by Kate Eastham
‘I’ve never felt more sure about anything in my life, ever,’ said Alice, calm now and measuring her words. ‘Once he’d gone to Australia, I never really thought of him again until I found out I was carrying his child. And then, my feelings were vague. We grew up together, I didn’t know any better. If he’d come back before the baby was born, I wouldn’t have had any choice, and I was in such a state I probably would just have gone back home with him and settled down. But now … my life feels so different. I feel truly alive and I love the work. I’d have to give up everything. I can’t do it, Eddy, I just can’t, and he won’t know any different. I’ll tell him I need to stay here and finish my training; he’ll go back home and he’ll find some other girl to marry.’
‘Well, Alice, you seem pretty sure to me … But you need to go and tell him now, get it over with,’ Eddy said, glancing at the door. ‘You go first, I’ll follow along behind, so I can keep an eye on things. You’ll have to make out that you’re living here, inside the Nurses’ Home, so he won’t be suspicious.’
‘Righto,’ said Alice, still sure of her conviction but feeling butterflies in her stomach with the thought of encountering him again.
She saw him waiting. He looked up and smiled as she approached and in that moment she was even more sure of her decision. There was no spark, no connection between them. Not like she had with Morgan.
‘I can’t stay long,’ she said immediately. ‘They’re very fussy about us spending time outside in the evening and we need to have our evening meal.’
Jamie nodded and tried to take her hand. Alice slipped it deftly from his grasp.
‘I might as well come straight out and tell you, Jamie,’ she said. ‘I’m not coming home. I love the work here, my life is in Liverpool now …’
She saw him reel back as if she’d punched him.
‘But I can’t come and live here, Alice,’ he said. ‘My work is in farming, you know that.’
‘I do know that,’ she said quietly, waiting for him to realize.
‘But that means that we will be living apart.’
‘It does, and the thing is, Jamie, the hospital doesn’t allow nurses to be married anyway, so—’
‘So what you are saying is that you would rather stay here, in this sinful place, with all these people, and the filth on the streets. You want to stay here and nurse sick people in that crowded, horrible ward,’ he hissed at her, his eyes blazing with anger now.
‘Yes,’ said Alice simply, struggling more than ever to recognize this man who used to be so quietly spoken.
‘Do you have any idea what I’ve been through out there, Alice? I’ve been robbed and tricked and beaten. All so that I could try and make some kind of a living. All the time thinking that I could get some money together and come back to you …’
‘Well, I’m sorry for that,’ said Alice firmly. ‘But when we parted it seemed that you had no real intention of coming back.’
She screamed as he grabbed both her arms and started to shake her. ‘Don’t you start telling me what my intentions were,’ he shouted, his callused hands digging into her flesh.
‘Oi,’ shouted Eddy, immediately there by Alice’s side. ‘You let go of her.’
‘And who are you?’ he blazed.
‘I’m a senior nurse at this hospital, and if you don’t let go of her I will call the police.’
‘Pah,’ spat Jamie, releasing Alice and throwing her off balance.
Eddy grabbed her and held her tight.
‘You go home, Jamie, just go home,’ sobbed Alice. ‘Go and make a new life for yourself.’
He growled something in return as he backed away, and then he turned and stalked off down the street without a backward glance.
‘He’s gone, he’s gone,’ murmured Eddy. ‘And it looks like he won’t be back. But just to be on the safe side, once you’ve got your cape and hat on, we’ll leave through the back of the building tonight. I’ll be with you every step of the way, Alice, every step of the way. And when you arrive in the morning, I’ll be watching and waiting to make sure that the coast is clear.’
Alice slept poorly that night. The thought of Jamie had moved into her like some demon. She woke feeling ragged.
‘You take care out there today, Alice,’ said Marie, as she bent over the crib to kiss Victoria. ‘You can never trust a fella who thinks he’s got a claim on you.’
