by April Fire
He settled on my ass and sunk his fingers in, gripping and groping at my flesh. I groaned, and he spun me around and pressed me against the door, taking my hands and pinning them above my head. He grabbed my leg and pulled it up and around his waist, his strength allowing him to move me like I was nothing more than a paper doll. I loved it, feeling completely in his control. But tonight, I wanted to be in charge.
I tightened my leg around him and drew him closer to me, slipping my arms out of his grasp and gripping his head. I pulled him closer, enjoying the feeling of his clothed body against my naked skin; it was an intoxicating sensation, the promise of something more always lingering. His hard-on was growing against my leg, and I moved my hips so I could press my pussy against him through his jeans.
He groaned- no, growled- and caught my hair to pull it back so he could kiss me even deeper. The pulse of pleasure and pain that passed over my scalp seemed to send me to some whole new dimension, my body reacting to him, to every caress and touch and flick of his tongue. I wanted to drive him as crazy as he drove me and I had a feeling I knew how to.
I dropped to my knees, and began to fumble with his jeans- I was so turned-on that my hands were shaking slightly, and I had some trouble getting a grip on his pants. But soon enough, I was able to yank them down, and finally, I got my hands on his gorgeous cock.
It had been just over a week since we had last fucked, but I hadn’t realized just how much I missed him until I had his dick in my hand. Call me an old romantic, I guess. I gripped the base and looked up at him, enjoying the expression on his face that told me he was hornier than he’d ever been with me. I ran my hand across my breast, pinching the nipple so it hardened beneath my fingers. I loved this, putting on a show for him, knowing that I turned him on as much as he did me was one of the most erotic things I’d ever encountered in my life.
His brow tightened as he watched my hand move across my body, parting my thighs and dipping into my already-soaked pussy. He was completely in my thrall, and I didn’t quite know what to do with him now that I had him like this. His cock twitched in my hand, as though reminding me that it was still there, and I parted my lips and slowly lowered my mouth down to his erection.
I flicked my tongue out against his head a couple of times, the salty taste of his precum hot on my tongue. He gasped and pressed his hands against the door, as if it was all he could do not to keel over right there and then. I slowly slipped my mouth down, taking as much of him in my mouth as I could handle- I covered the rest of the distance with my hand, and began to slide up and down his cock, building a slow, lazy pace that pushed his breath a little faster from his lungs.
I opened my eyes and looked up at him, holding myself still on him for a second or two while he watched me. His gaze was greedy, taking in every inch of me that he could. Scanning across my breasts and down my back and to the floor where my legs were stretched out below him.
I began to move again, pulling my head back so that his cock left my mouth with a small popping sound. I ran my tongue down the underside, finding the seam and kissing it lightly, and brought my mouth down to his balls; I parted my lips and sucked them into my mouth one at a time, flicking my tongue over his wrinkled skin. His hands fisted above me, and I knew I was doing something right. I slid my hand between my legs again -- this time, not for show, but because my pussy was aching for relief.
I drew a few small circles around my clit, letting out a breath against his cock as my fingers went to work. Before I could get too comfortable, Darius leaned down, tucked his hands beneath my arms, and pulled me upright again. He grabbed my fingers and pulled them to his mouth, sucking and licking greedily- I stared at him, mouth slightly open, as he trailed his teeth over the pads of my fingers. My chest was heaving, and I knew I needed him. I couldn’t wait any longer.
“Shall we go to the bedroom…?” I suggested, but he shook his head. I frowned; was he having second thoughts?
“I want you right here,” he murmured, and pulled a condom from his shirt pocket, opening it and quickly sheathing himself. He grabbed my ass and lifted me off the ground, backing me into the door; I wrapped my legs around him without thinking, moving on instinct, doing whatever I could to bring him closer. I needed him inside me, more than I’d ever needed anything before in my life. His strong arms held me up as he thrust himself into me, and I gripped him as best I could as we finally began to fuck.
