He tucked my hair behind my ear. I shuddered at his touch while the instinct to lean against him intensified, as did my efforts to resist the impulse. “I can fill in the missing lines, especially the more I come to know you myself.”
I rather liked that idea. With this promise, I took a wavering breath and began. I adored this process: beginning with a blank page and then line by line creating shapes that I sculpted to resemble a person. Drawing was similar to the process of coming to know someone; over time, more and more about an individual was revealed, until one had a complete picture.
I felt as if my relationship with Aiden was a sketch I was creating. Each interaction together drew lines on my heart, and although I still couldn’t see the entire picture, I knew that with time I would…if I kept drawing. And I found that the longer I worked on this picture, the more excited I was to see the finished product.
As my pencil caressed the paper in long, fluid strokes, I tried to forget Aiden’s presence behind me, but it was impossible. I had to pause several times to still my shaking hand and school my pattering heartbeat. I tried to resist looking at him in the mirror but I couldn’t escape the feeling of his soft, caressing gaze upon me, nor his warmth enveloping me, as if I were curled in front of a hearth.
Aiden broke the tranquil stillness first. “I know you claimed not to be able to adequately capture yourself in a drawing, but so far it’s remarkable. You’re incredibly talented. Perhaps I should request my portrait next.”
“No need, I’ve already drawn one.” The words escaped before I could register them. I froze and my cheeks flamed. “That is…oh.” I closed my eyes and groaned. “I can’t believe I just admitted that.”
“You’ve drawn my portrait?” His fingertips lightly traced my blush, his tone delighted. “Please don’t worry; I’m flattered. Might I see it?”
“Perhaps that can be your next payment.”
He chuckled but didn’t remove his stroking fingers. I was secretly glad. I felt so alive when he touched me. “Can you give me a hint on how it turned out?”
“It looked like you, but I couldn’t quite portray the layers protecting your secrets.”
“Now I’m even more eager to see it. I’m dying to know how you see me.”
Our eyes met in the mirror. “I’m not even sure I know the answer to that. How do you want me to see you?”
His gaze intensified as his fingers curled around my still-burning cheek. “As a man you can trust.”
If only he knew that’s how I desperately wanted to see him. After tonight, I saw him as that man even more.
The clock on the mantle chimed, signifying the late hour. I tugged one of my pencils from my hair as I returned to my portrait, pulling out my bun. My dark hair cascaded down my back. Aiden’s attention shifted from the careful strokes of my drawing to my hair. After a moment’s hesitation, he ran his fingers through it. I froze.
“Am I distracting you?”
“Yes,” I murmured breathlessly. “If you keep doing so I won’t be able to finish.”
His hand wound around my hair, caressing the strands between his fingers. “Perhaps this is a better payment. I love your hair.” He paused. “I’m sorry. I should have asked your permission before touching you.”
He met my gaze in the mirror, seeking the desired permission with his eyes. I could barely nod in order to give it. I tried to calm my breathing in order to continue drawing, but the task proved impossible. My heart raced at the sensations caused by each of Aiden’s touches as he stroked my long hair down my back, sending ripples all over my body.
Aiden eventually pulled away, leaving me aching for his touch. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from asking him to touch me again.
“I could play with your hair all night, but I really want your portrait.” He leaned over my shoulder. “It’s really coming along.”
Even midst my tumult of emotions, I managed to stare at it with a critical air. “It doesn’t seem…me.”
“I should say not. What is a piece of paper to the remarkable woman I have the pleasure of sitting beside?”
He rested his chin on my shoulder and after several shuddering breaths, I managed to stir and finish the portrait. It was almost done. I used my thumb for the final shading and held it beside my face.
“Finished. What do you think?”
Aiden glanced back and forth between it and me and nodded in approval. “Flawless. Well, almost.” He lightly traced around my eyes. “You couldn’t capture the light dancing in your eyes nor the brightness of your smile.” He pressed his fingertip against the corner of my lips before withdrawing. “I suppose a portrait can’t fully capture a person.”