Alice nodded. She didn’t really think that Jamie would turn up again; he had never had much staying power. Once he lost face with anything, usually that was it. But she would be on the lookout.
As she approached the Nurses’ Home she could see Eddy on the step, peering around like some guard on sentry duty. As soon as she spotted Alice she shouted over, ‘All clear.’
Alice couldn’t help but laugh. Eddy would never be able to keep a low profile.
The ward was busy, as always, and that really helped. Alice submerged herself in it, taking even more time than usual to provide the detail of care. Tommy and Mr Swain kept her busy, and they had a couple of new admissions, one of which went straight to theatre for abdominal surgery. He was in the next bed to Tommy and needed regular attention post-operatively. Just at visiting time, as she was finishing a dressing check and trying to get her new patient to take a sip of water, she spotted Tommy waving frantically in her direction. At first she thought that he must need some laudanum or something, but then she saw him pointing down the ward. The visitors were just starting to file into the ward, and leading the way, she was horrified to see, was Jamie. He was glancing from side to side. He was looking for her.
She thought of ducking down by the side of the bed, but she could see the tension in his body; she knew that he would search and search until he found her. Best to step out and confront him, she thought.
‘There you are,’ he called, striding towards her.
Alice stood her ground and folded both arms in front of her.
He came right up to her, his eyes burning into her. ‘I hope that you’ve been thinking things through, Alice. And you can see the error of your ways.’
‘I have not changed my mind, Jamie,’ she said, meeting his gaze. Noting again the thickness of his neck, the new roughness of his voice.
‘We’ll see about that,’ he said, grabbing her arm.
Alice caught a fleeting image of the alarm on Tommy’s face and then she could hear him calling down the ward, ‘Sister, Sister.’
‘You need to come with me, now,’ Jamie said, his voice breaking.
‘No,’ she cried, wrenching her arm free. ‘I can’t do that. My work here is important to me. I told you all of this yesterday. I am staying here.’
‘You have to, you will—’
‘I will not,’ said Alice, planting her feet square, her breath coming fast and catching in her throat.
‘Are you still telling me that this work, this stuff and nonsense about nursing, is more important to you than I am?’
‘Yes,’ said Alice simply. ‘I won’t change my mind. I’m sorry, but—’
‘I’m not having it, Alice!’ he shouted, lunging at her, grabbing the starched cap off her head, scrunching and twisting it in his hands before throwing it to the floor.
The ward had fallen silent, apart from one patient who was groaning in pain. Alice was in tears, her resolve broken. She bent down to pick her cap up, hearing at once the sound of Sister Law shouting down the ward, ‘Mr Delaney, Mr Walker, please escort that young man off my ward and out of the hospital. Now.’
Alice straightened up, still determined to stand her ground. Then she saw Jamie start to make another lunge for her; she knew by his face he was going to drag her off the ward if need be.
‘No!’ she shouted.
In that moment, she saw a figure step between her and Jamie. It was the Reverend Seed.
Jamie must have been shocked to see a man of the cloth standing in his way. For one moment Alice thought that he had given up.
Then she heard his voice. ‘Step aside, Rever
end.’
‘I will not,’ said the Reverend firmly.
Jamie tried to push past him, but the Reverend stood his ground, shielding her.
She heard Jamie growl and then the Reverend ducked down, as Jamie threw a punch.
Immediately, the Reverend straightened and neatly planted a punch, right on Jamie’s nose.
He staggered back; his nose was bleeding. And Michael and Stephen were straight there, one at either side of him.
‘Well done there, Reverend Seed, I never would have thought you could use a punch like that,’ said Michael as he and Stephen dragged Jamie off the ward.
He shot Alice a glance as they led him away; she saw the fury in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to kill her.
Alice tried to steady herself but her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking as she stood there holding the crushed cap, desperately trying to make sense of what had just happened. She felt as though she’d been hit by something very heavy.
‘Thank you,’ she said to the Reverend. He didn’t seem to know what to do with himself now. He didn’t know what to say.
