by Lena North
When I saw torches in front of me, I almost fell to my knees. They must have noticed that I was gone, I thought. Then I screamed wildly, hoping that they'd hear me even if they didn't see me. I tried to speed up but my legs went out under me as I tripped over the lumps of snow, and I cried out again. Then I put my arms over my head, curling up tightly, thinking that I had to protect my throat, and my belly. There were men not too far away and if they had heard me then I would only have to survive until they reached me.
The huge wolf growled, and I braced. At the same time, one of the men roared. I felt how the ground shook from the stomping of horses.
"Einarr," I sighed gratefully into my knees.
He was not alone, and they reached me before the wolves, forming a circle around me with their horses, swinging their torches, swords and axes in wide arcs.
"Come, Sissa, get up now," Ulf said calmly as he pulled me to my feet.
To get off the horse was a tremendously brave thing to do because the wolves were still moving like shadows around us and they could easily attack at any time. The men roared, and the horses were stomping around nervously. Ulf tossed his torch to the ground, put his hands around my waist and hoisted me up. I threw my leg over the horse's back and stretched my hand down to my brother. He grabbed it, put a foot in the stirrup and then he was behind me.
"Go!" Einarr shouted.
As we sped away along the path, I turned to him. His face looked calm, but his brows were drawn down, and his eyes were so focused that they looked almost black.
"Are you okay, Sissa?" he shouted.
My blood pumped, and my arm throbbed. I should be devastated, but the relief from being saved and the excitement of the ride back to safety surged through me, so when I felt my mouth widen in a grin I didn't hold it back.
"I am now, Einarr," I shouted, in a voice that was just as strong and triumphant as I felt.
Chapter Twenty-two
Nightmares
Mother waited for us when we came back, and only then did I realize that my father had been one of the men around me. He hugged me briefly, caressing my cheek. Then both he and Ulf helped rushing the horses into the pen, and with a grunt, Ulf put the heavy plank back to keep them contained.
"Hjalvor! Set up guards through the night, we don't know if the wolves will follow. Josteinn, spread the word in the village that children should stay inside for tonight and not leave the village for a while," Einarr ordered calmly, but I shivered.
"What were you thinking?" Josteinn suddenly barked angrily.
I turned to him, astonished at the tone of his voice.
"What?"
"I told you not to go into the forest, Sissa," he said, not sounding at all like the Joss I laughed with just earlier that evening.
"What?" I repeated, but my voice was weaker.
"Why can't you ever do what you are told?" he roared.
All movement stilled around us, but he didn't seem to care, coming toward me with long strides. "You are a thrall, Sissa, and you will always be one. And thralls do what they are TOLD," he shouted, so close to me that I felt his breath on my face.
Then he grabbed my upper arms. I could see that he was going to roar something else, but he'd put his hand on the wound on my arm, so I whimpered. I saw Ulf coming toward us, and I knew that he would explain, but as my eyes met my brother's, I shook my head slightly. He understood that I wanted him to remain silent, but he didn't like it, and scowled at me.
"You need to learn the ways of a thrall, Sissa," Josteinn said warningly, though in a lower voice.
Then he shook me slightly as if to put emphasis on his words.
"Josteinn, please. You're hurting me," I moaned.
He let go of me immediately, pushed my cloak back and gasped when he saw how my left arm was covered in blood.
"What the -" Einarr barked, pulled in a breath and growled, "Gudrun, bring her to the longhouse."
Then he pushed Josteinn back. I thought that he said something to him, but my head had started to spin a little, so when Mother and Astrid pushed me along toward the Jarl's house, I went with them obediently. When we passed Einarr's house, I saw Freyja standing in the open door. She had a soft pale blue dress on, and it fit snugly to her small body. Her hair was a cloud of golden curls over her shoulders. I felt the stiff fabric in my beige, skirt brush roughly over my legs as we walked and I knew that I had dirt on my face. Josteinn's words about how I'd always be a thrall echoed in my head.
