by Rick Kueber
“But, Maddie...” Hilary pleaded. “I belong here... I belong to him.” Her bony finger pointed to the ebony shadow beast that now filled the corner of the room; its eyes glowing a pale blue.
My stomach knotted, not knowing what to do, and I wrapped my arms around my waist. “The leather satchel!” I thought out loud. I immediately pulled it from its place, and tugged at the leather cords that bound it closed. The decades had taken their toll, dry-rotting them, and they crumbled in my fingers. I tossed back the flap and pulled a few random, crisp papers from inside. Realizing what I was doing, Jennifer dug through her bag and with a click, had turned on her small LED flashlight, pointing it to the open satchel. I sat on the floor and the others joined me, crossing our legs, or kneeling, still facing outwards. I stuck the loose, yellowed papers under my knee, and pulled out a leather bound book. I was consumed with curiosity and sat the satchel down between Katie and I. She searched through the bag and her hand came across a tiny object that had slipped into the corner. Before she had even revealed her discovery, she knew what it was.
“We need Ash.” She said aloud, displaying a broken, yet shimmering, silver necklace in the glow of Jenn's light. The LEDs reflected off of the silver entwined moonstone pendant, giving off a faint blue hue. “Ashley Sue Helmach... Please help us!” She screamed out as loudly and clearly as her frozen voice would allow, knowing that the mention of her name often brought her spirit to us (many times unintended).
Without a thought, I opened the book and noticed the first pages had been ripped from it. The pages were filled with hand written words and I began to read it aloud
(The Borrowed Diary) (The Borrowed Diary) First, I must thank Paul Martin Bailey, a young man I shared a few winter months of my life with at the Rochester poorhouse. We shared many things, including our dreams, our fears and our love. I slipped away,without warning, when the spring thaw came. The pages torn from this diary were his story. Those were left forhim. This diary was his too, but now it is mine. I was born Taylor Elizabeth Madison. This is my story.
My birth was in the springtime of 1863, in the town of Newberry, West Virginia. My childhood was as most. When I was nearly of school age, my parents and the elders of the Church began to frown upon my imaginary friends. For as long as I can recall, I have seen folks of all types and ages, that others did not see. I was told from a young age that they were my imaginary childhood friends. It was on a late summer afternoon when I began a conversation with an actual playmate named Billy Black. I was given looks of bewilderment from the folks around us, asking why I was pretending to talk and play with him. I argued that he was there with us, but his father quickly reprimanded me, certain that young Billy was at Beyer's Pond with his brothers, swimming. I nodded to Mr. Black and slipped around the corner to speak privately to Billy, but he had vanished. Not more than an hour had passed when I heard the news that Billy had been brought back home by his older brothers, having drown in the pond that morning.
I was soon shunned by the townsfolk as being queer, a witch, and even of consorting with the Devil himself. My family could not take the ridicule, andwe left home in the middle of the night, bound for a more pleasant future. Our wagon was loaded witheach thing we had been able to pack, and within three short days, were in a small town well into West Virginia, called Summersville. The name sounded welcoming, and there we made our home for the next several years.
I had learned my lesson. No longer would I speak of those that others could not see, though at times, I could not be sure which were everyday folks and which were the unseen. Though I attended a local church and school,I became withdrawn.
At ten years of age, I made one of the only true friends of my life. She was sweet, kind, andlike myself, she had a gift that most did not understand.When I needed a friend the most, she came to me and gave me one of the few gifts I had ever received. When the town began to murmur of my oddities, I pointed the finger to another, for fear of my family losing its home, once again. At eleven, my indications had caused her life to be taken, and I shall never forgive myself for my selfishness. Much to my chagrin, the accusing whispers in hushed tones grew ever louder. I would not put my family through these trials again, and so I left without fare-wells.
As I passed the edges of Summersville, I paid a brief visit to the place where the life of my only true friend was taken. I peered through the smoky window, and saw her dead soul and fiery stare. I ran, as swift and as far as my body would carry, before I collapsed. She knew my secret, and I knew her's, and for this reason, I knew without knowing, that she was in pursuit and would have her revenge, which I feared beyond all reasoning. Always aware, always afraid, seldom sleeping, I moved from village to town,and took refuge when and where I could for as long as I was welcome,for as long as my fear of her retribution would allow.
