by Nadia Lee
I wait a beat, wondering, What’s brought this on? Blake has never lost his head over a woman.
“Can’ live without ’em.” Blake shakes his head sorrowfully. “Jus’ can’.”
“What the hell did you snort?”
“Nothin’. I’m perfelly fine.”
I lay a hand on his shoulder. “Okay. Why don’t you have a nap before dinner?” And before you do something to embarrass yourself further. “Remember, we have a lot of female guests, so they probably don’t want to hear how you feel about women right now.”
Blake groans, throwing a forearm over his forehead. “Did I say that in fron’ of them?”
“No, thanks to my heroically quick action. Now stay put. I’ll have the housekeeper bring you some aspirin and water and you can get some sleep.”
He doesn’t respond as I leave. I need to have a conversation with Ava’s foster parents. She probably told them about Blake, and I don’t want them to think he’s going to cause problems for us.
Damn it. He was supposed to show up, be his usual cool, urbane self, charm Darcy and Ray and put their minds at ease that he wouldn’t be an asshole to Ava ever again. But no. He had to ruin it.
Now all I can hope—rather fervently—is that Faye doesn’t show. Because her popping up now? That would ruin everything for sure, and I can’t think of a good excuse to explain her presence.
When I reach the living room, Paige is announcing that the dinner’s ready, and my ex is nowhere to be seen. The tension in my shoulders eases as Ava puts an arm around my waist. I hug her back, relishing our closeness.
“Is he okay?” she whispers as we move to the formal dining room.
“He’s fine. Just…drunk for some reason. Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay. Does he do this a lot?”
“No. A business deal probably went bad or something.” I wince inwardly. Lame.
The long table has been set up with a perfectly roasted turkey and honey-glazed ham. All the usual fixings are laid out—mashed potatoes, salad, buttered corn and peas, and moist stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce. There’s a card for every seat, and I end up with Ava to my left and her family, including Mia, taking the chairs to my right. Elliot, Belle and Nonny are at one end of the table, and Ryder, Paige and her family occupy the other, with Elizabeth immediately across from me. A lone chair stays empty since Blake is in no condition to join us. I want to confirm if Ryder was able to get Faye not to show, but I can’t talk about it in front of Ava and her parents.
“We’re going to have candied yam and pie later,” Paige announces.
“I generally like the yam with my food,” Elliot says.
“No can do,” Ryder says. “Gotta eat ’em in the kitchen afterward.”
“What!”
“Hey, I only had them made because you like them so much. Candied yam makes Paige nauseated.”
“Seriously?” Elliot stares at her.
“Told you. Men know nothing about pregnancy,” Elizabeth says.
“Yeah?” Elliot says. “Well, I’ll put money that Belle’s going to eat everything.”
“Keep on saying that. She’s going to tolerate everything except the food you love, dude,” Ryder says.
Elliot makes a face, then winks at his wife.
The food is served, Ryder carving the turkey and ham with surprising expertise. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he did it all the time.
Ava leans closer. “Did he cook all this?”
“I hope not. None of us want to die.” She gives my arm a light slap even as she laughs. “If there’s anything you don’t like, you don’t have to eat it. Ryder and Paige won’t mind.”
“Okay.”
The dinner is surprisingly low-key, all things considered. I can’t remember the last time we all got together just to eat and relax, and I realize with a bit of guilt that it’s my fault—after the accident, I cut myself from my siblings’ lives out of some misplaced sense of loss and pride.
And at the same time, the family never had holiday dinners together like this. This whole event is most likely Paige’s idea because Ryder certainly wouldn’t bother to host one. Here at the table he makes sure she’s comfortable, handing her whatever strikes her fancy. He’s totally smitten, but happily so. And the same can be said for Elliot…which is kind of surreal. I was certain he’d never fall for anyone.
Elizabeth is serene as usual, chatting with everyone. The smile never leaves her face, and she directs the various conversations with courtesy and grace. People have said she has to be faking it—supposedly no one can be that sweet all the time—but as her brother, I know she’s the genuine article.
