“Stay,” Veris growled. “Alex can fucking well feed with an audience. I have a few things to say.”
Alex sighed and bit into the bag. The blood fever didn’t overwhelm him for he was too wasted for that. This sort of muscle stiffness was something he remembered from when he was human. He drank slowly. Even cold, the blood spread warmth through him and he could feel the kinks unwinding.
“Can you hear me?” Veris asked. His voice boomed, but was perfectly clear. Alex nodded.
“I read all your research, but the logs of your trials are the alarming stuff. If you put together the drug’s potential effects on the brain with your notes on the trials…are you aware that you’ve been very nearly on the verge of self-induced seizures?”
The hunger was starting to fade, letting him think better. Alex shook his head. “No.”
“The feeling of some impending event…something coming, something exciting. You’re describing classic petit mal seizures, reported by thousands of sufferers. It’s called Jamais vu.”
“I’m an internist,” Alex pointed out. “Not a neurologist.”
“Then why the fuck are you messing with this?” Veris cried and threw the papers back on the table with a thump.
“Veris,” Brody said softly.
“No, I won’t take it easy on him. He’s a fucking doctor of medicine, he should know better!”
Alex straightened up in the chair. His sight was returning to human normal now that he had fed enough. “The seizure symptoms subsided once I learned how to avoid stirring them. Then the other events started happening.”
“Events?” Brody repeated and looked at Veris.
Veris shook his head. “I have no idea what he’s talking about.”
“I have been travelling to different places. Some I know. Some I don’t.”
Veris leaned on the table with both fists clamped tight and gave a deep sigh.
“Astral projection?” Taylor asked.
“That’s the stuff of fantasies,” Brody said.
“So is time travel,” she replied calmly.
Veris looked at her, then he straightened up. “Okay. Your notes are not complete, clearly.”
“I’ve been distracted lately,” Alex said.
“We know,” Brody said. “Why do you think we’re here?”
Alex looked at them, puzzled.
“Sydney phoned us,” Taylor said. Hers was the only voice in the room that wasn’t angry to one degree or another.
Sydney. Alex tried to get up out of the chair but his muscles were still not cooperating. “She’s in trouble,” he told them. “I have to warn her.”
“You’re not going anywhere for at least twenty-four hours,” Veris told him flatly.
“You don’t understand. I saw her when I was there, when I was out. They’re plotting something.”
“What do you mean you saw?” Brody demanded.
Veris held up his hand. “No, we’re not going to pick at this piece meal. Taylor, are you hungry? Is there anything here you can eat?”
Taylor stood up. “I should go home. It’s getting late. I’ll see to the kids.” She kissed Veris quickly and Brody, too, then surprised Alex by kissing his cheek. “Take care,” she murmured.
Veris sat on the chair she had been using. “Okay, so start from the top. Tell us everything. Including why on earth you started this insane project.”
Alex sighed. “It could take a while,” he warned them.
“We have the time,” Veris said dryly. “Start talking.”
* * * * *
It did take a while. It took two more days. Brody soon grew weary of it, for only Veris could follow the chemical equations as Alex spelled them out to him. Taylor came and went, checking on them, but not bothering them with demands they return home or that the children missed them.
Brody remained in the house, although he did not always stay in the room. He would come back in and listen to the conversation for a few minutes, stay if he felt like it, or leave. There was only one time he did leave the house, and that was to feed.
Alex found the stiffness left him after a few hours and he was able to stand up and move around. That made things easier, for he could pull out notes and references as he explained.
Veris pulled over a blank pad of paper and began to write notes of his own. Not very often, so Alex assumed he was building a high level summary.
Finally, Alex ran out of things to say. He sat in the chair again and leaned forward, letting his hands hang loosely between his knees.
Veris stared at the pad in front of him, also silent.
Brody came into the room. “Silence, at last,” he said. “What’s the verdict?”
“Speaking of which, Brody, you were a lawyer, once. Why didn’t you know about the Miranda thing?”
“I was a solicitor in England,” Brody said. “Anyway, I do know the Miranda act now, but I don’t remember much about that night. It was just as big a surprise to me as everyone else. I don’t even remember being read my rights in the first place.”
“How can that be?” Alex said, marveling. “Our memories are pure.”
“Assuming you form the memories in the first place,” Veris said, his tone distant. He was concentrating on his notes. “Brody was overloaded with adrenaline and his perceptions were completely screwed. I don’t think he could have told you what century he was in, that night.”
Brody shrugged. “I think I was actually back in the fifth century for a bit. In my head, anyway.”
Veris sat up. “Damn! Brody, you’re brilliant.” He pulled the pad around so it was square in front on him. “Yes, of course!” He looked up at Alex. “I think you’ve created the chemical equivalent of a time travel pill.”
Alex stared at him. “I’m not a physicist.”
“I’m a good jackleg physicist and I want to work out the physics later, but this isn’t a physical thing. Brody, remember Tira said she had time travelled? She called it a sharing of memories.”
“Which is what we figured that the three of us did the first couple of times, until Taylor really got the hang of flipping whatever switch it is in her head,” Brody said in agreement.
