by E. L. Todd
But I didn’t.
So much pain flooded my body, so much agony. It wasn’t just the betrayal that stung, but the fact I was losing Skye forever. She was my happily ever after, the destiny I picked over every other one.
And she betrayed me.
I stepped away, breathing hard.
Skye finally dropped her hands and grabbed her things. When she stood up she didn’t look at me. “I’m sorry for everything.” She turned away and headed to the door. Then she walked out without looking back.
I stood there, unable to move.
She didn’t beg me to take her back. She didn’t make excuses for what she did. She didn’t try to justify her actions by saying she was drunk. She just let me go. Maybe if she begged for another chance, I’d scream at her. I’d strangle her. But she didn’t. She stuck the knife in my chest, pushing it in as far as it would go, and then she walked away, leaving it stuck in between my ribs.
When she was gone and all I heard was my own breathing, the tears erupted and formed. I tried to still them, refusing to cry over someone who would hurt me like that. I gave her everything—more than everything—and she fucked me over like this. How could she?
When a tear fell down my cheek, I wiped it away then controlled my emotions. I forced my breathing to slow down, and I tried to remain calm. Having a break down and giving into the soul-wrecking sobs wouldn’t do anything but make it worse.
Unable to stay in the apartment that only made me think of her, I walked out and headed back to my apartment, even though there was nothing waiting there for me.
***
Slade was sitting on my doorstep when I arrived. He got to his feet and looked at me with sad eyes. “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t feel like talking. I walked inside and ignored him. Then I sat on the couch, unsure what to do with myself.
Slade sat beside me but didn’t speak.
My conversation with Skye kept replaying in my mind. Over and over, it echoed like a broken record. My chest would heave but I combated it, refusing to cry in front of Slade. He was my best friend, but I didn’t cry in front of people. I didn’t cry at all—period.
I stared at my blank wall where my TV once sat. All I had was the silence to comfort me.
Slade cleared his throat. “I know you don’t want to talk about it and that’s fine. But…I already accepted the offer from Stanford and got you an apartment. They are expecting you in a week.”
I turned to him, unsure if I heard him correctly. “What?”
He stared straight ahead. “I accepted the offer from Stanford just in case you changed your mind…I went to the orientation and everything. You’ll have to retake your picture for your ID because we look nothing alike…”
I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it. “Why did you do that?”
“I already told you. I thought you might change your mind. And if you didn’t, no harm would come from it. So…you can still go if you want. It’s not too late.”
Even that couldn’t cheer me up. But at least I didn’t sacrifice it for Skye, who ended up fucking me over. And Stanford was on the other side of the country, away from her and everything her beauty touched. I just wanted to run away, to be somewhere where the pain wouldn’t hurt. But in my heart I knew there was nowhere I could ever go to escape the pain.
“I wish I’d never loved her…”
Slade didn’t look at me. And he didn’t speak.
“I was in pain before I couldn’t have her but this…this loss…I can’t bare it.”
Slade rested his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. “I’m here for you.”
I looked the other way, not wanting him to see my face, to see the agony in my features.
Slade scooted closer to me. “It’s okay to be sad, man. You know I won’t think less of you. I can’t even imagine how this must feel…”
I took a deep breath and my eyes started to water.
Slade pulled me into a hug then clapped my back. “It’s okay…it’ll be alright.”
I let the tears fall. I sniffed as the pain shot through me and almost crippled me. I tried to catch my breath but I couldn’t. After I released the pain, I forced myself to stop. Then I pulled away. “Thanks, man.”
“No problem. I cried my eyes out when I thought I lost Trinity. And if she did this to me…I’d be a wreck.”
I nodded, appreciating the effort he was making to make me feel better.
“This is what’s going to happen. You’re going to Stanford, your dream school, and you’re going to get everything you ever wanted. I know Skye was everything to you, but this is better anyway. This is what you’ve wanted since you were a kid. Chicks come and go, but saving lives isn’t something anyone can do. I know things are hard right now…but you’re going to be happy again. I promise.”
I nodded even if I didn’t agree with him. I was in so much pain I knew it would never change. I stared at the wall again, trying to block everything out. But there was no point.
I was dying inside.
***
Slade stayed by my side and never left. He made all the arrangements to move my stuff and then he explained to my parents that I was accepted at the last minute. He told them I was really sick and couldn’t make it down to Connecticut, but they could come visit me in California in a few weeks. Then he took care of moving everything and packing the rest of my things.
As weak and lame as it sounded, I was so depressed I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t even excited about going to medical school. I’d hit rock bottom, and everything seemed pointless to me.
In a twisted way, I waited for Skye to call me. I wanted her to beg me to take her back. Why? I don’t know. After what she did, even if she was drunk and the guy took advantage of her, I couldn’t just forgive her. But I wanted to at the same time. I wanted her to beg for my forgiveness and never give up so I’d be forced to take her back. Did that make me weak? Yes. Did it make me pathetic? Oh, yes it did.
But it was the truth.
