by Lena North
It looked like someone had held their hand around Disa's jaw to push her mouth open. And it looked like they had held it there hard enough to form bruises. Had it perhaps been hard enough to make her open her mouth, to eat or drink something she didn't want?
Chapter Eleven
A future
I didn't ask my mother about the bruises, or what I thought they could be. She didn't say anything either which was a relief because I wasn't entirely sure what to say, and I didn't want to upset her until I'd figured it out. The incident was added to the long list of things I needed to think more about. Though, with Heidrun gone we all had more work to do, and I was also sneaking away to help my friends plan their escape so my free time was limited.
I spent time with Josteinn again, and we weren't very open about it, but we weren't hiding it either so I knew that there was gossip. I didn't care. In a weird way, I actually liked it when the women watched us because I knew they were envious. Very few had ever been envious of me for anything before.
Sometimes Joss would come up by my side when I was walking through the village, and we'd talk for a little while as we ambled as slowly as we possibly could. Other times we'd meet in the forest when I was sent errands, and he could get away. We'd throw his axes, or knives, which I actually was better at. Better in the sense that I mostly hit the trees we were aiming at, but I had yet to put the tip of the knife into the trunk hard enough for it to stick. Often we just sat together, talking about simple and easy things, gossiping about the people in the village or comparing what we liked to eat. He told me about the raids he'd been in the summer before and I loved hearing him talk about places far away. I'd never even seen another village so when he told me about the journey I listened with my mouth open. Fin and I had dreamed of traveling and seeing the world, but it had been childish fantasies so it was exciting to hear from someone who had been both to the islands several days away over the sea and to the bigger villages south of where we lived.
I felt content when I was with Josteinn. Village life, our Jarl, how I was a thrall and he wasn't... it all felt like something that didn't concern us. I wasn't free but in those moments with Joss, it felt like it. When I looked into his warm, happy eyes, I started to think that he felt the same.
"Catch!"
Instinctively I raised my hands and caught what he threw at me. It was an apple, an unexpected luxury at this time of the year. We picked the small, sweet fruits during the fall and spent hours slicing them up and drying them. Some were saved as they were and sometimes they rotted but a few always made it. I'd never had an apple in the middle of the winter, and I smiled at him.
"Josteinn..." I sounded as breathy as I felt, and looking at his smiling face made my belly tingle. Then temptation was too big so, still holding his gaze, I raised the apple and took a big bite. His smile widened as he came up close to me.
"Good?" he asked.
"Uh-huh," I mumbled, taking another bite. Then I held it out to him, and he laughed, but he took a bite too. It was a cold and cloudy day, so I shivered, and he put an arm around my shoulders. We stood there taking alternate bites from the apple until there was nothing left. I chewed slowly because I didn't want the taste to ever leave my mouth, or his arm my shoulders.
"Sissa," he whispered when we'd finished the apple.
I turned my head up to look at him. He smiled softly back at me, and I noticed that he had a tiny dimple that I hadn't seen it before. Without thinking and unable to stop myself, I raised my hand to touch his cheek softly with my fingers.
"You have a dimple," I whispered.
Our eyes held, and then he started to lean down. I knew he'd kiss me, so I tilted my head back a little. I'd been kissed before, by Fin, when we were younger, and it had all seemed like a joke to us. This wasn't for fun. I knew that if I let him kiss me, then this would be a big step toward him talking to his father about moving me into their house. That would mean I'd be sharing the house, and him, with Astrid and later on with his wife, but at that moment, I didn't care.
A twig broke to the side of us, and we both jumped. It was allowed for freemen to approach the thrall girls as they wished so we were not doing anything exactly wrong, although my reputation would probably be a bit tarnished.
"Joss," Einarr said calmly, looking at his son with raised eyebrows. It seemed like he expected his son to say something but Josteinn took a step back and remained silent.
They glared at each other for a long time and then Einarr sighed.
