by Rinelle Grey
“It’s not just Nelor though. I can’t even get pregnant with you.” This time the tears wouldn’t be held back, but she kept talking in between her sobs. “I know we only slept together once, and I told myself over and over not to hope, that it wasn’t possible. But I’m not pregnant. It has to be me.”
She knew she wasn’t being rational. Knew that having sex once wasn’t enough to prove anything. But she couldn’t help herself.
Tyris didn’t say anything and his hand patting her back stilled. When she looked up, his mouth was twisted into an ugly line. “It’s not you Marlee. It’s me.”
“What?” She stared at him in disbelief.
“I’m sorry.” Tyris said softly. “I should’ve told you sooner. I tried to, right after we slept together. But the roof fell in before I could, and there hasn’t been a chance to talk since. Back on my planet, I wasn’t allowed to have children. I have an implant that prevents it.”
“You mean you physically can’t have children?”
“Not while the implant is in, no.”
“Can it be removed?”
Tyris hesitated then nodded. “Probably.” He searched her face. “Is that what you want?”
What did she want?
In some ways, it was a relief. She could sleep with him without the anxiety of wondering if she was pregnant each month or not. Knowing the outcome brought a sense of certainty to her life. A certainty that until this moment had been entirely lacking.
Of course, part of that certainty included the fact that they could never stay together. Was that a price she was willing to pay? Four months ago she would have said yes. Now she wasn’t so sure. There was a downside to safety. Without risk, she had no chance at lasting happiness.
“Maybe,” she said.
Tyris nodded. “It doesn’t really matter right now. We need to be settled back in our own place again before we can discuss it properly.” He squeezed her shoulders, and his words comforted her a little. They still had time to decide.
They sat in the corner of the hall, watching the comings and goings of the other villagers for a while. Marlee’s mind wouldn’t sit still. It flipped from worry over what would happen if they didn’t have a child, to panic at the thought of making a decision to actually try, to worrying about where they were going to stay for the next two months.
Just then, her mother walked into the hall, scanned the room, and headed straight for them. Marlee tensed.
“I’m glad to see you had the sense to get Marlee in out of the cold,” she said to Tyris. “But much as I could admire your standing up to Weiss, it wasn’t the best timing. He’s not too happy at all about letting you back into the house.”
Panic gripped Marlee at the thought of going back. She clutched Tyris’s hand. He squeezed it back reassuringly. “I’m sorry to have put you out,” he said politely to Yasmyn, “but we won’t be coming back.”
The look on her mother’s face would have been funny if Marlee hadn’t been so nervous. “There’s nothing to be gained by being stubborn, Tyris. I know Weiss has his problems, but we work together here in this village. Marlee’s my daughter. I won’t see her homeless.”
“I think she would rather be homeless than live in fear of constant harassment,” Tyris said quietly.
Yasmyn’s eyes widened. Then she frowned. “Marlee needs to grow a thicker skin,” she said flatly. “If she didn’t react so spectacularly, Weiss wouldn’t tease her so much.”
That’s what her mother had told her growing up. Don’t react. It only makes him tease you more. But it didn’t matter how much she tried, she couldn’t ignore Weiss’s comments. The only thing that had helped was getting out of his house as soon as she could. There was no way she’d go back now.
“Marlee is perfect just the way she is,” Tyris said firmly. “No one should have to change who they are to stop someone abusing them. I won’t stand by and watch it anymore.”
A glint of something gleamed in her mother’s eye. Admiration? “What are you going to do then?” she asked.
Marlee breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t going back.
“I thought we could stay here at the hall,” Tyris said. “I know it’s not normal, but we could keep out of everyone’s way, I think.”
Yasmyn frowned. Then sighed. “I’ll bring you some blankets,” she said. It was a tacit agreement to their plan even if it was obvious she didn’t like it.
