by Kate Eastham
‘And so you should be. I trust you haven’t heard any more from the young man who turned up on the ward?’
‘No, nothing. I have no idea if he’s still in the city or he’s headed home. And no doubt, if he has gone home, he will have told my whole family what I said. I’ve been expecting a letter from my mother, demanding that I marry him. But I’ve been thinking about this, and even though I hadn’t seen him for all that time, when he turned up, right there on the ward, I didn’t feel “it”, if you know what I mean. That special something that makes your heart race. Even before he turned nasty, I was just shocked and terrified that he might find out about the baby.’
‘I do know what you mean, Alice,’ said Ada wistfully. ‘And I have some idea what you’re facing now, with the baby and your work, all of that. What’s important is that everything is stable for the baby and that you have someone that you trust to look after her.’
‘Well, I’m lucky, I’ve got Marie. But I just don’t know if I should stay here or find my own place. I can’t decide. I love it here with these women.’
‘I know,’ said Ada, ‘this place is very special. I was a fool to keep my distance from my half-sister for so many years. Stella is an exceptional woman. And if someone had said to me that I’d be standing here in Marie’s kitchen – the woman I resented for years for taking my father away from my mother – I would never have believed it.’
‘Yes, life can be strange, can’t it?’ said Alice, looking around the kitchen, as if seeing it for the first time. ‘If it’s any comfort, Ada, Marie curses that cat,’ she said, laughing and pointing to Hugo stretched out in front of the stove. ‘She curses him every morning because he reminds her of your father, Francis, that lazy, good-for-nothing husband of hers.’
Ada laughed. ‘Well, I’ve never met him, but from what my brother, Frank, told me of him, that’s a very fair assessment.’
‘None of that could have been easy for you …’ said Alice, reaching out a hand towards her.
Ada just shook her head and then smiled. ‘Life isn’t easy, is it? We just have to manage in the best way we can …
‘So, the important thing is, Alice, now that you have your qualification you will have an increase of pay with immediate effect and we can guarantee you a job as a trained nurse. I’m waiting for the decision as to where you’ll be placed. It all depends on where the most need is, so for the next few days I want you to continue on Male Surgical. Take time to think through everything carefully. There’s no rush to make any decisions. You are perfectly fine here for the time being and it’s important that you do the right thing for yourself, and for the baby …’
Alice noted a hesitance in Ada. She could sense that she wanted to say something else. She looked directly at her, willing her to say more. But Ada just shook her head and murmured, ‘One day I might tell you my story,’ and then she was smiling, and walking across to give Alice a hug.
‘Well done,’ she said.
And instantly, Alice could hear Sister Law’s voice in her head: ‘But don’t you get above yourself, Nurse Sampson. You still have a lot to learn.’
18
‘I do see the difference now between me and other men. When a disaster happens, I act and they make excuses.’
Florence Nightingale
Alice laughed to herself as she walked to work the next day. She’d imagined that she’d be feeling different, now that she had her certificate safely stashed in the wooden box beneath her bed. That she’d have an air about her as she walked through the city, to show that she was now a trained nurse. But she didn’t feel one jot different as she hurried along in her hat and cape.
She hadn’t gone far when she stopped short, catching sight of Mr Swain on the other side of the street. She was shocked that he was out and about so soon after returning home, and moving so slowly and so precariously on his crutches, the dog at his side.
She crossed over immediately, and easily caught up with him.
‘Mr Swain?’ she said quietly, not wanting to startle him and set him off balance. ‘Are you all right?’
He stopped dead, swaying a little on the crutches, his dog looking up at Alice.
‘Nurse Sampson,’ he said, breaking into a smile. ‘I didn’t expect to see you all the way out here. Have you got a new job?’
Alice didn’t reply but countered with her own question: ‘Is it safe for you to be out and about like this so soon?’
