by Tawny Taylor
“Of course it did. You’re not like the other submissives.”
Other submissives. It seemed I had been right about one thing. He did bring women here. And they shared them, swapped them, did God only knew with them.
I held back a shudder. “Are there others? Now?”
“There have been,” he admitted.
“Recently?”
He nodded.
I needed some time to think about this. I couldn’t do that here.
“Shane, this is a lot for me to absorb. I thought I could handle it, but maybe I can’t. Maybe it’s not enough to just be your submissive.”
“I understand.” His expression completely unreadable, he nodded.
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s no reason to apologize. I knew we’d eventually hit an impasse. That was why I’d discouraged it from the beginning.” He sighed, looked at me, dark shadows in his eyes. “But a part of me wanted it to work. Badly.”
“Me too.”
I plopped on my butt on the bed. “If I decide…if I can’t see you again. I hope you won’t disappear for another ten years,” I said.
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
I blinked once, twice. My nose was burning. Dammit, I was going to cry. My insides were twisting up into knots, and it hurt. A lot. More than it should, considering how brief this thing with Shane had been.
Shane placed a hand on my knee, gave it a little squeeze. “You’re better off without me.”
He left.
God, what an awful thing to say about himself. I was better off without him. It was as if he didn’t deserve to be cared about, to have a real relationship, one that was committed and genuine and loving.
That was, I realized, what I wanted to have with him. What I had expected to have with him. Even though he’d made it clear from the beginning that it wasn’t going to happen.
My hands shaking slightly, I went to the closet and pulled out my empty suitcase. Since I’d packed for only a weekend, it didn’t take me long to put everything back in my suitcase. Not up to facing Shane or Jordan, I spent the rest of the time in my room, lounging on the bed and channel surfing on the stupid television hanging on the wall. Nothing appealed. Time dragged. I was so relieved when there was a knock on my door, and Shane called through it, “The boat’s here to take you back to Antigua.”
I opened the door, and felt a warm rush. It was so unfair that this had to end already. Shane and I did have some insane chemistry. I’d never felt like that with another man, like I couldn’t get close enough to him, couldn’t touch him enough, couldn’t kiss him enough.
“Have a safe trip,” he said as he moved aside to let me pass.
I stepped out of the room, set the suitcase on the floor and stared at him. Then, acting out of pure impulse, I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. My body melted immediately. My nose and eyes started burning. And when he enclosed me in his embrace, a sob ripped up my throat. I clung to him, wondering if I would find the strength to leave.
His hands glided down my back, coming to rest on my waist. He pushed, gently, easing me away. “We’d better get you on that boat.”
Sniffling, I nodded.
When I passed Jordan, who was sitting in the living room, I made eye contact but said nothing to him. He intimidated me, now that I knew what he’d been thinking. When I saw something flicker across his face, I jerked my gaze away and followed Shane outside, down the steps and to the dock. He helped me onto the boat. I stood there, hands gripping the railing, as the engines started purring and we drifted out to sea. Shane remained on the dock, watching me, looking sad and alone.
It sure didn’t look like the domination and submission thing was working for Shane any more than it was working for me. Why couldn’t he give it up? Why couldn’t he just tell Jordan to go find his own fucking submissive?
Why?
* * * * *
“What happened?” Jill asked me the minute I was in her car. She didn’t even give me the chance to buckle my seatbelt.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it yet.”
“Oh, hon. That bad?”
A horn honked behind us, and she flipped the driver the bird, shifted into drive, and hit the gas. “Effing jerk. He just couldn’t wait another second. One freaking second.” She steered her car around a hotel shuttle and zoomed toward the freeway. “Where did you go?”
“Antigua.”
“Antigua? It must’ve been really bad, if you had to leave early.”
“It was.”
Jill didn’t say another word. Not until I was home. She helped me drag my stuff into the condo.
Inside my living room, I gave her what was probably the lamest smile ever. “Thanks for coming to pick me up.” I blinked. I blinked again. Dammit, my eyes were watering.
Jill pulled me into a hug, ran her hand down the back of my hair. “The asshole doesn’t deserve you.”
“It wasn’t so much that he was an asshole.”
Jill gave me another squeeze then dragged me toward the couch. “Tell me.”
I flopped onto the couch. “It’s not that he’s a jerk. It’s that…he and I live in different worlds. And I’m not just talking about his money. He’s insanely rich. We flew in a private jet. And the house. Ohmygod. On the shore, ocean views from practically every room. An infinity pool. I could handle all that, I think. I mean, it wasn’t like I’ve met his friends yet. I take that back. I met one. He was the reason why I left.”
“Why? Did he call you a gold digger?”
“No. He expected Shane to share me.”
Jill’s eyeballs got huge. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Evidently, he and Shane do a lot of that, sharing partners. And they haven’t stopped. I’m just another submissive to them. One of many.” I sighed. “You see, I might have been able to learn to live in his gilded world of wealth. But it was that world of domination and submission I don’t understand. I don’t want to understand it. It’s all just too…weird for me. I thought I understood it. I was wrong.”