By the time she returned with an armful of blankets, the hall was a little more crowded. Marlee and Tyris must have been giving off a ‘leave us alone’ vibe, because until then, no one had stopped for more than a nod. But when he saw the blankets, Nerris came across the room.
“What are the blankets for? Are you planning on sleeping here tonight?”
He was plainly teasing, but when Tyris replied, “Yup,” the grin disappeared from his face.
He looked at Yasmyn then back at them. He rubbed his beard. “You know, Janey and I have an empty room, now that Nelor has moved in with Brenda. I’m glad he’s happy, but we really do miss his help around the house. We’re both getting on, and having a couple of youngsters around would be a real pleasure—if you’re looking for somewhere to stay?”
Tyris and Marlee exchanged a glance. “Can you give us a minute to talk about it?” Tyris asked.
Norris promptly nodded and he and Yasmyn wandered some distance away.
“What do you think?” Tyris asked.
“It’s better than staying here,” Marlee said. “Janey and Nerris are lovely people. Staying there will be far more pleasant than staying with Weiss.”
Tyris nodded readily. “It sounds like the perfect solution to me.”
*****
THAT NIGHT, AS TYRIS CUDDLED up to Marlee in the small bed that had once belonged to Nelor, he felt a little weird. “Did you and Nelor stay here together?” he asked.
Marlee’s body tensed beside him. He felt her nod in the darkness. “We did, while the house was being built. It seems so long ago.” Her voice sounded far away.
“Is it strange, being here with me instead?”
“A little,” she admitted softly.
He should stop now, before he heard something he didn’t want to hear. But he couldn’t. “Do you wish you were here with him now?” He hoped his voice sounded normal and relaxed. He suspected it didn’t.
“No, of course not.” Her reply was so swift it dispelled any doubts. “I cared about Nelor. We were best friends. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But the way I felt about him doesn’t even come close to the way I feel about you.”
She didn’t give any name to the feelings, and Tyris didn’t push for one. He had too many conflicting feelings himself.
He hadn’t expected to find himself caring for Marlee. Not like this. And he was even more amazed at the way she seemed to care for him in return. The more time he spent with her, the more he realised what an amazing woman she was.
He couldn’t believe how well she’d taken the news of his contraceptive implant. Milandra would have made it all his fault and been angry that he hadn’t said anything. She had blamed him. But Marlee wasn’t like that.
Despite the hardships she’d faced here on this planet, she was kind and forgiving to a fault. He couldn’t wait until they could get back to her home—no, their home—repaired, and have some time alone. All the reservations he’d had about removing his implant chip melted away, and for the first time, he considered it without fear.
Somehow, he could see himself staying here. Making a home for himself and Marlee, working with the other villagers, and raising a family. It was a far cry from the life he’d always imagined for himself, but it felt right.
These people were different to the ones on Urslat. They cared for each other and worked together. Most of them anyway. He scowled, thinking of Weiss’s treatment of Marlee earlier. What was the man doing here? It was obvious that Nerris, or whoever had organised the evacuation, had picked people specifically. The space on the ship had been l
imited, so everyone must have a reason for being here, either because they were friends, or because they had a useful skill. Why Weiss?
“What possible reason did Nerris and the others have for inviting Weiss here with them?” Tyris asked. “I mean, everyone here has some skill to offer or are close to someone who does. Why was Weiss invited?”
“He wasn’t,” Marlee said promptly. “He was already here.”
“Already on the planet?” Tyris frowned. That didn’t make sense. “Why?”
“He was the head anysogen miner. Half a dozen miners were stranded here on the planet when the governor left Semala. None too happy about it either. They had to survive a whole winter alone before we arrived. Several of them didn’t make it.”
Tyris stared at her. How could it not have occurred to him that there had been miners on the planet? “Weiss was here mining for anysogen?” he asked urgently.
“Yes,” Marlee said. “What else would he have been mining for?”
“So that means there is anysogen here, on the planet. Ready for use?”
Marlee shrugged. “I guess so. Not that it does any good. The Tenacity doesn’t use it.”