I moved like a snail and hardly ate. I was never hungry, and the only time I had meals was when Slade encouraged me to. When everything was finished and the key had been handed back to the landlord, we both headed for California.
I knew Slade had his own responsibilities like finding an apartment and getting ready to work for his dad, but he dropped all of that for me. He didn’t even see Trinity. He stuck to me like glue. He never talked about Skye, and whenever he did talk, he mentioned music, movies, sports or TV—nothing related to Skye.
I appreciated it more than I could ever express.
When we arrived at the apartment, it was right next to the campus. I wouldn’t even need a car. There were tons of shops and food places nearby, including a grocery store, and the campus itself was huge. The affiliated hospital was also walking distance.
I couldn’t believe I’d be here for the next three years.
“I like the place,” I said quietly. “It’s close to school.”
“It was the only one they would pay for,” Slade explained. “With your scholarship.”
I nodded.
We headed to the door then walked inside.
“Hey.” A guy came to the door. He had brown hair, was about my size, and seemed friendly. “I’m Mitchell. Please to meet you.” He extended his hand to shake mine.
“Hi…” I shook it. “Um…are we in the wrong apartment?”
Slade looked at the paper then back at me. “It says you have a roommate.”
Oh. I’d never had a roommate before but he seemed nice. It shouldn’t be a big deal.
“Don’t worry, our rooms are on the opposite sides of the apartment,” Mitchell said. “So I won’t keep you up when I have guests.” He winked.
“I like him,” Slade blurted.
Mitchell laughed. “Can I help with your things?”
“Sure,” Slade said. “Thanks.”
Together, we moved everything inside. Once we were settled, we sat down on the couch together and drank a fe
w beers.
“Is it cool if I sleep on the couch before I fly out tomorrow?” Slade asked.
“Sure,” Mitchell said. “I like your ink, by the way.”
“Thanks.” It seemed like Slade liked my roommate more than he liked me.
Mitchell studied me. “Harvard, huh? Wicked.”
I nodded. “Where did you go?”
“USC.”
“Cool,” I said weakly.
He eyed me for a while. “Homesick or something?”
Slade cleared his throat. “Cayson is going through…a bad break up.”
“Oh.” Mike nodded slowly. “I gotcha. I won’t bring it up again. And I know a ton of chicks that would be more than happy to help you get over her.”
I’d never get over her.
Slade looked like he was in love. “Why did we have to meet so late in life?”
Mitchell laughed then clanked his beer against Slade’s. “You’re alright, man.”
“You’re more than alright,” Slade said. He spotted the sad look on my face. “But you’re way better,” he blurted. “Best friends forever.”
I laughed for the first time in a week. “It’s okay. We aren’t exclusive.”
We got settled in for the night and I slept in my new room. But I couldn’t sleep. Like every other night, my eyes wouldn’t close. And when they did, I had nightmares of Skye screwing some other guy with a built body and no face. The idea of her wrapping her legs around his waist made me want to scream.
The next morning, I said goodbye to Slade outside the door.
“Call me if you need anything,” Slade said. “I mean, anything.” He emphasized the last word. “If it’s three AM and you can’t sleep, call me. If you need me to come out here, I’ll be here. Okay?”
I nodded slowly. “I know, man.”
“And I’m coming out either way so you better be prepared.”
“To see Mitchell?” I teased.
He chuckled then clapped my shoulder. “You’re going to be okay. See?”
I nodded. “I hope so.”
“You will, man. You’re going to love it here.”
I could never put it into words how much Slade meant to me. He’d been my best friend since we were two. We were so different but that never got in the way. He was the best guy I knew, even if he didn’t act like it most of the time. “I…thank you…for everything.”
His eyes softened. “Any time. I know you'll always be there for me.”
I cleared my throat. “I love you, man.”
“I love you too, Cay.” He hugged me and held me close. “You’re going to be okay. One day this will be a distant memory. We’ll be talking about it in the Bahamas while surrounded by beautiful women. And I’ll point at you and say I told you so.”
“I hope so,” I said quietly.
“Now go inside and get to know your new playmate.”
I laughed then watched him walk away.
He headed to the rental car, and before he got in he waved at me. “You better fuck a lot of bitches!”
I laughed and rolled my eyes.
Then he drove away.
When I couldn’t see his car anymore, I walked inside.
“Slade is a cool guy,” Mitchell said. “Too bad he doesn’t live here.”
“Yeah.” I’d miss him a lot. I didn’t say it aloud because it would be too hard. I sat down on the couch, feeling depressed and alone.
“One of my regulars is coming over. I can have her bring a friend—an easy one. And don’t worry, she’s hot, not fat and ugly.” He smirked then drank his beer.
“No.” I realized how rude I sounded. “I mean, no thanks.”
He nodded. “You aren’t there yet. I get it.”
I would never be there. “I’m going to bed.”
“Night, man.”
“Night.” I walked into my room then lay in bed. I stared at the ceiling, feeling more lost than ever before.
