by Nancy Hopper
He knew that she was sincere; but he didn’t know if she would truly change, yet. Not everyone who answered an altar call truly understood what they were saying yes, to. Discipleship was definitely a different decision than most new converts realized.
Part of him was afraid that she’d panic and run out on him. After all, she was a brand new Christian, and Sam walked in some pretty heavy-duty stuff. How could he know she’d be able to handle sharing his life, unless he gave it a little time? He'd been so blind, before, that it scared him. He didn't blame her at all for it; but there it was, just the same.
When they got to the trailer, Sam squeezed her shoulders, and smiled. “I’ll see you later, all right?”
“Sure, Sam.” She agreed. She gave him a brief smile, and went into the trailer. Sam watched the door close, and felt deep misgivings about the way things had gone. But there was nothing he could do. He sighed heavily, and walked away.
Sadie was awake and showered when Callie went into the trailer. “Hey.” She greeted Callie exuberantly. “This place has all the comforts of home. What do you say you and I take this thing over, and kick Sam out?” she teased.
“Yeah.” Callie agreed lifelessly.
“What’s up?” Sadie demanded.
“Well, I’m coming with the tent.” She offered lamely.
“That bad, huh? I think that’s wonderful! Callie, I’m so happy! Why aren’t you?” Sadie laughed.
Callie sighed. “Oh, it’s just Sam. I thought he’d greet me with open arms, and he seems to wish I’d go away. One minute he acts as if I’m everything he’s ever wanted, and the next he doesn’t want anything to do with me! He says he needs a little time. I showed up so suddenly that he’s still … shocked and amazed, or something like that.”
“Callie,” Sadie snorted. “I’m not denying Sam said some of those things, but he doesn’t mean them. I can well imagine that you knocked him off his feet when you walked up the center aisle last night. He’s probably thinking he should let you get Christianity under your belt, before he moves on to the next step. He sure got hit with a baseball bat the last time, because he got things out of order. Now, tell me as much as you can remember of the exact words he said.”
Callie really didn’t feel comfortable doing that, yet she desperately needed to get her head straight about Sam and what was happening. So, she spilled.
Sadie absorbed the information thoughtfully, and sighed. “Well; sounds to me like he’s a little scared. He wants you to get here and get going in the tent, and then he’ll tackle the relationship. Kinda makes sense if you think about it that way, Cal.”
“Uh, huh.” Callie sneered. “But that was not his attitude a month ago in New York.”
“Callie,” Sadie reminded her gently, “since then, you refused to marry him, and cut off all communications. Sam went through living hell. In fact, he’s never stopped going through living hell because of it. If he’s telling you he needs a little time to adjust, but he’s glad you’re here, you’ve got to believe him and just hang on. If it was over, Sam would just tell you. He’d never string you along, believe me. He’s heartless with women he’s not romantically interested in when they come on to him. If he was done with you, you’d know it.”
Callie nodded slowly. “Well; I’m going to give up my apartment and store all my stuff at Mom’s. I’ll come with the tent, and I’ll give him his time. I guess there’s nothing else I can do. Do you think I should bring my truck, or should I put it in Mom’s barn?”
Sadie considered, rolling her eyes. “Put it in the barn. I don’t think we need it. Thanks for the offer, though. Come on outside, and let’s sit in the sun and talk about all these details. I need to look at my charts, to be sure what we’ve got going.”
They pulled two lawn chairs together, and Sadie pulled a clipboard and some folders out of her briefcase.
“Let’s see. I sleep in the motor home with Clyde and Jeannie. They do have one empty bunk over the top, but it’s extremely small and cramped. It’s pretty darned claustrophobic. Then there’s Jeremy and Suzie’s trailer. They’ve got Dwayne and Virgil in their spare bunks. And I think that Dalton and Sean are going to buy a trailer together, to bunk in. So that leaves Sam’s trailer and the Clines’ trailer and the Ericksons’ motor home and the Swansons’ motor home. Rats. They are all full, except for Sam’s.”
