“I did. I would.”
“But it’s not yours to give. Not this one. It has to be me, doing my damn best to be the man I think might deserve you—not just some bastard who got lucky enough. As it is, it’s almost impossible, but I’ll spend forever trying.”
Well, Ash thought that was totally unnecessary, but it obviously made a difference to him, so much that during his explanation, the determination filling his words seemed to fill his physical form, too, shifting and changing his—
“Oh,” she gasped at the same time his eyes closed, a tortured moan rising from his chest. The feather fell from her suddenly nerveless fingers. “Nicholas, you—I think you shape-shifted. Not much, you just became . . . more.”
Monstrous.
Stretching. Almost painful . . . but not. She sat up and cried out as his cock pushed deeper. Her nails dug into his chest.
His eyes were already shining. His hands moved to her hips, tried to lift her off. “I’m hurting you.”
“You’re not hurting—” She broke off as he managed to slide her up over his length. Ecstasy shot through her veins, sparking new fires. Her inner muscles clamped around him. Her head swam with the unexpected, overwhelming pleasure of it. “Oh, my God. Stop.”
He froze. Already needing more, she pushed down, and his entire body clenched, a groan ripping from him. Trembling, she waited for him to recover.
He looked up at her. She leaned forward, braced her hands, and gave him her wickedest grin.
“So, Guardian. Let’s see just how long you can hold on.”
CHAPTER 19
Nicholas could hold on for a long time, as it turned out. He’d adapted well to his heightened senses, though his glowing eyes and abruptly appearing wings showed the same lack of control that Ash once had.
She’d never experienced Enthrallment, though, and had only sensed it once, when a novice became fixated on the fragrance of baking bread wafting from a sandwich shop near the warehouse. That Guardian’s psychic scent had gone into a long, slow spin—as if he were dizzy, and the bread formed his only remaining anchor.
When it happened to Nicholas, that anchor was the taste of her, as if his world had narrowed down to her flavor against his tongue. Ash held onto him through each searching lick, crying out again and again, and though her body remained strong, inexhaustible, by the time he came back to himself she was wrung out with the ecstasy of it.
Then he lifted his body over hers, pushed deep inside, and wrung her out again.
When they finally emerged from the bedroom, night had long since fallen and the fire had died down, leaving the cabin stone cold. From her rocking chair, Ash watched him lay the kindling in the stove, the lamplight playing over the muscles of his back.
He had gotten bigger. Not in any one direction, but overall taller and wider, and proportioned in exactly the same way. Without anyone standing next to him as comparison, the difference was hard to immediately see. The only evidence of it was in the tighter fit of his pajama pants, the higher hem.
“Unless you figure out how to shape-shift back or make your own clothes in the next few weeks, you’re going to have to buy a new wardrobe.”
“I’ll hire someone.” He reached for the lighter. “So you already have a penthouse in San Francisco?”
“It’s awkward masturbating to my fantasies of you in a warehouse full of Guardians with superhearing,” she said. “So I split my time between training and the penthouse, where I’ve been setting up these accounts that Lilith wants, and taking over your company.”
The icy challenge in the glance he shot her sent a thrill through her blood. “You can try, demon.”
She would. “You’ll be training, too, but I’d love it if you’d work with me on these investments. I could use another eye and another brain, especially at this stage.”
“Is sex included?”
“Yes.”
“That easy? No negotiation?”
“I’ll throw in a lot of sex.”
“Then I’m in.”
Perfect. “It’s almost like training, anyway. Investing and trying to negotiate with a demon both mean a lot of waiting for the right opportunity, making the right queries to discover what they’re not saying or reporting, and deciding whether the high-risk moves are worth the reward.”
“I think the last high-risk move that I made was,” he said softly. The kindling began crackling a moment later, and he stood, regarding her with his serious face. “When the training’s over—thirty or so years, I guess—I’ll probably hand Reticle over to you, start fighting full-time.”
“I know,” she said.
