We talked for hours on the couch, pausing occasionally for me to check out the window for signs of Bernie.
We ate breakfast at about four. I was starving and I knew Carla had to be too, but she wasn’t interested in eating. I had to persuade her to eat the little she ate. I ate three fried eggs with toast and bacon, but Carla barely ate one egg and only nibbled on a piece of bacon.
After we ate, we sat on the front porch. I was surprised and amazed that she suggested it. She said she didn’t want to be in the house forever, and that being inside made her feel trapped. I understood that, probably more than anyone.
I noticed her glance at Bernie’s house a few times during the first hour we were out there. With each glance, she looked at his house longer, until finally, she was glaring at it. She had slowly worked up her courage. She was even stronger than I’d imagined.
We saw no signs of Bernie throughout the night. We were both relieved.
It was just after six when Andy rushed out of his house. He threw a suitcase into his car and started to jump in after it. That’s when he saw us.
“Where are you going with a suitcase?” I asked.
Andy looked worried. “My brother just called. My mom’s in the hospital and it doesn’t look good. I don’t know how long I’ll be.” He looked at the ground, visibly fighting back tears. I knew that meant he didn’t know how long she had to live. “Hey, don’t do anything until I get back. Okay?”
“I won’t,” I said, understanding that he was referring to our conversation about Bernie. “Go take care of business. Hope she’s okay.”
He nodded and got in his car. Through the open window he said, “Will you watch after Jill for me?”
“You don’t even have to ask,” I replied.
He backed out and drove away quickly, leaving the lives of two children and two women in my hands.
54 Carla
I felt horrible as I watched Andy drive away. I felt bad for Andy because he looked miserable. I knew it was difficult to lose a parent, especially your mother. I felt bad for Owen because I knew how close he and Andy were. I knew he wanted to be there for Andy, but he felt obligated to be here for me. I didn’t want to keep him away from Andy, but I wouldn’t feel safe if I didn’t have Owen. That was horribly selfish of me, and I knew it. But I couldn’t help it.
I wouldn’t let Owen see it, but I was a nervous wreck. I was terrified that Bernie would somehow manage to get past Owen and do something worse to me than he already had.
I couldn’t let that fear consume me, though. I was determined to live my life, and not in fear. Never in fear. I’d never give someone like Bernie that kind of power and control over me. If I did, it would be like he was still raping me. I wouldn’t have it.
I was doing my best to put it all behind me. I only wanted to move forward with my life. I had no idea how that was going to work when my rapist lived next door to me.
Owen was doing all he could to protect me. I did feel safer with him. We’d grown so close in such a short time. Add to that the trauma we’d suffered through together and we were inseparable. I knew that it wasn’t good to be so dependent on Owen. He wouldn’t always be around, that was impossible. And I’d never been one of those women who had to have a man to live.
So, I knew as we sat on his porch that I would have to do something in order to regain control of my life. I wanted my strength back. I wanted my security and independence back. I couldn’t hide out at Owen’s house forever. And it was totally unfair to expect him to keep a constant watch over me.
I listened as he talked about some of the buildings his construction company had built, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking of other things.
I thought of going home. What would it be like sleeping in my bed the first night? Would I get any sleep at all? If I did, would my sleep be plagued my memories in the form of nightmares of Bernie? Would I be expecting him to return? Would the thought of him coming back leave me unable to concentrate on anything else?
I didn’t know if Bernie was planning to do any more harm to me. After all, he’d succeeded in raping me. Isn’t that what he was after? Surely that would satisfy his depraved craving. Wouldn’t it?
I wondered if Owen would let me go home. I figured he’d try to talk me into staying with him a while longer. But I had to go home sometime, and to me, the sooner the better. If I dealt with it all right away, I’d be fine. If I hid out at Owen’s and let the wounds fester, it would be nearly impossible for me to deal with it.
After he finished talking, I brought the subject up to him about me leaving.
His face showed his concern. “Are you sure about that? I mean, it’s so soon. Shouldn’t you stay here for a while?”
I told him that it was better to go while it was fresh. I’d always dealt with things this way. Quickly.
He sighed. “Maybe I should stay with you for a couple of nights.” I saw the worry in his eyes. He was so afraid something would happen to me and he wouldn’t be there. I felt bad for him. Carrying around such a burden must be difficult.
“Owen, I don’t mind if you stay with me. But, you aren’t always going to be able to be there. At some point, I have to be alone. Wouldn’t it be better if it was now?”
He thought about it for a minute. He squeezed my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. “Okay. You’re right.”
I thought he had given in a little too easily. It didn’t matter, though. He seemed to have seen things my way.
After the kids had eaten breakfast, we walked home. Owen, of course, walked on my right side, keeping himself between Bernie’s house and me.
I didn’t even look in Bernie’s direction until we crossed the street in front of my house. It was a quick glance. I didn’t want to seem inviting if he was looking. It was so quick I wasn’t sure Owen had noticed.
Ethan and Shelby were happy to be home, though it hadn’t been home for long. This is where their toys were, and they rushed upstairs to play with them.