“Why don’t you and she take my trailer, and I’ll bunk with Clyde and Jeannie?” Sam suggested from behind their shoulders. “And as another option, Sadie, I’ve always got my van.”
“Sam, I don’t like it. How can you get alone with the Lord? You need your time, your space, your rest – and a little comfort.” Sadie argued.
,“That’s never a problem for me. I have my ways.” He answered Sadie as though the matter was settled. He turned his eyes to Callie. She looked at him, noticing that he didn't quite meet her eyes.
“Callie, who’s going to help you move out of your apartment?”
Callie shrugged. “Probably my brother, Peter.”
“Do you need my help?” he offered.
Callie didn’t know what to say. “Sam, I would not feel right taking you away from the tent. You’re needed here.”
“So are you, and you ducked my question.” He argued. He actually looked at her then, but she couldn't read his eyes. There was such a distance between them, suddenly.
“Well; Pete and I can do it, but there’s no doubt that some of the heavy stuff taxes me.” She admitted grudgingly.
“Then you just let me know when, and I’ll do all I can to be available for you.” He said kindly.
“Thanks.” She answered uneasily.
Sadie put an arm around Callie as he smiled absently, and walked away.
“Callie, won’t you sing for us, tonight?”
“No.” Callie denied immediately. “No, Sadie, I think it’s time for me to go home. I’ve got a lot to do, and a lot to think about. And I’m not doing any good here, in Sam’s face. He needs time, and I’m happy to give it to him. Besides, the sooner I get home, the sooner I can get my business taken care of, and be back here.”
Sadie buttoned her lip, and studied her friend with worried compassion. “All right, Callie. When are you coming back?”
“I don’t know. I’ll talk to Mom, Pete, and my landlord, and I’ll give you a call.”
“Callie. Everything is going to be fine. Hang in there.” Sadie urged.
Callie gave her a smile that didn’t mask her pain and confusion, and left without further ado.
CHAPTER FIVE
Sam found Sadie still sitting in the lawn chair when he was done with his appointment. “So, where’s Callie?” he asked, dropping into the empty chair wearily.
Sadie looked at him. ”She’s gone home to take care of business.”
“Just like that?” he growled incredulously.
“Yep. It would seem so.”
Sam made a sound of disgust, frustration and despair, and rubbed his eyes tiredly.
“Sam; perhaps you’d better talk to me.” Sadie suggested gently.
“What good would that do?” he scoffed. “She’s gone! She just walked out of my life again, without even saying goodbye.”
Sadie shrugged. “She’s hurting. She’s still planning to come with the tent, Sam, and she’s still in love with you. She just can’t take the distance you’ve put between the two of you, so she went home to cut the misery short. She seemed to think that you’d asked for time. She’s giving it to you. But she’ll be back; she’s ready to commit to the tent. Maybe by then, you’ll be ready to open up to her again.”
Sam shook his head doubtfully. “Sadie, I don’t know. Maybe it’s all hopeless. She’s trying her best to come around, but she doesn’t have a clue what she’s in for, with me. Frankly, I’m terrified to let her into my heart again. How can a new Christian, however sincere, step into my world and not get crushed? Sadie, you know what it’s like. The pressure, the travel, the demands of ministry, the scheduling, the ha
ssles, the leadership struggles, the finances, the team problems.” He sighed.
“Sam, I’ve got just a couple of things to say. Number one, Callie just laid her whole life down, to come and meet your terms. And she meant it. She’s accepted Jesus; she’s given up everything important to her because she loves you. Number two, she’s an entertainer. She has worked with people, schedules, backbiting and contract problems. She’s no shrinking violet. And number three, if you think it’s up to you whether she gets into your heart or not, you’re completely deceived. You never got her out of your heart, and you never will. Now, why don’t you wait for a couple days, and let her call you? Then you go help her move, and you do what you told her to do -- give it a little time.”
