by Kate Eastham
Florence Nightingale
‘I saw Nancy at the back of the church,’ whispered Alice, as she stood with Eddy in the churchyard.
‘What?’ said Eddy out loud.
‘Shh, keep your voice down,’ said Alice, moving a few more paces away from the wedding party.
‘When I got up with the baby, she was there, sitting at the back, as large as life, with a strange smile on her face.’
‘Are you sure you weren’t—’
‘I wasn’t seeing things. It was her, all right, she looked straight through me.’
‘What was she doing there?’ said Eddy, almost to herself, as she followed Alice’s gaze towards Maud and Harry standing outside the church.
‘I don’t know, I didn’t tell anyone – did you?’
Alice saw Eddy’s eyes widen and she took a sharp breath, ‘Oh no,’ she said.
‘Oh no, what?’ said Alice, glaring at her friend.
‘Well, I might have told Millicent Langtry.’
‘Millicent Langtry!’ hissed Alice, struggling to keep her own voice down. ‘She’s the biggest gossip around. And Nancy’s had her at her beck and call for ages. Didn’t you know?’
‘No,’ said Eddy, looking forlorn, ‘I had no idea. Millicent is so slow and she seems so quiet with everything.’
Instantly Alice couldn’t help but feel sorry for her friend, and she knew that Eddy would never deliberately do anything to harm a living soul. She didn’t always think before she spoke, that’s all.
‘I’m sorry, Alice,’ said Eddy contritely.
‘Well, she only came to the church, that’s all. Maud didn’t see her, so no harm done, hey.’
‘I suppose not,’ murmured Eddy, glancing over again to Maud and Harry as they clung to each other.
‘So that’s all right then,’ said Alice, not believing herself for one moment. There was no way that Nancy Sellers would do anything without a reason. Why would she turn up and not say anything to anyone? She was up to something, all right.
‘Come on, Eddy,’ Alice said, seeing Maud smile towards them and beckon. ‘Time to get going.’
There was no lingering over the wedding breakfast which was provided in a dark tavern near the docks. Although the whole party knew that they had time to spare, they could hear the sound of the harbour and the cry of the gulls, and it felt as if all the ships were about to leave. So they got through the pies and the pastries in double quick time. And after Harry had downed a good few pints of ale, they all emerged, relieved to be back in the light.
Alfred went straight over to Harry’s dog, Rita. She’d been brought by a friend and left tied up outside the tavern. Alice had never seen that dog make so much fuss of anybody. Rita was usually steadfast by Harry’s side, but there she was, wagging her tail, making a noise and licking the boy’s face.
Victoria squealed with delight when she saw the dog and Alice crouched down with her so that she could reach out a chubby arm and grab the creature’s fur. The baby loved the scraggy animal and the dog never growled or snapped even when Victoria gave it a good squeeze with both hands. Alice quickly eased away Victoria’s tiny fingers and gave the dog a stroke to soothe her, but Rita was so taken with Alfred that she hardly noticed. When Alice straightened up, Stella and Marie were there. They’d just said their goodbyes to Maud and Harry and were heading back to the brothel to make sure that all was in order for another busy night of trade.
‘See you later, Alice,’ said Stella, her eyes full of sympathy. ‘I know how close you and Maud are, I saw that the first time you both came to see me at the house. You will miss her.’
‘I will,’ said Alice quietly, ‘but this is a wonderful opportunity for Maud, working in New York … and she might not be gone for good, who knows?’
‘Who knows? Hey,’ said Stella with a smile. But Alice knew her well enough by now to be sure that she wasn’t convinced. ‘Anyway, we’ll see you back at the house later on …’
Alice nodded and shifted the position of the baby in her arms.
‘Come on, Alice,’ said Eddy, appearing at her side, tickling the baby and making her laugh. ‘Let me carry her for a bit.’ Alice handed the baby over and then watched as Eddy swung her up into the air, before settling her on a hip.
Maud turned back and called, ‘Come on, you two,’ and Harry led the way, easily carrying a large trunk balanced on his shoulder, the dog trotting at his side in a steady rhythm. Alice could see Miss Fairchild dutifully following along behind, her back stiff and her shoulders held square, as she clung to Alfred’s hand.