I saw Owen’s worry as they ran up the stairs. I knew he wanted to check the house and make sure Bernie wasn’t lurking somewhere. I smiled at him and told him to go ahead and check, though I was confident he would find nothing.
Finding nothing, Owen came to the living room where I sat in a chair waiting for him. He squatted in front of me, one hand on each of my knees. I leaned forward in the chair. His face was now only a couple of inches from mine. Funny how that could still make my heart beat faster even after all that had happened.
“Well?” I asked.
“It’s safe. For now.”
“What do you mean ‘for now’?”
“Well, you don’t think I’m going to leave you here with that back door like that, do you?” He grinned at me and shook his head. Without standing, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and made a phone call. He called his company and made some immediate requests for a new back door and a couple of men to do the job.
I didn’t protest. It was wise to replace the weak point of entry. I wanted no repeats of the previous events.
After returning the phone to his pocket and kissing me passionately, Owen went through the house making sure every window and door had a working lock. He pushed and pulled and banged, making sure all was well.
Then, he put in a call for a home security system. I thought that was a bit much, but I still held my tongue. I knew that it was the smart thing to do. It felt excessive, but necessary.
And that’s how the day went. Owen helped the carpenter install the door. I watched the alarm system being installed, and memorized the instructions to go with it. The kids played with their toys, pausing only when Jill brought over lunch. She was trying to keep herself busy as well, I suppose. She made hamburgers, hot dogs and coleslaw. We all gathered in the kitchen while we ate, with many conversations happening at the same time. The kids talked toys, the men talked tools, and Jill and I talked house. It was hectic, but I loved it.
I was thankful for the chaos of the day. It made
coming back to the house easier for me.
That didn’t mean that when I went to bed it would be as easy. But I’d just have to deal with that later. Right now, I just wanted to live in the moment. I wanted to appreciate my great kids, my new friend, and my boyfriend.
At the end of the day, with everyone gone except Owen, I expected him to ask if I minded if he stayed. I wanted him to stay, but I needed to do this myself. If I could make it through the first night, I could make it through all the nights to come. I enjoyed being able to depend on him, but I didn’t want to have to.
He left. I was surprised. I went to bed alone. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe it was because what happened at Owen’s house was worse than what happened here.
True, when I first walked into my bedroom, the image of Bernie hunched over my bed spewing forth his filth crossed my mind. But I quickly pushed the image away and went about getting ready for bed. He was not going to ruin this for me. Going to bed here or at Owen’s was not going to be a problem because of Bernie. I wouldn’t let it.
55 Owen
I sat on the porch, keeping my eye on Bernie’s house. It was a constant struggle to keep from walking over there, busting through his front door, and making him sorry he ever laid eyes on Carla. That’s what I wanted to do. It’s what I’d wanted to do since the bastard ran out of my house naked. But I didn’t. I knew Carla didn’t want me to, but I wasn’t sure why. I would’ve thought that was exactly what she would want, but I was wrong. I knew nothing about women. I doubted I ever would.
She hadn’t wanted me to stay with her tonight, which was killing me. I didn’t take it personally. Her reasoning made perfect sense. For her. Not for me. For me, I needed to hold her and have her in my line of sight so I could know without a doubt that she was safe from the likes of Bernie.
So to give us both what we needed, I left her alone and kept watch over her from my porch. She had no idea I was doing this, but it was the only way to give us both what we needed.
In keeping watch over Carla, I was also watching out for Jill. With Andy away, she was alone. Bernie would surely know that he had no chance of getting at Carla again. Knowing that, he might just turn his sights on Jill. Especially if he’d been watching as Andy left with a suitcase. I really didn’t think Bernie was as ignorant as I’d first thought him to be. It appeared that he paid far more attention to things going on around him than I’d originally thought. I would never again make a mistake in assuming Bernie to be anything other than dangerous.
I hated to take my eyes off of Bernie’s house for even a second. But I felt I should walk around Carla’s house, just to be positive he hadn’t broken in through the back. If he’d left by his back door and crossed over to Carla’s back door, I’d never see him. To think that I may have sat on my porch while he sneaked into her house...that thought brought me out of my chair and led me across the street.
I walked all the way around Carla’s house, all the while contemplating walking around Bernie’s. I decided it wasn’t a good idea. I saw no signs of life over there, and didn’t want to invite trouble by sneaking around his house.
On the sidewalk in front of Carla’s house, I took one last glance at Bernie’s before crossing the street.
I noticed a light on in Hazel’s house. Glancing at my watch, I saw it was midnight. I thought that was a little too late for her to still be awake. A shudder went through my body as I wondered whether Bernie would rape an eighty year old woman.
I ran up the steps and hesitated briefly before ringing the doorbell. I kept my hand on the knob, counting the seconds as they passed. If I got to three, I was going in anyway. With a rapist on the loose, I couldn’t take the chance of not checking on her.
Just as I said ‘three’ in my head, the knob turned in my palm.
Hazel stood before me, all four feet seven inches of her. She was white-haired with glasses. She had a small body, but a big heart.
