by K C West
The telephone rang. I heard Dad, Sue, and several of the police personnel talking, even Pup’s playful bark as he scuffled with Jackie and Cleo in the other room. In the midst of all this activity, I’d never felt more alone, and certainly never more lonely than I did at this moment. My chest tightened, making it hard to breathe.
“Please come back to me.” I choked on the words and my eyes swan with tears. “I found the flute. I love it, but I love you so much more.”
A soft knock sounded at the door and Sue entered before I could wipe my eyes.
“PJ? What’s wrong?” She held the cordless phone, her hand over the mouthpiece.
“Is it for me?” My voice was husky.
“It’s Lawrence again. Listen, if this is a bad time - ”
“No, I’ll take it.” She handed me the phone and searched for a box of tissues.
“Hi, PJ, I tried your cell phone, but I never heard it ring.”
I cleared my throat. “Sorry. I guess it needs recharging.”
“I just wanted to let you know that the check’s in the mail. FedEx that is, for overnight delivery. You should get it tomorrow afternoon at the latest.”
“Thank you.”
“Any time. I’m always here, you know, ready and able to assist you.” I heard a muffled voice in the background asking a question. “Heather was wondering if you had any news of Dr. Blair. Is there anything she can do to help?”
You can stop asking that question. I know you mean well, but it makes my heart bleed. I wanted to scream at him, but I didn’t.
“Nothing more to report, I’m afraid. Please thank her for me. Thank everyone for… everything.”
“And I’m here for you.”
“I’m sorry, Lawrence, I have to go now.”
“Sure. You take care of yourself, and if you do need - ”
“Thank you. Good night.” I ended the connection and handed the phone back to Sue.
She gave me a tissue. “Do you want to talk?”
“I found my birthday present.” I unlocked the desk again and showed her the flute and the note.
“Oh, honey.” Her eyes were moist. She opened her arms and gathered me in.
I sobbed for a long time before managing to say, “All I do is cry these days. It hurts so much. I don’t know how much longer I can take this not knowing.”
Sue rubbed my back and ruffled my hair. “There’s still some daylight left. Let’s get out of here and fill our lungs with some fresh air.”
“Thanks for being here,” I said with a final sniff. “I’m so lucky to have a mom, therapist, and friend all rolled into one.”
*
After Terry left, I felt numb, angry, and frightened. My reservoir of hope had vanished like water down a drain. I stared vacantly at the ceiling entrance and the ladder left so invitingly in place. Terry had tied my legs and hands and left me lying on the blanket where I could stare at the ancient jar in front of me.
Corpse powder.
Where could she have found it? She had to have stolen it from an Indian site.
I know you’ve heard of it, PJ. I never really believed in the evil it could cause when unleashed, but now that I’m confronted with so much pure human wickedness, I’m terrified by the thought of spiritual demons as well. Good sense tells me it’s very arrogant to deny things we don’t understand just because we can’t see them or touch them.
Some southwestern tribes believe people have two souls, one good, and one evil. That’s understandable when you consider that most everything has an opposite. Black and white. Yin and yang. And modern psychologists tell us that no matter how good we appear, all human beings have a malevolent streak. It’s just that some of us can keep it in check, while others can’t. Ancient people believed that when a person died, the good soul left the body and proceeded to the afterlife. The bad soul remained in the body and was harvested by witches who stole the corpses and reduced the flesh and bones to a fine powder. Anyone contaminated by corpse powder was driven crazy. If you were unfortunate enough to have ingested any of it, the evil started eating you alive from the inside out. In my present state of mind, I wasn’t strong enough to deny it.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t think I was hydrated enough to cry. The tears felt hot and tasted much too salty.