Chapter Eighteen
Skye
Unable to do anything other than weep and lay in bed, I stayed in my beautiful pent house and never left. My father was supposed to take me under his wing and show me the ropes but I was physically and mentally unable to. I was traumatized, hurt, and unable to breathe.
Life was meaningless and painful. I couldn’t do anything except cry. My tear ducts ran dry and I was constantly dehydrated from the loss of water. I drank when I could, but sometimes I hoped I would become so malnourished that I would just die peacefully.
Everyone left me alone, except Trinity, for the first two weeks. My parents didn’t bother me and blow up my phone. The silence and quiet was what I needed. But it also left me alone with my thoughts. And all I thought about was Cayson.
Trinity stayed with me, made me eat and tried to distract my mind with talk of fashion and accessories. She was trying hard to cheer me up but nothing was working.
Then my mom came next. But even her grace and compassion couldn’t fix me. I was broken and unable to function. My days were spent staring out the window at the city. My nights were spent in the same way. The lights from the city burned like a forest fire and they seemed to come alive. If I wasn’t so depressed I might actually appreciate it. But every time I wanted to tell Cayson something, share my life with him, I realized I couldn’t.
I lost my best friend as well as my lover.
Some days I just stared at the phone and hoped Cayson would call. I knew he wouldn’t but I prayed he’d be weak and just call me to check on me. It was selfish and stupid. There were times when I almost called him, but then I realized I’d be hurting both of us in the process. I asked Trinity to take my phone away at one point.
Life was hopeless. I had everything anyone could ever want. I had an amazing job, an amazing apartment, and an amazing family but I couldn’t appreciate any of it. Because it meant nothing without the man I loved.
When two weeks had come and gone, I couldn’t take it anymore.
Trinity was sitting on the couch reading a magazine when I stood up with purpose. She eyed me. “Are you ready to go out? See the city?”
“This is stupid. So fucking stupid.”
She flinched. “Sorry…?”
“All of this means nothing without Cayson. I don’t care about running a company, I don’t care about this apartment, and I don’t care that there’s nothing for me to do in California. I’ll sit in his damn apartment all day and wait for him to come home. This is unbearable.”
She stood up and dropped the magazine. “What are you saying…?”
“I’m moving to California and I’m going to tell Cayson the truth.”
Her jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”
“I’m damn serious.” I grabbed a bag and shoved everything inside. “He’ll forgive me for what I did. I know he will.”
Trinity grabbed my arm. “Skye, think about this. Cayson even said he didn’t want you to go to California. He refused, remember?”
“That’s too damn bad. Get his address from Slade.”
“How?” she demanded. “If he knows it’s for you, he won’t give it to me.”
“Just do it! You’ll figure it out.” I left the apartment then headed to the airport, not letting anything get in my way.
***
After the plane landed, I took a taxi to the university. Trinity texted me the address and apartment number and I found it easily. It was ten o’ clock at night but I didn’t care about the time. Knowing Cayson, he would be studying anyway.
Once the cab stopped, I got out then practically ran to the door. I was so eager to see him to apologize for everything that I needed to move as fast as possible. Once I got to the door, I knocked louder than I meant to.
Please be home. Please be home. Please be home.
I imagined his handsome face. Those blue eyes were brighter than ice in the sun. His smile could warm my body with just a look. I needed to feel those lips against mine, to know everything would be okay. A life without Cayson was one I couldn’t contemplat
e. I was going to be a Californian.
The door opened.
But it wasn’t Cayson.
“Hi…” A girl stood wearing a man’s t-shirt. It reached her thighs and she had no bottoms on. Her hair was messy like she’d been rolling around in someone’s sheets. She was beautiful—really beautiful.
My heart fell into my stomach. I couldn’t breathe. We’d only been apart for two months and he already slept with someone else? He moved on from me that quickly? He could sleep with someone so easily? Whether I cheated on him or not shouldn’t make a difference. The pain broke me into a million pieces.
But then there was hope. Maybe I got the wrong apartment. “Does Cayson live here…?” Please say no. Please say no.
“He’s in the shower. Why?”
God, kill me now.
No. No. No.
My heart gave out and the tears emerged.
“You want to talk to him?”
I wanted to die. How could he move on so quickly? It was like I meant nothing to him. Cayson wasn’t like other guys. Maybe some other guy like Slade would sleep with someone else immediately but not Cayson. The fact he did was…unspeakable.
“Um, hello?”
“No! Don’t tell him I was here!”
“Okay…are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Please don’t say anything to him.”
She looked at me like I was crazy.
“I…have to go. I’m sorry.” I turned away and ran. There was nothing to run from but I ran anyway. I somehow ended up in the center of the university, unsure where to go or what to do. I just kept walking in the darkness, feeling cold.
My heart started to slow, barely beating. Breathing was becoming harder. At some point, my eyes were blurred from the tears. I fell to my knees and felt the agony rip through my chest. I broke down and sobbed, clutched my waist and rocked back and forth. My world had ended. Everything was gone.
Cayson was gone.
You Have My Heart
Book Six of The Forever and Ever Series
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