“This serum Alex has developed was to counteract a sedative that is powerful enough to knock out vampires. The serum stimulates the brain and results in an electrical storm, with synapses firing wildly. That’s exactly what happens to the brain during a seizure. But with a higher doze, Alex moved past the seizures mode and turned on more and more areas. He was temporarily increasing the capacity the brain had to work with. There’s been research on this. When a human’s brain capacity is increased beyond the standard ten percent nearly all of us use, then some of the abilities that appear are the stuff of science fiction. Mind reading, telekinesis, super computer-like computational skills…and this was from switching on a mere one percent more.”
Brody leaned forward. “That is what Alex has been doing? On his own?”
Veris tapped the pad in front of him. “He spoke with Marit and he saw Sydney. Marit…well, let’s leave that problem for another day and work on the baseline. Alex saw places and events that he has never seen before.”
“In his mind, sure,” Brody said.
“It was too real,” Alex said quietly. “Too detailed. Memory recall, even ours, is fuzzy around the edges because we weren’t looking at those details when the memory is made. So the memory is like looking through a fish eye lens. These places I saw, they were as detailed and felt as real as it feels standing here right now.”
Brody sat back. “So prove it.”
Veris smiled and dropped the pen on the pad and sat back, too. Now they were both looking at him expectantly.
“Prove what how?” Alex asked reasonably.
“You say you saw Sydney being threatened in her office, didn’t you?” Brody said. “So ask her if that conversation really took place.”
Alex shook his head. “You ask her. I’m not going anywhere near her.”
Veris stood up.
“You’re going to let both of them influence your life even when they’re not here. Alex, this search for meaning has got to stop.”
“No, Veris,” Brody said softly. “Not now.”
“What not now?” Alex demanded.
“You’ve been lost for over a year, sunk into a hole that no one seems to be able to pull you out of, including yourself,” Veris said. “You’re looking for the meaning of life, your purpose, like it’s a chest buried on a desert island somewhere and if you can only find the map, you’ll be happy. Happy doesn’t work that way.”
“I know what will make me happy,” Alex said and his heart lurched.
“Kids don’t provide meaning,” Veris shot back. “A family doesn’t guarantee happiness. You have to find it yourself or you’ll fuck up your life and theirs by expecting them to make your life better. You have to look after yourself, first.”
“And confronting Sydney about an event that might or might not have happened, that I have no earthly right knowing that it happened at all…that is looking after myself?” Alex said.
“No,” Brody said quietly. “You confront Sydney and find out that the world doesn’t fall apart and crumble if you can’t have her.”
Alex hung his head. “Damn,” he muttered. “You’re really going to make me do this?”
“No, you’re going to do it because it’s the only way to prove you saw something that actually happened,” Veris said flatly. “If you don’t prove this, then you’re demonstrating instead that you’re just another junkie who likes to disappear inside his own head. A very gifted and creative one, but an addict, just the same.”
Alex considered Veris. His heart was hurting from all the unaccustomed spikes and alarms it had been processing. “You do know how to cut to the chase, don’t you?”
“He hews too close,” Brody replied.
“No, don’t apologize for him,” Alex said.
Veris shrugged. “We have to take what we want, Alex. Our lives are too long, our days too many, to let others shape it for us.”
Alex stood up. “You’re right, of course.”
Veris nodded. “Want us to drive you there? Your reactions might still be slow.”
“Human slow?” Alex asked dryly. “I think I’ll survive among all the other human slow drivers out there. Besides, it’s time I started acting and stopped thinking so much.”
Chapter Thirteen
The drive to Sydney’s apartment seemed overly long and Alex knew that the effects of the serum were still with him, screwing with his perception of time, which was normally unchanging.
He had no idea what he was going to say to her. He dreaded this meeting with every fiber of his soul, and it occurred to him that this was exactly what Veris meant. Letting either Sydney or Rafe change the way he lived his life would be declaring he was spineless. Weak. Because he so badly wanted to turn the car around was exactly the reason he should do this, or forever be ruled by fear.
For him, forever was a very long time. Better to make a life he did want out of what he could have. That was what Veris had been saying. Pining after a life that would never be his and not doing anything about it was the weak way.
But when Sydney answered the door, with Bruce snuffling at the edge of it, happy to see him again, Alex felt the impact of her slam into his chest.
He loved her.
His heart shifted, hurting. She stood in front of him in the most casual of clothing; an oversized tee shirt, yoga pants and socks, none of them the least bit sexy. Her hair was pinned up on the top of her head, but locks had worked loose and were hanging around her face. Her sharp green eyes were narrowed in guarded caution…and he loved her anyway.
He made himself take the breath he needed to speak. “I’m not here about Rafe.” He kept his voice low and reasonable.
Sydney drew in a shaky breath. “You’re okay,” she breathed.
She had been worrying about him. Of course, she had phoned Veris and sent the three of them to his place to check on him.
“I’m okay,” Alex said, and tried to smile…and did smile. It was small, but it was there and it was genuine. Suddenly, he was glad he was here to reassure her and to mend things between them. “There’s something I have to ask you. It’s related to your work and it will only take a minute.”