Alice linked her arm through Eddy’s as she bounced along with the baby and then she held on even more tightly when they got closer to the dock. It was crammed with people carrying bags and shouting to each other. Alice was trying to take it all in and stay calm when … Bang! The sound of an explosion echoed around the harbour.
Alice screeched with fright and grabbed Eddy and the baby.
‘Eddy, what was that?’ she yelled. ‘It sounded like a gun firing.’
When she didn’t get a reply, Alice shook her friend’s arm. But then she realized that Eddy was laughing her head off.
‘What?’ demanded Alice, feeling her face starting to flush with irritation.
‘Sorry, Alice, I should have told you … to expect it,’ snorted Eddy. ‘That’s just the One O’Clock Gun, the cannon that they fire from Birkenhead every afternoon. It’s a time check for all the ships so that they can set their chronometers.’
‘Well, I don’t know what a chronometer is, but you could have warned me about the gun,’ shouted Alice, over the noise of a horse and cart that were rumbling past. ‘I thought we were under attack.’
‘Under attack,’ murmured Eddy, and she started to laugh even more, then she was grabbing Alice’s arm to pull her out of the way of a porter who was pushing a handcart piled with luggage.
‘Come on, stick by me,’ shouted Eddy, looking to make sure that they didn’t lose sight of Harry as he walked ahead.
Alice began to feel even more flustered when they found themselves in amongst another crowd of people. Miraculously, Eddy managed to find them a quiet corner to stand whilst Harry and Alfred went off to find out exactly where they should embark. She even found an upturned crate for Alice to sit with Victoria on her knee. Maud came to stand right next to her, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder, and then she leant down to stroke the baby’s head. Alice could feel her friend’s joy and pain in that one simple gesture.
Alice opened her mouth to speak but Maud was there first.
‘I will be fine, and so will you,’ she said in her steady way, continuing to stroke the baby’s head. ‘And I’ll write to you as soon as I can.’
‘I know you will,’ said Alice quietly. ‘It’s just that, well …’
‘I know, I know,’ said Maud, taking Alice’s hand and giving it a squeeze, ‘I feel the same.’
Then, holding her arms out to take the baby for one last time, Maud straightened up with her. ‘And I’ll miss you as well, little one, won’t I?’ Victoria gurgled and then she put her tiny hand on Maud’s cheek. Alice could see her friend whispering to the baby and kissing her and then smelling her hair. And she could see that her eyes were brimming with tears.
‘She’s always happy when she’s with you, Maud,’ said Alice gently, ‘and she won’t forget you.’
Maud kissed the baby’s cheek again and then she held her tight against her own body.
‘I will be back,’ said Maud. ‘We don’t know when, but I will be back.’
Miss Fairchild had come to stand close and she was talking to the baby. ‘Will she come to me?’ she asked.
Maud gave Victoria one last kiss and then handed her over.
‘Well now, young lady,’ said Miss Fairchild, holding the baby slightly away from her body, ‘look at you.’
The baby was quiet, staring at the older woman’s face.
‘She has lovely hair,’ said Miss Fairchild. ‘Is that a streak of red that�
��s coming in the front?’
‘It is, yes,’ said Alice, and as she spoke the baby reached out her arms to come back to her mother.
‘They never stay long with me,’ said Miss Fairchild with a tinge of sadness in her voice.
Alice gave Maud a nudge, indicating that she needed to say goodbye to her former housekeeper. She knew how formal Maud could be sometimes, so wasn’t surprised one bit when she saw her friend shake Miss Fairchild’s hand.
Alice could sense the loss that the older woman was feeling; she knew that Maud and Alfred were like family to her. So she did not hesitate – somehow it felt right – she put her arm around Miss Fairchild just for a moment as she stood there. It felt strange, to be so close that she could smell the woman’s face powder, and the scent of lavender water, and she could feel how straight, how corseted she was. And how she seemed to stiffen further with the contact.
