“I am from the media,” I said, but my fighting spirit was gone.
“What are you going to do?” he asked. “Run the story on CNN? You couldn’t. Everyone will make fun of you, and the foreign ministry will sue you for libel.”
I signaled with my fingers across my throat— ‘cut’. Uzi looked at me with astonishment. I continued the motion with my hand and pointed to the corner of the hangar. Ronny was standing there, lowering the camera from his shoulder and gazing at us, making sure that I was secure.
“Telephoto lens and microphone,” I said drily. “Now I not only have proof, but the whole world actually heard you.”
“On CNN?” he choked.
“Live. Through the makeshift studio we set up at the terminal.”
“Very well,” he said with relief. “In that case, I am sure that someone with responsibility down there will have made sure that this material never gets broadcast.” He was referring to Haroush. There was no way of knowing whether he was right or wrong, and anyway, it was of less importance now. At that moment I realized that he was right about one thing that scared me more than anything: I really could understand him better than anyone else. It was only in that moment that I realized how close I had been to crossing the same line that Uzi had in order to get rid of the oppressive shadow that accompanied our every step, to get rid of the man that we loved and hated, who ruled our lives and threatened to suffocate us with charm, grace, and indifference.
* * *
Chapter 28
Saturday morning at the officers’ neighborhood. I opened the curtain on the glass wall facing the garden. Outside, the day was dazzling and sunny. The weekend paper was on the sofa. Danny was on the cover.
In those moments that he’d spent lying on a stretcher on the tarmac, I’d known that he would recuperate and be well. What I didn’t know then and still don’t know was whether he’d spoken the truth. Maybe in his special way he did love me and Mom, or at least believed it. Who was I to tell? Everyone needs some kind of love or the illusion of love. Maybe in his own way, he thought it was nice and worthwhile to say something nice for a happy ending? After he recovered, he never again mentioned that brief conversation and I never asked him about it. The question never bothered me again, and the exact, painful truth wasn’t important anymore, because in those moments when he was lying before me in a panic, I felt for the first time that I could set myself free from his shadow that had accompanied me for most of my life.
Ronny had managed to record the entire conversation I’d had with Uzi. Haroush, as expected, never broadcasted it live, which may have been for the best. I kept the tape, and despite much pressure from Haroush and from a high-ranked official, I refused to hand it over. The result was that Uzi took early retirement from the foreign ministry at the age of forty-two, he may have actually been happy doing it. The youngest Deputy Director General to retire ever. He finally had something at which he could have beaten Danny. Raus, the Red Cross representative, went to Geneva the following day and never again returned to Israel.
During the most tumultuous three days of my life, a number of layers were peeled off some of the people who mattered to me so much; Haroush turned out not to have been so innocent; Uzi turned out not to have been so loyal; and Danny. Danny, apparently, remained just as he was and would continue on his meteoric trajectory to the top, which like an unseen summit, would always be one summit too far. I do hope he wouldn’t be able to hurt Mom any longer, and certainly not me. I had finally broken out of that vicious cycle, out of range of his harm.
Stanley from the office was promoted to CNN’s bureau chief in Nairobi and I was appointed Israel bureau chief. I got a bonus for the coverage of the hijacking and was forbidden to reveal the amount, but it has five figures in dollars, which was not bad at all.
It’s Saturday morning. I am sitting on a lounge chair in our small yard at the officers’ neighborhood. Ronny is plucking weeds out of the lawn with infinite patience. The phone is switched off. The beepers are shut off. This isn’t prime time and it isn’t an important day. It’s a day to enjoy. Like in Italy.
It’s a fantastic, sunny day. I close my eyes, soak in the rays with pleasure, and haven’t a care in the world.
Tel Aviv, Oslo, New York 1995
1 Islamic trust which manages the Islamic holy sites in Jerusalem
2 An ancient people mentioned multiple times in the Bible as the adversaries of the Israelites
3 Israel Defense Forces
4 Historic region in central Europe on the border of present-day Poland and Ukraine, where a sizeable Jewish population once lived
5 I’m begging you
6Communications Intelligence—a part of the Signal Intelligence Corps, tasked with monitoring, analyzing, and evaluating the enemy’s electronic transmissions.
Peace, Love and Lies Page 28