The wood of the door was hard against my back, but I couldn’t have given less of a damn- I just wanted him, harder faster, deeper. I tightened my legs around him, pulling him further into me, and kissed his neck lightly.
“Fuck,” he groaned, his voice laced with pleasure as he fucked me furiously. This wasn’t making love; this wasn’t even the dirty, lazy screwing we’d gotten down to since we agreed to be friends-with-benefits. This was fucking, fast, furious, hard, and desperate, as though we might never get the chance to do any of it again.
Everything that had happened that day seemed to have built up inside of me, and I found myself so close -- my hands grabbing for him, my mouth on him in whatever way I could manage. I ran my teeth against his ear, and his hands dug deep into my ass as he held me up. I could see the muscles flexing his arms, and ran my fingers down them lightly and suddenly, all at once, it happened.
When we came, it seemed to happen in the same moment- he thrust inside me hard, one last time, as my pussy began to clench around him. Neither of us made a noise, the only sound that of our breath mingling in the air around us. It was so intense that I couldn’t muster up a moan or a cry of pleasure, every inch of my body given over to the orgasm that seemed to be shuddering its way through me.
He held himself inside of me for a good while, until his arms began to shake and he slowly let me down again. I planted my feet on the ground, and had to grab for the coat-rack next to the door to keep myself standing up straight. I couldn’t help but laugh. He met my gaze, and managed a smile before staggering backwards and falling on to my couch with a thump and a sigh.
“You okay?” I asked, wandering to the bathroom and flicking on the shower I’d been intending to have before he’d so rudely interrupted me.
“Never better,” he sighed. “You?”
“Uh, yeah,” I shrugged. Now that I wasn’t caught up in the heat of the moment, the reality was beginning to sink in, and I wasn’t entirely sure what we were meant to do now.
“You sure?” He raised his eyebrows at me as he buckled up his pants and adjusted himself, leaning up against the couch and eyeing me. “I didn’t hear from you all week.”
“Uh, yeah, sorry, I was busy with rehearsals and stuff,” I replied, ducking into the bathroom so I could have my shower. “I’m just going for a shower, I’ll be out in a minute…”
I climbed under the running water and gratefully let it wash away the smell of him as it lingered on me; part of me wanted to luxuriate in the scent of his aftershave on my skin, while the rest of me knew that I needed to a put a stop to this before it got out of control. I toweled my hair off, put on my pajamas, and went back into the living room, where he was fiddling with his phone. He glanced up as soon as I entered the room, and grinned up at me.
“You were really good tonight,” he remarked. “And you look adorable in those.”
“Uh, thanks,” I muttered, tugging at the bottom of my shirt nervously. I had no idea what to do or say next; did I want him to stay the night? Could I get rid of him if I didn’t? I came over and planted my hands on the couch above him. He met my gaze, and his brow furrowed at once. He could tell something was wrong without having to ask.
“What is it?”
“I don’t think you should be here,” I mumbled, the words sticking in my throat as though something in me was begging me not to come out with them. I ignored my reservations, and focused on getting what needed to be said out in the open.
“What? Why?” his face dropped, and I felt a wave of remorse at once, guilt seemed to wipe every thought from my mind as
I tried to find some way to put this that wouldn’t hurt him.
“I think we took this too far,” I sighed, running my hands through my wet hair. It was leaving a spreading damp patch on my back, and I wanted to wrap it up and get to bed already.
“What do you mean?” Darius propped himself up and get to his feet.
“We said we were going to keep this casual, but I think…” I sighed, trying to find the words. “I think we both let that get away from us a little bit.”
“And? So?” he pressed. “What’s wrong with that?”
“I don’t want anything serious with you,” I blurted out, the words escaping my lips before I could think about how mean they were going to sound.
“What?” he paced back and forth in front of the couch. “Why not?”
“You’re just…” I sighed. “The boxing, and all of that. I think you’re fun, but I don’t see this being anything more serious than that.”
