by Claire Adams
Juliana brushed away a tear that was threatening to spill from the corner of her eye and put her hand immediately back in mine. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“I’d like to say it’s in the past, but I’m just not sure it is. She was exactly like me, you know? She kept up with the guys; she trained harder than all the rest of us combined.” I wasn’t sure that Juliana wanted to hear all this, but seeing the whole truth through seemed like the best idea.
“We used to talk at night about our favorite weapons or the day’s mission. We watched bad action movies and compared the characters to people that we knew. I thought that she was it for me, then she was gone.”
Juliana, as always, surprised the hell out of me. “Sounds like she was a great girl.”
There was genuine sadness in her voice, in her eyes. She reached over and pulled me in for a hug, holding me to her. It was more touching than I wanted it to be, but there was still more that I had to tell her, even if it meant that this was the last hug I’d get from her. If I wanted real, I had to be 100 percent honest.
“I swore to her that I would stay single,” I whispered into Juliana’s ear. She pulled back slightly, but didn’t let go of me completely, which had to mean that I wasn’t shit out of luck. Yet. “Well, not to her, to her memory, I guess.”
Juliana winced but nodded. “I can understand that.”
“Truth be told, I haven’t had a real relationship since May. I’ve had random hookups, mostly with taken women so that nothing more could develop, but that’s it.” And there was the kicker, because she was sure to put two and two together now about why I’d gone after her at first.
I could practically see the wheels turning in her head and that spark of indignation when she put it together. “That’s why you came after me? Because I was with Scott.”
Nodding, I hung my head, but I couldn’t let her think that was where it ended. I clung onto her hands and looked her straight in the eye. “At first, yes. I won’t lie to you, but you’re different. When I’m with you, I feel different. I want something real with you.”
“I want something real with you too,” Juliana whispered. “But what about May?”
“I think she would want me to be happy. It just took me some time to figure that out. I really want to explore whatever this thing is between us, if you’ll have me now that you know I’m damaged goods.”
Fuck. It felt like I was dragging an open wound over a flame with this shit. I wasn’t used to feeling vulnerable, but Juliana managed to take some of the sting out of it. She made me feel safe, like I could tell her anything, which was a really fucking weird feeling for me. It brought with it a certain relief though, immeasurable in one sense and indescribable in another, because for the first time since I’d gotten home, it didn’t feel like there was a bone-crushing weight on my shoulders.
And it was all because of her. Juliana.
“You’re not damaged goods,” she told me quietly. “I want to explore us too, but are you sure you’re ready?”
“Yes.” No. Maybe. I didn’t know, but I knew that I wanted to be. I just needed Juliana, just the two of us on this hill.
As if she could read my mind, she scampered into my lap, straddling me as she stroked my hair. I closed my eyes and leaned into her hands, then her mouth was on mine, and she was kissing me gently. Her tongue nudged at the seam of my mouth, and I opened for her, my hands squeezing at her waist as she deepened the kiss. I kissed her until she was breathless, losing myself, groaning as she responded to every stroke of my tongue, every soft nip of her lower lip. Her kiss soothed me as she explored the planes of my mouth, her hands on the ridges of my chest, putting a Band-Aid on the gaping wound I’d ripped open by telling her the truth.
The way she kissed me got me insanely hard. I wanted to fuck her senseless and make love to her at the same time, which was an unfamiliar combination for me. Sex was nothing but a physical release to me, that was all it had been for years, but I wanted to worship Juliana. That felt like more than fucking.
Her fingers tightened at the base of my skull as I licked every line inside her mouth, wanting to mark all the recesses and curves there. I wanted to mark her the way she’d marked me. She rubbed against me, and a groan rumbled in my chest.
Every stroke of her tongue drove me higher, harder, and every one of her moans shook me to the core. I’d never gotten so turned on from kissing someone before, not even with May. My hands gripped Juliana’s waist, then I moved them to her ass and squeezed gently. She pressed against me to rub her breasts against my chest, and my hands worked their way up her sides until my thumbs grazed the underwire of her bra.
She crossed her arms in front of her and pulled off her top herself, not bothering to unbutton it. I nearly swallowed my damn tongue at the sight of her breasts. I’d seen them before, of course, and it wasn’t like I could forget them—they were perfection, but now they were in my face and cupped in pink lace that was as sexy as it was innocent. I closed my tongue over one hard nipple, locking my eyes onto hers.
“Pacey,” she gasped, her hands tugging at my hair. My hands traveled under the strap of her bra, the material soft under my fingertips. Then I found the clasp and unhooked it without breaking eye contact.
“You are beautiful, baby. Exquisite, even.” Her cheeks flushed, and she glanced at my chest, fingering the buttons on my shirt.
“Quid pro quo?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I lifted my hand to the back of my shirt, bunched the material, and yanked it over my head, shuddering when her fingertips skimmed my chest, leaving a trail of fire as they went. We hadn’t talked about how she felt about sex in public, but we weren’t really in public here.
The way she was looking at me made me feel like a god. I claimed her mouth with mine, and her hands traced down my sides, landing at the waistband of my jeans, her fingers curling underneath it. Any notion of having a conversation about it faded in that instant.
