by Melody Grace
“I’ll drink to that!” Tegan raises her glass in a toast. “To the birthday girl!”
“Happy birthday!”
The chorus washes over me, and I feel that lump well up in my throat again. I always hated birthdays because they made me feel so alone, but here I am, surrounded by friendship and support. Everyone in this room came to hang out with me tonight, and just looking around at all the warm faces makes me realize just how far I’ve come.
I’m not that lonely girl, hiding out alone in the stairwell at school anymore. I’m not the one stuck sneaking my lunch in the library rather than face sitting alone in the dining hall; I’m not curled up in my bunk on a Friday night, wishing plaintively that I had someplace to go, and somebody to do it with.
I’m here. I made it through, just like Blake promised all those years ago, and now my life is full of friendship and adventure, just the way I always wanted.
It’s a dream come too.
“You OK, babe?” Tegan slides her arms around me, hugging me as I take in the scene.
I swallow back my happy tears and smile. “I’m perfect,” I smile, hugging her back. “Everything is just perfect.”
“I’m glad.” Tegan squeezes me. More than anyone else, she knows just how much high school messed me up, and the scars I’m still trying to ignore. “It’s great to see you in your element. Not just with my brother, but with the movie too. I can tell you really love it.”
“I do. It’s funny to suddenly discover you can do something,” I smile. “I mean, I always loved movies, but I never thought about being a part of it myself. But Dash doesn’t think my writing sucks, and who knows what could happen if I take the time and really learn something?”
“Anything could happen.” Tegan grins. “And speaking of movies, who’s ready for a Clueless/Pitch Perfect double bill?”
“Really?” Brit wrinkles her lip. “Aren’t they kind of dumb?”
Tegan and I exchange a look. “She doesn’t even realize,” I shake my head dramatically.
“You poor, uneducated girl,” Tegan tuts along with me. “Prepare to have your mind blown!”
Two movies, three bottles of champagne, and countless tubs of popcorn later, it’s midnight and we’re practically comatose on the living room floor.
“Admit it.” I toss popcorn at Brit as the credits roll. “You loved them.”
“I saw you singing along,” Sophie adds, smirking.
“OK, OK.” She catches a kernel in her mouth. “You were right. Those movies are awesome.”
“Better not let anyone hear you say that,” Carina giggles from her spot lying horizontal on the couch. “It’ll ruin your bad girl reputation.”
“Wait, what?” I laugh. “Since when are you bad?”
Brit rolls her eyes. “I used to be feared and loathed in equal measure up and down the coast,” she declares dramatically. “Then I met Hunter, and all that melted away.”
I laugh. “Tegan’s like that too with Ryland.”
“Am not!” Tegan protests, kicking me.
“Sure you are. And it’s a good thing,” I add. “We’ve had enough dark and twisty to last a lifetime.”
“Amen to that,” she agrees. Her face turns thoughtful, watching me. “What about you and Blake? You think you guys are in it for real?”
“I hope so.” I pause. “I know it’s only been a little while, but…it feels right to be together. That’s the only way I can describe it. All along, he’s been the only one for me.”
“Awww, that’s so romantic.” Sophie smiles. “When I first met Austin, I couldn’t stand him.”
“What?” I exclaim. I can’t believe it. My heart may have belonged to Blake for years, but even I still noticed how gorgeous Austin is, with his Southern charm and sexy grin. “But he’s so hot!”
Sophie laughs. “I know, but when we met, he tried hitting on me after running through every name in his phone book. I wasn’t exactly impressed.”
“But it all worked out for the best.” Tegan smiles, satisfied. She looks around the room. “Wait, I just realized, everyone’s paired up now.”
“Just you wait.” Carina sits up with a groan. “It’ll be onesies and late-night feeds for you all soon. Speaking of which, I have to get back to my guys. Thanks for the brief glimpse of sanity.” She gets up, and we all hug goodbye. I show her to the door, promising to come up and say hi the next time I’m at the bar.