Then, as Alice drew back from her momentary gesture, she could see the woman starting to smile. And then Miss Fairchild was reaching out a hand to stroke the baby’s face. Alice held her breath, but she had no need to worry: Victoria was smiling, properly smiling now, at the housekeeper.
‘There you go,’ she said gently. ‘My daughter really seems to be taking to you.’
‘This way!’ shouted Harry as he reappeared with the boy and grabbed hold of the trunk.
And the spell was broken. Victoria, startled, clutched her mother and Miss Fairchild stepped back, straightening her bodice.
Harry put down the trunk for a moment, instantly concerned that he’d frightened the baby. ‘Sorry, sweetness,’ he said, taking a moment to stroke her cheek, and then kissing her gently. ‘Bye for now, little girl.’
In that moment Alice knew that she’d caught a glimpse of the Harry that Maud had fallen in love with.
‘Wait till you see it! It’s a fine ship … and at least I won’t be shovelling coal to stoke the boilers this time,’ he said, as he hoisted the trunk back on to his shoulder and strode away.
Alice and Maud exchanged a glance, both bewildered. When did he ever do that? thought Alice, and why has he never told Maud?
The dock was bristling with masts and the whole group were excited because the couple were to cross the Atlantic on a brand-new ship of the White Star Line, the Oceanic. It was a paddle steamer, but it also had sails, and there had been much talk around Liverpool about the new luxuries that travellers could expect on board. Alice could feel the buzz of excitement amongst the crowd who were packed on to the quay, many having come just to see the ship set sail.
Alice walked beside Maud, following Harry as he pushed his way through the crowd, and they had their first glimpse of the ship. The Oceanic didn’t look much different to the other ships as far as Alice could see, and she couldn’t help but feel a bit resentful towards it. All she could see was something that was going to take her best friend away from her.
She grabbed hold of Maud’s hand, as they were swept along on a wave of excitement with people pushing and shouting all around them. Then they were there, at the departure gate, and Harry was speaking to some man in a uniform. Alice knew there were only minutes left so she grabbed hold of Maud and gave her one last hug.
Alice didn’t want to let her friend go, and in that moment she knew that Maud felt exactly the same. The two women clung together. Alice could feel a tightness in her chest and she swallowed hard to control it. But as Maud pulled away, she sobbed, from deep inside. She couldn’t help it. Maud took out a neatly folded handkerchief from her pocket, leant in and wiped Alice’s tears and then she grabbed her hand and gave it one last squeeze.
‘Goodbye, Alice,’ she sniffed, before turning to Eddy. Alice watched as Eddy gave Maud a huge hug. She could see how they were both struggling to keep the tears in; Eddy was making so much effort that her face was bright red.
Miss Fairchild had pushed her way through so that she could crouch down and give Alfred a hug as he stood quietly next to Maud, holding him so tight that it looked as though she was squeezing the breath out of him. Eddy had to help the woman up in the end so that the boy could be released. But he didn’t run straight off like many would; he stood close to the older woman for a few moments and took her hand, whilst she got her breath back.
Then Harry turned from his conversation with the man in uniform and within seconds Maud was walking up the gangplank holding Alfred’s hand. And as she was moving away Alice felt another sob rising in her chest. She didn’t even try to keep it in this time; she just let it come.
Maud and Alfred stood at the side of the ship, waving madly. Alice started to cry even more and Victoria squirmed in her arms and started to whimper. Eddy put a strong arm around both of them.
It took some time for all the passengers to board, but Alice, Eddy and Miss Fairchild were determined to stay right where they were. They weren’t going anywhere until they saw that ship well out into the harbour. At last a whistle blew and the crowd stood quietly for a few moments, waiting whilst the gangplank was removed and the ropes were unfastened, and then the ship began to edge away from the harbour wall. A huge cheer went up from the crowd and then people on the ship and on dry land were all waving and shouting out to each other. Alice kept her eyes on Maud’s face. As the ship moved away she felt as if something was stretching inside her, more and more as the ship headed further out.