“I did warn you.”
“But it’s still wonderful and I’m happy to have it.” He took it reverently after I removed it from my sketchbook and admired it with an appreciating smile. “Thank you, Eileen, I’ll treasure it forever.”
He glanced at the clock on the mantle. I sighed. “You have to leave?” It was impossible to keep the disappointment from my voice. What a contrast: this evening I’d gone from not wanting his presence to aching for him to stay.
“I do, but I’ll see you tomorrow after the task.”
“If I survive the experience.”
“You will, I have no doubt.” He stood and extended his hand to help me to my feet, holding mine long after I’d risen. “Until tomorrow.”
He lifted my hand and pressed a kiss on my fingers. This time I let him, and just as I’d feared, it caused my heart to patter so rapidly I was certain it’d explode. It didn’t settle even after Aiden bowed and left the room, and it took even longer for me to tear my gaze away from the closed door, especially considering I was now more frightened by the sadness I felt at his absence than by tomorrow’s test.
Chapter 16
I blew the ink dry on the note I’d spent the morning writing to Mother. It was such an inadequate explanation for the fierce worry she’d undoubtedly been experiencing since my disappearance, but at least she’d be assured I was alive; it was better than nothing.
I gnawed my lip as I reread it. It was far too vague, but telling Mother the extent of my situation would likely cause her to fret even more. For now she’d at least know I was well and that I would hopefully be home soon.
I folded it and tucked it away before my gaze settled on the tiny package that Alaina had delivered with my breakfast tray. Without even needing to check the card, I knew who it was from.
I closed my eyes as memories from last night washed over me—the sweet look filling Aiden’s eyes as he looked at me, the ripply sensations his touch had caused me to feel, and the way my heart yearned for his presence when we weren’t together. Certainly whatever was in this package from him would only intensify these beautiful but slightly confusing emotions.
With a deep breath, I shakily untied the ribbon and lifted the lid. I gasped. For a moment, I stared at Aiden’s gift before I lightly traced each shimmering pearl of the necklace with my fingertip. It was both elegant and simple. Aiden knew my tastes well.
I picked up the accompanying note that had fluttered to the desk when I’d opened the box: Wear with confidence, for no amount of etiquette can match the true poise you already possess.
My emotions swelled and I had to blink back tears. I gently removed the necklace and draped it around my neck, my fingers tracing it as I stared at it, dazed. I’d never possessed something so beautiful. Even the locket from Father couldn’t compare to this.
A lump formed in my throat as I tugged the locket from beneath my collar, the locket I hadn’t taken off since Father left. While wearing two necklaces didn’t seem dignified for the princess I supposedly was, I didn’t care. I needed to wear both to give me strength for what was to come. My stomach knotted further as I glanced at the time. I was due downstairs soon.
Half an hour later, I waited with the rest of the court in the rose parlor, fidgeting. Despite the large size of the elegant room, it was crowded with n
obility, pressing around me in their finery, making me moments away from a faint.
I wove through the smothering crowd as best I could, searching for Aiden. Considering he was a member of the court, surely he’d be here. Hearing his sweet assurances and seeing his endearing smile would help ease my nerves so I could face the first challenge. But no matter how many times I scanned the room, carefully examining every face, I didn’t see him. My disappointment was more pressing than the crowd.
“Looking for someone in particular?” Prince Liam appeared at my elbow, a knowing smile on his face. “A good-looking bloke, perhaps? Because if so, here I am.”
I smiled indulgently before resuming my search. “Are all members of the court present?”
“A good number of them are.”
It only made Aiden’s absence more acute. His obvious disdain for court—which he’d repeatedly expressed with fierce grumbles the night before—made it unsurprising he’d chosen not to come. But shouldn’t his desire to see me and wish me luck have compelled him to come anyway? My heart prickled at his neglect.
“Are you alright, Princess Gemma?”
