And I saw the front of the machine. It wasn’t a tractor, it was a palette lifter.
My chainsaw roared and vibrated, shaking my arm.
I loved that chainsaw. It felt like a natural extension of my body.
And so I stepped over the rubble, on top of it, and ducked through, into the black world.
I was out and I was about to kill someone and I had never felt so alive or so full of blood or so bone-deep fantastic in all my life.
Luna raced out alongside me, barking her head off.
‘Dean!’ I heard Astrid call, her voice muffled. ‘Dean, careful!’
But I didn’t need to be ‘careful’. No. ‘Kind’ and ‘considerate’ were all in my mind. I was in my body now and the body had a strength that puny mind could never wield.
I pushed Dean, the whole personality, right out of my being.
I was the chainsaw now.
I vaulted over the prongs of the loader as it came forward again. The driver saw me coming but he was too slow. Way too slow.
He pulled out a pistol and aimed it at me, but I was moving so fast now.
Whirring, moving, slicing, I pulled him out of the loader and cut right through.
Neckarmtorso. Done.
Then through again. Shearing through torsobellyhip. Done.
Then my hands were wet and the chainsaw was lodged in the man’s pelvis. The motor whined, growing louder and louder. It wanted more.
I pulled and pulled and meanwhile, I heard talking.
Voices.
A boy and a girl.
Something like, Jake? Jake! I came back. You came back? I saw the guy attacking but I was too late. Help me. Dean’s O!
And I thought, Two to kill. Two to kill.
But my chainsaw was still stuck and whining. It was jammed with bone and had bit into the metal and I couldn’t get it out.
I could kill them with my hands, though.
I ROARED and turned.
And then I was felled.
Jake.
He had hit me with something.
A cement block.
And I fell facedown on the ground. There was blood in my mouth and it tasted good.
Now I can kill Jake, I thought.
But then there was rope and he was tying me up.
I strained against the ropes as hard as I could, bucking and fighting. The rope cut into my wrists and ankles.
I bellowed in outrage, my face pressed onto the bloody asphalt.
He started dragging me back into the store, my arms and legs bound behind me.
Facedown on the pavement, I got dragged.
I would kill him. Jake was a dead man.
Then white-sneakered feet came close to my face.
And a gas mask came into view.
It was Astrid.
‘Don’t bite me!’ she shouted through her mask.
‘AAAAARRRRRRGH!’ I shouted.
And she forced an air mask over my face and duct-taped it to my head.
Jake. Jake. Jake. My blood beat the name of the kid I would kill.
10 ALEX
I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT it and I think it would have been better for all of us if Brayden had died on the bus.
Then Sahalia wouldn’t be so mad at Niko, and Niko wouldn’t be so mad at himself.
And Josie.
Well, when Josie wakes up, I think she will be very upset.
But if Brayden had just died, then we could all feel bad or sad or whatever, but get on with it.
Niko napped next to Josie for a while, then Jean made him wake up and give her his clothes to ‘purify’ them. He put on some men’s clothes she had lying around.
Everyone was hungry so we had some trail mix and some cookies and some water. Jean took some and wolfed it down.
The speed at which she ate the cookies let me know that she wasn’t about to share any food with us. It let me know she didn’t have much. Or any.
We went through Niko’s backpack to take stock of what we had.
Of course, he had packed well, so there was a little of everything:
1. 2 40-ounce bottles of water.
2. 1 ½ bags of trail mix.
3. 5 packs of beef jerky.
4. 4 packages of tuna.
5. 8 protein bars.
6. Bandages, Band-Aids, and antibiotic cream.
7. 2 bottles of Benadryl.
8. Assorted foil packs of pills in a plastic bag.
9. 1 gun.
10. ½ box of ammunition.
11. 2 flashlights.
12. 1 long rope.
13. 2 boxes of matches (each in its own plastic bag).
14. 3 pairs of wool socks (This seemed like too much to me, but I didn’t say anything.)
15. 1 rain poncho.
16. 3 candles.
The water was definitely a problem. We would need more. And the food situation was not great either.
Max wanted to eat a protein bar but Niko said absolutely not.
I felt stupid I hadn’t grabbed a bag.
Niko didn’t say anything, but there was a moment when he said, ‘This is all we have? Out of everything on the bus?’
And I felt bad.
He’d packed it so well and now a bunch of mean thugs had it all to themselves.
Sahalia cried herself to sleep. She was curled on one of the banquettes.
Max, Batiste, and Ulysses went and lay down on the bed around Josie. They arranged themselves like puzzle pieces, fitting themselves next to her body as closely as they could. We were safe, but I think they wanted some extra feeling of comfort.
I took the other banquette, which was not comfortable at all, and used my very smoky sweatshirt as a pillow.
I woke up to the sound of arguing. I had missed the start of the argument. I had also missed the moment when Josie woke up, but it must have been quite a shock for her to find us not on the bus and learn she was type O and how Niko had drugged her and then about the cadets and Brayden.
It was Brayden she seemed stuck on.
‘How could you leave him?’ she demanded.
‘Josie, I had a choice. Him or you,’ Niko protested.
‘He’s wounded!’