I walk back to the living room, and dig out my purse to check my phone.
“Has he texted yet?” Tegan asks.
I shake my head, worried. “Not since he landed. He promised he’d call when he got to talk to the director, but…maybe it didn’t work out.” I cringe, thinking of Blake’s disappointment. I’m the one who put him up to it, who gave him the crazy idea in the first place. But what if I was wrong? What if I’ve only made things worse?
“It’ll be OK,” Tegan reassures me. “My brother can charm the pants off anyone. And if he doesn’t, well, he’s missed out on auditions before. He’ll deal with this too.”
I scroll through my messages, when something occurs to me.
“My parents didn’t call.”
Tegan gives me a sympathetic look. “That sucks.”
I shake off the feeling of disappointment. “They’re probably busy. And with the time difference overseas…”
I realize that I didn’t notice before now. There was a time I would have been waiting by the phone all day with a growing sense of disappointment, but without even realizing, I’ve built a new family for myself, a good one. Maybe that’s part of growing up now: stopping expecting people to change, and instead, appreciating the ones who do show up.
I tuck my phone away and look around the room: at my friends, at my family, at the people who really care. This is where I belong.
“Who wants to watch Bring It On?”
22.
It’s past two a.m. by the time we fall asleep in a tangle of blankets and pillows, but when I wake up, I’m alone in the wreckage of candy wrappers and blankets.
“What time is it?” I groan, pulling myself up. It’s already light outside the windows, the sky a crisp, clear blue above the sparkling ocean. I check my phone. Crap! “I have to be on set by nine!”
But there’s no reply; the living room is empty. I wander down the hallway, yawning, until I find Tegan, Brit and Sophie crowded around a laptop in Dex’s office. They’re still in their pajamas too, staring at the screen with worried expressions on their faces.
“What’s up?” I ask, leaning in the doorway.
Tegan jolts, and quickly slams the laptop shut. “Nothing!” she yelps.
I stare at them. “Tegan?” I ask, confused.
She shoves the laptop under a cushion and bounces up. “Who’s hungry? I’m hungry. But I don’t want to put on real clothes. Let’s make breakfast here. I can do eggs, and Sophie, you’re great at pancakes, right?”
“Right!” Everyone nods and hustles for the door.
“Come on.” Tegan grabs my arm and tries to pull me back down the hallway, but I shake her off. I’m getting a terrible feeling, like when people in high school were whispering about me, and I didn’t know what they were saying.
“What’s going on, you guys?” I ask again, trying not to be paranoid.
“Nothing,” Tegan insists. “Nothing except my stomach rumbling loud enough for them to hear it in China.”
I look back and forth between them. Tegan is smiling, too bright. Brit looks uncomfortable, and Sophie glances nervously back to the couch.
I suddenly lunge for the laptop, and flip the screen open again. “What were you looking at? Come on, I just—”
My words die on my lips.
Blake’s Babes! Star gets frisky with Selena and Bethany on wild night out.
It’s a gossip blog, plastered with photos of Blake and two gorgeous women. I recognize Selena May, the hottest young actress in Hollywood right now, nestled in close, whispering in his ear. On his other side, som
e Victoria’s Secret model has her arm wrapped around him, pouting at the camera.
My heart drops.
“These are old photos, right?” My voice wavers. “From months ago?”
Please let them be old. They have to be old.
Tegan slowly shakes her head. “They’re from last night. In New York.”
I stare at the screen in a daze. As if possessed, my hand moves to click through the rest of the photos. There’s Blake in some bar, dancing with Selena. There’s them in the booth, drinking and partying. And then there’s the three of them stumbling out of the club and into a cab, looking like they’re having the wildest party in town.
Sources say they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. But which lucky lady made it home with Blake? Knowing this Romeo, maybe he didn’t have to choose.
I gulp, tears stinging my eyes.