Sam raised his eyebrows. This was bold, even for Sadie. She had never been so blunt with him. “And in the meantime, I sit here and go crazy?” he challenged.
“Why not? It’s what you’ve asked her to do. Now, I will schedule you out next week. I suggest that you go help Callie move. Meet her mother, whom you will adore. Get involved in her life. Drive her back here, and let down your guard. Nothing has changed since you went for this girl, no holds barred, except that she’s given six hundred percent to meet your needs and lay herself at your feet. In one month’s time. I know it was hard on you, but at least she waited until she was sure she could do it the way it had to be done, to be successful. Don’t be foolish.” She suggested. She patted his shoulder, and left him sitting there to think it over.
Two days went by, and Callie hadn’t called. Sam did not feel easy about it. He finally decided it wouldn’t hurt to call her, and reach out. He knew that she was feeling very insecure about him. He prayed the entire afternoon until he had peace, before he called.
“Hello?” Callie answered tiredly.
“Callie, it’s Sam.”
Callie felt a thrill of joy as well as trepidation run through her, leaving her weak. “Hi.” She said tightly. She hadn’t thought she’d hear from him.
“Sadie scheduled me out for all of next week. Is that going to work for you, or should I have her change it?”
Callie was shocked. He was really going to come and help her? “Wow. Well, I’m planning to start loading up Friday night, and finish moving Saturday.” She said evenly.
“So should I come Friday, then?” he asked.
“Sure.” She agreed.
“Callie, you do still want me to come, don’t you?” he asked in a subdued voice.
“Of course I do.” She snapped. She sighed, knowing that she was not being appropriate.
“Callie, are you still coming back to Vermont?”
“I was planning on it. Do you want me to?”
“Don’t you know that I want you here? Didn’t I ask you to come?”
Callie felt tears well up inside her. She was miserable. She couldn’t seem to stop them from flowing out, like a river.
“Callie? Honey, what have I done?” he asked quietly.
“Nothing.” She denied, tears lumping in her throat.
“When do you want me to be there?”
“Now would be good.” She admitted with a sardonic laugh.
Sam considered what to say, and couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t be wrong. “Callie, you left without even saying goodbye to me. I don’t know what to say, or do. I don’t know what you’re thinking, or feeling. I’m lost. Help me understand.”
Callie didn't want to talk about how she felt. “Sam,” she objected, “I’ll be all right. I’m just kind of overwhelmed right now. Come Friday, anytime is fine.”
Sam silently considered the information. “Okay, honey. You’ve got my cell phone number in case you need to get hold of me before then, right?”
“Yes.” She agreed.
“Okay.” He waited, but she didn’t seem to have anything else to say. “I’ll see you Friday.”
“All right. ‘Bye.” She said.
Both of them sat quietly, thinking hard for a time after their conversation. Sam was worried about Callie; she was going through so much upheaval and uncertainty, and he didn’t seem to be helping her at all. Yet, he was afraid to be too close so quickly; he didn’t want them to get in over their heads too fast. He sighed and pondered. There seemed nothing he could do. To go down early would provide them with far too much time together, and too little to do. That worried him greatly. He would have to use restraint, as it was. Just remembering what happened when he and Callie were alone, made him shiver, and stirred up the passion in his heart and his body. Unaccustomed as he was to such feelings, he was easily emotionally overwhelmed. And, Callie was undeniably, one sexy pistol of a girl. Just a look from those slanting blue eyes could put him on his knees, now that he'd opened the door to her.
Callie was afraid of the whole situation. She had no band, no income, soon no place to live. She’d been very shaken when she went to see Sam in Vermont. She’d thought that at least, she’d have Sam. And now, even that seemed quite unsure, at best. She couldn’t get over the change in him! At first, he’d been so sure, so reliable, so insistent. Now, she couldn’t read him at all. It frightened her. Did she really want to put her life in this man’s hands? What was she doing? He'd shut her out, nearly completely!
They both individually came to the decision that all they could do, was take things one step at a time, one day at a time. They both felt it was worth it to take a risk on the other. But, the week took a very long time passing, for them both.
