Emma swallowed, thinking of that cowardly letter she’d sent months too late. “So, you weren’t angry with me?”
He let out a sigh. “I was some, I guess. But with a little hindsight, I saw you had no choice.” Travis looked down at her fingers and touched the pale line on her ring finger. When he looked up at her, she saw the question in his gaze.
Emma steeled herself against the pressure of his hand. How could she explain her engagement to Stephen? Wouldn’t she look like a bigger failure? She slid her hand away and stepped back a pace.
Wrenching her thoughts toward Stephen proved difficult. She’d spent so much time avoiding any remembrance of him. Emma remembered his scathing response when she told him she planned to adopt the girls. It seemed she could still hear the reverberation of his voice in her head when he’d lashed out in a moment of anger. I don’t want a couple of diseased brats running around! Don’t be ridiculous, Emma. This is just another one of your causes. You’ll get over it!
Emma wondered what happened to the solicitous, kind Stephen she thought she knew. In a way she was thankful he’d revealed his true colors before they married. However, she had to admit, there’d been other signs of their incompatibility—signs she’d chosen to ignore.
She glanced at Travis, formulating a response. “I was engaged before I decided to adopt the twins. My fiancé opposed my decision, saying he didn’t want a ready-made family.”
Travis nodded slowly, and turned his attention back to his ice cream. Emma blew out a silent breath. She wished she knew what he was thinking. She doubted she could lower his opinion of her much more than she had already. Noncommittal Emma. For you, life is always pending.
After a moment, she decided the heart revelation should go both ways. There was so much about Travis she didn’t know. “How did you and Lucy meet?”
Travis looked up with a blank stare. “Um—” He dropped his spoon into his empty bowl and pushed it away. “At a medical conference. Her father is a doctor. After that she called me up and asked me out.”
“And?”
Travis turned redder than she’d ever seen a man turn. He drummed his fingers on the counter top, lowering his gaze. “We started out by dating a couple times a month or so. She lived in Houston, and with my work schedule, we weren’t able to see each other very much.”
Emma rested her elbows on the counter, wanting to give him the signal that she expected more.
He plowed a hand through his hair. “Uh, we’ve been going out off and on for I guess six months.”
“Is she still in Houston?”
He shook his head. “Galveston.”
“And so things are more serious since she moved here?”
He exhaled and pushed from the counter. “Apparently. But I didn’t see it coming. She wanted me to move to Houston and I said no, so I thought that was the end of it.”
“But it wasn’t?”
Travis shook his head.
Emma remembered the way Lucy’s gaze had raked her from head to toe. “Has she mentioned me?”
He blushed again. The poor man really needed to learn how to conceal his emotions better.
“Yes.”
Emma clasped her hands together. “Well, you just need to tell her that there’s nothing to worry about. I’m not a threat. Like you said, we were a long time ago.”
Travis stood, shoving his hands in his pockets, a frown marring his features. His liquid brown eyes regarded her for a moment. Finally, he turned, grabbed his hat, and smashed it on his head.
“Thank you for the ice cream, Emma. I’ll see you at the twins’ next appointment.”
Emma gripped the edges of the counter as she heard him walk down the steps, heard the sound of his engine gunning, before it faded away all together.
And that, she thought glumly, is that.
7
And with wave and whirlwind wrestle!
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Travis yanked hard on his tie to loosen it as he nudged open the front door with his boot. The echoing silence of his house should’ve soothed him after a long, hectic week at the clinic. Instead the quiet just reminded him that he had no one to come home to.
And whose fault is that?
Travis frowned at the answer, disgusted with the direction of his thoughts. Besides, life with someone like Lucy probably meant a round of social commitments once the workday was done. He dropped his keys and the mail on the dinette table in the kitchen and stalked to the refrigerator.
Inside, he found a half-eaten sandwich, some wilting lettuce, and a carton of milk that probably had gone blinky by now. Without sniffing it, he tossed it into the garbage can. The action seriously hampered his dinner options.
Travis closed the door and looked at the front of the refrigerator. Several menus from pizza parlors, delicatessens, and Chinese restaurants hung from the door by magnets. He closed his eyes and pointed.
Travis peered at where his finger landed. Looks like it’s Chinese tonight. He sighed and made a call for take-out. Again. Slumping onto a chair, he blew out a breath.
What would it be like to come home to a wife who was a homebody like him...and kids? Hearing cries of Daddy! as he walked through the door? Of smelling a roast in the oven with all the fixin’s? It made a nice picture, but what about the wife and kids? What would be in it for them?
A couple of hours an evening out of a twenty-four hour day didn’t sound so great. What about all the anniversaries, recitals, and soccer games that would certainly be interrupted? Sure, he wanted someone to help take care of his needs, but what about their needs? His wife would be tired from the kids all day and want some special attention. Would he really have anything to give after the demands of his career?
Travis groaned. This is no way to start a weekend! He wondered what Emma was up to. Should I call and check on the girls? The thought reminded him that he needed to spend some time seeking the Lord about the condition of his heart where the two women were concerned. Lucy. Emma. One wanted him, one didn’t. And he didn’t know which way was up.