"Sissa? Did you cut yourself?" she gasped, but I didn't answer her and turned my head away.
"Go inside again, Freyja," Astrid said calmly. "I know you can't take she sight of blood, so you need to lie down," she added confidently. It sounded oddly like a command.
"Oh, yes. You're right, I can't. It's awful, my head is spinning," Freyja whispered and started to sway. She raised her hand to take hold of the doorpost, but then she jerked strangely and lowered it again.
I turned slowly toward her then, and our eyes met. I held her gaze for a long time, but it didn't matter. There simply didn't seem to be anything behind her blank stare. No thoughts, no malice. Nothing. It felt as if I looked into a huge empty space, like the black void in front of Torbi and me as we'd stood looking out over the ravine, and I shuddered. I must have been wrong, I thought. Someone that stupid couldn't have arranged all of the things that had happened. Then Mother pulled me along gently, and we continued into the longhouse.
They put me on the table and started to pull off my clothes.
"I can sit up, you know," I protested, smiling a little.
The fires were burning in the longhouse, and I'd heard Mother order one of the women to get me something warm to drink.
"I know you can, Sissa," Mother hissed tersely. "For once in your life, my girl, let us take care of you. Tomorrow is soon enough to be strong again."
She was watching me, and I realized that she must have heard Josteinn roar at me. I didn't want her pity, but I saw that I had it nevertheless. One lonely tear slipped out of the corner of my eye. My chest suddenly felt tight, but I didn't want to cry. I'd let them care for my wounds, but I'd handle my emotions myself.
"Okay, Mother. Just don't remove my eye, please?"
Startled laughter came from the women in the longhouse, and even though I felt no joy, I grinned cheekily at them over my shoulder. Then the door was thrown open, and a group of men walked in.
"Einarr," Astrid gasped, covering my chest quickly.
"Hush," he growled as he pushed a bundle into her arms. "She has nothing I haven't seen before, on you and many others, and my thoughts are not on pleasures. Not right now anyway," he added tauntingly.
Astrid paled, taking a step back. I gasped because he'd sounded so unpleasant. I wanted to yell at him, but my mother was quicker.
"Einarr. Leave the insults outside, please. Your wife and I must tend to my daughter. She has three long wounds on her shoulder that'll need searing," she said calmly, almost subserviently, but she emphasized the word wife, and I knew that the small barb had hit its aim when Einarr's mouth tightened.
I looked around, seeing my father among the men, standing at the back and close to the door. I continued scanning the crowd, but I couldn't find my brother.
"Ulf?" I called out. "Where's Ulf?"
"He's at home, Sissa," my father replied calmly, but I had remembered what my brother said, and I was uneasy.
"I want Ulf, please make him come here. He was on the ground with me, saved me from the wolves, and I want him here..." I trailed off and started to sit up, but Einarr pushed me back down again.
"Raudulf, get your son," he growled.
I heard a soft thud from the door, and exhaled slowly.
"Explain to me what happened, Sissa," Einarr ordered.
I'd thought about what to say to them and decided to share only what I absolutely had to. Once I'd talked to Ulf, I'd share the rest. So I told them how I'd been walking in the forest, that someone had hit me on the shoulder and how I'd run
. I said that I thought there was someone on a horse chasing me, but that I wasn't sure.
"Someone on a horse?" Einarr asked harshly.
"One of the horses were missing," I said.
I'd turned with fake calmness toward Joss. He looked pale and started to speak, but his father gave him a look, so he closed his mouth again.
"All the horses are there, Sissa," Einarr said. They must have made a mistake when they counted them in the darkness because we checked just now and they are all there."
Then he leaned over my shoulder, pushing mother a little to the side to look at my wounds. I twisted to look too. The wounds burned, but they didn't look bad. The blow had had hit me on the outside of my shoulder, giving me two gashes in the muscle there. There was one smaller scrape further down my arm, but it seemed shallow. Since the wounds looked clean, I hoped that Mother would be satisfied with stitching it up because I'd seen them searing wounds on our men. I did not want to go through that.