Yeah, this is fucking happening.
Chapter 26
Juliana
One second his hands were on my back, the next, Pacey flipped us, and I was on it—my back. Angling my face the way he wanted it, he ran his tongue over every inch of my mouth, marking me, possessing me, owning me. I loved it.
His legs were between mine, tangled with them, his weight bearing down on me with delicious pressure. I rolled my hips and felt him, hard as steel in his jeans. Our chests were mashed together, my nipples rubbing on his chest, the friction hardening them to little peaks.
One of his hands was cupping my face while the other was hot on my hip, his fingers digging into my skin, anchoring me to the ground while his kisses made my soul soar to the darkening sky above. I’d never done it outdoors before, but we were so secluded that it felt more private than my own bedroom. Also, I would kill him if he tried to stop now. Maybe not kill, because there no way in hell I would get the jump on him, but there would definitely be some form of maiming involved.
My hands played with the rough waistband of his jeans, skimming under the elastic of his underwear, headed for his button. When I finally reached the little metal stud that was guarding my prize, he caught my wrist and lifted his head, his eyes half-lidded and dark with lust, mixed with vague amusement.
“Uh-uh,” he said, shaking his head with the corner of his mouth raised in the sexiest smirk. “Those stay on for now. You promised me slow next time, remember?”
Crap. My shoulders drooped into the ground because I had in fact made that promise. “What does slow even mean?”
“Different things. Today it means that I want to get my mouth on you first.” A shiver ran down my spine at the thought. I’d never been a huge fan of having anyone go down on me, and I usually put a stop to it, but something told me it would be different with Pacey.
Sliding down my body, Pacey unzipped my boots and removed them slowly, then he knelt between my legs, his eyes never leaving mine as he undid the button on my jeans and rolled them
off along with my panties. He sucked in a breath as he let his eyes roam my naked body. I’d never felt as sexy, beautiful, precious, and wanted than I did when he looked at me like that.
His hands caressed up and down my legs until he brought them up to my thighs and then down again to my knees. Each time he stroked upward, he came closer and closer to my pussy. I felt his thumbs brush over my labia.
A chill went through my body, and I felt a flow of warm fluid gathering between my legs. My muscles automatically clenched and my pelvis made a rolling motion. He lightly brushed the pads of his thumbs over my labia. Stroking them back and forth before he pressed them into me and spread me open. I was wet, and the cool air touching my warm center made me ache with need.
“Pacey, please. Please, baby, I need you.”
“I’m right here.” He looked into my eyes as he spoke, then he leaned down and kissed my abdomen. Drawing little circles around my belly button with his tongue before he started moving further south. As his lips and tongue stroked over me, his thumbs stroked at my seam.
When his mouth reached my mound, he kissed me as his fingers entered me again, caressing me as his tongue started to flick across my clit. His fingers matched their rhythm to that of his tongue. It was too much, the pleasure center in my brain went into overdrive. Electrical pulses fired from my clit and exploding in my core. “Pacey!”
My body was hovering on edge, and every muscle was tight with need. He sank his tongue into me, and white-hot heat started spreading through my veins. Starting slow, he leisurely licked me from top to bottom, but that didn’t last long. He was like a man having his last meal, licking me like ice cream.
I couldn’t help it, I grabbed the back of his head and pushed him into me when his tongue curled inside me, looping into a firm point and darting into me. His thumb was on my clit, massaging, flicking. The soft touch of his tongue combined with the pressure of his fingers on me wreaked havoc on my body as I started shaking.
Pacey read me like an open book, moving his mouth to my clit to suck on me, sliding two fingers into me. My pelvis arched into his touch, moving to his movements with each thrust of his fingers. My entire body tensed and light exploded behind my eyelids, then my head and neck arched back and heat cascaded over my body as I came.
There was a rip of foil, then he was hovering over me, looking mighty pleased with himself and hungry as hell. “Good?”
“You know it was.” I panted, grabbing his face to pull him down for a kiss, surprised to find that I didn’t mind that he tasted like me. Although, if it meant kissing him, I didn’t think I would mind anything he could taste like.
Wrapping my legs around his ass, I brought it down until he was nudging at my entrance, squeezing him with my calves to encourage him. Swallowing his groan when he started pushing into me, I felt him trembling slightly.
“You okay?”
He leaned his forehead against mine and gave me a tight smile. “Fuck yes. Just, too close.”
His voice was raspy with need and that, coupled with his words, made my stomach clench and set my clit pulsing even though it should’ve still been recovering from that explosive orgasm.
Seemed his plan of going slow was all but forgotten as he set his pace, rocking into me with a perfect rhythm, hitting my clit with his pelvis and that sensitive spot inside me with each stroke. His breathing became labored around the same time mine did.
“I can’t,” he bit out, growling against the shell of my ear.
Pleasure pooled in my belly; I was the one doing this to him. It was a heady feeling. “Come for me, baby.”
“Fuck, Jules,” he groaned, and I bucked my hips up, ramming him into me with each thrust. The groans became incomprehensible as he started moving faster, slamming his mouth onto mine when his muscles quivered, and I felt him twitch deep inside me.