“You know it’s all bullshit,” Tegan says, coming over. She puts a hand on my shoulder, and gives it a supportive squeeze. “Remember those stories about him and Lila? They said the same thing, and you know it was all made up.”
“This is different,” I say quietly, my heart aching.
Different, because instead of coming home for my birthday like he promised, Blake went out partying with a room full of gorgeous women.
Different, because when I check my phone, he still hasn’t called or texted me.
Different, because suddenly, I feel the distance open up between us again. Between his life and mine; between the paparazzi, and supermodels, and A-list hangouts, and me, slumped here in my old pajamas, feeling like I’m sixteen all over again.
He doesn’t even realize I’m waiting on him.
“C’mon, I mean it about breakfast.” Tegan tries to smile, like she can tell what I’m thinking and wants to distract me. “Just wait before jumping to conclusions. Blake will be home soon, I bet he’s got an explanation. You guys can talk and straighten it out.”
I nod and let her pull me to my feet and down the hall to where Brit and Sophie are already busy making breakfast: the radio on, pans and griddle clattering with noise. I take a seat and let it all wash over me, and I pray that they’re right. This is all just a misunderstanding, and everything will be OK.
But if that’s the truth, then where is he now?
***
“Hey, it’s me, just checking in again. I don’t know if you’re flying back, but…I hope the meeting went well. Call me.”
I hang up, feeling like a total needy idiot. It’s almost noon, and I still haven’t heard a thing from Blake. I don’t know what’s going on: if he’s moping somewhere because he didn’t get the role, or on a flight, or…
Or still in bed with Selena and Bethany.
No! I cut off that thought, and turn my attention back to work. If I can keep busy, maybe it will distract me from all the questions whirling in my mind. Even without Blake around, things on the movie production are moving full speed ahead. We’ve been shooting around his absence, all the scenes with Lila and the supporting characters, and now we’re back at the beach, getting shots of Lila walking in the shallows, gazing contemplatively out at the ocean.
Dash is down by the water’s edge now, talking her through it. He sets everything ready, and then yells, “Action!”
Lila slowly turns to the water. I watch Dash direct the cameraman to zoom in on her face. I can see the emotion in her eyes. She looks sad and confused—just the way I feel right now. Slowly, she walks the shoreline, heartbreak written all over her face.
“And, cut!” Dash yells. “Perfect, love. It’s a wrap.”
“Finally!” Lila rolls her eyes, the vulnerable expression gone in an instant. “Do you know how freezing this water is?” She wades out and makes a beeline for the trailer, angrily shaking off the assistant who comes to offer her a warm robe.
Dash catches me watching and smirks. “I told you she’d warm up once you got to know her.”
I manage a smile. “Anything you need on the script?” I ask, wanting some distraction.
“We’re all set, thanks.” Dash looks around and exhales. “Can you believe we’ve just got another week left? I thought we’d never get this far.”
Only a week? My heart twists again. Here in the Beachwood Bay bubble, everything seemed safe, but now with the end in sight, all my insecurities build again. I’ve seen what Blake’s life is like out there in the real world. Hell, the front page of all the gossip magazines will remind me tomorrow if I ever thought to forget.
So what happens with us?
“Damn, I forgot,” Dash suddenly curses. “I wanted to tell Lila we’re switching back to the reunion scene after lunch, see if we can get some good takes while it’s clear overhead. Can you run and pass the message along?”
“Sure, but, Blake isn’t back yet,” I frown.
“He’s on his way,” Dash tells me absently, already checking his tablet again. “He called an hour ago, just landed, should be back soon.”
“Oh. OK.”
I back away and go trudge up the dunes. Blake called Dash—but still hasn’t bothered to contact me. Is it because he’s feeling guilty?
Or, worse still, because he just didn’t even think of me.
I gulp back my heartache and go tap lightly on Lila’s trailer.
“Come in!” her voice sounds.
I step inside, curious. Lila’s trailer has been off-limits for weeks to everyone except her assistant and makeup people. Now, I look around. It’s a narrow space, with costumes and makeup on every surface and a surprising number of books scattered around.