“What about the boxing?” He pressed.
“I just don’t want to get involved with someone who does something illegal for a living,” I shrugged. “No judgement.”
“No judge…” He repeated, shaking his head as though he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “So, that’s it?”
“If you’re willing to keep things strictly casual, I’m happy to keep what we have going, but I-“
“Emilia, for fuck’s sake,” he snapped, cutting me off. “I really like you. And it’s not like either of us have jobs that are actually stable.”
“At least mine’s legal!” I countered angrily. He threw his hands in the hair, obviously pissed off.
“Yeah, well, at least mine’s regular,” he shot back. I pursed my lips, seriously pissed.
“So, that’s it then?” His shoulders sagged, defeated. “We’re just done like that?”
“I’m just being honest with you!” I defended myself. “That’s what you wanted, right?”
“I didn’t realize that I was just…nothing to you,” he spat the words at my feet. He seemed humiliated, and that was only stoking his anger to even crazier levels. “I can’t believe I let myself catch feelings for you.”
“You did?” I murmured, more to myself than to him. I hadn’t known…I’d assumed he’d felt as I had after the kiss, awkward and freaking out that it might have meant something more.
“Why do you think I was at that gig tonight?” He pointed out. “Because I wanted to support you. I wanted to be there for you.”
“I’m sorry,” I replied, feeling impotent. “I just…maybe in another life, you know?”
I looked at him- Darius, still the most gorgeous man I had ever laid eyes on, even when he was glowering at me as he was at that second. I wanted to reach out and caress him, to run my fingers down his cheek one last time.
Why was I doing this, again? Because he wasn’t the kind of guy you dated, he was a bit of fun, a man with a dangerous lifestyle that could easily have ended up consuming everything around him. It didn’t matter how much he liked me, because I was the one calling this.
Those little flickers of doubt were nothing more than a diversion from what was really important. Even as I found myself second-guessing my decision, I kept firm. I needed to prove to myself that I could do this- that I could walk away from bad news when I saw it. He ran his hands over his head and grabbed his phone from the side of the couch.
“Well, if I was nothing more than some fuck to you, I guess I should be on my way,” he announced, his voice filled with incredulity- I could tell that some part of him was waiting for me to call him back, to admit that I’d made a mistake and that I wanted him to stay and please, couldn’t we just go to bed?
Or maybe that was my mind filling in the blanks where there were none, hoping there was still a glimmer of hope for the two of us. He went to the door and grabbed the handle, pausing for a moment before he turned back to me. Our eyes met, and I had to fight the urge to run towards him, wrap my arms around his neck, and beg him not to go. I clenched my fists and waited for him to deliver whatever final blow he had waiting for me.
“I might be doing something you don’t approve of, but I would never have let it affect you,” he murmured, his voice suddenly soft and stripped of all the anger that had been bubbling in him only moments before. “You missed out on something good here, Emilia.”
And with that, he opened the door, stepped out into the hallway, and was out of my apartment and, apparently, my life. I clapped my hand over my mouth as the seriousness of what had happened finally sunk in. I climbed into bed, spending the night wondering endlessly if I had made the right decision or if I had just let a man I was meant to be with walk out of my life for good.
Chapter Five
“And so, you guys are broken up now?” Nina’s eyes widened at me as I finished recounting the story of the night before, and I nodded. My head felt heavy, as though it was filled with rocks- I hadn’t got a lot of sleep the night before, and my eyes were still bleary. I had woken up wondering if everything that had gone down was some kind of bad dream, but I knew that it wasn’t.
“Oh, honey,” she reached over the table to squeeze my hand. “I’m so sorry.”
“We weren’t even dating,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Yeah, the look on your face is telling me a different story right now,” she raised her eyebrows. “You liked him, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we were meant to be together or some shit,” I shrugged. “It doesn’t work like that. He’s hot, but he boxes illegally for a fucking living. I mean, that’s not the kind of shit I want in my life on a regular basis.”