"Go back to the village, Josteinn. I need to talk to Sissa," he said.
"Yes, Father," Josteinn replied immediately. Then he turned to me and murmured, "We'll meet again, Sissa. We can talk more then."
Before I could reply, he turned and walked away. Einarr and I watched in silence as he disappeared.
"Sometimes I wonder whose son he is, Sissa," Einarr mumbled, and I turned to him, wondering what he meant. He didn't explain, and instead, he indicated that we should sit down on the log where we talked the last time.
"Have you had a chance to think?" Einarr asked.
"Not much. Some. And another thing has happened that bothers me," I said. I'd decided to share my worry about Disa's death with Einarr, so I told him about the bruises and how I thought that someone had forced her to eat or drink something. That she might have been poisoned.
"This is serious, Sissa," he scowled.
"I know, and I know the problems this will cause. Both for you, and me," I said.
The two persons in the village with the most knowledge about herbs and their poisonous effects was my mother and his wife. Someone else could know of course, but this certainly put things in a new light, and it suddenly made the two healers suspects.
"Can you talk to your mother? Ask her about what herbs could cause the symptoms Disa had, without telling her about your suspicions?"
"I'll try, Einarr, but she saw the bruises too. It was only a quick glance before Disa died, and there wasn't much light, but she saw them."
He sighed and nodded. It didn't make sense to me that he wanted me to talk to my mother about the herbs when he could go home and discuss this with his wife, but I didn't question him about it. I was still a little bit afraid of him, and regardless of that, to ask Einarr about his relationship with his wife seemed like anything but a good idea.
Instead, we talked about everything we'd found out, brought up various suspects, discarded them, and compared the timelines we had in our minds. It was strange but the time we spent together that afternoon became increasingly pleasant. He challenged me, and I questioned him as much as I dared. We argued, but we also laughed a lot about some of the most preposterous suggestions we came up with. Just like when I was with Joss, it felt as if the village and our life there was very far away.
I felt like I was free, truly free, and I wondered if Einarr would treat me like this if Josteinn moved me into their house. Maybe he would, I thought.
We walked back to the village together, and it was good that we did because Freyja was not in a good mood. She took it out on me immediately, of course. I was to wash up and go into the longhouse to help with dinner, directly and without dawdling around in my usual lazy manner. I didn't say anything, knowing well that nothing good would come out of arguing because when Freyja was that way, nothing would please her anyway. Dinner that evening would be incredibly unpleasant for those who had to spend it with her, I thought as I gave Einarr a curt nod. Then I walked into the house, but the door hadn't more than slammed behind me when I realized that I hadn't washed as she asked me. I turned but stopped abruptly when I heard Einarr's voice.
"Freyja, my girl. Don't be so hard on the poor thrall. You know that they are not like us."
My blood froze, and I stopped breathing. I couldn't believe what I heard, not after the afternoon we'd just shared.
"Oh, Einarr," Freyja giggled, and it sounded like she without hesitation had let go of her irritation completely. "I know, but sometimes it's so hard to always have to ma
ke them work faster."
"That it is, but we have to accept that it's just how they are. The gods made them slow and stupid so we have the responsibility as freemen to make them feel useful," Einarr said.
I could hear laughter in his slow, lazy drawl.
Then they walked away, and I stood there. I realized that I'd been a fool for dreaming, an idiot to think that my life would be any different in Einarr's house. Suddenly I wondered if I had made the right decision telling Morag that I wanted to stay in the village. It would be safe, but it would never be different, and I would always be the thrall girl.
I shrugged and reminded myself that I'd made my choice. Small doubts still lurked at the corners of my mind, but I ignored them, straightened my back and told myself that there wasn't enough time to change the plans we'd discussed in great detail over the past couple of days. It was a good plan. If I suddenly wanted to go with them, then their chances of making it would lessen.