"Huh," Einarr said calmly.
"What do you think was used?" I asked just as calmly. If I focused on the details, I wouldn't have to think about who'd caused the wound or remember how the wolves had chased me. I could push Joss' words to the back of my mind then. "Not a knife, I think?" I added.
"Club," he replied, chuckling. "You're very calm about it all, Sissa," he added.
"It is what it is," I said. Then I turned to Mother and Astrid. "And I will continue to be calm as long as you plan to use needle and thread. If you even touch the searing iron I see that you've put in the fire, then I'll pitch a fit the likes you've never seen before."
Surprised laughter came from around the longhouse, and my mother sighed.
"Out, everyone," she said, making a shooing motion with her hands towards the door.
They started to file out, but the Jarl suddenly moaned and started fidgeting.
"Einarr, can you try to keep your brother calm while Gudrun and I take care of Sissa?" Astrid asked.
Her voice was hard. Einarr gave her a long, thoughtful look that I couldn't interpret. Then he nodded once and walked over to the Jarl.
"Ulf?" I asked loudly.
"Right here, Sissa," he replied calmly from the door.
"Stay," I said, and it was an order but also a plea. When I saw my mother nod at him, I exhaled with relief.
Then they cleaned up the wounds and stitched them together. I'd never had stitches before, and it hurt when they put the needle through my skin, much more than I had thought it would because the men usually didn't make any sounds at all. I whined with every stitch so after a while, Ulf was snorting with laughter.
"Sometimes I forget that you're a girl, Sissa, but when I hear you now I'm reminded," he chuckled. "Shut up with the moaning, sister," he added, and suddenly both Astrid and Mother snickered too.
I was going to snap at Ulf when I heard him growl a string of foul words. It sounded like he slapped the rushes around where he was sitting.
"Ulf," Mother scolded.
"Sorry. Stupid mice all over the rushes," he growled. "I wish they'd get a cat."
"No cat," Jarl Ingolf moaned loudly but clearly, and the sound surprised us.
He'd been awake a few times, but he still had a fever, and he'd not spoken many clear words in the past days.
"No cat. No cat," he repeated.
I heard Einarr murmur something, but the Jarl seemed to get more and more agitated.
"We didn't know, and we didn't believe it, but they insisted. Couldn't believe it but they said so. Nailed it to the fence and watched it die. No cat," he rambled.
The women had helped me to sit up, and I watched in stunned disbelief as Einarr held his brother down. Astrid moved over, they calmed him down, gave him something to drink, and I just sat there.
Piece by piece it all fell into place, and I knew. My gut hadn't been wrong after all.
Everything seemed to whirl inside my head. It seemed strange that the longhouse was so quiet when I wanted to scream, but I bit my lip and focused on breathing slowly through my nose.
Einarr startled me when he suddenly straightened and looked at his wife.
"Will he be well again, wife?" he asked as he put a hand on her shoulder and caressed it slowly.
"Yes, Einarr," she replied.
Astrid's face was tender as she looked up at him. I wondered how he, with just a look and a simple touch, could make her forgive him for what he'd said before. Could I be the same, I wondered? Could I accept what was hurled at me and then forget as quickly as that?
"Good, wife," Einarr said calmly.
When he got a good look at my face, he straightened and pressed his lips together. I got to my feet but my head was spinning a little, making me sway, and I sat down again. Einarr was at my side immediately, murmuring in my ear as he steadied me, "What is it you know, Sissa?"
I tried to move away, but his hand on my uninjured shoulder felt like it was made of iron.
"We should talk, Einarr," I mumbled. "Not tonight, please. I hurt, and I want to do it in daylight. And we need everyone gathered," I added.
"Tomorrow, at midday," he said immediately. "You'll remain here with your mother to keep you safe until then."
"Ulf should also stay to keep me safe," I said blandly, but his eyes sharpened.
"Your father too?" he asked.
"I don't think it's needed but just in case, maybe he should be here too," I said, and he nodded.