Suddenly there’s a small commotion at the door, and a familiar voice drifts into the dining room. “Terribly sorry I’m late. I took a wrong turn off Rodeo Drive.”
Ava freezes, and I stiffen. Shit. Faye.
Ryder’s gaze darts toward me, then to Faye, and even Elizabeth’s smile falters for a fraction of a second. Faye is dolled up in a designer red dress with a short hem that fits perfectly. Diamonds sparkle on her ears and throat, and I immediately wish I hadn’t eaten anything because the turkey’s suddenly threatening to come back up.
It’s Paige who finally says, “Hello, Faye.”
My sister recovers as well. “We thought you weren’t going to be able to make it after all. Sorry we started without you.” She gets up and gives Faye a light hug and an air kiss. “Why don’t you take that seat?” She gestures at the empty chair, removing the card set in front of the empty plates.
“What about Blake?”
“Probably won’t be joining us,” Elliot says.
“Well, then.” She takes the seat directly across from Ava.
I feel the weight of Darcy and Ray’s gazes like a mountain on my shoulder. Now I wish I’d declined the invitation like I normally do.
“You look very nice, Ava,” Faye purrs.
“Thank you.” Ava gives a brittle smile. “So do you. Beautiful dress.”
“Well, you know…red’s always been my color.”
Before Faye can say more, Elizabeth says, “By the way, I love the work you’ve done planning the charity event, Ava. Nate sent me the latest draft, and I couldn’t find a single fault.”
Ava flushes. “Thank you.”
“If he weren’t such a good friend, I’d poach you.”
“Get in line,” Ryder says. “I need a new assistant, and Ava would be perfect.”
Elizabeth blinks. “How so?”
“You just said she was great at her job. I know what it takes to organize something like that, and anyone who’s that on top of things will know exactly how to juggle all the crazy stuff in my life.”
“You should just steal Gavin Lloyd’s assistant,” Elliot says. “What’s her name? Mallory? She’s supposed to be good.”
“Hilary. And no, I don’t want Gavin coming after me with a sniper rifle,” Ryder says. “Besides, she’s married to Mark, and I don’t hire family. Can’t fire ’em later.”
I reach for some wine. My siblings continue to talk pointedly about assistants, without giving anyone an opening to butt in. I need to find an excuse to get the hell out of this dinner. Or pray that Faye’s called away for some reason. Please, God… I’ll be good. I’ll forgo drinking and swearing for the rest of my life…even donate half my money to the charity of your choice.
Mia waves her fork, and a gob of cranberry sauce lands on her shirt. Darcy jumps into action. “Goodness. Can you tell me where the bathroom is?”
“Over there, down the hall, third door to your left,” Paige says. “Do you want me to show you?”
“No, it’s all right. I’ve got it.” Darcy grabs the child and takes her away to wash up.
“That’s Mia, right?” Faye says casually as she takes a slice of ham.
My eyebrow twitches, pulling at the scar. How does she know?
Before I can ask, she glances at Ava and says, “I guess this means you told Lucas about her.”
Ava stiffens next to me, so fast I’m afraid she might pull something.
“Told him about what?” Elliot asks.
Faye gives him a you don’t know? look. “That she’s his daughter.”
Silence crashes through the dining room, and all the air seems to have suddenly been sucked out of the house. I can barely breathe. My lungs ache, but the thoughts in my head…they spin like a tornado, gathering speed as the seconds tick by. Extreme emotion wells inside me, and I struggle to hold it back. Faye is obviously confused. She has to be…
Because for Ava to hide our child from me all this time…
I take in Ava’s bloodless face…Ray’s tight-lipped expression…
It’s true.
It’s true.
It’s true.
Faye is right.
Why didn’t Ava tell me? Why did she hide this?
“You didn’t know? But I thought…” Faye blinks.