“I won’t leave you, but—”
“I know, Nicholas.” She’d seen the new purpose in him, and his company wouldn’t serve it the same way the money had supported his revenge. “I’ll hold on to it for when you need a cover or any other reason. As long as we’re together, I’m happy. Especially since I plan to own half the world in the next two or three hundred years, but very few people will know. All that matters is that you’re with me, and you’re impressed by my financial acumen.”
“Everything about you astonishes me, Ash.”
“Because you love me.”
“No, because you love me. I’m coming to you a completely different man than you knew before. I shouldn’t expect anything, and you give me forever.”
“That’s what I want, too. Anyway, you’re wrong. You weren’t a man when we met. You were like me—essentially a child in many ways. Maybe a teenager.”
Nicholas shook his head, but she knew he wasn’t disagreeing. He knew himself too well. His life had stopped when he’d decided to pursue his revenge.
“The essentials are the same, though,” she said. “You sought revenge as a way to right the wrongs Madelyn did to you. Yes, you were myopic and obsessive and incredibly paranoid, but there wasn’t any cruelty in you, just as there isn’t now. And I like to think we grew up a bit together, that week we spent here.”
“You are amazing.” He bent and kissed her hard. “And fantasies in the warehouse, really?”
“Only once. What do I care, right? But apparently it makes everyone uncomfortable, so they told me about the spell that can keep anyone from hearing what’s going on inside a room. Did you offend the bears?”
“I didn’t. I don’t.”
“Think about me?” Impossible.
“All the time. But not . . . I can’t.” He turned away, set the lighter on its shelf. “I see Madelyn, walking in on me. Laughing.”
Oh. When he faced her again, his features were washed in red light.
“I’m so glad she’s dead,” Ash said, and he gave a short laugh of agreement. “And that reminds me, I have something for you, thanks to Jake the teleporting Guardian. Straight from a brick oven in New York, to his cache, to my cache, and now to your table—still piping hot. Now you can celebrate the end of Madelyn as you planned.”
The cardboard box appeared in her hands, bringing with it an explosion of scents: cheese, charred crust, tomato, and spices. Nicholas didn’t even allow her time to open the lid. He tossed the box aside, and it slapped against the floorboards. He hauled her out of the chair, his mouth all over hers, sweet possession, gratitude, and wonder filling his kiss.
He let her feet touch the floor again, following her down, his forehead against hers and his breath ragged. “I love you. I don’t deserve you, but I won’t let you go. Ever.”
Another voice answered him—a harmonious voice. “Make sure that you don’t.”
Khavi. Ash whipped around, boomstick coming to her hand. She froze. Khavi stood near the door, and she’d brought a hellhound with her. Not as big as Sir Pup, but it didn’t matter—the venom in Ash’s shotgun shells wouldn’t affect either of them.
Human in appearance except for brown eyes that never appeared so ancient in so young a face, Khavi looked at the pizza box. “Oh, I came just in time. You will be very, very glad not to have eaten first.”
“What do you want
, Khavi?” But Ash feared she knew. Vanishing the boomstick, she said, “If this is about the frozen field, I am not exchanging myself for Michael.”
“I know. Your unwillingness has been noted, and adjustments have been made.” She looked at Nicholas, who watched her warily. “You are finally healed, I see. Strong. And I am very sorry—I intended to wait until your Gift manifested itself naturally, but I cannot any longer. He will pull it from you anyway, just to determine whether you’re useful. When he does, you’ll have to look deep, and see what I cannot.”
“What does that mean?” Nicholas pushed in front of Ash, shielded her. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because I have seen. But it must be done.” Determination replaced the regret in her voice. “You need to call Special Investigations, Nicholas. Now, because you will need their help.”
Dread filled Ash’s chest. “Why?”
“Because I’m taking you both to Hell and giving you to Lucifer.” Khavi sighed when Ash’s crossbow was suddenly in her hand, aimed at the grigori’s face. “No, no. Do not fight. It is no use—I will easily defeat you. I have already seen it.”
