, I should have taken the lead that day.”
“You hold yourself responsible for what happened? You blame yourself for Bailey’s death?”
“She loved me enough to make the ultimate sacrifice. If I had protected her as well as she protected me, she’d still be alive.”
Olivia had listened mostly in silence while Sam unraveled the mystery of her past, but she could remain silent no longer.
“We may seem different, but you and I have something in common. We are who we are because of who we’ve lost and the way we’ve lost them. What happened to Bailey wasn’t your fault. You refer to it as an accident—unconsciously or not—because that’s what it was. A terrible, unfortunate accident.” She tried to keep her voice gentle. Sam needed understanding, not criticism. “Yes, there are things you could have done. There are also things she could have done. But it’s too late to ask yourself ‘What if?’ Bailey’s gone. Not because of what you did or didn’t do, but because accidents happen. No matter how well you might prepare for any eventuality, accidents happen.”
Sam sniffled. Olivia needed to see her face. This wasn’t the kind of conversation you conducted under the cover of darkness. It was the kind of conversation you had while looking into each other’s eyes.
She fumbled for the lantern. She turned it on its lowest setting and squinted as the feeble light chased away the gloom.
Tears glistened on Sam’s cheeks. When Sam moved to wipe them away, Olivia grabbed her hand. “You’ve shared so much with me today. Don’t hide now.” She touched a faint scar on the back of Sam’s left hand. She wished she could do the same to the one on Sam’s heart. “I don’t want to hurt you, Sam. I just want to be your friend. Let me see you. All of you.”
“I’ve already bared my soul to you,” Sam said miserably. “What’s left?”
“Your heart.”
Olivia watched Sam’s defensive shields slide back into place. “I can’t share what isn’t mine to give.”
Chapter Seven
Sam woke in a panic. It took her several minutes to realize what was wrong. Last night was the first time in years she hadn’t dreamed about Bailey. She had slept fitfully, but her mind had been filled with images from the current expedition not one from her past. Had she finally put Mont Blanc behind her? If so, she had Olivia Bradshaw to thank.
She propped herself up on her elbows and regarded Olivia’s sleeping form. Olivia looked so peaceful Sam didn’t want to rouse her. From here on out, the climb would be about pain. Experiencing it, accepting it, managing it, overcoming it, or giving in to it. Sam wanted to spare Olivia from that reality for a few more precious moments. But Olivia had signed up for this. She knew what she was in for. She seemed eager—almost too eager—to face the challenge. Was she trying to prove something to herself or someone else?
Sam placed her hand on Olivia’s shoulder and gently shook her. “Rise and shine.”
Olivia stirred and stretched, her beautiful face drawn into a weary frown. “Is it time?” she asked, shielding her eyes from the glare of Sam’s headlamp.
“We’ve got an hour to clean up and grab something to eat before we head out. I’m taking breakfast orders. What would you like?”
“Steak and eggs, a loaf of French bread, and a pitcher of mimosas would be nice, but I’ll settle for whatever you have.”
“One MRE coming up.”
Olivia crawled out of her sleeping bag. “Dibs on the shower,” she said with a mouth-stretching yawn.
Sam laughed despite herself. The joke never got old, no matter how many times she heard it. And she’d heard it plenty. Neither she nor Olivia had seen indoor plumbing in weeks. They wouldn’t see any for at least another month. Sam couldn’t wait to feel hot water sliding over her ski
n. For a brief moment, she allowed herself to imagine Olivia’s hands doing the same.
She tried to concentrate on something considerably less exciting like deciding which MRE to make for breakfast, but Olivia’s suggestion of steak and eggs sounded much more appetizing than any of the selections she had to choose from. Her stomach growled in agreement.
Olivia rolled up her sleeping bag and rummaged through her backpack. She cleaned her face with no-rinse wipes and washed her hair with waterless shampoo. She combed her tangled locks as best she could without a mirror. Then she put on her helmet and buckled it under her chin. She shined her headlamp against the far wall of the tent to test the strength of the beam.