‘I don’t really know,’ he said, starting to chuckle. ‘As you can see, I’m not exactly all that good on my feet. But Stanley here, well, he likes to get out for a bit of a walk in the morning and then each evening. And I couldn’t stand to see him sat by the door, looking at me with a sad face … what could I do?’
‘I see,’ said Alice, beginning to understand. ‘Well, you go very carefully. I’ll be back this way later on; I could call and see you at your place if you want.’
‘No, no, Nurse Sampson,’ he said, ‘no need for that. The district nurse will be coming anyway to do the dressing. Don’t you worry, I know my way to the hospital. I’ll soon be back to Sister Law if things don’t go right. Now you go. Get on with your duties. There are others far worse off than me, I know that for sure.’
‘You take care then,’ called Alice as she continued on her way, almost running now, to make up time.
Eddy was there, waiting on the step for her, and she had some news. ‘I’ve just seen Mr Knox’s district nurse,’ she said, her face solemn. ‘He died peacefully last night.’
Alice drew in a sharp breath. Eddy’s words had hit her like a punch. She was surprised at how much it affected her. After all, she’d known that Tommy was dying, it was just a question of time.
Eddy linked her arm as they made their way into the Nurses’ Home. ‘The district nurse said his friend, Davy, and a few of the others were there with him. They laid him out and sewed him in his blanket, like they do at sea. Tommy’s ship is leaving tomorrow, so Davy won’t be there for the funeral, but they’re having a wake tonight and then the others will be there for his funeral tomorrow morning. They’re having the ceremony at St Nicholas’s, the sailors’ church, which overlooks the harbour.’
Alice nodded, holding on to herself.
‘I won’t be able to go to the funeral,’ she said. ‘I’ll be at work. But Eddy, could you take me along to the church some time, so I can pay my respects to him? Would that be all right?’
‘Of course I can do that,’ Eddy said.
‘Thank you.’ Alice removed her nurse’s hat and placed it on the shelf. ‘I’ve seen any number of deaths, like we all have, but this one feels different … I feel like I need to mark it in some way.’
‘I think that’s a very good idea,’ said Eddy. ‘Right, I need to dash – ooh, and I won’t be here again this evening. I need to put another dressing on my dad’s foot.’
‘Oh Eddy, is he all right?’
‘He would be if he’d keep his foot up on a stool and stop hobbling out to the stables. He’s driving my mother spare … I’ll see you in the morning,’ called Eddy as she ran out of the door.
‘Ah, Nurse Sampson,’ proclaimed Sister Law, as she saw her scurrying up the ward with her cap slightly askew, ‘glad you could join us. I was beginning to think that you might have taken to a higher calling, now that you have your qualification.’
Alice just smiled and then smiled even more as the whole group of nurses gave her a round of applause.
‘Thank you,’ she said, flushing pink. Now she did feel different, and this did feel like the beginning of something.
‘Lest we forget, though, nurses,’ said Sister, scanning the group with narrowed eyes, ‘the certificate does not make the nurse. It is doing the work, spending the time with the patients, that makes the nurse. So let’s get on. And, Fry and Bradshaw, no tittle-tattling in the sluice today, I’ve got my eye on you two.’
‘Yes, Sister,’ said the probationers, glancing at Alice for reassurance.
Taking Alice asid
e, Sister took a few moments to congratulate her but quickly moved to practical considerations. ‘So, Nurse Sampson, there will be a new uniform, the uniform of a trained nurse, waiting for you in the Nurses’ Home tomorrow – make sure you are wearing it. And get yourself a new cap, that one is limp. We need things to be in the proper order.’
The ward was busy, so there was no time for Alice to think about her different status, never mind act upon it. She did have a vague notion, however, that Sister Law wasn’t calling her name quite as much, but she could have been mistaken.
Nurse Fry and Nurse Bradshaw were very excited by the news. They’d made a special congratulation card with a silk flower stuck to the front, and Alice was moved to tears by how pleased they were for her. And then, after afternoon visiting, the Reverend Seed appeared with a small bouquet of flowers clutched in both hands. Alice saw him coming down the ward and felt her face flush when she saw that he was heading in her direction. She half wondered if she should scoot off to the sluice, but he had already seen her and he was beaming broadly. It almost warmed her heart.