I reluctantly tore my scanning gaze away from the crowds, which Aiden clearly wasn’t amongst, and forced a smile for Prince Liam. “Just admiring the room. It’s lovely.”
He smirked, and mischievousness filled his piercing stare. “I see. Looking for someone in particular in this lovely room?”
I sighed in defeat. “I was hoping to see my friend before the luncheon.”
“A female friend or a male friend?”
My cheeks warmed. “Merely a good friend.”
“And you feel he’s abandoned you?”
I tightened my jaw, clenching it to stave off the embarrassing tears already gathering, my exhaustion from my late night making me overemotional. Certainly princesses didn’t blubber in public. “He didn’t exactly promise to meet me. I’m sure he has a good reason…” But my words did little to abate the tightening of my heart. Why weren’t men ever there when you needed them?
I didn’t hear Prince Liam’s next several comments or even notice when he finally excused himself. When he left, I seized the opportunity to escape into a corner and take several steadying breaths. There I spotted another familiar face. I gaped at Rosie’s cousin, the noble relation who always caused her to glow with family pride; from what I remembered, he now worked in Sortileya’s trade negotiations.
“Sir Gavin?”
He turned at the sound of his name and blinked at me before faint recognition filled his expression. He came over. “I remember you. Rosie’s friend, right?”
“Yes, Eileen.” I gave my real name in a whisper. “But due to circumstances beyond my control, everyone believes me to be Princess Gemma. Don’t ask. And you’re Rosie’s cousin?”
“Princess Gemma, huh?” Gavin smirked. “And Rosie and I aren’t exactly cousins. Is that what she’s told you?”
Only countless times. With the way she went on about ‘dear cousin Gavin,’ I’d assumed the relationship was close, both by blood and friendship. “She has. Are you two even related?”
“In a sense. We’re fourth cousins”—he scrunched his forehead, considering—“twice removed, I think, although with the way she clings to me and milks me for information whenever I visit other relatives in Arador, I think she’d like the relationship to be closer.”
Unsurprising. Leave it to Rosie to lay more kinship to a distantly related nobleman than actually existed. Such a classic Rosie gesture made me miss her more than ever. Would I ever survive this experience in order to see her and Mother again? The thought made the first task feel more daunting than ever. In my escalating anxiety, the crowds and walls seemed to close in on me, suffocating.
My increasing discomfort was lost on Gavin, who was looking at me with renewed interest. “What are you doing here?” His eyes widened as if the answer to his own question had just occurred to him, and his grin widened. “Oh, you’re Aiden’s Eileen.”
My astonishment grew, as did my pleasure to be referred to as Aiden’s Eileen. “You know Aiden?”
“Quite well. We’ve met on and off over the years and have become good friends.” His stare became suspicious. “And how do you know him?”
“Certainly you know the answer to that, considering it sounds as if he’s talked about me.” A tiny flutter of pleasure filled my heart at the thought.
Gavin gave a rather strange smile. “He has. Quite often, in fact. When Aiden told me of the woman who’s besotted him, I never would have expected he was referring to you. I should have realized when Rosie started milking me for information about Aiden that she was doing it on someone’s behalf. My apologies I lied to her and pretended I didn’t know him; I wasn’t comfortable sharing anything about my friend to someone who’s a huge gossip.” He looked around at the surrounding nobles. “You’ve become entangled in quite the mess.”
So Gavin knew of that, too. It was somewhat reassuring that should anything happen to me today before I could post my note to Mother, someone would at least be able to share my fate with her.
I scanned the room once more, still hoping for Aiden to emerge from the crowd. “Considering you two seem to be good friends, care to enlighten me on where he is? Why isn’t he at court? Doesn’t he want to witness what is sure to be a spectacle?”
“Of course not. He loathes court and avoids it whenever possible.”
“And he’s allowing this dislike to prevent him from attending when I need to see him?” I sighed. “Some friend he is.”
