by E. L. Todd
So I said nothing.
We were lying in bed, our bodies tangled together. I was reading while she rested on my chest, her fingers moving across my chest and stomach. It was a nighttime ritual we had, snuggling before bed. We usually had sex before we read, and again right before we went to sleep.
I turned the page and kept reading, my hand digging into the soft strands of her hair.
“Slade?”
“Baby?” I kept reading.
She sat up then closed my book. “Can we talk?”
I froze. Those words were never good to hear from a partner. It was bad, really bad. “Okay…”
She stared at my chest while she tried to find the right words. “We’re graduating soon and I was just wondering…what does that mean for us?” When she finished speaking, she looked me in the eye, watching my reaction.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, you always said you wanted to travel the world and play music. You said you were never meant to stay in one spot. Now that you’re done with your education, you’re free. So…is that something you still want to do?”
Yes. It was.
But I could never say that to her. Saying goodbye to that dream was heartbreaking. A younger version of myself would scream if he knew what decision I was making. I was throwing my life away, settling for one woman in one city. I’d be missing so many experiences that would change my life. All I would ever know from this point forward was the brutal truth of monogamy and all its vices.
But I couldn’t leave her.
“No.” I cupped her face, feeling her soft cheek.
“It’s not?” she asked hesitantly.
“I want to be with you.” I meant what I said. But I still wanted to leave. It was a disconcerting feeling, to want to do two things at once. They would never coincide. I could never have both, although I wish I could. But if I chose to leave, Trinity and I would be done forever. She would never forgive me or take me back.
Her hand moved over mine and her eyes fluttered with developing tears. “So…you aren’t scared anymore?”
“Of what? Us?”
“I just…I want to get married and have kids…I’ll always want that.”
I couldn’t give that to her right now. I almost had a panic attack just thinking about it. “I’m not ready for that…but I’m working on it.”
“But you’ll try?”
“Of course, Trinity.”
She kissed the skin over my heart. “My father told me you would leave me, that you would walk away and never look back.”
The words made a hole in my heart.
“But I said you wouldn’t go, that you would never do that to me. And I knew I was right.” Tears formed in her eyes and fell.
I caught them with the pads of my thumb and brushed the moisture away. “I can’t imagine my life without you and I never want to.”
“I’m so glad that accident happened…you wouldn’t have realized you loved me…”
“No, you got it wrong, baby.” I kissed the corners of her eyes. “I knew I loved you. I’d known it for a while. I just didn’t have the guts to admit it. But when I almost lost you, I didn’t care. I just blurted it out, needing you to know how I felt. So no, I’m not glad that accident happened. And I never want to hear you say that again.”
Her eyes softened and she took a deep breath.
Sometimes I wondered what my life would be like if I left her, if I pursued my dream. But when I stared at her falling tears, I didn’t want to know. How could anything be more meaningful than what we had together? She was the first girl who loved me for me. She looked past the rough exterior I projected and saw what was underneath. She loved me everyday, no matter how bad things got, and she loved me still. “I will try to give you a happily ever after. But it’s too soon right now.”
“I know, I know,” she said. “I didn’t mean now. I just meant ever.”
“I can do ever.” I rubbed my nose against hers. “But let’s enjoy the ride for now.”
“Okay.” She moved into my side and snuggled close to me.
I held her in my arms and listened to her breathe. When her breaths came out quiet and shallow, I knew she was asleep. But I was restless and awake. I stared at the opposite wall, my thoughts unfocused and unclear.
Chapter Nine
Skye
“I feel so bad for Cayson.” I pushed my textbook away, unable to study for another minute. My brain was about to explode. Finals were the worst time of year. It was impossible to regurgitate an entire semester onto one test.
Trinity sighed in sadness. “I know…”
“I’ve been giving him so much sex to make him feel better but the affects wear off quickly.”
“You must not be very good then,” Trinity said with a laugh.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Why are you in such a good mood?”
She shrugged. “Slade…”
“What did he do now?”
“I asked him if there was a future for us after college. He said yes.”
“Why are you surprised?” Slade wasn’t boyfriend material, but he did a good job with Trinity. He preserved his personality and mannerism around others, but was still sweet and attentive to Trinity at the same time.
“I guess I was afraid he would take off. He’s always wanted to grab a backpack and hike through Europe, his guitar and phone his only comforts.”
“Why can’t he still do that?” I asked. “But with you?”
She shook her head. “I think the whole purpose of that is to be free, not to be attached to anyone or anything.”
People always had dreams that never came to fruition, but most of the time, they didn’t regret not doing them. Slade was no different. “I’m sure he understands he’s getting a lifetime of happiness with you, which is why he has no interest in leaving.”
“I think so…” She kept smiling.
I wanted to be happy but I kept thinking about Cayson. “I just can’t believe he didn’t get in anywhere. So weird.”
She shook her head. “I almost don’t believe it. Isn’t he graduating at the top of his class?”
