Sam nodded that she understood. Olivia held the hockey puck in front of her while she, Marie-Eve, Peter, Pasang, Jimmy, and Lhakpa smiled for the camera. Jimmy wrapped a proud arm around Pasang’s shoulders.
Sam took four quick shots. “Do you want to check out the pictures to make sure I didn’t screw something up?”
“I’m sure they’re fine, thank you.”
Sam scanned the horizon. The bright blue sky was slowly being encroached by thick gray clouds. “You’ve got thirty more minutes before we have to descend,” she said, returning the camera. “Enjoy every second.”
Olivia heeded her advice. Instead of planning what was to come next, she took time to enjoy what was happening right now. She reflected on what it took to arrive at this moment and the people who had helped to get her here.
She stood with Sam, Jimmy, Lhakpa, Marie-Eve, Peter, and Pasang and enjoyed the present. The future could wait.
*
Sam watched Olivia’s team begin to head down the mountain, taking their first steps back to the lives they had left behind. Another successful climb was almost in the books. All she needed to do now was get everyone back to BC and on the chopper to Kathmandu. Then she could light up a celebratory cigar and enjoy some down time before she began to prepare for the next trip when she’d man the radio in BC and Rae would act as guide. This trip had had its ups and downs, but at least they were able to finish on a high. Half of the team had made it to the summit and everyone had made it out alive. She couldn’t ask for more.
She allowed Lhakpa the honor of leading the descent. He was a hard worker who did his job well and without complaint. He had earned his moment in the sun. She took his place at the rear of the pack. The position was an unusual one for her, but a trip this trying needed to be viewed from a different perspective before she could pass final judgment.
After they had descended a few hundred feet, clear of the summit but still well inside the death zone, her lungs began to burn and her legs felt leaden. She was physically and mentally whipped, but this didn’t feel right.
She felt like she wasn’t getting enough air. She checked the gauge on her oxygen canister. According to the reading, she had enough for two more hours. Plenty of time before she needed to reach for a fresh cylinder.
But if the gauge was accurate, why was her head spinning as if the canister had already run dry?
Peter, the closest climber, was nearly fifty feet in front of her and the gap was widening with each laborious step. She needed to change canisters before she lost contact with the rest of the group, but her motor functions were already so impaired she didn’t know if she could manage the feat on her own.
She fumbled for her walkie-talkie and, with a concerted effort, keyed the microphone. Her head swam. Spots swirled on the edges of her vision. She closed her eyes to combat a sudden wave of dizziness.
“Jimmy,” she gasped as her heart pounded in her chest. “I need—”
The walkie-talkie fell from her hands and the ground rose to meet her. Then everything went black.
Chapter Fifteen
When Sam opened her eyes, she was lying on the most beautiful beach she had ever seen. Glossy black sand the color of onyx led to crystal clear water. Stately palm trees swayed in the gentle breeze. Overhead, the cloudless sky was a shade of blue seen only in travel magazines or upscale jewelry stores.
She stood and dusted herself off. Her feet were bare. Her cold weather gear was gone, replaced by a loose-fitting white camp shirt and a matching pair of linen pants rolled up to her calves.
She knew what she was seeing wasn’t real—it was nothing more than an hallucination brought on by altitude and a lack of oxygen—but she could hear the waves crashing against the shore. Feel the warmth of the sun’s rays on her skin.
She knelt and dug her fingers into the sand, grounding herself in the gritty soil. The beach was a perfect replica of one she and Bailey had visited when they had spent their first anniversary in Hawaii. They had vowed to return for their fifth anniversary but hadn’t been given the chance. Mont Blanc had robbed them of the dream.
She turned in a slow circle. The beach was deserted save for herself and one lone figure that slowly approached from the north. The figure was female, tall and lithe with cornflower blond hair that fell past her shoulders. The newcomer walked as if she were keeping time with music only she could hear. Sam would recognize that walk anywhere. She used to tease its owner about it endlessly.