Sam was impressed by Olivia’s meticulous preparations. If only she could convince her to be as thoughtful on the mountain. Sometimes she watched Olivia climb with her heart in her throat. Olivia’s boundless enthusiasm was refreshing but nerve-wracking, too. Especially when she reminded her of Bailey.
Olivia slowly turned to look at her. Her eyes were clouded with concern. “Is something wrong?”
Sam’s mouth went dry. She wanted to voice her concerns, but she didn’t know how to put them into words without shaking Olivia’s confidence. Out here, there was no room for doubt.
“Are you okay?” Olivia dropped the equipment in her hands and rushed over to her.
Sam nodded. “I’m fine. I just—I wanted to—” She felt rattled. Unsure of herself. When she finally found her footing, she held Olivia’s face in her hands and impulsively pressed her lips to hers.
Olivia inhaled sharply. Her body stiffened. Her hands fluttered at her sides as if she didn’t know where to place them. They eventually landed on Sam’s hips, resting as lightly as butterflies on a flower petal.
Slowly, Olivia’s body relaxed. Her lips parted. Sam wanted to explore Olivia’s mouth with her tongue. She wanted to undress her. Lay her down on the air mattress and feel her body respond to hers. Fighting to regain control, she broke the kiss before it deepened.
“I just wanted to say thank you.”
Olivia swayed, suddenly unsteady on her feet. She tightened her grip on Sam’s waist. “You’re welcome.”
Sam stroked Olivia’s cheeks with her thumbs, then turned and walked away. She had a job to do. And her job description didn’t include getting Olivia Bradshaw naked.
*
Olivia spent most of the morning leg lost in thought. She spent it replaying the kiss. She could still feel Sam’s warm lips sliding against hers. Feel her muscular hips curving under her fingers.
After Sam rebuffed her advances the night before they began their ascent, Olivia had promised to keep her hands to herself. She had sworn the next move—if it came—would be Sam’s. Had Sam made her play or was she reading too much into the situation?
Sometimes a thank-you is just a thank-you.
She tried to remain clinical. If she inserted logic and removed emotion, she’d be less likely to do something she might regret.
Yesterday was an emotional day from beginning to end. She needed contact. So did I. The kiss was just that. A kiss. Not an invitation to fly off to the nearest progressive state and get married.
She ran a gloved hand over her lips.
If it didn’t mean anything, why am I counting the minutes until I can do it again?
She gave herself a firm shake to remind herself to stay in the present. If she allowed her mind to wander, she could end up battered and broken at the bottom of a ravine. She could end up like Sanath. She could end up like Bailey.
If worst came to worst, who besides her mother, Chance, and Gigi would mourn her loss? She had a large number of acquaintances, but she could count the number of her friends—real friends—on one hand. As for lovers, the last real relationship she’d had was so long ago it was nothing but a distant memory. In many ways, she had lived a rich, full life. Only now was she beginning to realize how much was missing.
“Okay back there, Doc?” Sam asked.
They’d been climbing for five hours with another three hours to go. Olivia’s legs got heavier with each step, her breathing more labored. She was in the best shape of her life, but the eight-hour hike was kicking her ass. Sam looked like she could climb all day. How had she developed such endless reserves? Was she this indefatigable in bed, too?
“I was just wondering if you had received any updates from Rae or the others.”
“I was waiting for the sun to come up before I hailed Rae.” Sam checked her watch. “It’s after nine. I shouldn’t be disturbing her beauty sleep if I call her now.” She keyed the radio microphone three times in rapid succession, sending quick bursts of static to the base camp receiver. “Hey, Rae, you got your ears on?”
“They’re on,” Rae said after a moment’s pause. “What can I do you for?”
“We got some weather at Camp Two yesterday. How does it look between Three and Four?”
“The satellite imagery I have is about an hour old. Hold on a tick while I see if I can find something more recent. Here we go. I hope you’re wearing your long janes. Temps in the upper forties, wind chill in the lower thirties, and about four feet of hard-packed snow are waiting for you.”
Olivia examined the clear blue sky. The air temperature was above freezing and there was very little cloud cover between the ground and the harsh beams of the bright sun. If this kept up, it wouldn’t be long before the snow on the lower elevations turned to mush.