Sister Law was straight there. ‘Bravo, Reverend Seed,’ she said. ‘Where did you learn to box?’
‘Oh, at school,’ he said, almost apologetically. ‘I never thought I’d ever need to use it, though. I hope I did the right thing?’
‘You did indeed,’ said Sister, turning to Alice, who was trying to pin her cap back in place.
‘As for you, Nurse Sampson, I don’t really know what has been going on, but can I suggest that you sort out your domestic squabbles outside the walls of this hospital? Are you clear?’
‘Yes, Sister,’ Alice said, trying to steady her voice and still attempting to pin her cap back in place.
‘Leave the cap for now, Nurse Sampson,’ said Sister Law. ‘Get yourself a new one tomorrow morning.’
For a moment, Alice didn’t know what to do with the crushed cap. She was standing in the middle of the ward, holding it.
‘Give that to me,’ said Tommy. ‘I’ll keep it safe for you till the end of the shift.’
Alice felt heartened by the man’s kindness and as she walked to the side of his bed her legs began to feel steadier. Tommy gave her hand a squeeze. ‘You can tell me if you want, Nurse Sampson, but you don’t have to say a word. All I can say is, from what I saw of that young man yesterday and what I’ve just seen now, he’s best away, well away.’
Alice handed the cap over to him and then she held his hand for a few moments. There was no need for either of them to say anything; all she needed was to feel his understanding of her situation. When she looked up she saw the Reverend Seed waiting quietly at the foot of the bed. He gave her a small smile and then nodded his head before turning on his heel and walking down the ward.
‘Now that’s a decent fella for you,’ said Tommy quietly from his bed. ‘And he packs a fair punch as well … who would have thought it.’
Alice smiled at him, then she took a deep breath and forced her shaky legs to take her down the ward to help a patient who was struggling to get out of bed. The man thanked her and then he took her hand as she stood by to make sure that he was steady enough to move.
‘Don’t you worry, Nurse,’ he said. ‘If that fella comes back lookin’ for ye, we’ll all be after ’im.’
‘Thank you, Mr Latimer,’ she said, starting to smile. And when she looked back down the ward she could see all of the men who were well enough to pay attention, looking in her direction and nodding their heads or offering a small salute.
14
‘The nurse must have simplicity and a single eye to the patient’s good.’
Florence Nightingale
Alice gave a wry smile as she left the hospital that evening. It was no surprise, after the day that she’d had, that it was raining. Carrying her ruined cap in her hand, she trudged the short distance to the Nurses’ Home. She felt nervous coming out of the safety of the hospital, even though Michael and Stephen had checked for her that the coast was clear. But she was determined that she would not give in to Jamie. Even in the few hours since the shock of seeing him again on the ward, she’d started to build up more strength, convincing herself that she was ready for him, if he tried anything else. And she knew that, if he dared to take one step inside the Nurses’ Home, Miss Merryweather would soon see him off. She wouldn’t allow any man into the hallowed space that lay behind that heavy wooden door.
Safely through the door, Alice walked straight to the open space. She had never done it before, after a day’s work, but she remembered how Maud had found peace, looking up to the skylight. The light was fading now, but Alice gazed up, needing to stand where Maud had, if nothing else. Trying to get some comfort. And maybe she would have found some peace there if she hadn’t been in the path of other nurses and probationers also coming off duty. She’d picked the wrong time; all she could feel was jangled, as she stood there with them streaming past her and climbing the stone stairs up to the galleries.
As she stood, one or two spoke to her and said goodnight and she saw Millicent Langtry drift past without seeing her. And then someone tapped her on the shoulder.
Alice froze, and then switched round, half-expecting to be confronted by Jamie again.
‘What the heck is up with you?’ said Eddy. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Ah, you’ve seen him again, haven’t you?’
‘Yes,’ said Alice. ‘He came to the ward …’
And as she told Eddy the story her voice never faltered.