When I awoke, shortly after running away from myhome, I found myself in a peculiar place. I was very ill and nearly starving when I was nursed by a poor, yet kindly elder woman. Seeing my name stitched into the neckline of my dress, last name first, she spoke to me as 'Ms.Madison Taylor' which confounded me at first. I chose to not correct her,and begin a new life. Though I was many miles from home, the missing girl of Summersville was never spoken of, and I wondered if I was thought of as lost, a runaway,or ifmy parents chose to abandon me without searching. This was not the first time I felt lost and unwanted, but it may have been the most difficult, which I have never overcome.
Several years and countless resting places had passed me by. It was in my fifteenth year that I met and fell deeply in love with a boy of nineteen named Paul Martin Bailey. His family was well to do, and owned the Rochester Poor House. They had taken me in during the harsh fall of 1878 and I remained at the poor house until the spring thaw, when I began to notice the changing of my body. I was with child, and I could not bear to think of how poorly this would reflect on my dearest Paul, should his family learn the truth. I left without word and did not get far when I was taken in by a wealthy land owner as a servant, and it was there, my child was born.A son, whom I named Jacob Paul. When tiny Jacobwas nearly three, we set out again. My peculiarity was more forthcoming with the passing of time, and I knew I would soon be sent away.
With the weather warming, we set out to find our way. We have spent days foraging for food where we could, and spent nights in the shelter of the forests or an unattended barn as we could. Over the next year and a half, our lives were utter chaos. It is now his fifth winter, and young Jacob is ill with the fever. We have not eaten indays and have been found out,and turned out of the barn where we had found warmth, sleeping amongst the cattle. The farm hand was harsh and threatening, but pointed us to the Poor House and Infirmary just three days walk north. My faith is shaken, but I hold a hope for the future...
I had only read selections from the many pages of the diary, those that appeared to have been written in retrospect, in hopes that telling Maddie's, or Taylor's, story would somehow help. Quite to the contrary, the situation seemed to be worsening. Looking up from the journal, the room, my friends, and myself were literally frost covered and our lips were bluing for the sub-zero temperatures. The shadowy beast darted from one corner of the room to another, as we watched the cold souls close in on us, inch by terrifying inch. I had not only put myself, Theo, Hilary and Mike at risk, but I had endangered the lives of Jenn and Katie as well. I fought with myself in my head, angry at my poor decisions. My disappointment in myself grew as did my worry for my friends. Worse even than that, what of my son, should something happen to me? I would end up as a regretful soul, like those surrounding us. The chilling souls were so close, I could have reached out and touched them with my numb fingertips, but one shadow came forward again.
Maddie had appeared to be nearly a physical being, standing right in front of me. Her horribly disfigured body, discolored, frozen and emaciated, was now clearly displayed for all to see. Her blue and blackened hand reached out to me and a wave of feelings came over me, drowning me in the fear
s of Maddie's life and the unimaginable pain and degradation of her death and afterlife. Just as I thought she would touch my face, her hand raised and the acrid smell of death stung my nostrils. Another step forward and as her ghastly bare foot passed through my folded leg, and the feeling of a thousand frozen blades pierced my flesh. I tried to scream out, but the pain had taken all of my energy, leaving me paralyzed.
“Uh, guys...” Was all that Theo, who was directly behind me, was able to frozenly stutter. When I found enough strength, I strained to turn my head, only to see another apparition materializing from the hoard of shadow people that filed the empty spaces of the room. A tall, slender woman with glowing amber eyes stepped forward, her golden hair seemed to flow upward, like the flames of a raging fire. The frost covered floor around her thawed and began to steam under her footsteps. She reached forward towards Theo, stopping just short of where he sat. Unsure of what was happening, we felt we were failing and our circle was broken. We created a gap between Katie and I, and between Theo and Mike, splitting us into two semi-circles of three on each side.