Cayson was literally a genius. I thought I was smart but he put me to shame. He understood almost everything. He could even fix a car engine because he had such a strong understanding of physics. I wasn’t sure why he wasn’t awkward and weird like most smart people. He was a very rare breed. “I don’t get it either…maybe his personal statement was horrible or something.”
“It couldn’t have been that bad…”
It was a mystery.
“Are you cheering him up?” she asked.
“I’ve been making him his favorite dinners, renting movies he wants to watch, and being sweeter than normal to him every single day. I even played basketball with him the other day.”
“Geez, your chest must hurt.”
“Like you wouldn’t believe…two sports bras still didn’t help.”
She laughed. “Well, at least your rack must be cheering him up.”
“I don’t know if that would help…I know how much he wanted this. He said he would apply next year but…I can tell he’s depressed. It’s in his eyes every second of the day. He tries to be optimistic around everyone else, but I can see it when we’re alone together.”
“Poor Cayson…” She sighed. “But I’m sure he can find a job in the city making bank.”
“He doesn’t care about that,” I said immediately. “He’s wanted to be a doctor since I can remember, and it’s to help people, not make the numbers in his bank account increase, which is unlike most M.D. candidates.”
“If it’s meant to happen, it will,” Trinity encouraged. “At least he’ll have a lot of free time for you.”
“Like I’ll have any,” I said with a laugh. “I’m about to be a CEO.”
“Nervous?” she asked.
“Duh.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’ll be fine.”
“I’m going to be running a place th
at required both of our dads to run together. I’m handling a lot on my plate.”
“Well, they are both idiots so that doesn’t mean much.” She gave me a reassuring smile. “Skye, you’re one the smartest and strongest women I know. You’re going to kick ass. Just wait for it.” She patted my hand. “And Cayson can come by your office and help you…relax…whenever you’re stressed.”
I laughed. “I guess that’s something to look forward to.”
“Slade can do the same for me.” Her eyes grew misty thinking of him.
“So, you think he’ll do the marriage and kids package?”
“He said not right now…but I know he will. He’s changed so much in the course of months. He needs more time and that’s fine. We haven’t been together long anyway.”
“I’m sure he will.” I didn’t know Slade the way she did so I had to take her word for it.
“There’s a party at the frat house for graduation. Are you going?”
I hadn’t been partying much since Cayson and I got together. Most of the time, I preferred watching a movie on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in my lap. I usually ate most of it, only letting him get a few bites. “I guess. It could be fun.”
“Cool,” she said. “I haven’t done anything fun in a long time.”
“Does Slade know this?” I asked.
“No, but I don’t see why he would care. He can come if he wants.”
Slade was a lot more protective than she gave him credit for. Cayson was too. “Well, I’m down.”
“Awesome,” she said. “Did I tell you Reid came by?”
My eyes widened. “What? No! How could you forget to mention that?”
“My dad told him about my accident, so Reid came by to check on me.”
“Well, that was sweet…”
Then she smirked. “You should have seen Slade. He was marching around like a gorilla that had his banana taken away. It was hilarious.”
I could picture it. “That’s cute…”
“He’s annoying when he’s jealous but I like it at the same time.” She gave me a guilty smirk.
“Well, I’m just glad you aren’t fighting anymore.”
“The fighting isn’t so bad. The make up sex is…amazing.” She widened her eyes and gave me a knowing look.
I laughed. “So, it all comes down to sex.”
“Uh, yeah.” She laughed along with me.
I closed my textbook and put it back in my bag, not even wanting to look at it. Trinity was flipping through a magazine. Honestly, I never saw her study. I wondered if she even passed her classes this year. But I didn’t ask. “How’s Conrad doing?”
She sighed. “I can tell he’s sad Roland is leaving.”
“Those two are inseparable.”
“I don’t know who Roland’s going to hang out with…I guess Theo and Silke.”
I rested my chin on my hand. “But they aren’t Roland.”
“I’m sure he’ll go home every weekend just to see him.”
I smirked. “That would be really cute…in a lame way.”
She gave me a knowing look. “We both know Slade and Cayson would do the exact same thing.”
“And so would we.”
Her eyes softened. “You’re right.”
***
“I’m going to a frat party with Trinity tonight,” I said as I checked my hair in the mirror.
“Oh.” Cayson leaned against the doorframe behind me, watching my reflection in the mirror.
“You want to go?”
“Is Slade going?” he asked.
“I would assume. He’s super protective of her.”
He shrugged. “Then I guess I’ll go.”
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” I knew he hadn’t been in the best mood lately. If he just wanted to stay home I would understand. I would stay with him but I’d been doing that every single night. It was time to do something else.
“No, I’ll go.” He stepped away and let me walk through the door.
I pulled on a black blouse that had a low cut in the middle. A gold necklace hung around my neck.
Cayson looked down my shirt, not being discreet about it.
“Um, hello?” I said with a laugh.