“No, but the Hylista does!” Tyris’s heart was pounding. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“The Hylista’s broken. What good does fuel do?” Marlee said.
He’d never gone into the details of what was wrong with his ship. He hadn’t thought it mattered. “Yes,” he agreed. “But one of the biggest problems with fixing it was that I lost most of the fuel on the way down. If I knew you had access to anysogen… It doesn’t solve everything, but it does give me a chance to actually try some repairs.”
“You mean, maybe we could get off the planet after all?” Marlee asked, her voice rising.
“Shh.” Tyris put a finger to her lips. “Maybe. But we need to keep this quiet.”
“But we’ll have to ask Nerris about the anysogen?”
Tyris frowned. He didn’t want Nerris involved. Not that the man hadn’t been kind to him, but…
“I don’t think we should,” he said. “Nerris knew my main problem was lack of anysogen, yet he never mentioned you had access to it. I still don’t think he wants us to get off this planet.”
“Why would he want to be stuck here?”
They’d had this conversation before, and Tyris was no closer to knowing the answer than he had been then. “I wish I knew. But for now, I think it’s best if we keep this information to ourselves. It’s not like anyone’s going to use the anysogen for anything else, is it? So if we help ourselves to some, it won’t be missed. Do you know where it is?”
“At the mine, I guess. It’s just on the other side of the field.”
“Can you find it?”
“I suppose so.” Marlee’s voice was doubtful, whether about being able to find the anysogen or whether they could use it he wasn’t sure. But she’d come around. He pulled her close, excitement building in him at the thought.
Even with the anysogen there were some serious problems with the Hylista, but they all involved breaking orbit, not flying once he got there. If he could only figure out some way to cross that first small distance and get out into space then nothing stood between him and home.
Home. He could barely remember it. He could picture the inside layout of his apartment but struggled to remember exactly what colour the walls were or just how soft the carpet was. Thoughts of home quickly lead to thoughts of Milandra. His visions of her had faded even more, as though they hadn’t been that clear to begin with.
Did he miss her? He hadn’t even thought about her in months. But now that there was a possibility of going home, he couldn’t ignore her existence anymore. What had she done in his absence? Had she proceeded with the divorce? Did she think he was dead?
When he’d set out looking for the anysogen, it was with the intention of winning her back, but now that he was here, he’d come to care deeply about Marlee.
He tried to remember what his life on Urslat had been like. He and Milandra had seemed so suited to each other, everyone said so. They like the same music, the same movies, and they seemed to have the same goals in life—to party and have fun. How strange to think that their relationship was based on so little. Had they ever really cared about each other?
He knew where he stood with Marlee. She didn’t pretend or make things up. She was honest and forthright, and yet she always believed the best of someone. She’d helped him be the best he could be. He couldn’t think of anyone else in his life that had ever done that.
But would she want to come with him? She had in the beginning, but that had been because she wanted a chance to be with Nelor. She said she felt more strongly about him than she had about Nelor, and with Marlee, that meant she did.
Yet somehow, something still felt uncertain, unfinished.
She still hesitated about trying for a baby.
Why did that fact upset him? He didn’t want a baby. He certainly didn’t want the risk of one when he had a chance of returning home. So why was he hurt by her hesitation?
Because here, a lack of a baby meant a lack of commitment. More than that, it meant that their time as a couple was limited. Maybe she didn’t want to stay with him. The thought stung. And yet, it didn’t feel quite right. Marlee wasn’t the type to shrink from commitment.
He knew without a doubt that she was avoiding the topic out of fear. Fear that she would admit to caring for him, only to lose him.
Determination filled him. He wouldn’t let that happen. He wasn’t willing to lose her. And yet, he couldn’t take the risk of her falling pregnant now. “Marlee?” he said quietly.
“Mhmm?” Her voice was sleepy.