“Ash?” Katie said to herself.
Photo by Rick Kueber
Chapter 14 Fear of the Unknown
Though we had no way of knowing the extent of the power of the surrounding shadows, and the beast among them, we were instantly compelled to turn our backs on them to see the two female apparitions approaching each other. Their eyes met, peering into one another's soul. My hands shot over my frozen numb ears as Maddie released a shrill and icy shriek. The specters of frost and flame approached each other, one step at a time, as if they feared the other. Now only a few feet apart, with their right arms outreaching, their ghostly fingertips touched for the first time.
Awe and amazement filled us as we gazed at the two. Glowing auras of orangey fire and misty blue winds swirled about the two, like uncontained neon light filing the room with an otherworldly glow. As they touched, a temporary balance was found, the auras grew blindingly bright and then diminished, as did the two dropped open when the glow dimmed and apparitions. My mouth
I no longer saw two tormented souls, but instead I beheld something unexpected, like a vision within a crystal ball... a moment in time, long past... of young Ash, alive and vibrant, touching hands with a young dark haired girl, Maddie. The two young girls giggled, and embraced in a waving field of green, under brilliant blue, cloudless skies. There was a kindness, innocence and selflessness in their childhood memory. Neither judging, neither better than the other, nothing to gain from each other but friendship, and that was how it should be. We watched, spellbound, each of us remembering that one childhood friend we could always confide in and trust, who we eventually lost, for one reason or another... sometimes for no reason at all.
The girls began the clapping game as Theo has seen in his dream visit.
“Two little girls so cute and nice,
Met their deaths in fire and ice.
For a hundred years they played in hell,
With tortured souls, where angels fell.
When the dead girls cried the living came,
To free them from the Frost and Flame.” As the girls sang and clapped, the sky in the childhood scene grew dark, and angry clouds overtook the pleasant sky with thunder and rain. Lightning's condemning finger pointed to Ashley, and in an instant of senseless judgment, singled her out... with a thunderous crack of its gavel, sentenced her to death by fire, and misunderstanding. In that exact point in time, fat and heavy flakes of snow began to fall on little Maddie. Her form aged years in mere seconds, and the soft snow became heavy, sleet filled and relentless, as her movement slowed, her skin paled and icy frost blanketed her exposed flesh.
In the midst of our broke n circle of friends, within this bubble of imagery, we saw two entities, two strangers, finding themselves as old friends, and then losing themselves again. Ashley had become an inferno, Maddie a frozen, glacial pillar of a woman, both still reaching out for one another's hand, yet their efforts fell inches short. In a deafening moment of finality, like a sudden explosion, sparks, embers, and frosty shards of ice filled the air, and the room. All went black.
The absence of light was so consuming I felt as if I had gone completely blind. It was absolute darkness; a darkness so intense that it physically hurt trying to strain to see...anything. For a moment, I held my breath, afraid to move, afraid to breathe and break the painful silence that surrounded me. I wondered if I was still in the same room, or had I been taken away, somewhere so deeply alone that it was devoid of light, sound, and even life. Where were my friends? Did they wonder where I had gone, and was there still some incredible phantasm occurring at the Infirmary, only I was no longer a spectator, or participant? A flurry of fears and questions flooded my mind in a matter of seconds, but the thoughts at the forefront of them all were these: Would I see my son again and did he know that he was the most important and miraculous thing in my life?... and then there was Tabitha. I had promised myself that I would bare my soul to her, tell her I had feelings for her, or at the very least begin to take steps in that direction, regardless of the outcome, but I hadn't. Regret was my companion when slowly, I began to see... something. My eyes adjusted to the faint light, and a wave of relief came over me.
“Wow! That was intense!” Theo spoke first, followed by what sounded like a collective exhale.
“Is everyone okay?” I squinted in the dim light that filtered in through the dirty window.
“I think so.” Answered Katie.
“I'm good” Jenn said almost simultaneously.