Travis checked his watch. The restaurant was only five minutes away. His thoughts veered toward Emma, as they had all week. He couldn’t get her off his mind. It made him wonder what he’d thought about over the last decade plus.
When she left, he’d been worse off than he admitted. But heartbreak spurred him to get through college, and onto med school. In the back of his mind, he remembered relishing the notion of proving to Emma and her parents that he was finally good enough. In the end, revenge was forgotten as his brain hadn’t had room for much more than all the -ologies he’d had to study.
His heart had settled into a dull ache, and from there, only an occasional twinge when he had a bad day. Until seeing Emma just a week ago, he’d all but forgotten about her.
Liar.
Travis grimaced. He checked his watch again. Luckily, it was time to pick up dinner.
****
After filling up on Moo Goo Gai Pan and Kung Pao shrimp, Travis paced the confines of his small living room. The desire to see Emma didn’t abate one whit. He flopped onto the couch and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. Had things seemed simple before she’d erupted into his life? Or was it just the contrast to the tumult raging within him?
He jumped up and went to his room. In the closet, he dug through some old boxes until he found what he was looking for. Sinking onto the side of the bed, Travis opened his senior high school yearbook. The book fell open to a dried boutonniere and a photo of him and Emma on their prom night. His mom must’ve put them in the book.
Travis lifted out the photo and looked at it. He cringed at the hot pink zigzag background and ugly white trellis they stood beneath. His tuxedo was cheap and ill fitting, and Emma’s baby blue dress looked hopelessly out of date fourteen years later, but what arrested him was the way she gazed up at him in the photo.
At the way he returned the look.
How could an old picture pack such a wallop? They were j
ust teenagers who didn’t know anything about the world, yet Travis could remember what he felt at that exact moment. Then, everything had been clear. Emma was the girl for him. They’d be together forever. He never dreamed things would turn out the way they did—Emma going to Indonesia, he, to med school.
Crazy.
Now she was back, but the adoration was gone from her eyes. He was just a doctor to help her in her time of need.
Will that be enough for me? Can I survive in the same town and not be more to her than a physician?
Travis brought the picture out into the living room and sank onto the couch. Maybe memories were all he’d have of her. Maybe it was unwise to dwell in the past. He stared at the photo, trying to decide if he had a problem or not.
Someone knocked on the front door. Travis slapped the photo face down on the coffee table, wondering why he felt so guilty. He went into the living room and saw Lucy on the other side of the screen. Releasing a slow breath, he pasted on a smile and opened the door.
Lucy walked into the room, her gaze scanning the area. She wore a soft pink blouse and white slacks, and her hair gleamed in the low light of the lamps. She turned to him and took his hands.
“I wanted to apologize for what happened last week.”
Travis looked at their hands, and sent up a silent prayer for wisdom. He had a feeling he was going to hate himself in a minute. Tugging on her fingers, he led her to the couch and together, they sat down.
Lucy took a breath. “I feel bad about running out of the restaurant like that. It was rude and I’m sorry.”
He released her hands. “I understand. You don’t need to apologize.”
She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I have to admit I was pretty jealous, and I kind of overreacted.”
Travis’s throat went dry. The air closed in on him. I’m a snake. A nasty, mean, snake. “Lucy—”
She stood up. “You don’t have to explain. I know we’re strong enough to get through this. I’m not going to let it destroy what we have.” She stared at him as if daring him to disagree.
“Lucy, you need to slow down. Fact is, I’m confused right now and I think—”
She shook her head. He could see a shine in her eyes. He grabbed her hands. “Please sit down.”
She slowly lowered herself, perching on the edge of the couch. Travis could feel the tension in her fingers.
He sifted through words in his mind, hoping to put them in a semblance of order that did the least amount of damage—but there was no way he would get away with this easily. “Look, I know we’ve been seeing each other for several months, but it’s only been in the last few that you’ve dated me exclusively.”
Her cheeks flushed. “But—!”
“Let me finish.” Travis gazed at her, imploring her to understand. “I knew about the other guys and was okay with it, because I wasn’t able to make any more of a commitment at that time. The fact is, in my mind, I’m still there. What you said yesterday—took me by surprise.”
“It’s true. I do love you. We’ve even talked of marriage.”
“Only in the abstract. Lucy, I don’t know what to say.” He bowed his head for a moment, struggling for words. When he looked up, he caught his breath at her loveliness. “I guess I’m just not there yet.”
“Yet. All we need is more time.”
He shook is head. “I need to let you go, Lucy. Like I said, I’m confused right now and I can’t ask you to put up with that. You deserve better.”
She hopped up from the couch. “It’s because of that Emma, isn’t it?”
“Partly, I guess. But at the same time, that’s not the whole story. You want me to move to Houston and I can never see myself there.”
Her face reddened and she turned away.
“There are other incompatibilities too, even though they’re small. While it’s been great getting together off and on, in my heart I don’t believe we have what it takes to make a real go of it.”