Mags wasn't by the hearth, and neither was Nessa. Catriona stood with the women, stirring something in the huge caldron. They were laughing, and the light from the fire cast a warm glow on her cheeks. It was a happy moment for her. Since I knew that hard times would come when they left, I decided to talk to them all later that night instead. We had everything prepared, but it wouldn't hurt to go through it one more time, I thought. Then I moved over to help with the Jarl's evening meal, and if I was quiet, then none of them noticed, or cared enough to comment.
When the meal was ready, I strolled the short distance around the longhouse and into our house. I'd sometimes been envious of the thralls that remained in the longhouse because what we had to eat in my home was always worse than the leftovers from the Jarl’s table. That night I was grateful to not have to sit in the longhouse and watch as the Jarl ate dinner with his family and friends. I'd had time to think about what Einarr had said by the door. It still stung a little, but I hoped that he'd merely been trying to get Freyja in a better mood and that he hadn't meant anything by his words. It would have been awful to spend the whole meal watching Freyja gloating anyway, and she would have gloated. Josteinn and his parents had dinner in the longhouse most evenings, and I didn't think I could have sat there and watched them either. I knew that if Joss decided to move me into his father's house, then I'd spend many nights watching them eat while I waited for whatever they decided to leave from the meal. I had not thought about that in my dreams about how my life would be, and I realized that I'd been a fool to forget.
After dinner, I sat with Mother by our little fire, discussing different herbs used for healing. I realized that it was an excellent opportunity to bring up Disa's death, and I felt that I somehow owed the old woman to raise my questions.
"Mother..." I started and trailed off until she looked at me. "I worry about how Disa died."
I'd already decided to not obey Einarr and try to hide what I suspected from my mother. I knew that it would anyway not have worked. Mother had sharp eyes and she'd always been able to see right through me.
"Sissa," she sighed, but I interrupted her.
"The marks on her cheek and neck, Mother. I looked at them after I washed her, brought light over to see better. Three marks," I whispered.
I put my thumb and little finger together and raised my hand with my palm facing her. She stared at me as I slowly turned the hand around, moving my arm across my chest so that my three fingers were on my jaw and neck in the same spots as Disa's bruises. Then I unfolded my thumb, twisted it slowly around my chin and pushed my mouth open, pretending to use force to do it. I watched as she understood what I meant and her mouth fell open.
"What herbs could have been used?" I whispered.
I'd leaned forward so that I spoke directly into her ear. Our walls were thin, and I didn't want anyone to overhear, not even my father or brothers.
"Sissa," she repeated hoarsely, clenching her jaws together.
I could see that she was thinking it through so I waited patiently until she raised her eyes to me. There were tears in them, and she looked utterly and completely undone.
"Henbane."
Then her face slowly grew hard, and I saw how ruthless determination seeped into her eyes and her posture. I waited for her to continue and when she did, chills ran down my spine. I suddenly understood why Einarr had wanted me to discuss with my mother. She spat the name out with so much loathing that I straightened and stared at my usually so calm, collected mother.
"Astrid."
Chapter Twelve
Trails
Torbi and I moved as quickly as we could through the night, on our way to prepare the tracks that would be part of the cover for their escape. It was a long distance to cover on foot, but we knew we had to do it this way. It would be too risky to try to put it all in place when they left because once they'd taken the horses someone could notice anytime and chase after them.
I thought about what Mother had told me about Henbane the evening before as I walked next to my brother in the darkness. She'd explained how it worked and what it was used for, and I'd listened with a sinking heart. I did not like Astrid, at all, but she was Josteinn's mother. Einarr's wife. I didn't want them to have to face the fact that, except for Mother, she would probably have been the only one with enough knowledge about the plant and how it could be used. Using it for medicine was tricky because using too much would kill instantly but using too little would have no effect except maybe some nausea. The different parts of the plant had different strength too, so only the healers would know how to use the dried pieces of the root and leaves to brew the healing tea.