Ash staggered, fell to her knees in the hot red sand. The world tilted wildly. God. Her stomach heaved, and she heard Nicholas fighting the same dizzying effects of the teleportation. She drew in a deep breath, almost retched again. The stink. Rotten, burning flesh.
No more breathing. Not here. Just listening, making certain . . .
They were alone for the moment. No heartbeats nearby. Only his.
Nicholas’s arm slid around her. Though still not steady, he lifted her, waited until she planted her feet. “Are you okay?”
No. But there was no other choice to nod. “Next time, we’ll know better than to try fighting a crazy teleporter who can see the future. Are you hurt?”
“She never even touched me, except to bring us here. And—” He broke off. “Ash, look.”
She heard the bleakness in his voice, and didn’t want to turn. In the direction she faced, there was only an endless stretch of red sand, a bruised crimson sky. But she couldn’t pretend. Bracing herself, she turned.
Oh, God. Terror caught her throat, her heart in an icy, clawed grip. They stood at the edge of the frozen field. A few steps away, red sand bled into open mouths and eyes, a frozen carpet of faces locked in ice. So many locked together, with no space between. So many. She couldn’t see the borders on the sides, only Lucifer’s tower rising in the center like an enormous black spear. How long had she stared at that, screaming, screaming? Forever. And they were all there now, screaming, and she knew that there was no other sound, only silence, and just the tortured, endless screaming of the millions trapped—
Her knees collapsed. Nicholas caught her, drew her against him, and she muffled her scream against his chest, trying to hold it in, don’t let anyone know we’re here, but it had to come out before it ripped her apart inside.
She cried, hot tears. For herself, for Rachel, for all of them. All the same.
“I didn’t know.” His throat sounded as rough and broken as hers. “I didn’t know there were so many.”
Ash wiped her face, made herself look again. So many. “All like Rachel, just because of a choice. Maybe not even a bad choice, or an evil one.”
“Yes.” Khavi’s voice came from behind them. “It’s not like the Pit, where the judged go to be punished. And the majority of those in the field are demons—Madelyn is there, somewhere—and some humans who probably deserve it. But most of the humans, most of the halflings . . . They made the wrong agreement with a demon, and it doesn’t matter at all how good their intentions might have been.”
Ash shook her head. Through the ache in her throat, she still managed, “I’m not going back in there.”
Khavi pursed her lips, looked at Nicholas. “I made the call to Taylor using your voice. It was important. You should have done it.”
“Does your doing it change anything?”
“No.” Giving her hellhound a pat on its enormous head, she looked out over the field and said, “There’s Michael, by the way.”
Khavi pointed. Unable to help herself, Ash looked. When she didn’t see anything, she looked farther out . . . farther. Just visible on the icy horizon, a crowd of demons stood.
“Michael’s the entertainment,” Khavi said, and a rough note entered the smooth harmony of her voice. “Michael, and those from the Pit who are tortured with him. You cannot see, so I will help you see.”
Ash cried out as a sharp crack opened in her psychic shields, saw Nicholas’s suddenly white face. The image pressed against the backs of her eyes, every detail in clear focus: Michael’s shattered face with his eyes open, seeing, aware—and the human, stretched between two poles, stretched more than a human could, the razor wire, the hellhound’s thrusting haunches and bloodied jaws—
“Stop!” Her tears burned, and Nicholas pulled her back against his chest. She felt his own shuddering horror. “And you want me to be there? How can you do this? How can you say this?”
“That is not what I want now. I just wanted you to see. You have a different role—” Khavi stopped suddenly, her head cocked. “I know this moment.”
She ducked.
Taylor appeared in front of her, fist jabbing the air over Khavi’s head. Faster than Ash could see, Khavi was up again. Her arm swung, a backhand that caught Taylor full on the side of the head. A resounding crack—Taylor vanished.
She reappeared directly in front of Ash and Nicholas, blood spilling from her mouth. She reached for them.