“Bailey.”
Bailey was as beautiful as she remembered. She was wearing a pair of bright yellow flip-flops, denim cutoffs, and her favorite T-shirt. The red one with Life is Sweet emblazoned on the front. She raised a hand in greeting. “Long time no see,” she said with a grin before kicking off her shoes and breaking into a run.
Sam sprinted toward her and swept her into her arms. Twelve years had passed since they had been together this way. Twelve long years that had felt like an eternity. Sam had spent countless hours longing for one last kiss. One last hug. Mercifully, she had been granted a second chance. A last chance to say good-bye.
“I never thought I’d be able to hold you like this again,” she said, fighting back tears. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Bailey caressed her face as if she were committing every feature to memory. “I’ve missed you, too.”
They hugged again, squeezing the breath out of each other’s bodies. When they broke free, Sam looked around at the tropical paradise in which they found themselves. “Is this heaven?”
“Your idea of it, yes.” Bailey’s expression turned serious. “But you shouldn’t be here. It isn’t your time.”
“Then why am I here?”
“I think you know the answer as well as I do. You came to do what you couldn’t do when you went back to Mont Blanc. You came to say good-bye.” Bailey held Sam’s hands in hers. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”
Sam immediately thought of Olivia. The woman whose recklessness went in the face of her desire for caution and whose beauty made her weak in the knees. “How did you know?”
“One of the perks of being in my position,” Bailey said with a familiar self-effacing grin. “You’re starting to care about her, but you’re afraid admitting you’re developing feelings for her would mean denying your love for me. Nothing could be further from the truth. I know you love me, Sam. I feel it every day.”
Sam felt an unwanted recurrence of the guilt that often threatened to overwhelm her. “I’m so sorry about what happened. If I could turn back the clock, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
Bailey touched her fingers to Sam’s lips. “None of that. I don’t blame you for what happened. You shouldn’t blame yourself. Mont Blanc is over. Don’t let one day define our lives.”
Sam was reminded of something Olivia had said the night she had told her about Mont Blanc. We are who we are because of who we’ve lost and the way we’ve lost them.
Bailey shook her shoulders as if she were shrugging off unpleasant thoughts. “We don’t have much time. Let’s not waste it dwelling on things we can’t change.”
“The past is the past. You always said that.”
“Because it’s true. The past should be a learning tool not a hindrance. Stop letting it hold you back, Sam. I’ll always be there for you even if I can’t be with you.”
Bailey placed her hand on Sam’s chest. Sam felt the pressure. How could a figment of her imagination feel so real?
“You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. You carry enough love inside you to wrap your arms around the whole world. Don’t keep that love locked away. Let it out.” Bailey placed her hand under Sam’s chin and tilted her face upward. “I know the real reason you’re here. You came to seek my approval to move on with your life.” She smiled reassuringly. “You’ve had my approval ever since the day we met. You don’t need to ask my permission to love again. You need to give it to yourself.”
Bailey’s image shimmered and began to fade. The wi
nd began to howl. Sand stung Sam’s legs, arms, and face. She squinted to keep the fine particles of volcanic lava from getting in her eyes.
“What’s happening?”
“Our time is up.”
Sam shivered as the temperature began to drop. She could see her breath. The black sand began to turn into pristine white snow. The palm trees metamorphosed into mountains.
“It’s time, Sam,” Bailey said as snow began to fall. “You have to go.”
Bailey began to fade even more. Her body was almost transparent now. Sam could see through her to the jagged peaks that were rising in the distance.
“Don’t forget what I said.” Bailey’s voice was nearly lost in the roar of the wind. Sam strained to hear her. “You don’t need my permission. You need yours.”
Then, just like that, Bailey disappeared and Sam found herself alone.
The dream world her mind had created began to fall apart. She could hear someone’s voice calling her name, but she didn’t respond. The voice grew louder, more strident, then gradually began to fade away. Uncertain whether to go or stay, Sam lingered between two worlds—the real one and one of her own creation.