I continued to stare at the jar, willing myself to believe the beautifully crafted vessel contained nothing more lethal than sand. Ash, perhaps ash. After all, it wasn’t that unusual to find a jar with the remains of Uncle Joe or Aunt Sylvia on the mantel. Should we think that those jars of what amounted to corpse powder contain evil? Because everything doesn’t burn into powder and pieces of bone are left when the ash is cooled, some modern crematoria reduce the ash into powder with crushing equipment. Are we so very different from the ancient ones then?
Whatever happens, I don’t want you coming here, under any circumstances.
I’ve never been one to get on my knees and pray, but I’m praying to the god of Christianity, to all the gods of the ancient world, and to the Amazon gods. I’m praying to any god or goddess who will listen. I’m even praying to the goddamn mice to infect me with their virus, so that I can go quickly and cheat Terry of the pleasure of putting a bullet in me.
Do not come after me. If you do, you’ll be at Terry’s mercy and there won’t be a thing you can do about it. It’s too late for me. You, though, still have a chance, but only if you forget all about me and get the hell out of New Mexico. Get as far away from here as you can. If I know you’ll do that and be safe, I can slip away.
It won’t be too bad. The pain comes and goes and I think the wounds to my neck are infected. I know I’m suffering from fever, dehydration, and sleep depravation, and it will be a blessed relief to give up and let go. But before I can, I need to know you’ll be okay.
You’ve been the light of my life. Until I met you, I had no idea what true happiness was. I love you and will always love you. Think of me whenever you feel the touch of the breeze on your cheek or hear the rustle of the bedcovers at night because it will be me watching over you.
Good-bye, my love. Until we meet again.
I dropped my head and felt the black void engulf me.
Chapter 20
Sweat dropped from my chin and tiny droplets slid down my forehead, stinging my eyes. Sue and I had run along the valley floor in back of the ranch and then climbed the ridge to the wooded area near the wildlife preserve. I figured her added years and the higher elevation might be too much for her, but her stamina was amazing. She was right behind me for the whole run.
Once we had topped the ridge, we slowed to a walk to cool down, mopping our faces and necks with the sleeves and the hems of our shirts.
“Oh, that felt so good. We should sleep well tonight.” Sue propped her hand against a tree to stretch her hamstrings and quads.
I imitated her movements, taking long, slow breaths. “That’d be refreshing. Thanks for the workout. With all this stuff happening, I haven’t had time to do much running.” I squirted a stream of water into my mouth and swallowed.
“Let’s walk back now, okay? I’d like to talk to you about something.”
“Sure.” I fell into step beside her, offering her my water bottle after she’d drained hers.
After a long drink, she handed it back. “I know you aren’t giving up on finding Kim.”
“Of course not. Why would you - ”
She put her hand on my arm, effectively stopping my protest. “It’s just that I see a lot of despair in you lately, and I want to discuss it.”
“Discuss it as a therapist, or as a family member?”
She pulled me into a gentle hug. “If you’d like, I’ll search for a competent professional for you here in New Mexico. I know you’ve been seeing my associate, but Scott is in Boston and you may need to talk with someone closer. In the meantime, I’ll offer advice absolutely free, but only as your stepmother.”
I gave her waist a final squeeze as we broke apart and conti
nued our walk. “I appreciate that. We all love you dearly, and I’ll welcome your thoughts as my stepmom. I may not always agree with you, but I’ll listen.”
“Fair enough. What I want to talk about are the feelings you have now, and will have, as long as Kim is missing.”
I exhaled. “Oh.”
“You need to acknowledge them. Allow yourself to feel them.”
“I’m doing that, aren’t I?”
“I believe you’re trying to suppress the negative ones because you think you’re betraying her by having them.”
My foot slid on some loose gravel and I stumbled. Sue stuck her arm out, and I grabbed onto it long enough to steady myself.
“Thanks. And just how should I be handling these feelings? It’s the toughest thing I’ve ever experienced.”
“It’s different for everyone. I guess I’m just trying to let you know that it’s okay to be confident and optimistic one day and full of despair the next. You’re only human. You need to have a good outlet for your emotions, or it’ll eat you up inside.”
