While it was a joy to help the peasants with their humble yet earnest requests, most of the issues brought by the upper class were wearying, often full of greed and pettiness. One case in particular tested my patience as two lords presented a dispute over their property line, a case the queen graciously assisted with after realizing my ignorance with the laws and traditions of Dracerian landholders.
As she dealt with the squabble, my heart tightened at the heated exchange of words and the lack of listening done by either party. It was amazing how quickly their miscommunication had escalated. Just like your fight with Liam. The thought caused my energy and enthusiasm to wane, and it was all I could do to meet with the final two subjects. When the last finally exited the room, I sank in my seat.
“You did very well, Lavena,” the queen said. “I admit I’m pleasantly surprised.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty. I enjoy helping people.”
“That attitude made you very effective today. I’m very proud of you.” She scooted to the edge of her seat and rested her hand over mine. “Now that our subjects have been seen to, might I offer my help to you? I can tell something is bothering you, something more than a restless night. Won’t you confide in me?”
She gave me such a sweet, motherly look, as if I were her own daughter. It had been years since I’d had a mother. The thought compelled me to share my burden with her.
My lip trembled. “Liam and I got in a fight. There’s been a horrible misunderstanding, but Liam won’t believe my explanation.”
The queen’s expression twisted in sympathy. “Poor dear. I wondered if it had to do with Liam.” She patted my hand. “Liam is a very passionate person. Whatever emotion he feels, he does so completely. Because he’s upset, it’s difficult for him to focus on any other emotion—in this case, the compassion to talk with you and understand your perspective. But he will. He never remains upset for long. Try talking with him again. I can see that he cares for you deeply, and I’m sure he will open his heart if you just give him a little more time.”
I ached to believe her, but I knew she wouldn’t be so certain of Liam’s forgiveness if she knew the extent of his hurt—he thought his wife was being unfaithful.
Heart still heavy, I followed Her Majesty from the reception hall. We’d gone only a few corridors when we encountered Liam. He froze when he saw us, staring hungrily at me before he hastily looked away.
The queen frowned disapprovingly. “Good afternoon, Liam. Lavena and I just finished receiving some of our subjects. Lavena did very well. She has such a compassionate heart.”
Liam’s expression wrenched, as if her words caused him pain. “It’s my favorite quality of hers.” While his words seemed sincere, they lacked the usual warmth that filled his tone.
My heart tightened, but I refused to be like those disputing lords and give up trying to heal the pain I’d caused Liam. I took a wavering breath and stepped forward, brushing his arm.
“Can I talk to you, Liam? Please.”
He didn’t look at me as he nodded curtly. The queen excused herself and we ducked into a side room to sit down and talk. I took another steadying breath.
“Please forgive me for this misunderstanding, because I assure you a misunderstanding is all this is. Please believe me when I tell you that there’s nothing going on between me and Archer.”
He finally peeked up at me, his eyes swirling with pain. “How can you sit there and tell me that when there’s clearly a relationship between you two? You told him you loved him.” His expression twisted at the words. “I thought his name sounded familiar. It took me most of the night to remember he’s the Lycerian servant who arrived unexpectedly during our honeymoon, seeking a private audience with you.” His look was both accusing and heartbreaking.
My stomach jolted. Oh no, he’d remembered that. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if the sight of my panic confirmed his suspicions.
“I can think of no other explanation for your relationship with a mere servant than—” He couldn’t finish.
“So you’re choosing to believe your assumptions rather than listen to me?”
“You said you love him,” he repeated, his voice breaking.
“I know I said that, but I told you I’m not in love with him.” I’m in love with you. “You have to believe me. Please.”
He hesitated before reaching out to lightly touch the back of my hand. “You have no idea how much I want to, but you must admit what this looks like. I don’t want it to be true, but I’m terrified that it is.”
“Believe me, I know exactly what this looks like,” I said. “But I assure you it isn’t what you think. I promise you that I was faithful to you even before our wedding, and have remained so since our marriage. I need you to believe me. Your pain is breaking my heart.”
He said nothing at first, only continued to trace swirl after swirl on my hand. His touch was both wonderful and torturous. Then, quietly, he whispered, “You’ve already broken mine.”
My heart wrenched at his admission and the tears I’d fought to keep back escaped. At my strangled sob, his gaze jolted up to meet mine, lingering on the tears now streaking my cheeks.
“Lavena?”
The heartbreak in his voice was too much. I wasn’t strong enough to continue the confrontation. With another shuddering sob, I turned and fled the room.
I escaped to my usual garden refuge, where I tucked myself behind a manicured hedge, pulled my knees to my chest, and cried.
I wasn’t huddled there long before I heard footsteps. My breath hooked as I waited for them to approach my hiding place. “Lavena?”
Liam. I didn’t look up.
“Lavena darling, it’s raining.”
Was it? I peeked out from my knees to take in my wet surroundings. Only then did I notice the raindrops pattering my hair and the moisture seeping into my skirts. I reburied myself.
“Sweetheart, please come inside. I don’t want you catching a cold.”
Sweetheart? I peeked back up to see beautiful concern filling his expression. My broken heart fluttered in hope.