Khavi teleported between, smashed her foot into Taylor’s chest, knocked Nicholas’s arm aside. Ash leapt at her—leapt into nothing. Unprepared for Khavi’s disappearance, she sprawled on the sand. A growl froze her in place. Khavi’s hellhound. A clear warning not to attack again. Ash looked for Nicholas.
God. He’d been knocked back into the frozen field. Already making his way out, his bare feet on those icy faces, and not even the flat determination in his expression could hide the pain of those screams that echoed in his mind, that awful silence.
He crossed over onto the sand, ran to her. Ignoring the hellhound, he crouched beside her, half shielding her body with his. “Just keep out of their way, or we’ll be smashed. We’ll try to get to Taylor if we can—and hope that someone else is coming, too.”
A shriek pierced the air. Khavi’s. Ash looked around the hellhound as an impact shook the ground. Taylor lay on her side, her head bleeding, her eyes dazed, but quickly regaining focus. Only ten feet away. At the same time Ash reached for him, Nicholas grabbed her hand, began to rise. They just had to—
Black wings extended, Khavi landed beside Taylor, stroked a lock of bloodied red hair from the woman’s forehead. “Michael,” she said softly. “You have to make her go now. Lucifer’s coming. And if he finds her . . .”
“Michael, no!” Rage filled Taylor’s voice. Her eyes opened wide, filled with black. She began to shake. “No! You fucking liar! You promised you’d never force—”
She vanished.
Forced away by Michael. And now Ash could feel Lucifer approaching, too, like a dark pressure on the edge of her mind, a stain scudding across the sky.
In horror, she turned to Nicholas. “Taylor will tell someone else. They’ll come.”
Holding her tight, he nodded. Kissed her once, hard. Looked into her eyes. “Do everything you can to survive. Promise me, now.”
“I will. Promise me, too.”
He kissed her hard again, and she took that as his vow.
Lucifer came alone, which told Nicholas everything he needed to know about their chances of escaping without help. It could have been that the demon was just too arrogant to bring backup against a Guardian like Khavi, but Nicholas didn’t think so. Given that Khavi’s elephant-sized hellhound began to shudder in silent terror as Lucifer approached through the frozen field, he thought that arrogance might be well deserved.
At his side, Ash shook, too. Waiting with him behind
Khavi and her hellhound, Ash stood tall, her eyes dry, and her fingers all but crushing Nicholas’s hand. The dark figure, she’d called Lucifer. Though big, much bigger than any other demon Nicholas had seen, Lucifer’s scales weren’t any darker than the crimson of Ash’s scales. His eyes glowed the same red, his wings the same leathery span. The same obsidian horns wrapped back from his forehead. But he was darker, as if even the light avoided him, and instead of Ash’s beauty, Lucifer’s appearance only suggested that a great, horrible power lay beneath his scales.
More darkness seethed in the power pressing against Nicholas’s psyche. This demon could crush his mind with barely a thought, he realized. Not just tear apart his body, but tear apart the rest of him, too.
And Nicholas should have been terrified. He knew that. The fear lurked within him, he could feel it—but he didn’t feel it. Just as he’d always done when something stood in his way, he’d discarded it. This time, he’d frozen his fear into a hard, immobile chunk, and tossed it into the back of his mind.
He couldn’t let anything get in the way of his protecting Ash, helping her. He’d withstand anything that Lucifer had to throw at him—starting with fear.
The demon landed on cloven hooves and knees that jointed backward. Not the same as Ash, then. Even fully changed, her body maintained a human shape. His gaze swept over them. Ash’s trembling increased. In front of them, Khavi’s hellhound whimpered with three heads.
Lucifer focused on Khavi, spoke. Nicholas didn’t know the language. When he glanced at Ash, she gave a tiny shake of her head. She didn’t know, either.
“I want Michael out of the field,” Khavi replied in English. She reached out to her hellhound’s shoulder, soothed the trembling beast. “The halfling refuses to exchange places with him, so I’ve brought her to you with the intention of making a bargain.”
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