“I was doing my yoga, and Kim and I ran or hiked with Pup nearly every day before this happened.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I just can’t concentrate on anything now.”
“Perfectly understandable,” Sue said. “There’s still time, you know. A lot of good people are working on this case.”
I wiped my forehead and pushed my damp bangs back. “I know, but I feel like I’m letting Kim down if I’m not constantly looking or working on it myself. I realize now how she felt when I was kidnapped.”
“PJ, the human body is a remarkable organism. Given enough time, it can adjust to almost any tragedy.”
“Is that how you think it will end? In tragedy?”
“Honestly, I don’t know, and I won’t lie. I do know you’ll cling to hope for as long as possible. As long as there’s a ghost of a chance, you’ll believe it will end well.”
We walked the rest of the way back to the ranch in silence. I pondered her comments. When we entered the kitchen through the back door, we separated to go change for dinner. Little Bird gave us quick concerned glances, but kept silent.
I closed the door to my room and flopped down on the bed, briefly waking Jackie and Cleo who had been curled up together on my pillow. I stroked them gently until they readjusted themselves and closed their eyes again.
“She’s not dead,” I whispered.
I don’t care how bad it looks. I’d know if she were dead. She’s not, damn it. She’s out there somewhere. Alive. And I have to find her. Soon.
Chapter 21
“We’ve been through all of this before. I need to do it and I’m going.” Dad, Sue, Little Bird, and Jasper were assembled around our kitchen table, their faces various studies of worry and concern, trying a last ditch effort to dissuade me from driving to Chaco Canyon in the morning.
“It’s a three hour drive over some very rough country,” Dad said.
“And the canyon’s in a remote location. Ancient chindi could still be lingering there,” Little Bird added in support of Dad’s comments.
“I understand your concerns, even about the dead Indian spirits. You think I could get hurt out there by myself. I do have a cell phone with GPS.” Of course, cell phone connections aren’t foolproof. I didn’t dare mention that. Dead zones crop up all too often, but surely one of these modern marvels of electronics could keep me in touch with somebody, somehow, during the trip.
“Pup would’ve been the perfect choice to accompany me, but he’s still too sore to be jostled around on the journey. I’d never put him through that.”
Sue frowned. “But you don’t mind putting yourself through it. I’ll go with you. Frederick can get along without me.” She gave his hand a pat. “Probably never miss me.”
“Are you kidding?” he said, taking her hand in his, “I’d never let you out of my sight.”
“All of you have work to do here,” I said, “The search for Kim has to go on and I need you here working with the police in my absence. The Chaco trip is a business commitment Kim and I made last winter. She’d want me to honor that.”
My cell phone warbled and I looked at the caller’s number. “It’s Detective Esperanza. I’d better take it.”
I walked into the living room where it was quiet.
“How’s it going, PJ?”
“I should be asking you that question. Any more sightings or leads?”
“Afraid not.”
“Things have been calm around here, too, except for a rousing discussion about my trip tomorrow. The family doesn’t think I should go alone, or go at all, for that matter.”
“Just for the record, Mark and I don’t want you to go alone, either, but I think I have a solution.”
“If it involves either of you taking time away from your job, then I don’t like the solution, especially if you plan to stick me with your partner for the three hour drive.”
“No, no. Not my plan at all. Do you mind a family member of mine going with you, though?”
“Tell me more.”
“My husband Mike’s niece, Karen, is a seasonal ranger at Chaco, but she’s been in Albuquerque for the past few days, on leave for a friend’s wedding. She got called back to the park early because of the meeting you’re supposed to attend.”
“Oh, that’s a shame. I’m sorry she couldn’t have a full vacation, but I guess the arrival of a couple dozen archaeologists might tax the staff just a bit.”
“And Karen said they planned to have the media on hand for photos. Rumor has it some rich woman with connections to a billionaire named Curtis might give the park a donation for restorations.”