Stepping aside, she said, “Come in, Owen.”
I walked into the living room. It was a warm room, lit by two lamps. On the backs and arms of the furniture were doilies made by Hazel’s own hands. Next to the chair in which she always sat, was a ball of yarn and a crochet needle.
“Have a seat. Are you hungry? I’ve got some meat loaf and mashed potatoes and green beans I could heat up for you.” She followed me into the room.
“No, thanks. I’m not hungry.” I watched as she sat in her chair. It had been her husband’s, where he always sat watching television. After he died, she took over the chair. She never watched television, though. She sat in that chair day after day, sewing.
“What are you doing out so late?” she asked. I noticed her wince as she sat.
“I was checking on some stuff and I noticed a light on in your house. I thought I better check on you. Are you okay?”
“Oh, I’m fine.” Just like Hazel to say everything was fine.
“Now Hazel, don’t fib to me. I saw you wince a second ago.”
She laughed. “Well, my shoulder has been hurting all day. For days, really. I can’t sleep when it hurts this bad. You sure you’re not hungry?”
I laughed now. I’d always liked Hazel. She was the sweetest person I’d ever met.
I stayed with her for quite a while. I ended up having to tell her about Bernie raping Carla. She wanted to know what I’d been checking on at this hour, and I didn’t like keeping things from her, so I told her everything.
Amazingly, she wasn’t surprised.
“This doesn’t surprise you what Bernie did?”
“No. I knew something would happen with him. It’s been a long time coming.”
I couldn’t help but ask, “What do you mean?”
“Bernie hasn’t always been like he is now. He had a great job. He was some sort of executive at a big company or something. He used to wear a suit and tie, if you can believe that.” She laughed and picked up her crochet needle and yarn. She sewed five times faster than she talked. “He worked all the time. He’d leave first thing in the morning and wouldn’t come home until late in the day, and sometimes it was well after dark before I’d see him pull in. I think that’s why his wife took their daughter and left him.”
“Bernie was married?” I couldn’t believe it.
“Oh, yeah. She was a nice woman. Marie was her name. She was pretty, too pretty for Bernie, I thought. She used to come over and visit with me while Bernie was at work.”
“So she didn’t work?”
“No, no. She didn’t have to. Bernie made a lot of money. It was the only good thing to come from him working so much. Marie hated that he was always gone. Used to sit right there where you’re sitting now and cry about it. I’d tell her there wasn’t any sense in crying. That wouldn’t change anything.”
I was still reeling from the fact that someone – someone normal – had been in love with and married to Bernie. I couldn’t imagine him any way other than the way he was now. Nasty. Drunk.
“And they had a daughter?”
“Yes. She looked just like her mother. And she was a well-mannered child. Those are hard to come by these days. She would come over here with Marie. She sat at the table and colored or brought her dolls and played in the floor over there while we talked. I even started teaching her to crochet, but they left before I could teach her much.”
“They left? Where’d they go?”
Still crocheting, Hazel started to shrug her shoulders, but stopped quickly with a wince. “I sure don’t know. I saw her load some luggage into her car and drive away, but I had no idea that she’d never be back. I thought maybe she was going to visit somebody but I never saw her or the little girl again.”
“What was the little girl’s name?” I don’t know why I even cared, but I wanted to know.
“Cassie.”
Still fumbling over the fact that Bernie had a family, I asked, “What did Bernie do then?”
“Oh, he went downhill from there. And it might’ve not all been because Ma
rie left him. There were a lot of things going on in his life at that time. His father died. He had to put his mother into a home, and then had to fight with the home because they were mistreating her. There was a cancer scare with Marie at one point. She didn’t have it, but the doctors thought she did. And then, he came home one night to find his wife and daughter gone. I think she left a note, but I never got to read it.”
I watched Hazel’s little fingers work their magic on the yarn. Hard to believe her slightly crooked fingers with the large knuckles could be so fast and agile.
“You sure you’re not hungry?”
I smiled. “Would you quit trying to feed me? I’m fine. I worry about you, though. I wish you didn’t hurt.”
“Oh, don’t worry about me. It’s part of it. I’m eighty years old. I think I’d worry if I didn’t hurt.” She laughed.
“I better get back home. I shouldn’t have stayed this long.” I was suddenly terrified that Bernie had crept into Carla’s while I was here.
“Owen, don’t worry,” Hazel said, reading the look on my face. “We would’ve heard the alarm.”
She was right. I’d forgotten about the alarm for a second. Or I didn’t trust it on a subconscious level. That was the most likely explanation.
“I know, but I’d feel better if I could see what was happening.”
She put down her yarn and stood with me, though it took her far more effort than it did me. She walked with me to the door.
“If you need anything, you let me know. Don’t hesitate,” I told her as she hugged me. I meant it. I hoped she knew I meant it, and wasn’t just being polite.
“Oh, I will, but I don’t see that there’s anything I’ll need. Same goes for you. And don’t worry yourself sick over all this. Everything happens for a reason. You can’t save everybody. And don’t do anything crazy. Let nature take its course.”
The Good Neighbor Page 14