“Why do you care?” I mumbled.
He sighed. “Believe me, I’ve spent the past day trying not to care in an effort to protect myself from yesterday’s…revelation. Instead, I only feel worse; avoiding you has caused me to miss you all the more.” He stepped closer. “May I join you?”
I nodded. He settled beside me and I was immediately bathed in his warmth. In spite of my own promise to maintain distance from the man I’d inadvertently hurt, I snuggled closer and nearly sobbed in relief when his arm wrapped around me. Despite his cozy embrace I shivered. He tugged off his cloak to gently wrap around me, immersing me in his intoxicating scent.
“Was there something you needed?” I whispered, seeking an explanation for his unexpected closeness.
He began rubbing up and down my arm to warm me from the rainy chill. “I need you.” He paused and peered up at me, his expression intensifying. My heart lifted and I couldn’t contain the smile that overcame me, the first since our fight. “And I also need to apologize. I’m sorry about how I’ve treated you since yesterday, dear.”
“You’re sorry? I’m not the one who caught my spouse writing a letter to another.”
“But I am the one who, in his hurt and anger, chose to ignore his wife’s explanation.” He cupped my chin, his gaze penetrating mine. “Are you currently or have you ever been engaged in a romantic relationship with this Archer?”
I stared into his eyes, desperate for him to believe me. “No. I swear, Liam.”
He searched my gaze for a long time before the corner of his mouth quirked up, hinting at his adorable dimple. I softly traced around it with my finger, marveling at its appearance at such a time.
“Please believe me,” I whispered. “I need you to.”
“Then your wish shall be granted.”
I gaped at him. “You believe me?”
He stroked my cheek. “Marriage is about trust, so I do. I n
eed to. Besides, this misunderstanding doesn’t fit you now that I’ve discovered who you truly are.”
I stared at him in astonishment. He sees me. My pent-up sob escaped and I buried myself against his chest. He embraced me and I marveled at the feel of his firm, warm arms cradling me, holding me close. In them I felt home. “I missed you, Liam.”
He chuckled and began to stroke my wet hair. “Not as much as I’ve missed you.” He tilted my face up so he could lightly trace each of my features with his fingertip, his look attentive. “Although I feel as if I have every bit of you memorized, after forcing myself this past day not to look at you, I feel as if I’m seeing you for the first time. You’re so lovely, Lavena.” He kissed my brow.
I grinned and snuggled closer. A different silence settled over us, one absent of tension although yet still lingering with some hurt. But it was also a healing silence, and I knew that despite our fight, things would be alright between us.
Liam spoke first. “After my meeting today, I sought you out, needing to tell you, my confidante, all about it. I couldn’t stand how things were between us any longer. It was agonizing playing the silent treatment with you.”
“I never want to play that game with you,” I said.
“Oh, Lavena, of course you don’t.” He released a long sigh. “Where’s Archer’s letter now? Did you ever send it?”
I shook my head. “I couldn’t.” For as anxious as I was to ease my brother’s heart, I couldn’t do it through that letter after it had caused Liam such pain. “I burned it.”
“You did?” Relief filled Liam’s expression. He cradled my cheek. “Even though I can see your honesty, I’m too curious not to ask: who’s Archer?”
“It’s as Aveline said—he’s a common man on the royal hunt in Lyceria.”
“And how do you know him?”
I nibbled my lip, deliberating how to answer. “I’ve always known him. We met in infancy. He’s like a brother to me.”
“A…brother?” He seemed to be testing the word and obviously liked it considering the smile that lit his face. “Really?”
“Yes, Liam, really. I promise. He didn’t know about our marriage, so I fear he’s worried about me. I was only writing him to tell him I was alright.”
His brow furrowed. “He must have known, for he came to see you during our honeymoon.” His frown deepened and his look became searching. “Not to mention, at the time of his visit, you told me you’d only met him once or twice. Was that a lie?”
My cheeks burned. “It was, but I only gave it because I was afraid you’d assume the true nature of our relationship was more insinuating than it actually is…and I was right. I’m sorry.”
He was silent for an agonizing moment. “If that was a lie, how can I be certain what you’re telling me now isn’t a lie too?”
“But it’s not.” I twisted the ring on my finger. “There’s nothing going on between me and Archer. I promise.”
Once more he searched my expression, his own anxious, desperate for my words to be true. His own softened at seeing my sincerity even as his brows furrowed in confusion. “I’m afraid I still don’t understand. Why would a princess be so well acquainted with a common man?”
“Well, as I mentioned during our honeymoon, he’s my handmaiden’s brother…” I ached to tell him more. Ever since becoming bound by the princess’s vicious ring, I’d never wanted to break its enchantment of silence more than I did now. Despite Liam’s sweet trust, pain still lingered in his eyes, pain that had been caused by this ridiculous charade. I was tired of the lies, the misunderstandings, the hiding, and the pretending. If only I could tell him the truth, everything would become clear to him.