“It would be too weird for me too.” Jill set her hand on mine. “You did the right thing. I mean, I know you were having fun with Shane, and that you care for him. You’ve known him since you were a kid. But cutting it off now, before there are any real feelings there is best.”
Real feelings. I’d had real feelings for Shane since I was twelve. “I’m sure you’re right.” I dropped my chin in my hands. “But dammit, this sucks.”
“I know.” She smoothed her hand up and down my back then wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me toward her, giving me a little shake. “I’m here, sweetie.”
“Thanks. You’re the best.”
“Hey, considering how many times you’ve been there for me, it’s the least I could do.”
My phone rang, and my heart did a little jerk in my chest. I checked the number.
“It’s him,” I said.
“Give that to me.” Jill grabbed the phone from me and hit the button to ignore the call. “Right now, you’re vulnerable. Talking to him would be a mistake.”
She was right. Of course. Yes. But how I longed to hear his voice.
The phone chimed. I had a text. Jill glowered at the screen. “He doesn’t give up.” She poked the button on the side, shutting the phone down completely.
“Maybe you should’ve read the message. Maybe something happened.”
“He’s rich. I’m sure he has plenty of friends he can call if his stupid private jet broke down.”
I loved Jill. She was angry on my behalf. That much I knew. But for some really crazy reason, I felt the almost overwhelming urge to defend Shane.
“Like I said, he wasn’t being a jerk—“
“Never mind the fact that he’s sleeping with other women, and doesn’t even bother to deny it. He was going to hand you off to his buddy. Who does that? A nice guy?”
She had a point. I’d been
angry when I first found out about the sharing thing. But when Shane had explained it, somehow I couldn’t hold it against him anymore. It was just the way things worked in that world. And he hadn’t brought me there intending to share me. As for the other thing, that was my fault. Never had he led me to believe we were in some kind of committed relationship.
Rather than try to explain it all, I let it drop. The sooner we moved on, the sooner I could get my phone back…and see what Shane wanted.
A couple of hours later, I was alone. And in possession of my phone again. With shaking hands, I powered it up and clicked on the message icon to open my messages.
It was short. Succinct.
Please tell me you made it home safely.
Shane.
I typed back.
I did. Thanks.
With my heart in my throat, I hit send.
And then, every minute or two, for the next eight hours, I checked for a response.
None.
No message.
None.
Shit.
Chapter 5
Someone was in my room. I could hear the soft sloughing of fabric, the muted thump, thump, thump of footsteps. I rolled onto my side, facing the door. It was dark. I couldn’t see.
Moving slowly, hoping I wouldn’t make a sound, I inched toward the opposite side of the bed. I hoped the intruder couldn’t see me any better than I could see him. I hoped he was looking for jewelry, money, not flesh.
I was cold with fear, every sense alert. I heard the intruder moving and before I could react, something heavy was on top of me. My body was flattened on the mattress. I cried out for help, but I knew no one would hear. The condo’s building was very well insulated. Sound didn’t travel from one unit to another.
Letting instinct take over, I swung my arms, kicked my legs. Something warm and strong clamped around both wrists, jerked them back and up, pinning them to the bed, above my head.
Ohmygod, I was being attacked!
“Shhhh,” my attacker said.
“Please don’t hurt me,” I begged, blinking at the darkness and wishing I could see.
“I won’t ever hurt you.”
I recognized that voice.
My heart jumped.
“Shane?”
“Shhhh.” He rested a fingertip on my lips. “I’m sorry for scaring you. I couldn’t stay away any longer. I had to see you.”
I whispered, “But sneaking into my bedroom in the middle of the night—“
He cut me off with a kiss. A hot kiss that made the blood pound through my body. Instantly, I forgot what I was going to say. His tongue slipped into my mouth and took command. At the same time his hands took control of my body, pushing my t-shirt up to expose my breasts, kneading their fullness and rolling my nipples until they were hard peaks.
I squirmed and whimpered, lost in a sea of dark pleasure.
It was so wrong for him to break into my condo like this. So wrong. Stalkerish creepy. And yet, ohmygod. His kiss tasted so good, and his hands were doing wickedly delightful things to my body. I didn’t give a damn about anything but having his naked body pressed against mine, his thick erection pushing into me.
When his hand glided down my stomach, moving toward the aching heat pounding between my legs, I arched my spine, tipping my hips up. Yes. Please. Touch me there. Down there. Take me.
The kiss turned more urgent as both our bodies heated, our need blossoming into desperation.
“Please,” I mumbled. “Please.”
“Not yet.” His touch moved back up, to my breast, circled my nipple. “First, I need you to ask you something.”
“Yes, anything.” I tipped my hips up and reached for him, trying to rip his clothes off. “Anything at all.”
“Will you to agree to fuck Jordan first?”
I jerked upright, blinked open my eyes.
Dammit, I just couldn’t stop having that dream.
I clenched my muscles down there, feeling the warm dampness seeping into the crotch of my panties. Crazy as it was, the dream made me hot. Really hot. Twice this week, I’d climaxed in my sleep. I’d never done that before.
