by Claire Adams
I got down to the beach and walked up to her back porch, climbing the short flight of stairs. I banged on the door, knocking.
"Abby?" I called. Nothing. I knocked again, calling her name louder. Still nothing. I couldn't even hear anything inside. I walked around the house and tried the door on the other side. Same thing. Nothing.
Shit. She was a grown woman, and this was where she lived, but now I was getting worried. Where the hell was she? I started back up towards the hotel. Her boss had said that she had an emergency, but if that was what it was, why had Makani been gone, too? What was going on?
I didn't want to freak out and then find she had just gone to the store or something. Where was Makani? She was her best friend; she had to know something. Keno was her friend, too; maybe he knew something. He was at the bar. I took a detour, heading for the bar instead of the hotel building. I spotted Keno where he usually was. With him was Makani, strangely. She was sitting at the bar across from him.
"Nate," Keno said, noticing me. Makani stopped talking and watched me as I approached, smiling when she saw me.
"Looks like Abby and I weren't the only ones who made up last night,” I said walking over to them. I saw Makani blush while Keno laughed.
"Your girl knows how to put together a good night," he said. Good night? Yup, he had definitely gotten lucky.
"Looks like everyone got what they wanted," I said.
"You were down at the beach?" Makani asked.
"No, well, yeah. I actually went to check on Abby."
"Is she all right?" Makani asked. I blinked.
"You don't know?"
"Know what? She left earlier. She told me she needed a little time. Was she all right when you talked to her?"
"I didn't. She wasn't there. I wanted to ask you whether you knew where she could be." Makani and Keno exchanged glances.
"Can't help you, brother; I haven't seen her since last night," said Keno.
"Just wait for her. She should be back before nightfall."
"What happened?" I asked her. She bit her lip, looking down for a second.
"There was a little…incident in the morning when we were working."
"What?"
"It isn't my place to tell you. She will if she feels like she should. She isn't in trouble. She's a strong girl, Nate. Don't worry about her. Just wait. Let her come back when she's had time to think."
"Are you serious?" I spat.
"Nate, come on. Relax," Keno said.
"How can you two just stand there when Abby's missing?" I demanded.
"She isn't missing. She just needs a little time alone. We know her. She'll come back when she's ready." I ran my hands through my hair.
"Just tell me if you see her, okay?" I said. They both agreed that they would. I walked back to the hotel. She wasn't there, I had already checked. Where was I going? My suite? Sure. Why not? I'd be spending the afternoon alone anyway. Might as well play or try to write.
I got to my suite and fell on the bed, lying on my back. Great. Now what? I reached for my phone, remembering I didn't have her cell number. I laughed a little. Why the hell hadn't I asked her for it? Now I had to wait for her to show up from wherever she had gone to hide.
If something had happened at work and she had had to leave, she must have been upset about it. Whatever it was, it had been bad enough to knock her off her game for the rest of the day. It wasn't an injury or anything. She hadn't been hurt. Keno and Makani wouldn't have refused to tell me what the deal was if that was it.
I just wished I knew. I wanted to know so that I could be with her wherever she was. If something bad had happened, why hadn't she told me? What the hell could it even be? I thought we had cleared the air between us, like she could feel like she could tell me things now. Did she still not trust me?
No. Fuck this. I couldn't wait. I had to know where she was. That would have been great if she was in one of the places I fucking knew where to look for her. The island was only so big, but I didn't have her cell number. Where else was there?
What was wrong? I didn't know how Keno and Makani were just letting it be. Did she do this often? Was that why they were easy breezy about it? She was just so great all the time, happy and optimistic. This wasn't like her. Something was wrong, and I knew it would eat at me until I knew what it was.
Where the fuck are you, Abby? I thought. Why the hell didn't she come here? I could have helped her, whatever it was. I wanted to help her. Look at all the shit she had already done for me. It all felt like so long ago, that night she kept me from using; we were right here on the bed. It was the first night we spent together, right after coming back from...
Fuck. That was it. I stood up and bolted for the door. I needed to find Keno — I knew where she was. I used the stairs, racing down them and walking quickly out to the bar. Keno was still there, but Makani had gone.
"Hey, you're back," he said.
"Yeah. Listen, I need to ask you a favor," I said hurriedly.
"What is it?"
"Can I borrow your car? I need to go somewhere, like, right now."
"Sure, no problem," he said, reaching into his pocket, handing me a bunch of keys. "Where are you going?"
"I can't explain, but it's important," I said. He smiled knowingly.
"Just have it back by the time my shift is over. Go get her."
Chapter Thirty
Abby
I watched a turtle shuffle slowly out of the water up onto the beach. I had been sitting there for a while, but I'd lost track of time. I wasn't crying anymore. Now I was just tired. My mind wasn't racing anymore. I was just upset. Shaken.
I hadn't thought about what I would do if anyone knew who I was in a long time. I mean, I wasn't even that person anymore. I hadn't used that name or looked like that in years.