“I bet he would have stopped for you,” Nina murmured, her eyes suddenly getting that faraway, dreamy look in them that I usually only saw when she was talking about a dude. “It seems like he was really into you.”
“I think he was,” I admitted. “I mean, he turned up to the show, after all.”
“Are you sure you made the right decision?” She leaned across the table towards me. I rolled my eyes. This wasn’t exactly the kind of support I needed from her at that moment in time.
“No, I’m really not,” I sighed. “But I think it’s just hormones getting in the way of my logical thinking. I liked him, but not enough to overlook all of that stuff, you know?”
“You weren’t even willing to give it a try?” She prompted, and I reached for my cup, ignoring everything that she was implying.
“You couldn’t be a little more supportive about this?” I snapped. “I think I made the right decision. I’ll let you know if that changes. Okay?”
“Sorry, sorry,” Nina replied defensively, but then her face softened as she seemed to realize the error of her ways. “I know it sucks. But you’re right- you couldn’t fit that into your life, it’s too dangerous. You might have been arrested or something, just for knowing about it.”
“How are things going with your man?” I waved over the waitress so we could get our bill. “You haven’t spoken about him in a while.
“Yeah, well, that’s because we stopped seeing each other,” she shrugged.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I replied, furrowing my brow at her. “You don’t seem very cut up about it…?”
“Turns out he was married,” she explained casually. I pulled my head back in surprise.
“Married?”
“Yup,” she shook her head. “I can’t believe it. It sucks so hard. His wife doesn’t even know that he coaches on the side. I think he does it just so he can pick up unsuspecting chicks somewhere his wife will never find out about it.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, and I smiled at her wanly. “Look at the two of us. This is why you never get to choose where we go on a night out, okay?”
“I’m am one-hundred-percent okay with that,” she nodded with a small smile. The shadow that had passed across her face at the thought of her ex-beau flitted away and she reached for her tea to drain the cup.
“So, when are we going
out again?” She asked. “I could do with something to take my mind off everything, to be honest.
“Well, my next show is this weekend,” I raised my eyebrows at her. “Maybe we could meet up afterwards and go out to a club or something?”
“Yes, please,” she nodded enthusiastically. “Like in college?”
“Well, that depends, are we going to wear too much blue eyeshadow and make out with someone on the football team?”
“I think that’s pretty much a given,” she rolled her eyes teasingly. “I can’t wait. And I get to see you play again!”
“More fool you,” I replied, and held up my cup to her to clink. “To new starts.”
“New starts,” she replied, and I took a sip of my drink. For a moment, everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours had been pushed from my mind- but in that second of silence, I was reminded that Darius wouldn’t be there to watch me play like last time, that I wouldn’t be able to look out into the crowd and see his face looking back. And just like that, I sagged down into my seat again, feeling defeated, and wondering if I hadn’t made a huge mistake of dumping him so soon.
I was due in for a shift at work later that day, and hurried home to get changed and make myself look presentable- I had taken all the Sunday shifts for as long as I could, as it meant I could have Saturday night off to play with the band while they did their next set of shows. I prayed Darius wouldn’t be in today- but, knowing my luck, we’d probably be the only two on shift. When I got in to Dino’s, my heart sank as I came face-to-face with the last person I wanted to see.
“Hey,” Darius greeted me awkwardly, and I raised a hand in acknowledgement of his existence. I kept my head down and did my best to ignore him, but it was hard -- we kept having to step around each other in the kitchen, and every time our bodies came into contact, it was like someone had sent this jolt of an electric shock across my system.
I focused in on getting the place set up for the evening rush, and avoided Darius’s gaze as best I could. Despite my best efforts, we caught each other staring a couple of times. Any other shift, we might have sneaked off to the staffroom where there were no video cameras and gone to town on each other. Now, the chemistry crackled and fizzled out between us uselessly, never to be consummated.