Still feeling the aftershocks of the dream ricocheting through my body, I stumbled into the bathroom and cranked on the shower. After emptying my bladder and brushing my teeth, I stripped out of my pajamas and stepped under the warm water. Ahhh. I allowed myself to just enjoy the heat for a few minutes before getting to business. Then I hurried out, did my hair and makeup and dressed for work. It was Friday.
Another day.
Another dollar.
Yippee.
Then, it would be a night out with Jill, watching her work her usual haunts while I nursed a beer.
Even though Shane had given up calling me a few days ago, I couldn’t summon up the desire to get back into the game. The pain of our unofficial breakup was still fresh. If the dreams were any indication, I wasn’t even remotely close to being ready to get into another relationship.
It would be a lot easier if the stupid dreams would stop.
A lot easier.
What was it about that man? Why couldn’t I just let him go?
* * * * *
“Ohmygod, would you just look at them?” Jill screamed in my ear many hours later. As usual on a Friday night, she was holding a beer in one hand, a shot in another, and was on her way to a healthy buzz. We were sitting at her favorite table in her favorite club. She was trying not to gawk at the pack of men who’d just strolled through the door. Me, I was wishing I was at home, reading the book I’d picked up during my lunch break.
Jill nudged me. “Snap out of it.”
“Out of what?” I countered.
“Your funk. Since you flew home from Antigua, you’ve been moping around. I love you, hon, but it’s been two weeks. I’m getting impatient.”
“Do I need to remind you of your post-Dave breakdown?” I asked.
“No.”
“Give me a break.”
Jill sighed. “I’d never realized how hard it is to deal with someone else’s breakup depression.”
“That’s because I’d never been depressed after a breakup before. Usually I’m okay with it.”
“Not this time.”
“Not exactly. I’m thinking too much about what might have been.”
“Yeah. That’s what I do. Definitely. What got me out of my Dave funk was sitting down and listing all the reasons why Dave and I wouldn’t work. Maybe you should do the same thing?”
“Maybe.” At the moment, I could think of only one reason why Shane and I wouldn’t work. It was a biggie, sure. But I could think of a lot more reasons why I thought Shane and I would be good for each other.
“Stop thinking about him.” Standing, she circled the table, hooked her elbow through mine and half-walked, half-dragged me toward the bar where the hotties she’d been drooling over were congregated, waiting for the bartender to get their drinks.
“Hello,” she said when one of them glanced at us.
Hottie Number One beamed a friendly smile, gaze fixed on Jill’s half-exposed chest. “Hello.”
“I’m Jill. And this is my friend, Bristol.” She jerked her head in the general direction of the packed dance floor. “We’re looking for some dance partners.”
“Hmmm…I don’t dance, but my buddy does.” Hottie One nudged the guy next to him. Hottie Two glanced over his shoulder. “Hey, Rod, the ladies want to dance.”
Rod gave each of us an up and down look. My skin crawled a little. I hated this place. It was a meat market. It was no wonder every guy Jill had ever met here was a loser. “Sure.” He, in turn, nudged the guy next to him, said something into his ear, and within seconds, Jill and I were being escorted to the dance floor. She was going eagerly. Me, not so much. But afraid I was becoming too much of a wet blanket, I tried to act like I was enjoying myself.
As soon as we stepped onto the dance floor, I regretted it. The guy yanked me against him, shoved a leg between mine and started
grinding against me like a male stripper. It was vulgar and nasty and gave me the creeps. I tried to back up a little, but the minute there was a tiny fraction of space between his body and mine, he’d close it again. We were so close I could feel his erection through his clothes. Impressive as it was, I wasn’t in the mood.
When the song ended, I was hugely relieved. “Thanks,” I said.
He scowled. “What? That’s it? One dance?”
“Yes, one dance. What were you expecting?”
“Well, after the way you were dancing, a lot more.”
Me? Me!
“Sorry you got the wrong impression.” I stepped away, shoving between a pair of couples pawing at each other while swaying to the next song that had just started playing. I couldn’t find Jill. She seemed to have vanished.
If it hadn’t been for the fact that she’d done this to me on more than one occasion, I might have been concerned. But she had. Lately, it was almost expected. She’d head outside for some fresh air, and end up in the car, shoving her tongue down some random guy’s throat.
Really, she needed to make some changes.
“Hey, I’m sorry. Come back. Let’s talk about this,” the jerk said. He was following me. A trip to the ladies’ room would take care of that.
I pushed and wiggled and shoved my way to the back hallway where the bathrooms were. Escape was just a few feet away. But then someone caught my wrist. I whirled around, hand raised.
I froze.
Shane.
Shane?
Shane!
“W-what are you doing here?” I stuttered, dropping my hand.
“I’m here with a friend.” His gaze wandered over my face, and I felt myself blushing. “You look great.”
“Thanks.” I fiddled with my hair. A strand was hanging over my face. “Um, so do you.”
“Have a drink with me.”