“Gosh, who could that be?”
“Dunno.”
“And I wonder how the media found out about it?”
“Word does get around.”
“Look, it’s fine with me if she wants to be my sidekick. Did she fly to Albuquerque? Should I pick her up someplace?”
“She’s already up here with Mike and me. I’ll bring her out early tomorrow. She drove her car to the wedding, but it broke down two days ago. Some sort of clutch problem. So far, the repair estimates are more than she has in the bank.”
“I’ll be happy to get her back to Chaco. Maybe I can help with the car situation, too. I know a dealer down there with an excellent service center.”
“We’ll work something out. Mike’s calling around. Karen will be relieved to get to her job on time.”
“And I’ll be able to get to the meeting without my family all having heart attacks over it.”
“Don’t forget the media. They’ll be delighted to have their photo op.”
I groaned. “Thanks for reminding me. I’ll see you both tomorrow morning then. I plan to get on the road by eight. Will that be okay?”
“No problem. We’ll be there. Thanks, PJ. We really appreciate it.”
“Glad to help out, and really, I should be thanking you.”
I disconnected and took a deep breath.
Now to assure my family that I would be safe and secure in the company of a national park ranger.
“PJ Curtis, meet Karen Forbes,” Gina said. We shared a smile and a handshake and I helped stow her gear in the Jeep. Karen looked to be in her mid-twenties, with an athletic build and short, curly hair. She wore jeans and a polo shirt with a small, park service arrowhead logo stitched on it.
“I’m sorry to hear about your car,” I said. “I can give you the name of a good dealer with some top notch mechanics.”
“They’d have to work awfully cheap. My bank account can’t handle anything too heavy right now. I don’t get a paycheck until the end of the month.”
“We can discuss it more once we’re on the road.” I took a last look around to see if we’d left anything on the ground. “I think we’re good to go.”
I’d given everyone hugs earlier and assured them that the gas tank was full. I also had maps, money, keys, drinks, energy bars, sunglasses, overnight bag, compass, s
turdy boots, cell phone containing everybody’s number, a back up list of all their numbers, and even Jasper’s Swiss Army knife. He’d pressed it into my hand as I prepared to leave, saying, “Just in case.”
I gave him -another hug. “Take care of everybody for me, okay?”
“I surely will, Miss PJ.”
I handed Gina a business card from my friend at Albuquerque Motors. “Have your husband call him tomorrow, and I’m sure it’ll work out okay.”
The gang assembled on the back deck to send us off.
“I’ll keep in touch,” I called from the driver’s seat. “Let me know if there are any new developments.”
I drove for the first hour and then had Karen relieve me.
She adjusted the mirrors and gripped the wheel, grinning. “I’ve always wanted to drive a Jeep that wasn’t an old abused park service vehicle.”
“Happy to oblige. What kind of car do you have?” I asked.
“An old one.”
We both laughed.
“Can you be a bit more specific?”
She huffed out a sigh. “It’s a ninety-five Toyota Corolla that I had in high school. It got me through two years of community college and several summers of park duty without a bit of trouble. About a month ago, the clutch started sticking and got progressively worse. When I was at my friend’s wedding, it got so bad I couldn’t shift it out of first gear. They want eight hundred dollars to fix me up with a new clutch, but that’s more than I can afford.”
“Gina said your uncle’s trying to find a better estimate for you.”
She nodded. “Uncle Mike and Aunt Gina have been super, but I hate to put them to all this trouble.”
“You’re helping me out of a jam right now by keeping me company on this trip.”
We hit a rough patch on Route 550 where several potholes came in rapid succession, and Karen downshifted for more traction. “I’m happy to be in the right place at the right time, then. And I’m enjoying this Jeep.”
“Maybe you need to ditch your Toyota and get yourself a Wrangler, for your birthday or something. It’d be good for your park assignments, too.”