“You alright?” Mike asked Hilary, who whispered 'yeah' in response. “We're alright.” There was a feeling of comfort and serenity in the room that I had not felt in such a long time, probably since before my first visit to the Infirmary, I nearly did not recognize it. I had just witnessed one of the most incredibly vivid paranormal experiences of my life, but I could only imagine what its meaning could have been.
“What the hell just happened?” I had to know if anyone had any explanations. “I thought maybe Ash was helping Maddie, I mean Taylor, cross over, but I don't know what happened really... it was like all of the sudden every entity in the room vanished and took the light with them.” Hilary gave her thoughts.
“Yeah, I thought kinda the same thing.” Jenn agreed. “I mean... it does feel a lot...”
“Lighter?” Katie interjected.
“Exactly!” Jenn smiled as she tapped her flashlight, causing it to turn on again.
“So, did it work?” I asked. “Are we finished, or should we relight everything and finish the smudging?” “We should definitely finish smudging since there are only a few rooms left, but I can't tell if they have all crossed over or not, which is odd to me.” Theo seemed confused by it all.
Corridor walls degraded by water stains, peeling paint and graffiti, corners filled with spider webs, discarded bits of trash and crumpled papers, and antiquated rooms scarred by memories of sorrow and despair all seemed unchanged and untouched by our presence and our efforts. The relentless efforts of six like-minded, and goodhearted individuals had unleashed everything in their clearing, cleansing, and blessing arsenal. Before the sun had given birth to a new day, our team had smudged and blessed every inch of the Infirmary we could find and had gathered our belongings together.
Leaving the decaying building, we quietly passed through the rear entrance. Twilight filtered through the misty, winter fog that hung heavy in the air. My five friends and I gathered around Mike and Hilary's truck while the vehicles warmed up. Few words were spoken as we packed our belongings into the trunk of the car, and the back seat of the truck.
“Thanks for coming. I think it really helped.” Hilary said, but I could sense the doubt in her words. “Do you want to come back to the house and rest up before you head home?”
“What do you guys wanna do?” I was ready to get on the road and get home, but it was a team decision, like all of our decisions.
“I'd rather just get o
n the road.” Jenn spoke up first. “No offense.”
“Me too.” Theo agreed.
“You're driving, so it's kinda your call... but I just want to be home.” Katie yawned. Handshakes and hugs ensued, but the emotions were at a low. I watched out the window as the Infirmary diminished and disappeared altogether from my view, but I lacked a sense of accomplishment. It was not unusual, quite the opposite in fact, to leave an investigation, or wrap up our final efforts on a case and feel no sense of closure. It was a feeling of emptiness, a lack of worth, and a reoccurring moment when we all questioned our purpose and our choices to invest so much time and effort for so little in return.
The sun rose higher in the cold sky and it brilliance remained dulled. The mood in the car was somber exhaustion, but no one napped. If I had to guess, I would expect that the thoughts of my team, my friends, were considering the very things I was. Why did we choose to do what we did? I replayed every memory I could recall about the history, the visions, and the investigation in my mind, when it occurred to me: The answer to the question was probably the same for all of us... It was never a choice. Our pursuit of the truth and desire to help everyday people, and souls in despair was not a choice, it was a passion and a calling that we could not ignore.
The entire drive home, my mind wandered while the radio drumbled a constant, low stream of music and commercials in the background. I had pulled my friends into a dreadful nightmare, spending their time and money and leaving them with no satisfaction other than a few memorable encounters with those on the other side of our reality. I couldn't help but wonder... Is this how it ends?
We stopped once for a fast food lunch and another time to fuel up and for a restroom break. Even then, we avoided speaking of the haunting of the Infirmary, if we spoke at all. The trip home from any investigation, whether it was a one hour drive or ten, was almost always quieter than the ride there, but mostly due to exhaustion. Today was different. It felt much different than any confusing or disappointing case we had ever had. The norm for paranormal research was actually disappointment. We rarely left with answers, or closure, or a true sense of finality. At best, we might get a thank you from an individual or family who had been given some peace of mind through our help. Only on two specific incidents did we feel we knew the outcome of our work had been successful for the spirits involved, and even then, there was always a question in the back of our minds, a never ending doubt and second guessing.