That set me off like a firework, pleasure splintering my mind into dust, sending them spiraling to the four corners of the globe or perhaps out into the galaxy.
We were both coated with a thin layer of sweat and lay there catching our breath. Pacey rolled off of me, and I felt the loss of his body heat immediately. A breeze had started rustling the leaves of the trees around us and without Pacey covering me, I was suddenly aware of it.
He propped himself up next to me. “Cold?”
“A little,” I admitted.
The sun had completely set by now, leaving us in only the moonlight. Pacey was gorgeous in the pale light, and I wanted to freeze this moment, to stay with him up here, alone forever with no interference from the outside world.
He was already reaching for my clothes though, helping to get me dressed before he covered his glorious body with his own.
“We should probably get going,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose and wrapping his jacket around my shoulders.
I glanced to the food he’d brought, still untouched. “You don’t want to eat first?”
He smirked. “I already have. Let’s get you out of the cold.”
“It’s hardly cold,” I told him, swatting his arm lightly.
Eyeing the traitorous goosebumps that were raised on my chest, he arched a dark eyebrow. “Really? Tell that to your nipples.”
I laughed, but my hands flew up to cover my breasts. Not that there was any point in trying to hide from him anymore; he’d seen it all. “I don’t you remember complaining about them earlier.”
“Trust me, I’m not complaining,” he said, leaning over to nuzzle my neck. “I’d keep them in my mouth for the rest of my life if could, but you’re cold, and it’s getting late. Don’t want you tired tomorrow.”
I sighed, but my heart fluttered at the mention of the rest of his life. I shut the thought down instantly.
He didn’t mean it like that. He was talking about your nipples, for God’s sake!
“Okay, let’s go then,” I agreed, grudgingly.
Pacey gathered the blanket and the container, and made sure that we hadn’t left anything behind before taking my hand in his free one and leading me back to the bike. All too soon, we were back at my house, leaving the bike behind as he walked me to the door.
“Want to come in?” I asked, but as much as I wanted to stay with him, now that we were no longer in our little bubble on the hill, I also knew that I needed to think about everything he’d told me.
He looked down at me for a beat, then shook his head. “No, I’d better not. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Bye, baby,” he said, planting a chaste kiss on my lips and he hugged me close. Then he was gone. A part of me wanted to chase after him, to fling myself into the safety of his arms and to press my ear to the steady beat of his heart until my racing mind calmed down, but I couldn’t do that.
“Bye,” I whispered into the night air.
I unlocked the door and let it fall closed behind me, heading to my bedroom to collapse on my bed in a daze. I didn’t bother with the lights or to undress; I just lay there, trying to work through the veritable cluster fuck of thoughts that were tumbling into my brain too fast for me to keep track of.
Pacey had kept them at bay, but now he was gone, and I had to deal with them. The one that stood out was that I was falling for him. Hard. But that didn’t mean that he would be there to catch me. I was worried about his past, was I competing for his love with a ghost? Was there any way that I could win if I was? He’d said it himself; she’d been just like him. I was nothing like that.
He admitted that he hadn’t been in relationship since her, which meant that I had to take a good, long look in the mirror and ask myself if I really wanted to be the first woman that he dated after his late girlfriend. Was it still considered a rebound after so many years and so many women?
I didn’t know, and I didn’t know if I could risk it if it was. My heart was already in play, and it still felt too soon after Scott, not that my heart had been all that involved there. But was I ready to jump headlong into something new?
Something
new with a guy who’d only been with ‘taken’ women since his girlfriend died. Oh brother, what was I getting myself into? I had no idea. What I did know was I liked him too much to let him go. More than liked him, if I was really being honest with myself.
Chapter 27
Pacey
I was whistling under my breath as I trimmed the hedges for our young, trophy wife client again. I had only been a few weeks since we’d last been here, but somehow, things had changed. I’d changed. I was walking on fucking sunshine after my date with Juliana last night.
And it wasn’t just because of the sex, although that was pretty awesome. A lot awesome. So much so that it ran through my head about every 15 to 20 seconds. I couldn’t wait to get her underneath me again, but that wasn’t what was making my chest feel lighter than air for first the time since leaving that jungle behind.
It felt like I’d reached the light at the end of a very long, very dark tunnel that I had been certain led straight to hell. Instead, it had led me to Juliana: my very own beam of light. I wasn’t sure how she was going to take the news about May, and I could tell when I dropped her off that she needed space, but I was hopeful. Positive.
Now there was something that I hadn’t felt in fucking forever. I whistled a little louder and Tugger looked up from the across the yard, striding across the freshly mowed grass. “Okay, I’ve been watching you smile like a maniac all morning. I’m going to go ahead and assume you took my advice?”
“I did,” I admitted.
His large hand slapped me on the back as his grin grew wider, eyebrow raised. “And?”
“I did it. I opened up to her and told her about May, the married women, everything.”
Dark eyebrows shot up to the sky as Tugger took a step back, looking at me with concern in his eyes. “How’d she take it?”