‘It all happened fast. I didn’t have time to do anything.’
They were standing near the door. Just one candle was lit on the Formica counter, peach-scented, I think, and it gave them a glowing quality. I could just make out their shining silhouettes.
‘After everything you said about not wanting him to die, you left him on a bus with a bunch of strangers?’ she asked softly.
‘I had no choice.’
‘There had to have been a way, Niko!’ Josie said.
I could hear the tears in her voice.
‘Josie. Josie, please,’ Niko pleaded.
Their voices became hushed. I craned my neck up to see. He had her by the arms and had drawn her close to him so their foreheads were touching.
‘I promise I feel just as bad as you do,’ he said.
And then they kissed.
Okay, that was new information.
I guess Niko and Josie were boyfriend/girlfriend now.
‘We have to go after them,’ Josie said.
‘It’s impossible. We have to go on. We have to try to make it to Denver.’
‘But Niko—’
Suddenly he was close to shouting. ‘You’re the one who said we could do this! You said if anyone could get us to Denver it would be me!’
‘And I meant it—’
‘Well, now we’ve got to try,’ Niko said. His voice was flat and gruff, the way it gets when he’s serious. ‘We’ve got maybe two days’ worth of food and water if we really conserve and we’re about 25 miles away. Jean told me she heard there is an Army camp about 10 miles down the road. If we get there, they’ll help us.’
‘What about the others?’ Josie asked. ‘The cadets are headed right for them.’
‘Dean is smart,’ Niko answered. ‘That store is a fortress. He won’t let anyone i
n. And who knows if the cadets will even make it there? Maybe they’ll get ambushed.’
There was hopeful malice in his voice.
I had been thinking along the same lines.
‘So we’re driving, then?’ Josie said. ‘Can we find a car, do you think?’
Niko turned away from Josie and started repacking his backpack.
‘Is that the plan?’
‘No,’ Niko said. ‘I mean, the white stuff. It eats the tyres. That’s why we didn’t see any other cars moving on the road. So unless we can find one that’s been inside this whole time…’
‘We’re going to walk?’ Josie asked. Her voice was hard and incredulous.
‘But don’t worry, Josie, I can carry you.’
‘What?’
‘I’m going to sedate you and carry you. Or look for a wheelbarrow.’
Josie started to laugh.
‘That’s absurd, Niko.’
‘I can do it. I can do whatever it takes to get you to safety, Josie!’ he promised.
She shushed him and then she kissed him, pressing her body to his.
‘If you’re walking, I’m walking,’ she said. ‘I’ll tape the gas mask down or something. I’ll be very, very careful.’
‘No, Josie,’ he protested. ‘It’s not safe—’
She must have stopped him talking by kissing him on the mouth.
Josie whispered something to him. I think it was, ‘I love you,’ because then Niko said, ‘I love you, too.’
I tried to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to be a Peeping Tom or anything and they were making out pretty hard.
‘Josie?’ called Ulysses from the bedroom. ‘Josie!’ Then something in Spanish.
Maybe he was having a nightmare.
She moved to go comfort Ulysses.
‘We’re going to get these kids to safety, Niko,’ she said and I could hear the smile in her voice. ‘We can do it. You and me.’
What about me? I thought to myself.
And then I realized, maybe she was talking about me. Maybe she thought I was just one of the kids.
11 DEAN
AFTER A GOOD, LONG while. The rage receded.
I became aware that I was lying facedown on the linoleum. I tried to move and the pain in my shoulders and quads was unbearable.
I realized I was hog-tied.
Jake had hog-tied me.
I was groggy, and for a moment I just lay there.
Blood from my mouth was sticking my cheek to the inside of the air mask. Slowly I used my tongue to loosen the bond. I felt around in my mouth for broken teeth. There were definitely a couple of teeth missing.
My glasses were gone. Broken, no doubt. Awesome.
I breathed in, taking a good long draw of the moist, clammy air filtered into the mask.
Jake and Astrid came close, arguing.
‘I’m telling you, I was walking around the store. I was going to try the intercom in the back when I heard the noise.’
‘Why were you coming back anyway?’ Astrid asked, her voice muffled through her own air mask.
‘’Cause I missed you. Why do you think? I felt terrible I left that way. I really did.’
‘You probably just came back because you ran out of drugs,’ Astrid hissed.
‘That’s not true.’
They were lifting and fitting the cement blocks back into place.
‘Let’s just fix the wall,’ Astrid said through her mask.
‘Where is everybody?’ Jake asked.
‘Oh, Jake,’ Astrid said, her voice sounding sad. ‘They left. Niko started up the bus and they’re all trying to make it to Denver.’
‘No kiddin’,’ Jake said. ‘I didn’t think he had the huevos to pull something like that.’ He was trying to be jocular, but he sounded exhausted and spent.
I moved my head, shifting my body onto one of my shoulders. The stupid face mask they’d duct-taped to me was cutting into my jaw.
I groaned. The grogginess was wearing off. Listening to Astrid and Jake was bringing me back – mostly because I felt like I was spying on them. I wanted no more of that!
‘You mean it’s just you and Dean?’ Jake asked.