“You most likely thought wrong.” Elizabeth’s tone isn’t cold, but hard with authority.
Suddenly, everyone’s all moving and talking at the same time.
“…should take this elsewhere…”
“…must be a mistake…”
Elliot turns to Ava. “Can you say something here? Tell her she’s wrong? This is stupid.”
I stare at her, and she drops her gaze. “Faye’s…right,” she says. “What she said… It’s true.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” My question is barely audible, but she hears it.
“For the same reason I left. Your family thought I was a gold digger…or worse.”
“And afterwards…?”
“There wasn’t a right time.”
“No right time.” I jump to my feet, my hands digging into my hair. “No right time? Everyone out except Ava.”
“Lucas—”
“Not now, Elizabeth!” Then I finally turn and take in the openly incredulous expressions on everyone’s faces. Well…not totally incredulous. There’s pity as well.
Fuck this. I won’t be pitied.
“Better yet, stay and enjoy the damned food!” I snarl. I grab Ava’s wrist and start to drag her away.
Ray gets up, looking like he’s going to do something.
“Don’t get in my way,” I say.
“Ray, it’s fine,” Ava says. “Just give us time to talk. Please.” She turns to me. “Let’s go.”
I haul her upstairs.
Should’ve known better than to think I could avoid something like this. Happiness never lasts.
As much as I despise my mother, I can’t help but wonder if she saw something that nobody else did when she called me “unworthy.” What else could explain…this absolute clusterfuck that my life has become?
I find an empty room on the second floor, pull her inside and slam the door closed. Ava’s hands are shaking, and I squash an instinctive need to comfort her.
“Tell me. Everything.”
“Faye’s right. Mia is yours.”
“Then why didn’t you say something?”
“Lucas, I was going to. The day you were rushed to the hospital…I’d just found out and I was going to tell you that night. But then I met your family…which was a shock. One, you’d kept them hidden from me, and two, Blake accused me of being a parasite and swore he’d destroy me if I didn’t stay away from you.”
I smack an open palm against my chest. “But you were carrying my baby! Mine!”
“Yes. Exactly. Mia is the daughter of a fantastically wealthy man from a fantastically wealthy family. And do you know what I learned about rich people growing up? It’s that they can get away with anything. Things that would get a normal person in a heap of trouble… You guys get away with it because you have money and influence. When I got home and looked you up, I knew I’d never win against your family.”
“I’d never have let anything happen to you.”
“Yes, but we didn’t know each other as well back then. We’d never talked about our families. And I didn’t know about Faye until I googled you.”
The reminder of Faye makes me hesitate. “But later, when we reconnected…you could’ve told me.”
“I could have, but I didn’t know how you’d react. Not to mention, I couldn’t seem to figure out a good time to bring it up.”
“There were plenty of times.”
“Lucas…all I can say is, I’m sorry.” She hugs herself. “So what’s the decision?” Her throat works. “Is this… Is this it?”
It? My head keeps churning. I can’t let her go like this, but I don’t know what the hell kind of conclusion I’m supposed to reach. People can call me genius all they want, but this is a fucking bombshell, and my mind’s reeling, trying to process what it all means.
I’m a father.
To a girl who belongs to somebody else now…
“I think it’s better I give you a little time,” Ava whispers.
It barely registers.
She starts to walk out, and I follow on autopilot. All my life I’ve been told I needed to see my date home. It’s just good manners. And I wonder deep inside what the fuck I’m doing—really—and why the hell it matters if I’m polite or not or if Ava even cares.
Darcy and Ray are preparing to leave. Ray is holding the child.
I reach for the girl, unsure how something this perfect and precious could be mine, but her expression is no longer bright with happiness. Her face has crumpled, as though she’s aware of everything that’s happened while she was in the bathroom, and is clutching Ray’s shirt. He tightens his hold, turning away with a motion so subtle that I doubt anybody else notices.
Dirty.
Don’t touch.
Don’t you know better?