Hopefully, we’ll be safe and warm with our bellies full of food by then. She laughed softly. Who knew MREs could be so addictive?
“No snow melt to speak of?” Sam asked.
“Nope. Not yet, anyway, but I wouldn’t let my guard down if I were you. A section could decide to let go at any time. Then it’s hold your horses and look out below.”
“Roger that.”
Olivia remembered watching footage of avalanches during one of her high school science classes. She had gasped when she’d seen the raging river of snow take out everything in its path. The destructive power of Mother Nature had taken her breath away. She wasn’t eager to witness that power firsthand.
She adjusted her sunglasses. Even though she was wearing polarized lenses, the sun’s glare off the pristine snow was nearly blinding. She peered up at the mountain. Wisps of what looked like smoke drifted toward the sky. If they were that close to camp, shouldn’t they have made contact with the others by now?
Her cell phone buzzed twice, alerting her she had a message of some kind. She fished the phone out of her pocket and looked at the display. The text message icon glowed brightly on the bottom of the screen. She thumbed over to it. A lengthy message appeared below Gigi’s cell phone number.
Almost home. Waiting 2 board flight from Newark 2 Denver. Mob scene @ airport. Someone tipped press 2 R arrival. C’s agent working OT. Already scheduled interviews w/all major networks & lined up slew of new endorsements. Will need ur help keeping C’s ego in check after commercials air. LOL. Call us when u reach the top. We’re rooting for u. Stay safe.
Olivia removed her gloves and held them between her teeth so she could type a quick reply. She was relieved to hear Chance was back on his feet and making the rounds. The guilt she had felt when he had been forced to leave before reaching the summit began to dissipate. Now she could stop worrying about him and concentrate on the task at hand: conquering the mountain that had defeated so many.
She was determined to become Annapurna I’s victor, not another of its victims.
*
Sam was worried. She hadn’t been able to reach Pasang on the radio all morning. Her first effort, shortly after her conversation with Rae, might have been too early. With nowhere to go and nothing to do, Pasang, Marie-Eve, and Peter might have been sleeping in. She had waited two hours before trying again. Neither the second nor the third time had proven to be the charm. Now it was nearly noon with still no word. She hadn’t voiced her fears, but Jimmy, as usual, seemed to read her mind.
“Maybe the radio
batteries died,” he said with a shrug after her latest failed attempt. “With me away from home so often, my son has always acted older than his age. I wish it wasn’t in the middle of a climb, but he’s entitled to be irresponsible every now and then.” He gave a half-hearted laugh. “He’s probably sitting around having too much fun with people his own age to remember he’s being paid to look after them, not party with them.”
Sam hoped he was right. She hoped the feeling in her gut was wrong. She hoped Marie-Eve was teaching Pasang how to roll blunts and tell bawdy jokes. She hoped Peter was giving him the kind of attention he didn’t often receive in the far reaches of Nepal. She hoped he wasn’t, as she suspected, in over his head.
“I asked him to babysit,” she said under her breath. “I asked him to keep an eye on things. How hard can that be?” Staring up at the large white flakes that continued to fall from the sky, she answered her own question. “Harder than it looks.”
She trained her binoculars toward Camp Three and slowly spun the focus wheel to adjust the magnification. From a distance, the camp looked deserted. The only movement she detected came from the multicolored tents flapping in the wind.
Where was everyone?
Her heart rate quickened when she heard an ominous rumble. The ground shook. She spread her arms and bent her knees to maintain her balance.
Olivia mirrored her stance. “Is it an earthquake?”
“Worse.” Sam took a quick look with the binoculars. “It’s an avalanche. And it’s bearing down fast.”
*
“Tie on!” Sam shouted twice, once in English and once in Nepali.
As Jimmy quickly unspooled a long length of robe, Sam pushed a nearby boulder to test its stability. The jagged rock didn’t budge. Olivia judged it to be about six feet tall with a weight of close to twenty tons. Sam shoved her toward the massive stone.
“This will anchor you. Wrap your arms around it and hold on as tight as you can.”
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