‘Thank you,’ she said, taking the posy of flowers from his grasp. ‘That is so kind of you, Reverend.’
‘You are welcome, Nurse Sampson,’ he said, blushing. ‘And please call me Lawrence.’
‘Thank you, Law … rence,’ she said, her voice faltering. It just didn’t seem natural. ‘Now, I need to get on with my duties, but I’ll put these in a vase and place them on the ward table where everyone can see them.’
He nodded, and as she turned she couldn’t help but smile. He really was a very sweet man.
Alice missed seeing Eddy waving and smiling from the step after work. It was always nice to link arms and listen to her light-hearted chatter. She could always make her laugh, and the journey home felt like it took no time at all when she was walking with Eddy.
As she walked through the streets that evening, making her way back to Stella’s place, she moved quickly and stayed alert, as always. But while she walked she let thoughts from her day run through her head: the cases she’d seen, what she could have done better, and how strange that the Reverend Seed had come to the ward with that posy of flowers …
Alice had no way of knowing that her every step was being shadowed by a man, a few paces behind.
Jamie knew exactly where she was going, of course. He’d followed her that day, after he’d overheard the old woman outside the hospital asking about her baby. It had struck him to the heart. He’d known Alice his whole life; he’d known she’d been hiding something that day he saw her on the ward. But to hide a child, his child … He had no doubt it was his, even before he saw the woman at that place where Alice lived, holding the baby at the door. He knew she was his baby. But how Alice could keep her child in that place of sin – taint his child by living there with those common prostitutes – he couldn’t imagine. That’s why he’d tracked her ever since. Waiting outside. Following her home. Devising a plan. He needed to rescue his child, and take her far away to where she’d be safe from the evil influence of her mother.
He would have his daughter soon, he’d simply been biding his time.
It was quiet in the alley when Alice walked through. This time of day marked the space between the bustling activity of the day and the onset of night in the city, when the rooms in the brothel started to fill and the life of the night commenced. When she was happy to be settled in the kitchen with her daughter on her knee and the cat stretched out in front of the stove.
‘Hello, my beautiful,’ she said, seeing Victoria happily sitting on Marie’s knee, playing with a cloth dog with lopsided button eyes – a new toy that Lizzie had made for her.
The baby screeched with delight when she saw her mother and Alice threw off her cape and quickly walked across the kitchen to take her daughter in her arms, immediately feeling the softness of her hair against her cheek, and breathing in that special smell of her.
‘Sit yourself down,’ said Marie, removing Alice’s hat for her. ‘I’ll make you a cup of tea. And then I need to go up and see one of the girls. She’s poorly with some fever.’
But Alice wasn’t really listening. She was talking to Victoria, already making up stories about the toy dog, already lost in that special world that they had together.
Victoria was changed and wrapped in a shawl and starting to look a little sleepy when Alice heard the sound of the kitchen door opening, and she looked up, expecting to see Marie.
It was not Marie. And when she saw who stood in the kitchen, with his hands balled into fists, Alice froze. She wanted to scream, but she couldn’t.
‘Jamie,’ she gasped, turning the baby away, trying to cover her with the shawl.
He walked towards her, across the kitchen, as if hypnotized by the baby.
‘No need to do that, Alice,’ he said, ‘I know all about it. Everything.’
‘How do you know?’
‘I’ve been watching you, all of this time. I smelt a rat.’
Alice gasped and clung more tightly to her child.
‘Oh, don’t worry,’ he said, holding up both hands. ‘I don’t mean any harm. I just wanted to see my daughter one time, before I went home. Just once. And then I’ll leave you in peace.’
Alice watched him warily as he came closer. She felt like they were playing a game from their childhood. How close could he get? Could he touch her before she ran away?