My jaw set in determination. “Because he’s my—” The words twin brother were swallowed by my startled cry as white-hot pain laced up my arm, more burning than it had ever been since being forced to don the ring. My finger scorched and throbbed with the intensity, as if I’d stuck my hand into a flame.
“Lavena?”
I barely heard Liam, my senses eclipsed by the searing torture. Tears poured down my cheeks as I cradled my hand against my chest. Liam held me tightly, frantically demanding over and over what was wrong, but I couldn’t tell him; I wouldn’t risk angering the sadistic ring further, already punishing me mercilessly for my breach of contract.
“Lavena? Lavena?”
Liam shook me desperately. Dizzy with pain, I somehow managed to tip my head back to take in his worried expression. He stroked me over and over, as if he could rub away the pain tormenting me.
“What is it, Lavena? Are you hurt? Please tell me.” He sounded so desperate.
How could I explain that the ring brandishing my finger was torturing me? So I said nothing, and at my submissive silence, the torment slowly began to dissipate.
I glanced down at the ring, glistening with sickly satisfaction that I’d understood its threatening message: remain silent. Play your part. Or experience fiery torment that would force me to comply with its cruel demands. I silently swore my allegiance to it. All thought of attempting to tell Liam my true relationship with Archer vanished, for I was too terrified of experiencing such agony again, certain that next time it wouldn’t just be torturous, but unbearable.
“Lavena?” Liam’s voice choked. He was near tears. I took several long, deep breaths, cradling my hand. Liam’s gaze lowered to it and his face lit with understanding. “Your hand?”
He reached for it. I tried to jerk away but he seized it and examined every inch. Despite feeling like it’d been immersed in fire, it remained unscathed and unburned.
“Does your hand hurt?”
I ached to lie, but unfortunately my huge reaction could not be dismissed. “It’s fading.”
“What happened?” He stroked my hand, his touch a soothing balm for the pain thankfully slipping away.
I shook my head. “I can’t explain.” If only I could. I rested my forehead against his chest, suddenly so weary, from both our earlier fight and the torture I’d just endured. Thankfully, he didn’t press me for further details. He just held me close, rubbing my back as I took steady breath after steady breath, waiting for the fire that had laced through me to completely abate. It faded, faded, faded…until it was nothing more than a throbbing memory.
I released a long breath. “I feel better. Thank you for comforting me.” I tipped my head back. “I’m really sorry for our misunderstanding.”
For a moment he looked confused before he let out a strangled sob and pulled me closer, holding me tightly against his chest. “Oh, Lavena, our earlier fight seems so trivial compared to what just happened now. Watching you suffer, both because I refused to believe you and because of the pain in your hand…I can’t endure that again.”
He wouldn’t have to, I’d make sure of that. At this silent promise, the ring gave a tiny little throb, as if smirking, for it knew that my trying to be honest with Liam would never happen again. Despite our reconciliation, this thought made me feel as if more distance had sprung up between us. As desperate as I was for our relationship to work, how could it when I wasn’t who Liam thought I was?
Chapter 19
I peeked out the window and watched as the carriage bearing the Sortileyan royal crest rolled to a stop in front of the palace. My chest tightened. The Sortileyan Crown Prince and Princess were only two of the guests we were expecting for a series of meetings and a formal state dinner. While Liam dreaded the meetings, I was an anxious mess thinking about performing for royals and nobles who knew Princess Lavena. How well they knew her, I wasn’t sure. I was about to find out.
“They’ve arrived.” I let the curtain fall back as I turned to Liam, the picture of ease on the parlor settee.
“Thank you, my little watchwoman.” He beckoned me over and I happily placed my hand in his. His reassuring squeeze abated some of my tension, although not all. “Are you alright? You seem nervous.”
I took a steadying breath and forced a smile. “I’m fine.
With the insecurity filling his eyes, I knew he feared the worst—that it was a promise ring from one of the princess’s past beaus. “It’s a family heirloom.” I didn’t want him to question further, so I added hastily, “And you’re right, I’m rather nervous.”
“I can tell.” He tilted his head. “You used to betray your nerves by fiddling with your hair, but you haven’t done that in awhile.”
I stilled my pacing. It had been one of the princess’s quirks I’d made an effort to mimic in the beginning of this charade, one that had been slowly eclipsed by my own. I hadn’t even noticed I’d stopped. Which other parts of my mask had slipped away without my noticing? Enough for the scheme to be exposed?
I took a steadying breath. “I’m concerned about the dinner with the neighboring kingdoms’ diplomats tomorrow. It’s my first formal event as the crown princess.”
His expression cleared into one of sympathy. “Don’t worry, you’ll be perfect.” He playfully swung my arm back and forth. “You should be more worried about me as I’ll be dying a slow and agonizing death cooped up in meetings all day.”
“I have meetings, too.” I’d been slowly gaining more duties as the crown princess, responsibilities I actually found I rather enjoyed. While the meetings could sometimes be tedious, I loved visiting with our subjects, organizing charities, and doing what I could for them. My favorite project was one the queen and I were doing together in establishing schools for the children in all the villages so we could increase the people’s literacy; I looked forward to the afternoons when I could spend time in the schoolrooms teaching the sweet children their letters.
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