I drop my hand, my jaw tight. It’s as though the old man can hear my mother’s damn words in my head.
Ava watches us, her expression torn. I’m not sure what’s gotten her so conflicted. Either she’s on my side or she’s not. It’s that simple.
The hostility pouring off Ray is palpable as he escorts his wife out. If he thought he could get away with it, he’d stab me with the carving knife.
Ava looks at me, opens her mouth, then shakes her head before following her foster parents out. As the door closes behind them, my entire body feels hollow.
Just like that. Gone.
Ryder places a hand on my shoulder. “I’m having a driver take them home. Darcy thought it’d be best if they left.”
“Of course,” I say automatically.
I turn and look at Faye. She’s watching me, her porcelain-like face set in innocent curiosity.
Except I know better.
If she were really worried about me…or cared about me at all…or meant what she said at the bistro, she wouldn’t have blurted that out about Mia in front of everyone.
“You hypocritical bitch,” I hiss.
She draws back. “Lucas…”
“You never wanted the best for me, did you? You lied to me.”
“If you’re upset that I told you—”
“You didn’t tell me,” I say. “You announced it in front of everyone.”
She hesitates. “She’s your daughter, Lucas. I wanted to make sure you had a chance to be in her life.”
“No. You wanted to drive a wedge between me and Ava, and you dug around until you found something. I’m not sure why, because now you’ve lost me forever.”
She gasps. “Lucas!”
“I didn’t make a big deal about it when you lied to me at the hospital opening. But this… We’re finished, Faye. Get the fuck out!”
Her eyes fill with tears. I generally hate it when women cry, but I feel absolutely nothing in this moment.
Sniffling, she grabs her purse and leaves.
I drag in air. “Sorry about that, everyone. I shouldn’t have come.” I ruin everything. It’s like I’m fucking cursed. Actually, I am cursed.
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Elizabeth puts an arm around my shoulders. “Come on, Luca
s. Get some food in you, and we’ll figure this out. We’ve survived worse.”
Elliot and Ryder murmur agreement. “This is a shock, but nothing, you know, nuclear,” Ryder says.
He’s wrong. Mia is a fucking hydrogen bomb.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ava
The interior of the luxurious SUV is oppressive. I feel like I’m confined to a windowless cell barely big enough for me to stretch my legs. The windows are tinted, the chauffeur doesn’t speak and Ray and Darcy are as tense as statues. Even Mia is quiet, observing us, her eyes solemn.
The car is only a few blocks from my apartment when I can’t stand it anymore. “Can you pull over?”
“Certainly, ma’am.” The driver’s voice is professionally pleasant, as though driving unwanted guests back home on Thanksgiving is an everyday occurrence.
I hand my keys to Darcy. “Here. Take these and go to my place. I need to clear my head. I’ll be back soon.”
“Ava…” Ray begins.
“Not now. I need to…” I don’t know what I need at the moment. “I need to think.”
I shut the door before my foster parents can stop me, and watch the car go. After that, it’s mostly aimless walking. The city seems deserted—but then I’m sure people are where they’re supposed to be—eating with loved ones or at stores grabbing bargains.
I, on the other hand…
I can’t stop seeing Lucas’s face as I left. He wasn’t devastated or desperate like in Charlottesville. It was mostly anger that drove him back at Ryder’s home. The silent accusation and questions in Lucas’s eyes scored me like a whip, and it was all I could do just to stay upright.
Why did you lie to me?
Why did you hide it?
What about our promise to be honest with each other?
How could you?
I trusted you.
Is this what love is to you?
I cover my eyes, but it’s no use; my hands can’t stop the tears from flowing. I’ve failed. I just couldn’t…
My phone beeps loudly. I jump at the sound, then my heart starts hammering. Maybe it’s Lucas. He might’ve decided we need to talk… Or at least that I need to explain—
But it’s a Skype call coming from Bennie. I sniff then clear my throat. I don’t want him to know I’ve been crying. “Hello?”