‘We need to be even more careful with our comings and goings now,’ said Eddy firmly. ‘For example, we’ll keep going out through the back. And you keep your head down in the morning when you’re coming in. Can you not wear a wig or something, cover up that flame-red hair of yours?’
‘Not really,’ said Alice, starting to smile. ‘Just imagine me turning up with my district nurse’s hat perched on top of a wig. Even if Jamie didn’t see me, I’d probably be picked up by the police.’
‘True,’ said Eddy. ‘Well, we’ll just be vigilant, and I’ll be waiting for you out front again in the morning, and every morning until we know that the coast is clear. Maybe we could wrap you in a large shawl, give you a walking stick or something.’
Alice was giggling now.
‘Let’s get you back home to Stella’s,’ said Eddy, taking charge. ‘I don’t want you roaming the streets on your own. But rest assured, if he does come near, I’ll give him a black eye to add to his busted nose.’
Alice couldn’t help but laugh. Eddy was exactly the person she needed right now. It was wonderful to feel so well cared for and protected as they made their way through the city. Even so, when they were in amongst the crowds and she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye, she imagined it was somebody lunging at her, and felt the shock all through her body.
‘I’ll leave you here, if that’s all right. I need to get along and see my family,’ said Eddy, as they stood outside the blue painted front door.
Alice nodded, and then put her arms around Eddy, ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you, Edwina Pacey.’
‘And I without you, Alice Sampson,’ replied Eddy, giving her a kiss on the cheek. ‘Now, I’m not moving from this step until you go through that door.’
As soon as Alice was in through the door, she heard the sound of Victoria, whimpering a little, sounding a bit tired. The sound ran through her and pulled on the knot of anxiety inside her. She could feel tears welling up as she stood there, taking deep breaths, trying to compose herself before she went through to the kitchen.
‘Alice?’ called Lizzie from the reception room, getting up from the purple velvet settee that she favoured to come through to the hallway and put an arm around her. ‘Alice, what is it?’
Alice slumped against her, unable to speak.
‘Come on, come through to the kitchen, let’s go and see Victoria,’ said Lizzie, gently leading her through and then helping her
remove her cape and hat.
‘What is it?’ said Marie, turning with the baby in her arms.
Stella looked up from the table. ‘Alice?’
‘He turned up on the ward again today,’ she said, ‘and tried to drag me away …’
‘What?’ said Stella.
‘No!’ said Lizzie, speaking at the same moment.
Marie simply walked towards her and handed her the baby.
Alice buried her face in Victoria’s hair, breathing in the scent of her. She stayed like that for as long as she needed, and then she sat with her, picking up the spoon from the table that she liked to play with and a doll that Marie had made for her.
As Alice sat back in her chair in the warm kitchen, the same room where her baby had been born, she started to feel some calm seeping back into her body. And when it was time, she put Victoria in her nightdress and then she sat and rocked her in front of the stove, like she did every night. Just rocking her and watching Hugo flick his tail as he lay there in front of the fire, his black fur speckled with brown singe marks.
‘How that cat doesn’t go up in smoke, I’ll never know,’ said Marie, looping an arm around Alice and giving her a squeeze. ‘Lazy good-for-nothing moggy.’
And then Alice sang the lullaby that was their bedtime ritual, watching as her daughter’s delicate eyelids fluttered towards sleep.
When the baby was sleeping, Alice still held on to her, rocking from side to side, not wanting to put her down, not yet. When her arm was stiff and aching and she could do no more, she walked through to their room behind the kitchen and settled Victoria in the crib which Marie had moved through for her.
Alice knew that she had to rest. Slowly she removed her clothing, savouring the feeling of freedom that came when she wore just a loose shift. Then she took down her long red hair, carefully placing the hairpins on the small chest that stood against the wall. She sat on the bed and brushed through her hair, feeling like a child again herself with this, her own bedtime ritual.