Lila is curled up in a corner, her hands wrapped around a steaming mug. “What do you need?” she asks, but she sounds tired instead of scathing.
“Dash wanted to tell you,we’re back on the reunion scene after lunch.”
Lila’s eyes close for a moment, she tilts her head back against the chair. “Dammit,” she murmurs, “I’m not ready for that scene. I don’t have it yet.”
She opens her eyes again, and I’m shocked to see real vulnerability in her expression.
“You’ll be fine,” I reassure her. “I watched you rehearse with Blake. You guys were great.”
“He was great,” Lila corrects me with a wry look. “But me? My last movie was a teen slasher thing, the director spent more time telling me to push my cleavage up than actually act. I’ve been doing the best I can, but… We’re running out of time here, and I want to be good. Not just ‘oh, Lila looks great in that outfit’ good, but real, you know? And this scene is everything, I have to sell it.”
I feel a surge of sympathy for her. I’ve spent all this time assuming she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her—or that she’s totally oblivious in her pampered little world. But Lila knows exactly what her reputation is, and she desperately wants to prove everyone wrong.
“Well, what are you having problems with?” I ask, taking a seat beside her.
She inhales. “It’s just, this scene. It’s the big reunion, right? He comes and apologizes, and she welcomes him with open arms. But I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how she can forgive someone who hurt her like that.”
“He pushed her away because he was trying to protect her,” I explain, but Lila still shakes her head.
“If he pulled that stuff with me, it would be game over,” she says, her lips pressing in a thin line. “If you forgive someone once, they’ll just hurt you again. Then you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. She’s being weak and dumb.”
Lila’s face is determined, and it makes me wonder who hurt her, what made her become so brittle and closed off.
“But you’re not this character,” I reason. “She’s never done this before. He’s her first love, her only love. She trusts him, she wants to believe. Don’t you remember how you felt the first time? When you were so wrapped up in someone, you’d do anything to believe the best in him?”
Lila gives me a look. “Trust me, flash forward a year from now, and this guy’ll be up to his old tricks
, and my character will be alone again.”
“Maybe, but for now, you need to be true to her innocence.” I shrug. “Dig deep, and find that part of yourself that really believed in happily-ever-after. It’s the only way you’ll be authentic in front of the cameras.”
Lila takes a deep breath. “Thanks,” she says quietly. “I know I haven’t been the easiest to work with, but…I just get so nervous. I know Dash didn’t want me on the movie, I wanted to just keep my head down and make it through.”
I blink, surprised by the apology. “It’s OK. We all want the same thing here, for this movie to be great.”
Her gaze turns curious. “And what about you, how are you holding up?”
“What do you mean?”
“Please.” She arches a perfect eyebrow. “I read the internet, you know. Are you going to be like her, and forgive and forget?” She nods towards the script.
I shift, uncomfortable. “I don’t know he needs forgiving. It was all probably blown out of proportion.”
Lila bites her lip, as if she’s deciding something. Then she leans forward with a sympathetic look. “Look, you seem like a sweet girl,” she says, “but you don’t get it. This is how the game works, and those photos? That’s your boyfriend playing it for all he’s worth.”
“Game?” I frown.
“Fame. Hollywood.” Lila shrugs. “Blake and I, we’re only worth as much as someone’s willing to pay to see us up on screen, and those people reading the gossip magazines, they’re the ones buying the tickets. Getting photographed with Selena was a smart move,” she adds admiringly. “She’s the real deal. Awards, serious movies, everyone loves her right now. A big public relationship with her would drown out the chatter about Blake’s bad reviews.”
My head spins. “But he’s not dating her. We’re together!”
Lila sighs. “For now. But what happens when the movie wraps and he goes back to LA? His agents will want him out every night, award shows and premieres, rubbing shoulders with the A-list. And then he’ll be off filming for months at a time, on the other side of the world. You think he’s going to find time for you then?”