Gavin frowned sympathetically. His pity only made me feel worse. “He knew you’d be upset with him. He almost came just for you.”
“But he didn’t.” And none of Gavin’s prepared excuses would be enough to change that fact.
“No, he didn’t, but he has a very good reason as to why.”
I folded my arms across my chest in an attempt to smother my disappointment. “And this reason is more important than anything else, including me?”
“No,” Gavin said. “He’s told me enough about your relationship for me to know that nothing is more important to him than you.”
Strange how Gavin didn’t seem scandalized at the thought that Aiden cared more for me than his fiancée. Despite knowing it was wrong, my heart lifted at the idea and I silently cursed it for being so easily swayed. “He has a funny way of showing it.”
Gavin offered a wry smile. “True, but perhaps he’s showing it in the best way he can. He’s never been much of a gentleman.”
As he spoke, he swiveled around to seize two glasses of champagne from a passing footman. He offered me one. I shook my head. With a shrug he kept both, sipping from the first.
“Since I’ve found you, may I offer Aiden’s most sincere apologies for not being able to wish you good luck in person and for any additional distress his actions have caused you. He feels sorry having to beg forgiveness from you yet again, especially so recently after his apology for involving you in this in the first place.”
Something flashed in his eyes, a secret, as if he had the answers I so desperately sought. “Do you know the reason he did it?” For I sensed there was more to Aiden’s motive than he’d shared.
“I do, but…”
I scowled. “But you’re not going to tell me.”
He shook his head. “No, I’m not. What kind of friend would I be if I so easily betrayed Aiden’s trust?”
I harrumphed, frustrated, but did my best to reign in my emotions. As unwilling as I was to perform, I was still trapped amongst a crowd of nobility and thus had a part to play. “I’m sure he expects me to grant my forgiveness, but you’ll have to disappoint him, especially since he sent you to do his dirty work.”
“My apology is merely a precursor to his own, for he also wanted me to assure you that a proper apology is coming. Best of luck, Eileen…I mean, Princess Gemma.”
Gavin winked before departing with a bow just as the parlor doors swung open and lunch was announced.
All thoughts of Aiden immediately fled as I forced myself to concentrate on the overwhelming task before me: fooling the entire court and the visiting royalty that I was one of them.
I followed the excited crowd into the dining room. Although I’d already dined here many times, the opulent room now seemed more foreboding. The light spilling through the windows did little to abate the terror smothering me or the nerves knotting my stomach. Would this be where I finally exposed myself for who I truly was?
I shakily took my seat at my usual place beside the Dracerian royalty. Princess Elodie immediately leaned towards my ear. “It seems strange that our first test is dining, something we’ve already done many times before.”
But I’d already noticed several notable differences. The place setting had far more dishes and cutlery than our previous meals, meaning we’d be engaging in one with multiple courses. My gaze settled on each piece of silverware in turn. Aiden’s late-night tutoring had extended to the proper use of each, but that had been long after midnight when exhaustion had begun to press against my senses, making the memory of that particular lesson a blur.
“Are you glaring at the silverware, Gemma?” Princess Elodie whispered.
I rapidly raised my gaze in time to see Prince Liam pick up his knife and examine it with a frown. “Can you blame her? It does seem rather offensive.”
He offered me a reassuring grin and cheerful wink. I gave him a grateful smile before glancing towards the other side of the room, where several stuffy, elderly noblemen sat along the wall, portable writing desks perched in their laps for notes, which many were already scribbling. My stomach clenched.
Princess Aveline watched them thoughtfully. “Already taking notes. They must have observed our entrance to see if we walked with the necessary poise befitting a true queen.”
My mind scrambled back to how I’d walked to my seat. Had I done so with the proper posture and graceful manner Aiden had taught me? I couldn’t remember. My hand fluttered to the necklace Aiden had given me this morning as I took several steadying breaths. No matter what happened during this luncheon, Aiden believed I had poise. Some of my unease abated at the thought.
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