He hesitated for a moment, tempted to let her sleep, to avoid the conversation he knew wouldn’t go well. But it was better to settle it now, before she made a decision in her own mind. “I need to talk to you about having a baby.”
She was instantly awake. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about it now?” Her voice was guarded.
“I know. But knowing about the anysogen changes everything. Now I’m not so sure it’s a good idea.” He winced at how bad the words sounded as he waited for her reaction.
“Why not?”
“If there’s any chance I can get the Hylista working again and get home then I can’t risk tampering with the implant. It’s an offence on Urslat, one that could land me in jail, or worse.”
She was silent while she digested his words. “But what if the council tries to split us up before you fix it?” she asked.
She didn’t sound upset. Tyris breathed a sigh of relief. “I won’t let that happen,” he said firmly. “By their own rules, we have eighteen months, and I think it’s reasonable that we insist on that. That should give us plenty of time to make repairs.” He wished he felt as confident of the outcome as he sounded.
Marlee was quiet for a moment. Was she upset? He wished he could see her face. Had he just ruined everything because he was so desperate to get home, when only moments ago he’d been so content with the way things were here? But he couldn’t let go of this possibility. Not yet.
Marlee turned and looked at him. “You’ll still take me with you, right?”
“Of course.”
“Okay then,” she agreed. “We’ll wait until spring and see if you can repair your ship.
When she snuggled next to him and he could sense her body relax, he let himself relax. It would all be okay. He’d find some way to fix the Hylista then he’d take her home, where it didn’t matter if neither of them could ever have children.
TYRIS CLIMBED THE LADDER TO remove the next damaged portion of Marlee’s roof. Even though the sun was sinking rapidly in the sky, sweat ran in trickles down his back, mingling with the melting snow. He sawed off a broken end of a roof brace and bent down to hand the piece to Marlee, waiting at the bottom of the ladder.
He wiped his forehead and moved onto the next roof brace, looking over his shoulder at the sun. The top of t
he trees, new leaves already sprouting, obscured nearly a quarter of the yellow circle. It would be dark in half an hour. Just enough time to get this section of the roof tidied up as long as he kept moving.
Sighing, he sawed at the next broken roof strut. After spending the whole day helping the villagers repair the barn, he was tired, and the work felt pointless. He only had a few hours each evening after the other work was done for the day, and at this rate, it would take a week before the house would be habitable. They’d only be here for a few days before they went looking for the anysogen and attempted to repair the Hylista.
He handed another broken piece of wood down to Marlee, feeling less despondent at her smile. Even a few nights alone could be worth the effort. And there was no certainty that he could repair his ship, even with the anysogen. He still had no idea how he could get the Hylista into orbit, but something would come to him… eventually.
If only he could get out there now and begin work. They’d spent the entire week since the snow had melted repairing the barn, and though he didn’t resent the work, he resented the delay. All these mundane tasks were driving him crazy, but as Marlee had pointed out, the fast melting snow would mean the trickle of a creek was a raging torrent. They wouldn’t be able to cross safely until the water went down.
So he might as well do something with his time. Marlee stood below the ladder again, waiting for the next piece of scrap wood. He sawed quickly and handed it down to her.
As he straightened up, sunlight flared in his face, almost blinding him.
He held up his hand to block the light. Where was it coming from? The sun was behind him, not in front of him. With his hand shielding his eyes, he could just make out something bright and reflective on the other side of the village, towering over the houses. The Tenacity. What a pity it was all but useless.
Or was it? As he continued to work on the roof, plans formed in his mind. The Hylista couldn’t break orbit. The Tenacity couldn’t fly at any speed that was useful. If he could borrow the parts he needed to repair his ship…
By the time it was finally too dark to work any longer, he climbed down the ladder. It was gloomier inside the house, despite the gaping hole in the roof, and Marlee had lit a lantern. Looking at her in the flickering light, Tyris felt a surge of desire. What a pity it wouldn’t be warm enough to sleep in their room tonight.