She spun around, her dark hair streaming around her shoulders. “That’s because you refuse to give me a chance! You’re willing to dump me the moment you have another option.”
He shook his head. “That’s not true. But, I feel it would be best if we...” Travis blew a breath between his teeth. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
“So you’re saying you want to see if things are better between you and that Emma? What if they’re not, Travis? Do you expect me to wait around in case it doesn’t work out? Do you expect me to be second choice?”
“No. That’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t expect it of you. I wouldn’t demean you that way.”
“But you would break up with me,” she said in a flat voice.
Travis swallowed, hating the way his gut roiled. “I think it’s best.”
“Have you already talked to her about your plan to take up where you left off?”
“Of course not!”
“What if she doesn’t want you?”
“Then she doesn’t.”
A tear rolled down Lucy’s cheek. Travis felt like a monster.
“What is it with her? Why this sudden fixation?”
It was a question he’d been asking himself. “We were very close at one time. It was a long time ago, and there’s a lot of water under the bridge, but the attraction is still there. That’s why I don’t want to drag you through it.”
“How very gallant of you,” she snapped. She put her hands in her pockets and turned away. “Besides, you’re the one who’s going to get dragged through it. You think a single mother with needy children is going to turn up her nose at a doctor?” She gave a hollow laugh. “She no doubt sees you as her next meal ticket. But explore it all you want. I don’t plan to be around and watch her prove me right.”
Anger rose in him at her speech, but he refused to say a word. He closed his eyes for a moment and leaned back against the couch. “I’m truly sorry, Lucy.”
“You will be,” she said coldly and strode past him out the door.
Travis sat with his head in his hands, ashamed and disgusted with the way he’d handled himself. He listened to the sound of her car roaring down the street, realizing he hadn’t made the time to pray.
****
Emma glanced at the high school photograph, then peered at her reflection in the mirror with a critical eye. She was no longer the dewy-eyed seventeen-year old Travis remembered. Tiny lines fanned out from the corners of her eyes and her hair had lost some of its natural curl. Somehow, Travis had only improved with age.
Typical.
Emma smiled at her silly thoughts. It didn’t matter anyway. She expelled a breath and put the picture back in the box where she’d found it earlier. Over the years, she’d nearly thrown it away a dozen times. For some reason she hadn’t been able to. Now it just reminded her of sad times, of past choices that couldn’t be changed.
She’d thought a lot about her conversation with Travis over the last week. There was something to be said about absence making the heart grow fonder. After being apart for fourteen years, she suddenly missed him when he didn’t turn up on her doorstep at the end of the week. Had she been foolish to rebuff his friendship? It wasn’t too smart to scorn gestures of kindness when she was trying to make a life for her daughters.
Emma finished putting her hair up in a loose twist. If she kept daydreaming about Travis, she’d be late for the baby shower Charlotte had arranged despite her protests. Satisfied her hair would pass muster, she picked up Kendra and Katrina, who’d been playing at her feet while she made herself ready. She set the girls on the edge of the bed and gave one last look to their outfits. Both wore seersucker sundresses—Kendra’s was blue, and Katrina’s, yellow. She tickled them until they fell backward giggling.
Emma scooped them up, the overflowing diaper bag, and her purse, and headed outside. After locking up the house, she negotiated the steps down to the driveway—not an easy task with her arms full.
The drive through Travis’s neighborho
od didn’t help matters—she was trying not to think of him. But as Charlotte lived only a few houses down from his, it was unavoidable. She remembered the streets lined with squat palm trees, the small houses with their neatly manicured lawns and gardens, and the quiet of an established neighborhood, all of which pulled at her memories. She and Travis had walked hand-in-hand down the streets in the cool of the evenings, sometimes waving to families out on the porch.
The memories hit her with a wave of something a lot stronger than nostalgia. She blinked and focused on the address of the houses. When she saw Travis’s house, her foot slid from the gas pedal of its own volition. As she slowed past the little yellow house, she could see part of the mesquite tree in the back yard. They’d shared their first kiss under that tree.
Stop it!
Emma gripped the steering wheel, resisting the pull of winsome yesterdays. The past was then, and she was firmly in the now. No going back.
Two houses down at the corner, she came to a stop at the curb lined with cars. Charlotte’s house was white with dark green hurricane shutters. The porch, flanked by pink camellia trees, had an old wooden porch swing in one corner. Two pink balloons attached to the iron railing hovered in the gentle breeze.
She climbed from the van and gathered the girls from their car seats. All together they trooped up onto the porch. Charlotte met them at the screen door, holding it open with her cane.
“Right on time. Welcome!”
Emma smiled, and edged past her into the house. She suppressed an urge to tear up at the sight of all the women crowding the living room. So many people assembled for a relative stranger!
Charlotte came up behind her. “Everyone, if you didn’t get to meet her last Sunday, this is Emma Hayes, and these are her two daughters, Kendra and Katrina.”
Emma smiled while her girls clung to her legs. The women introduced themselves in turns around the room. Knowing she’d never be able to remember so many names, she took the time to rein in her tumbling emotions.
Texas Whirlwind Page 7