“Sorry.” He smirked. “When you have them laid out like that it’s hard not to stare.”
“Well, you’re a foot taller than me so you have a good view of them.”
He looked at them again. “Lucky me.”
I was grateful Cayson wasn’t controlling like Zack. He never told me what to wear or when I should cover up. And he wasn’t stupid. If he said something like that to me, I’d put him in his place.
Cayson came behind me then kissed my neck, slowly guiding me to the bed.
“Cayson, I’m going to be late…” I turned my head so his lips would have more room.
“You shouldn’t have worn that then.” He kept kissing me until we reached my bed.
I leaned over on my hands. “I don’t want to mess up my hair.”
“Then I won’t.” He pulled off my jeans and underwear, leaving my shirt on. Then he came behind me and moved inside.
I bit my lip while I enjoyed him. He kept his hands on my hips and didn’t fist my hair like he normally did. He rocked into me slowly, taking his time. I turned my head and he leaned far over me, kissing me while he rocked into me.
The party was forgotten.
***
“What took you so long?” Trinity asked when I arrived. Slade was standing beside her, watching the crowd like he was searching for something.
“We just lost track of time.” I smiled then looked away, avoiding eye contact.
Slade didn’t buy it. “They had a quickie but it wasn’t very quick.”
Trinity rolled her eyes. “We did too but it didn’t stop us from being late.”
Slade turned to Trinity. “Want a beer, baby?”
“I thought I wasn’t supposed to take drinks from guys?” she challenged.
His eyes narrowed in annoyance. “I can take advantage of you. Completely different. Now you want a drink or what?”
“Yes,” she said.
“I’ll go with you,” Cayson offered. “Beer?” he asked me.
“Sure,” I said.
The guys walked off.
“There are a lot of people here tonight,” I said.
“Looks like everyone is ready for the year to be over.” Trinity wore shorts that made her legs look even longer than usual. Black heels were on her feet and her toenails were decorated in white tips. Her white blouse had a low cut in the front, showing the swell of her breasts.
“You look hot,” I said.
“Thanks. Your boobs look good.”
“That explains the quickie,” I said with a laugh.
“Look what we have here.” A guy wearing a football jersey came to us, a friend in tow. I’d never seen him before, but judging the size of his muscles and the cocky grin on his face, he was a guy who always got what he wanted. “Two gorgeous women.”
Trinity and I shared a smirk, knowing this guy had absolutely no game.
The guy eyed Trinity up and down, not being discreet about it.
His friend looked at me.
“I have a boyfriend,” I blurted, not bothering to be nice about it. The last thing Cayson needed was something to stress about.
“I guess I’m not surprised,” he said sadly.
The football player looked at Trinity. “I don’t care if you have a boyfriend. I want to get you a drink anyway.”
“Well, he’ll be back any second,” Trinity said. “So I suggest you be quick about it.”
“How about we just head outside,” he said. “And I’ll show you what it’s like to be with a real man.”
Unable to control myself, I laughed.
The guy glared at me.
“Sorry,” I said. “But that has to be the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard.”
He clenched his jaw in annoyance.
; “If you don’t want to see two real men in action,” Trinity said. “I suggest you walk away. They’re on the way over here and I wouldn’t be surprised if they ripped your throat out.”
He didn’t seem scared. “How about you give me a call when you get bored of him?”
“God, you’re cocky,” I said.
“And I’m not sure what you’re cocky about,” Trinity said. “Just because you’re on the football team you think I want to have sex with you?”
“Well, I hear through the grapevine you’ll have sex with just about anyone,” he snarled.
He just crossed a line.
I grabbed his shoulder then kneed him right in the groin. “Don’t talk to her like that.”
He jerked and leaned over, cupping his balls.
His friend immediately backed off, not wanting to risk his future children.
“Jackass!” Trinity slapped him across the face while he tried to catch his breath.
Slade and Cayson appeared, their eyebrows raised.
“Baby, why are you beating up some guy…?” Slade asked.
“Because he’s an asshole,” I snapped.
The guy finally stood up then slowly limped away.
Cayson handed me a beer then eyed me. “What was that about?”
‘ Trinity rolled her eyes. “He tried to make a pass at us. Then he called me a whore. So Skye kicked him right in the balls and taught him a lesson.”
Cayson gave me a smirk. “That’s my girl.”
Slade didn’t seem impressed. “What did he call you?” Anger flashed in his eyes.
Trinity gave him a firm look. “Let it go. He got what was coming to him.”
Slade’s eyes darkened as he watched the guy walk away, his mind working furiously. He wasn’t the type of guy who let something go. Then he passed Trinity a drink.
She eyed it suspiciously. “Am I going to wake up naked in your bed?”
He still wasn’t in a playful mood. “There’s nowhere else I’d let you end up.”
She drank it then stopped trying to cheer him up.
Cayson’s arm moved around my waist and held me close to him. “I wouldn’t mind it if you ended up naked in my bed.”