It was like being dunked headfirst into really cold water. Part of me thought I should have known that it would happen eventually, and the other half was just really comfortable believing everything had happened in the past and the rest of the world had left it there like I had.
I hated it had been that easy to unsettle me. It wasn't like I was in danger or anything. My father was dying in prison. I wasn't in contact with anybody who had known me in the past, and if they wanted to track me down, they wouldn't be able to. I had changed my name, and years had changed my appearance.
All that was left was that scar.
Was that what had given it away? I wasn't even sure that that was common knowledge. I had never read any of the articles written about what had happened. Why would I? I had been there. I knew what had happened. I'd probably never forget.
It was just upsetting. That was it. I had left Texas. I hadn't even stepped foot on the mainland since I had landed on Lanai. As far as I was concerned, Frances McCune didn't exist anymore. Abby Terrell had taken her place. She had made something of herself and had a place she could call home, far away from the ugly things that had happened. She had friends, people who loved her. People who treated her like a normal girl and not a sideshow freak because of the things that her father had done.
I hated that it was still who I was: that monster's daughter. I hated that as much as I had tried, I wasn't allowed to just be me anymore. I’d had my life taken from me, and all the years here that I had spent trying to have something that I could call mine because I had built it by myself were all for nothing. He hadn't killed me, but Randall McCune — my father — had taken my life.
I concentrated on the natural sounds around me. The water and the wind. I concentrated on what was real and what I could feel. The things that mattered. It calmed me down, coming here and being able to hear my own thoughts. I was alone, but it wasn't lonely. It was noisy, but it wasn't deafening. My own little place I knew I could run when it was me who had made the choice to. Not where I had to hide because my father had made living impossible.
I thought about going back, but I wasn't ready yet. The worst had passed; now I just wanted to regroup before I had to pret
end like nothing was wrong again. I knew I could do it. It would just take time, more time to get me back to a place where it didn't plague me so much anymore.
I looked behind me, suddenly hearing a sound. There was someone else on the beach. I smiled sadly realizing who it was.
I sat quietly as he approached and sat next to me in his dark jeans and shirt.
"How did you know where to find me?" I asked him.
"You told me this is where you came to get away," he said.
"Why did you come after me if you knew that was what I wanted to do?"
"Because you were there for me when I needed you. I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Well, you can see," I said shrugging. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" he asked. I looked at him. He was looking at me. "If I fucked up, if I did something last night, I need you to tell me. I'm not smart enough to figure it out on my own," he said. I raised my eyebrows.
"Nate, it wasn't you. Last night was amazing. This was something else."
"I wish you came to me instead of running away," he said.
"I didn't run away."
"I was looking everywhere for you. Nobody knew where you were."
"I'm sorry I worried you. I just needed some time to cool off."
"What happened?" he asked gently.
I was silent. I carried the secret of what had happened like it was me who had committed the crime and not my father. If I told him, yet another person would know my secret shame. What if he thought it made me fucked up and a monster like my father? What if he knew that if it ever got out, the media would be all over me and that wasn't what he wanted? What if he just thought I was somehow guilty by association and didn't want to handle my baggage?
"I can't say," I whispered.
"What could it possibly be? There's no way it’s worse than what I told you."
"It might be," I warned.
"I don't care. I want to help you," he said.
Just do it, I thought. What was the worst thing he could do? Leave? He was going to do that anyway. I took a deep breath.
"I was born in Texas," I started. "It was a small town. Rochester. My father and mother owned a small ranch. I was their only child. I'd work on the ranch every day when I wasn't in school. Everyone knew us. Everyone really liked us. My dad was a stand-up guy, community leader, church member... That was why it was such a shock when he did what he did."
"What did he do?" he asked.
"Do you recognize the name Randall McCune?" I asked. He paused for a second.
"It's a little familiar."
"He killed six people in Texas six years ago. He entered a house where a family of five were sleeping. He killed everyone as they slept. He went back to his house and held his wife and child hostage inside while the police attempted to get everybody out without using excessive force.
“He killed his wife, but was apprehended before he killed his child. She was fifteen years old when it happened," I said, remembering the scene as I narrated it.
"Did you know the family?"
"I still have the scar from where he almost used the knife he used on Mom to kill me," I said, my voice cracking.
"Oh my God, Abby," he whispered. I felt hot tears pour down my face.
"I had to leave. I had my name changed and was kept in a group home. They let me emancipate myself from my father because of the circumstances, and as soon as I turned eighteen, I was allowed to move out of state.
“I came here, and I haven't looked back since. He went to prison, where he will stay until he dies. I haven't contacted him since.
“Today, a couple of hotel guests recognized me. They knew my story and who my father was. I've been trying to get away from him and what he did since I was still a kid. I thought it had been long enough and I had run far enough, but I guess not."