Sam arrived Friday afternoon, and found Callie already busy boxing things up. She was in shorts and a tee shirt, with her hair in a long braid and tennis shoes on her feet. When she opened the door and saw him standing there, she didn’t know what to say, or do. She felt shy and awkward. She smiled, trying to keep her lips from trembling and tears from spilling. She’d been on an emotional roller coaster all month. It was very good to see him.
“Hey. I hope you didn’t do all the work.” He said teasingly. He gave her a sound hug.
“I’m almost done boxing.” She answered brightly. “Just a few more things from the kitchen, and a final decision about the clothes I want to take.”
Sam grinned. “There’s the tough decision, eh? How many trunks that could take.”
She frowned, and put her hands on her hips. “Now, you behave yourself! I have boxed up nearly all of them for storage. I was going to ask you for a bit of advice, but now you can just forget it.”
He laughed, and followed her down the hallway. “Just don’t leave that pretty green sun dress behind. And bring the white one with the sequins.” He insisted.
That did it! Tears vaulted out of Callie’s eyes. She turned away, and tried to hide her embarrassment.
“Hey.” He soothed. His hand on her arm caused her agony. He pulled her around and looked down at her worriedly. “I’m sorry.” He said contritely. “I just have my favorites, Callie. I was teasing.”
She shook her head. “I know. I don’t mean to be so sensitive. I’m just tired, and this is very scary.”
He hugged her against his chest and rested his chin on her head. “Callie, you don't need to be afraid. Honestly. I’m here now. Don’t worry about anything, all right? I’m with you, and I’m staying right here.”
She looked up at him with wary hope in her eyes. “Does this mean that you missed me?”
“That is quite an understatement.” He admitted in a husky voice.
“Then perhaps, you’ll explain to me why there are no kisses to greet me?”
His frame immediately stiffened, and his eyes nervously skated away from hers. “Scared, I guess.” He said shortly.
“Scared? Of me?” she protested vehemently.
“No, not scared of you. But I’m very scared of going there with you.”
“Ah.” She said sweetly. “So, you haven’t developed any sudden aversion to me, then?”
“Hardly.” He agreed dryly. “I don’t trust myself, Callie. That’s all.”
“Sam,” she protested in frustration, �
��what is it you want from me? What haven't I done? What is it you need, what are you looking for?”
He sighed. He settled his jaw, and forced himself to look her in the eyes. “Commitment. And I know it’s going to take a little time before you really understand what that entails, when it comes to me. So, that leaves me being real careful, Callie. When you start giving me sweet sugar, I can’t seem to get enough.”
She saw a glimmer of the old, teasing light in his eyes as he gave her a warning look. “And needing it the way I do, you know, I find myself on the road to trouble without any delay.”
“Sam. I thought you didn’t care anymore. I thought you’d changed your mind.” She explained, tears brimming in her eyes.
He laughed at that notion. “No, Callie. I care. But I have to hold back, until you’re ready to fully commit.”
“I can do that, Sam.” She assured him. “Aren’t I here, packing up to come with you?”
“Yes. And I am so thankful. But I’m concerned about you, Callie. I’ve turned your whole world upside down, and took the pieces with me before you could put it all back together. I believe you when you say you love me, and I mean it when I say I love you, too. But you’ve just begun a whole new life, with Jesus. Everything is turned upside down for you. You don't know yet what life with me would really be like. There are so many ways that we could get ahead of ourselves and make mistakes. It was unfair of me to even ask you before; you wouldn't even have known what you were saying yes to, if you'd been inclined.”
He stroked her face, and grinned. “I mean, I know how you feel about me on one level, but I don’t want you to be disappointed with me after the initial attraction wears off. And I … Callie, I don’t think I could stand it if we went too deep; and then you realized I wasn’t what you want. Please, understand, and give me room enough to keep my reins tight until we both feel sure that we’re ready to go forward.”