‘Stop there,’ she said, holding up one hand. ‘Don’t come any closer.’
She didn’t trust him, not one bit. Not after what had happened on the ward. She’d seen something in him that day that made her realize that she had no idea what he might be capable of.
‘All right, all right,’ he said, squatting down on his heels, three feet away. ‘Just loosen the shawl a little, Alice. Just let me see her face, and then I’ll be on my way, I promise.’
Alice spoke softly to Victoria and turned her to face him, pulling away the shawl. She saw his face soften, the tears springing to his eyes. It made her feel sad and a bit guilty. But she knew that he’d never been the man for her, and there was no way on earth that she would let him take her daughter. ‘She’s got the same colour hair as me,’ he said hoarsely.
‘Yes,’ said Alice, her breath catching in her throat.
Jamie stretched out a hand towards the baby. ‘Yes, you have, haven’t you, yes, you have.’
Victoria leant forward a little; she was reaching out a hand towards him, starting to make a noise. Alice couldn’t see her face but she thought she was probably smiling. Her baby was smiling as Alice’s heart pounded in her ears.
Jamie smiled, and Alice felt the baby lean closer. For a few moments all that she could hear was the spit of the wood on the fire.
Then, before she had a split second to react, he leapt forward and grabbed Victoria from her arms. She started to cry and Alice screamed, ‘No, no!’
And then Jamie was running, the baby screaming now, in his arms. He stumbled as he came to the door, and the cat shot in front of him.
Alice almost caught up with him, grabbing the hem of his jacket. But then he was gone, pounding down the hallway with Alice after him and calling his name so loudly it was hurting her throat.
He was out through the door and running fast now down the alley. Alice picked up her skirt and ran. She had such strength, but his legs were longer and she couldn’t keep up. All she could hear was the thin scream of her daughter. She was losing sight of them now, and then they were out on Lime Street.
‘Help, help!’ she shouted out, as she ran. ‘Stop him, he’s stealing my baby.’ But people just stared at her, trying to make sense of the situation. Alice knew she had to keep track of him. She couldn’t take her eyes off him for a second, so she pushed past people, knocking into them as she went.
She was catching him up; he’d stopped now, waiting to cross Lime Street. Alice’s heart was pounding so hard that she thought it might burst, and her breath was rasping in her chest.
She saw him
glance back, and then he spied his chance and ran over the road, Victoria still howling in his arms. Alice felt like her heart was breaking wide open inside her chest, but she needed to keep after them. She would follow to the ends of the earth if need be.
She could see him glancing back as he made the other side of the street. She was on the edge, dodging forward, holding back, needing to find her way across, still keeping an eye on him as he headed towards St George’s Hall.
Seeing her chance, Alice ran, the driver of a carriage hurling abuse as he yanked his horses to a halt. Alice didn’t care; all she needed was to keep her baby in sight.
Her legs were burning with pain, but still she ran. She tripped a little, then, pulling up her skirt even higher, she continued her chase.
She could see him now, bounding up the stone steps of the Hall. She could hear Victoria’s thin wail. As if she couldn’t scream any more, as if she was weakening. That thought spurred Alice on even faster. Now she was pounding up the steps after him, climbing higher and higher. Completely fearless.
When she reached the top, she stood for a moment, gasping for air, straining to hear the sound of her baby. She couldn’t hear Victoria wailing now. What if she’d lost them? Where had they gone? Alice threw herself against the locked doors, not knowing which direction to turn. If she chose the wrong one, she could lose them completely. She needed to be careful. She made her breathing calm, forced herself to listen, above the pounding of her heart. And then she heard it, the ragged sob of her baby. And she knew exactly which direction it was coming from.
She guessed that he was resting, getting his breath back, thinking he could hide up here, in the shadows behind one of the pillars. Maybe he didn’t even know that she had followed him up. He certainly wouldn’t know that a mother can hear the faintest sound that her baby makes. It doesn’t have to be a cry, just the tiniest noise.