One of her favorite expressions was “Home is where the heart is.” She lay on the snow-covered ground and let her heart decide where it wanted to call home.
Chapter Sixteen
Sam’s lips were blue. Her resps were so shallow Olivia could barely see the rise and fall of her chest. Her pupils were the size of pinpoints.
“Come on, Sam. Come back to me.”
She gently slapped Sam’s cheeks with her gloved hand. Sam’s head rocked from side to side but she didn’t respond. Her eyes remained closed, her features pallid and deathly still. The oxygen in the fresh canister was flowing freely—Olivia had briefly held the mask over her own face to verify there weren’t any issues—but Sam wasn’t coming around.
Olivia sat back on her haunches. Everyone stared at her expectantly but she didn’t have any answers. “I’ve done all I can do. The rest is up to her. Let’s get her back to camp.”
Marie-Eve strapped on Sam’s backpack as Jimmy, Lhakpa, Pasang, and Peter picked up Sam’s limp body and began to carry her down the mountain. Olivia trailed the somber procession. The champagne waiting in Camp Six would have to remain on ice. She doubted anyone would feel like celebrating until Sam opened her eyes. Maybe not even then. Regaining consciousness would be a positive sign, but it wouldn’t mean Sam was completely out of the woods. She could have suffered physical or mental impairment as a result of oxygen deprivation.
No one had seen her fall. Only Jimmy had heard her attempted cry for help. Olivia hadn’t known what to think when he had suddenly turned and run past her with the walkie-talkie pressed to his ear. Then she had looked back and seen Sam lying in the snow.
Sam’s oxygen canister had malfunctioned and her air supply had dwindled to almost nil. By the time Jimmy reached her, the canister was completely empty. Olivia didn’t have any idea how long Sam had been without supplemental oxygen before Jimmy swapped the defective canister for a good one. Her lack of response to stimuli was troubling. If she didn’t come around in the oxygen richer air of Camp Six, they’d need to descend low enough for a chopper to provide medical evac.
Olivia gritted her teeth in frustration. All her years of medical training were useless to her now. Sam’s will to live was the only thing that mattered.
“I hope it’s as strong as she is.”
*
Sam opened her eyes, uncertain how much time had passed. She looked around to get her bearings and tensed up when she realized she was moving. For a brief, heart-stopping moment, she thought she had been swept up in another avalanche while she was unconscious. Then reason slowly returned. She was moving not because the hard-packed snow had given way but because someone was carrying her. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs shrouding her brain.
“She’s awake,” she heard Jimmy say.
“Finally.” Olivia’s voice this time. Her face swam into Sam’s vision. Her voice was muffled by her oxygen mask, but the concern radiating from her eyes came in loud and clear. “Can you hear me?”
Sam’s throat was so dry it hurt to speak. “Yes,” she rasped.
“Can you walk?”
“I think so. Let me try.”
“Take it easy.”
Jimmy, Lhakpa, Pasang, and Peter gently lowered her to the ground, where she stood on legs as shaky as a newborn colt’s. She held on to Jimmy and Lhakpa until she was sure she could move under her own power. “How long was I out?” she asked, trying to buy time until she felt secure enough to attempt to descend.
“Too long,” Marie-Eve said, her face red from the exertion of carrying her own pack as well as Sam’s.
“What happened?” Sam asked.
Jimmy showed her what he suspected was the source of the problem.
“Remind me to ask for a refund from our supplier when we get to Kathmandu.”
Jimmy laughed and clapped her on the back. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”
If only he knew how right he was, she thought.
“How do you feel?” Olivia asked.
“Better than I have in years.”
Physically, she had seen better days. But mentally and emotionally, she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so good. No longer burdened by the yoke of the past, she felt as free as the phoenix tattooed on her back. She was ready to face what the future had in store. And from where she was standing, the future looked awfully bright.