"I'm so sorry that you went through that," he said.
"I am, too. I couldn't live the rest of my life known as that monster's daughter. It just ruffled me, what happened today. I needed a little time to get over it."
"Why didn't you tell me anything?" he asked. I laughed.
"Because I couldn't have normal baggage like a kid, or kleptomania, or something. Related to a serial killer? That makes me guilty by association. I'd stay away from me if I were you. It might be hereditary." He laughed lightly.
"Nothing your father did is your fault."
"He's still my father. Whether people think I'm like him or not, they think I'm a freak because of who raised me."
"You're not a freak. He committed those crimes on his own. You aren't responsible for any of it. Besides, if you wanted to kill me, you would have done it already." I smiled. He moved closer to me and put his arm around my waist, kissing my temple.
"Did you hear about the story?"
"I must have, but it happened a while ago," he said.
"So, you've forgotten. I've tried so hard to do that. I thought I would be safe here. Out of his shadow. Of all the things I could possibly be known for…" I said darkly.
"They had no right to say that to you. Even if they did know, they should have kept it to themselves."
"It was a nightmare during the trial. They made me take the stand with my neck bandaged up. Then afterward, they wouldn't leave me alone. People were scared of me or wanted to interview me. They wanted to write their articles and human interest pieces. Laugh, point their fingers."
"I'm so sorry, babe," he whispered. He kissed me again. "None of that can touch you now."
"But they know," I protested.
"They are going to leave at some point and without proof, it's just a story from two wackos who wanted to start a rumor." I leaned my head against his shoulder.
"What if they won't leave me alone? When he said it, I remembered everything like I was there again."
"I'll take care of them," he said.
"How?" I asked, turning to look at him.
"Let me do this for you, Abby," he said, not answering my question. "Come on. You can't spend the whole day here. The sun is going to go down soon.”
"Just a little while longer?" I asked. We sat there twenty more minutes before he walked me to the car he came in and drove us back to the hotel.
He peeled my clothes off and put me in my bed when we got to my house. He made me tea and sat with me until I fell asleep, talking to me and letting me talk.
I wasn’t a freak when I was with him. My past didn’t exist. It had shaken me, what had happened, but I needed this. He’d help me get over it.
Chapter Thirty-One
Nate
"What's been your worst experience with a guest here at the hotel?" I asked.
"Worst experience? The people who come here are usually pretty tame," Makani said. She and Abby were behind their desk. It was early, and they had just come in. Abby from my suite and Makani from her place — or Keno's place, if I had to guess, judging how happy the two of them had been since the night we had met at Abby's house.
She had been Abby's friend and the other front desk girl to me for most of the summer. I'd only ever been around her with Abby or talked about her with Keno, but since that night at Abby's, things had changed. The four of us had hung out a few more times, and I had gotten to know Makani.
She was such an important person in Abby's life, it only made sense that I got to know her, too. That was where I was, doing shit because I knew it would be important to Abby. Getting to know her friends, her life, her plans — everything I could get her to tell me.
The thing about her dad... It still sort of surprised me whenever I remembered it. I knew there was still so much stuff I wanted to know about her and so much I didn't know, but some stuff you never expected to hear. Abby had seen some shit.
Since she had told me, I had looked the story up, really because I had just wanted to see whether it jogged my memory at all. I got about two articles deep before I stopped searching.
There was a lot of stuff, not just news stories. There were forums and threads
discussing it, crime scene pictures, audio of the police negotiations with Abby's dad when he had her and her mother hostage. Sick shit like conspiracy theories about where Abby was now and what she was doing, the daughter of this monster who had killed a bunch of people.
It made me mad. I knew how people were. They weren't interested in the case and what had happened to Abby because she'd just been a kid when it had happened, and they wanted to hear she was doing okay. They wanted to track her. They wanted to watch her because she was interesting to them now.
I had made a rule a long time ago that I would never, ever try to see what people were saying about me and the band. I avoided news and rumors about us because the opinions of thousands of people who knew nothing real about me meant jack shit.
It wasn't a compliment that people wanted to know what you were up to; it was stupid. It was empty because, at the end of the day, they got their shits and giggles at your expense and moved the fuck along. All you got was thousands of people judging you.
They were different, Abby's situation and mine, but there were enough similarities there to make me feel like I could relate. Being recognized had really fucked her up for a couple days. I couldn't imagine being that kid, having to watch your father murder your mother in front of you, and then try to murder you, too.
If she had turned out fucked up somehow, shit, no one would have blamed her. But she hadn't. She was the sweetest girl I knew, and she didn't deserve any of that shit happening to her. Any of it.
She was doing a lot better now. Makani and I hadn't really left her alone much. She had made a couple more trips out to Polihua Beach and now seemed like she was back to her regular self again.
"You have to have some stories," I insisted.
"This is a five-star resort. We don't really get backpackers coming through with drugs and parties," Abby quipped.