The shame to Josteinn's family would be huge, the pain they'd feel greater. I wasn't sure what I thought, neither about Joss, nor his father, and couldn't figure either of them out, but I still didn't want them to suffer because of what Astrid might have done.
Mother and I were also not sure if it actually had been Astrid. We had no proof, and there seemed to be absolutely no reason at all for her to kill the old woman. They'd always seemed friendly enough for as long as Disa lived in the Jarl's house, and once she'd moved out, I couldn't remember ever seeing them talking. It wasn't as if Astrid lowered herself to sit down to have a chat with any of the thralls. After a long, hushed, discussion we'd decided to do absolutely nothing for the moment. I wouldn't tell Einarr, and if he asked I'd say that Mother had discarded the idea and that she'd thought there could be natural reasons for the bruises, perhaps from Disa coughing violently.
"You okay?" Torbi asked.
"Yes. Don't worry about me. We don't have much farther to walk," I said, although I was a little out of breath.
We had heavy bundles on our backs, filled with clothes, two swords, a few knives, and some food. We'd hide the bags, and when they escaped they'd first go straight to the gorge so that there were marks from the horses' hooves leading there. Then they'd wrap the hooves up with pieces of thick fabric and rushes, and walk the horses out of there. They'd pick up the bags and head east for a while before they turned north. I'd stay behind to brush the soft snow over their tracks. Then I'd walk back to the village and if no one had noticed that they were missing I'd start asking around for them. We wanted the chase to begin during the late afternoon so that the light would be dim, making the trail harder to interpret.
The tracks we were laying that night was over the edge and into the ravine. It was crucial that it looked like both they and the horses had gone full speed ahead, and not seen the gorge in time to stop. We hoped that everyone would think that they'd fallen into the river at the bottom and that they'd been swept away. It wasn't so unlikely because the river was wide and the current strong, so strong that it wouldn't have frozen over completely. Even if it didn't fool the ones looking for them, searching the gorge would delay them long enough to give Torbi and the girls a chance to get so far away that it would be impossible to catch up with them.
We walked in a half circle from the village to the ravine so we came to it from the eastern side and we hid the bag
s under a huge fir covered with snow. Then we climbed down on the ledge that Fin and I had found. It was narrow and stretched out along the mountainside, and we walked cautiously as close to the mountain as we could. We didn't think they'd climb down on the ledge to look, though we didn't know so Torbi held some rushes in one hand to cover up the tracks we made, as best he could. The ledge got a little bit wider right where we wanted it to look like they'd gone over, but then it stopped abruptly so we had to walk slowly. Step by step I felt in front of me with my toes, and it felt like an eternity, but finally, my toes touched thin air.
"We're here," I whispered, turned my chest toward the cliff, and I felt my brother doing the same.
Then we carefully started kicking backward, pushing the snow off the ledge, and into the ravine. We wanted it to look like some of them had landed on the ledge, bounced off and continued down.
"I think it's good enough now," Torbi rumbled next to me.
I nodded even though I knew that he couldn't see me. Then I pulled one of Torbi's caps out of my pocket, rubbed it up and down on the muddy and snowy stone in front of me, and tossed it to the side. They should be able to see it from above, and recognize the simple model as something a thrall would wear, even if they might not identify it as one of his.
"Careful now, Sissa," Torbi said then as he edged away from the cliff side a little.
I took a deep breath because now the really dangerous part began. We'd talked about going back along the ledge and climb up where it wasn't so high, but I argued that we'd never be able to make it look like someone had slid over the edge unless someone actually had. Nessa had been furious, arguing fiercely that the girls should come and help us, that I shouldn't go, that it was madness. My brother had just given her a look, and that shut her up. Mags and I exchanged a look of surprise, but it was of course not so strange that he knew how to handle Nessa.
I felt Torbi bend his knees so I put one foot on his leg. Then I climbed up on his back, put my knees on his shoulders and leaned forward a little.