The climb was almost complete, but this moment felt like a beginning not an ending. Not only did she have her life back, she had a chance to start over. She felt so giddy she almost laughed out loud.
Olivia looked at her quizzically. “What’s so funny?”
“A few days ago, I was marveling at what a wonderful rapport you seemed to have with your patients. I never dreamed I was about to become one of them.”
“Not for long. I’ll be turning you over to Dr. Curtis as soon as we return to BC. He wants to check you out before you head down the mountain.”
Sam laughed. “If the mountain didn’t kill me, the truck ride might.”
Jimmy pretended to take offense. “Are you making fun of my driving?”
“The truck might have four-wheel drive, but that doesn’t make it an off-road vehicle, my friend.”
The group laughed and joked easily as they slowly made their way down to Camp Six. Sam drew Olivia aside after they arrived.
“Do you have a minute?”
“Sure.”
Sam led her away from the revelers in camp to a somewhat quieter locale. Olivia braced herself against the side of the mountain. Sam stood with her back to the wind, bearing the brunt of Mother Nature’s onslaught.
“I can’t possibly repay you for what you did for me up there, but I’d like to try. Can I buy you dinner as down payment? If you like Indian food, I live a floor above the best restaurant of its kind in Kathmandu. The Tandoori chicken is out of this world and the rice pudding is so good it will make you want to slap your mother. What do you say?”
She forced herself to stop talking and anxiously waited for Olivia’s reply. She hadn’t been this nervous asking someone for a date since she was a sixteen-year-old baby dyke who had finally realized her crushes on girls weren’t just a developmental phase.
Her heart raced when she saw a flicker of interest in Olivia’s eyes. The same flicker she’d seen the night before the climb began. When she had been too haunted by the past to accept what the present had to offer. But now she was ready. She was finally ready to live again. And, perhaps, to love.
But Olivia’s eyes clouded over and she quickly turned away.
“Dinner sounds wonderful,” she said, even though she seemed to be searching for a way to let Sam down easy, “but I’m afraid I don’t have the time.”
Unwilling to take no for an answer, Sam tried a different tack. “If you’re in a hurry, we can settle
for a couple of beers on your way to the airport.”
Olivia held up her cell phone and swiped her thumb against the screen. Dozens of messages both read and unread streamed across the display. “I’ve been fielding interview requests almost from the moment I set foot on the summit. I’m going to be tied up from the second the chopper lands until my plane leaves on Monday. I’ll barely be able to breathe let alone eat, drink, or sleep. Maybe next time?”
“Sure,” Sam said disconsolately. “Next time.”
But in her heart, she doubted next time would ever come.
Chapter Seventeen
The descent went much faster than Olivia had anticipated. The group arrived in BC nearly an hour early—and with not a minute to spare.
“Can you get the chopper here any faster?” she asked Rae as the first snowflakes began to fall.
“I called them after Sam’s transmission from Camp Two,” Rae said. “They’re already on their way. In fact, they should probably be here any minute.”
“Perfect.”
Olivia checked the sky. The helicopter charter company Sam and Rae relied on employed experienced pilots who were comfortable flying in all sorts of weather conditions. If the wind picked up much more, though, even those top guns would be hard-pressed to make the eighty-eight mile journey to Nepal’s capital.
“How long of a drive is it?”
Rae considered the question. “The roads are winding and most of them are unpaved. The drive normally takes anywhere from five to seven hours to complete. The chopper will arrive in a fraction of that time, though turbulence will probably make the flight just as bumpy. Whether by land or by air, I think everyone will be reaching for the motion sickness pills today.” To illustrate her point, she opened a bottle of Dramamine and dry-swallowed two pills. Then she slipped the slim, round container into her pocket. “I hope the flight crew packed enough barf bags.”
“So do I.”
Everyone gathered around the designated landing zone, where Sam addressed them for the last time. Their backpacks and assorted belongings lay at their feet.
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