‘I’m awake,’ I said. They didn’t seem to hear.
‘It’s not just me and Dean. Chloe and the twins are here,’ Astrid told him.
‘Well, where are they now?’
‘I told them to lock themselves in the Train,’ Astrid answered.
‘I’m awake,’ I repeated, louder. ‘Can you untie me?’
‘Hey, killer,’ Jake drawled, bending into my field of vision. ‘How you feelin’?’
He nudged me with his foot.
My shoulders were on fire.
‘Untie me!’ I demanded.
‘You gonna behave like a human being? You all done being a monster?’
‘I’m fine,’ I grumbled. ‘And where did you come from, anyway?’
‘I felt bad about the way I left so I was coming back. Then I saw that guy attacking the store. Then I saw you attack the guy. Man, that was something.’
He looked a little green remembering it. But through a face mask, colours are off. I might have been wrong.
‘Lucky I came along when I did,’ he drawled. ‘You might have hurt my girl.’
I turned my face away from him, pressing it to the cold linoleum of the Greenway floor.
He was right.
That felt like the worst thing about everything that had just happened.
I would have hurt her.
He tossed Astrid his pocketknife.
‘Here,’ he said. ‘Why don’t you cut the booker free while I go let the kids out of the Train?’
I craned my neck to watch him go.
But he didn’t head for the Train.
He headed for the Pharmacy.
After she sawed through the ropes, Astrid and I worked on repairing the wall.
She and Jake had put most of the bricks back in place. We were using plumbing caulk to fill between them and to fill the holes where the rocks had crumbled.
It wouldn’t keep anyone out, that was for sure. But it would seal the air out.
Astrid told me that Jake had dragged the body away and then moved the palette loader so that it blocked most of the hole and it wasn’t too visible from outside. She told me the palette loader had had its tyres stripped off and was just rolling on its wheel rims. That seemed weird. Was there some kind of rubber shortage outside?
Jake had also removed the battery from the machine so no one else would be able to use it against us.
I nodded.
That was good. Whatever. We would have to guard the hole, to make sure someone else didn’t just push right through…
It was a mess.
‘We can board it up,’ Astrid said, as if she was reading my mind. ‘We’ll put up plywood. We can make it safe again.’
I could hardly look at her.
I knew she wanted to talk about Jake’s return but I felt wrung out and miserable.
I had killed a man.
I had killed a man.
And I had nearly hurt Astrid.
As for Jake… Well, I was not happy he was back. Not at all.
It was stupid to even think about my chances with Astrid. But with him back, I knew they were down to nil.
And did I mention, I killed a man?
Then Astrid made a weird, choking sound.
I looked at her. She was grabbing her mask.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked.
‘Can’t breathe!’ she gasped. Her eyes were wide and crazed – she was in some kind of panic attack.
She was clawing at her mask, gasping for air.
I dragged her away from the wall, back into the store, into the Home Improvement aisles.
‘Look, it’s okay here!’ I said, gambling that the air would be clean enough – that we’d sealed the leak enough. I ripped my mask off, the tape tearing at my hair and skin. ‘The air’s okay.’
Astrid took off her ma
sk and took in a long, ragged breath. ‘I’m sorry,’ she wheezed. ‘I just started to think about Jake and I felt trapped and then I couldn’t breathe —’
‘It’s okay,’ I said. And before I’d even opened them for her, Astrid was in my arms.
‘Oh, Dean,’ she said, and she looked up at me. ‘I feel bad for him but he’s not the guy for me.’
And God help me, I kissed her.
Her lips on mine felt first as soft as rose petals. Then her lips parted and her mouth was hot and merged with mine. It was, ahhh, the best feeling I had ever felt.
The thing is, it was in me. The type-O aggression. It was there. I could feel myself getting more powerful with every breath, like my blood was growing stronger in my veins. It wasn’t as strong as when I’d been outside, but I could feel the O was gaining force. Suddenly I felt certain that it was going to win and get me under its control, so I tried to push her away from me.
But Astrid Heyman took her two hands and grabbed my head by the hair and brought my face to hers and kissed me.
Her hands were all over me.
My heart – my brain – my soul knew it was wrong.
But my mouth wouldn’t say no and my hands wouldn’t stop touching her. Her back, her belly, her breasts.
My bloodlust wanted her and her bloodlust wanted me just as bad.
So there on the floor of the table linen aisle, we took each other.
It was better than anything I had ever felt, moving in her and through her. My soul and hers exploding inside each other. I don’t know how to describe it. Or if I even should.
We were overcome with madness together. Overcome together.
I’m pretty sure Jake saw us.
In any case, by the time we came to our senses again – by the time we got our clothes back on and our masks back on and by the time I was thinking straight again – he was high.
He had let the kids out of the Train and they were ecstatic that he was back.
They were cooking s’mores over the camp cook stove. I could see the remains of a hot dog and baked beans meal.
Luna sat at his feet, wagging her tail blissfully.
Astrid and I were sweaty and mussed.
We took our masks off as we approached them.
A weird kind of lie, I guess. That we’d had our masks on the whole time. That we hadn’t gone insane and had sex.
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