Sydney stepped back and Bruce took the opportunity to jump up and greet him nose-to-nose. Alex scratched his ears and told him to go and sit down, and Bruce trotted over to the sofa and climbed onto his end of it. That left the doorway clear.
The compact apartment, the books, the low light over her reading chair…it was all familiar. Alex turned his back on them and faced Sydney. “Rafe isn’t here? I ask,” he added hurriedly, “only because I don’t want to intrude.”
The light went out of her eyes. “Rafe hasn’t been back since…the park.”
Alex shook his head. “That’s no good. Would you like me to talk to him?”
Sydney’s eyes filled with tears and Alex cupped her chin. “What is it?” he asked, alarmed.
“I love him,” she whispered. “Or I thought I did. I’ve been sick all week because I thought I had fallen in love with him, but now you’re here in front of me and I…oh, I don’t know!” Her tears fell and she dashed them away with the back of her hand.
Alex pulled her into his arms. “Shh…” He tried not to notice the softness of her hair and her body against him, or her scent. She was upset and that was making his chest ache. Whatever it was, he had to fix this for her. “It’s all right, Sydney. Whatever it is, it will be all right.”
“No.” She shook her head, her chin rubbing against his chest. “It can’t be all right.”
“Time fixes everything. That is something I know from long experience. You just have to give things time.”
She put her arms around him and Alex steeled himself against the need to kiss her, or do anything that would make her hate him. Instead, he offered what comfort he could. “I’ll go and see Rafe,” he told her. “Perhaps I might even sock him in the jaw for upsetting you. If he knows I’m okay, then he’ll come back to you. He’s just feeling guilty.”
“We are guilty!” she cried. “Alex, we didn’t intend…it wasn’t…oh, this is such a mess!” Her arms tightened around him.
“It is what it is,” Alex told her. “You want him back, don’t you?”
After a moment, she nodded.
“Then hold on to that thought. Come and sit down. Come on.”
He led her over to the sofa and Sydney sat in the corner and wiped her face with the hem of her tee shirt. “God, I’m so sorry,” she said, looking up at him with still sparkling eyes.
“Would you like something? Water?” Alex asked. Anything but stand there looking down at her when she was so vulnerable and open.
“I would like…would you mind making me tea, like you did that first night? I haven’t been able to make it the same way at all.”
He smiled. “Tea. That, I can do.” Gratefully, he went into the kitchenette and set about making the tea.
Sydney gave another big sniff and sighed. “You said you had something to ask me,” she said. “About work?”
Alex looked at her through the serving hatch. “I do. It’s going to sound very odd, though.”
“I hear odd and unusual every day. Usually it’s suspects spinning stories about their whereabouts. The stuff of fantasy, sometimes, but they tell it with a straight face as if that will convince us it’s the truth.” He heard her soft laugh.
“This is another sort of weird,” Alex assured her.
“Try me.”
He poured the boiling water into the tea leaves in the saucepan, then set it on the stove to come to the boil again. “Sometime since the trial ended, did you have a conversation with your captain about Brixton?”
There was a small silence. “Lucky guess, Alex?” she asked.
His chest tightened. He looked though the hatch at her again. “You did?”
Sydney frowned, as if she were
weighing up her answer. “I don’t suppose it’s such a secret that I wasn’t thrilled about the way the trial went. Not that I wanted Brody charged, of course. But I stormed out of there with my mad on and Brixton was the sole reason I was mad. Yeah, I confronted Baker about it. Brixton embarrassed the department. I wanted Baker to do something about it.”
“Wait while I finish this,” Alex called, then carefully poured the boiling tea through the strainer. A touch of cream and sugar and he carried the cup out to the living room and put it on the table next to Sydney’s elbow.
She was hugging her arms against herself, as if she was cold. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m looking forward to drinking it. I enjoyed the first one so much.”
“Perhaps I’ll teach you how to make it for yourself.” He pointed to the footstool. “May I?”
She nodded and picked up the cup.
He pulled it over in front of her and sat on it. “In your conversation with Captain Baker, did you threaten to take the matter up with Internal Affairs?”
Sydney’s eyes grew very big over the top of the cup. She put it down slowly. “How did you know that?”
“I can’t say right now,” Alex told her. Damn, he should have figured out the answer to that question ahead of time. She was already on high alert. He pushed on anyway. “There were two other lieutenants in the room with you. A black man, and a man with a pug nose, that looks like it’s been at the end of too many fists.”
Sydney hugged herself again. “Jimmy Yonkers and McLeary,” she said, and her voice was hoarse. “Was there a bug in that room? Hidden surveillance? How do you know about it?”
Alex shook his head. “That’s not the important part,” he told her. He had to get her to focus on the conversation itself and not how he knew about it. “After you left the room, Sydney, the three of them discussed you.”
She gave a wry smile. “I’m the only female lieutenant in the precinct. I get talked about a lot.”
“Not this way. They conspired. Against you.”
Sydney stared at him, and now he knew she was focused properly. “To what end?” she asked, her voice even.
“I don’t know,” Alex said. “Baker told the two of them to get you out of his station. Yonkers…that’s the black man?”
Kiss Across Deserts Page 17