Somewhere on deck a fiddle started to play and a plaintive voice began singing about the leaving of Liverpool. Then there were other voices on the ship and on shore joining in with the chorus …
So fare thee well, my own true love,
For when I return united we will be,
It’s not the leaving of Liverpool that grieves me,
But my darlin’ when I think of thee.
Alice and Eddy let out a sob at the same time as the ship edged away.
They gave one last wave and then continued to watch as the ship eased out into the estuary, the sound of the fiddle growing fainter and fainter. Alice reached out a hand to a woman standing beside her who was weeping uncontrollably. ‘It’s my only sister,’ she sobbed, ‘my only sister.’
‘I’m sorry,’ said Alice, giving the woman’s arm a squeeze, and then rooting in her pocket and fishing out a clean handkerchief to give to her.
‘Thank you,’ said the woman, trying to smile.
When Alice looked back to the ship she realized that she couldn’t hear the sound of the fiddle any more or properly make out the shape of Maud. She was gone. Alice stood resolute, wiping the tears from her eyes with the flat of her hand and holding Victoria tight against her body.
Miss Fairchild stood with her hand pressed over her heart, as if she was holding back a pain. And then, seeing the girls, she handed each of them a lavender-scented handkerchief. Alice watched as Eddy gave her nose a good blow on the fine linen. It made her smile, at least, and then she started to giggle.
‘What?’ said Eddy as she finished with a big wipe of her nose and stuffed the handkerchief up her sleeve.
‘Nothing,’ said Alice. ‘I love you, that’s all.’
Alice walked back at a steady pace, thinking over the events of the day, saying goodbye to Maud over and over in her head. She couldn’t help but feel apprehensive for the new family. They would be out to sea now, across to Ireland and then on the open water to America. She shuddered as she thought about the vast expanse that was the Atlantic Ocean. What if something went wrong? What if the ship sank?
Feeling the baby stirring against her, she immediately switched her attention as Victoria started to cry. Alice felt the surge of milk in her breasts and she knew that she’d have to find somewhere to feed. If she tried to make it back to Stella’s place Victoria would be screaming blue murder by the time they got there. The only place she knew where she would be able to sit for a while without attracting attention was in front of St George’s Hall. If she sat with her back to the looming building, she maybe wouldn’t feel overawed by it, and on a warm afternoon like this it would be full of pe
ople.
Alice found a space to sit next to some women on the stone steps right behind Prince Albert’s horse. As she sat down, the women smiled at her and then they continued with their conversation, keeping an eye on their children as they ran around the statues and up and down the many steps that led up to the Hall. It was easy for Alice to feed the baby once she had the front of her bodice undone. The large shawl that she used to wrap the baby covered everything.
As she sat, Alice tried to relax and put the sadness of Maud’s leaving to the back of her mind. She drifted along with the sound of the murmuring conversation beside her and the sharper comments of people passing by, all punctuated by the intermittent cry of the gulls. The sudden laughter of two young men walking by, smartly dressed in suits, made her look up. Those two looked happy, not a care in the world as they walked along side by side, chatting. Then coming in the other direction she saw the grey face of an older man, his eyes dead, walking as if in a trance. She looked straight back down to the baby. She knew that something terrible must have happened to him; he looked like somebody who had lost everything.
Alice shifted the baby over to the other breast and then settled back into the rhythm of the feed. The next time she looked up, she saw a girl with blond hair straight down her back, walking slowly, helping an ancient woman with a face creased with wrinkles who could barely walk. The slowness of their pace was almost painful, and the old woman was bundled up in layers of clothes and a heavy shawl. Alice could see by the girl’s face that she was desperately worried about the old woman.
Easily passing the old woman and the girl was a man on crutches with a white dog trotting by his side. He looked familiar and as he came closer Alice saw exactly who it was. He’d been a patient on her first ward at the Liverpool Royal, when she’d been a probationer alongside Maud, in what now seemed like a lifetime ago. She remembered him very well; he’d been coming off the drink and full of the shakes and very noisy. He’d been in the next bed to Alfred. How strange that she should see this man again, today of all days. The day that Maud had left for America.