"Do you want to talk to anyone else?" he asked.
"No, there's no need for that," I replied.
I guessed that he was asking me if I wanted Joss to come but I really didn't. I wasn't Astrid, and I wouldn't forget just as easily. He sighed as he nodded slowly.
"Gudrun," he called out softly. "It will be easier for you to have both the injured in the same place so Sissa will stay here tonight. Raudulf and Ulf will be here to help you."
Mother watched him for a while, expecting him to explain his unusual command. When he didn't elaborate, she turned to me. I kept my face blank and finally, she shrugged.
Einarr started to pull Astrid along, ignoring her protests that she was needed to help my mother. She finally managed to pull her arm away from him and then she walked back to me. The bundle Einarr had given her earlier was on the bench. With a determined look on her face, she picked it up and gave it to me.
"Take this, Sissa," she said. "You need something to wear, and I want you to have this."
I took the bundle, realizing that it was one of her gowns. It was made out of a dark blue fabric, softer than anything I'd ever felt. I shook my head thinking that I shouldn't accept such a costly gift, but she raised a hand.
"Take it as my way of apologizing for my son," she said gently. "He wasn't entirely wrong, and he had worried, but that's no excuse for shouting what he did in the way he did."
I nodded then, but I didn't know what to say so I said nothing. She held my gaze a little while but then she sighed and walked out of the longhouse next to her husband.
Late that night I sat by the fireplace listening to the soft breaths from everyone around me. I couldn't sleep, so in my mind I went through all the things I knew, and how I'd get through the next day. I'd have to tell them in a way that made sense. I had little proof so I'd have to make sure all the little things were shared in a way that tied them clearly together.
"Can't sleep, Sissa?" Ulf murmured as he sat down next to me by the fire.
"Too much to think about," I sighed.
"Josteinn was afraid, Sissa. He was frantic when he heard that you weren't back. I thought he'd go off on his own. Einarr had to hold him back until everyone was gathered. Then we heard the wolves, and I saw his face when they howled. He was afraid for you, and when you were safe again, I guess he lost it."
Astrid had told me the same, but it was nice to hear my brother say it as well. The problem was that it didn't help. I still heard Josteinn's words inside my head. He'd said that I'd always be a thrall and that I'd need to learn the ways of one.
Maybe he was right about that but if he'd cared about me, wouldn't he had seen me as his woman first and a thrall second? Why had this been the things he'd roar at me? Why hadn't he asked me why I'd even been out there, or if I was okay?
"I know," I sighed. "Ulf..."
I waited until he turned to me with a question in his eyes. Then I continued carefully, and quietly. Most of Jarl Ingolf's thralls had moved back into the longhouse as the Jarl got better and I wasn't sure if someone was awake and could hear us.
"Just nod if I'm right. No names, no explanations," I started. He looked confused, but he nodded slowly. "I think that it wasn't Joss who told you he wanted to see me in the clearing," I said calmly.
He started to speak, but I put a finger to his lips and held it there until he nodded to indicate that my assumption had been right. Then he understood what I was saying. His eyes widened, he straightened and a scowl formed on his face.
"How?" he asked hoarsely.
"Tomorrow," I whispered back. "We solve this tomorrow at midday."
Chapter Twenty-three
Unravel
My arm throbbed, and I'd not slept many hours. Still, when I met Einarr the next morning, I felt a restless, nervous energy that somehow overrode everything else. I both dreaded and looked forward to the gathering in the longhouse but I'd spent many of the dark hours going through everything, and I knew that I had to speak up.
Slowly and as clearly as I could, I told Einarr who I suspected, and how it was done. This was a shock to him. He stared at me and his mouth opened and closed a few times but finally, he nodded.
"I still don't understand how, Sissa, do you have proof that -"
"Some proof, but mostly hearsay and circumstances. And there are too many circumstances to ignore, Einarr," I whispered. "Do you trust me to put all the little things in front of our families, and let them fill in what's missing? Then you can judge if I am mistaken or not?"
