by Lynch, S. M.
I landed on the bed with my coat still on and lifted up my black sweater. I slapped a sticky gel-pad on my lower abdomen and attached two nodes, before plugging the wiring into my xGen. My device instantly found the relevant application and I heard a slight whirring as it downloaded information from the sophisticated scanning pad. I held my breath. The 30-second wait seemed like an age, but when I finally got the result, shock flooded my entire body.
The xGen revealed: ‘Gestation is approximately three months. Preparing for video imaging. Do you want to record?’
I stared at the device almost in disbelief before hastily realizing I did, shouting, ‘Yes!’
I couldn’t believe what was happening, but then I saw them. On the screen, two fetuses flickered into focus, and seconds after that, I heard their strong, rapid heartbeats. The cold, robotic voice of the application snapped me from my reverie. ‘Fetal scan completed. Twin elements detected. Expected due date January third, 2064.’
I saw two blobs laid in my womb and felt a connection to Ryken. They were his. I touched the screen and shook with nervousness as realization swept over me. I thought about what it all meant. I would be a mother. I would have his children.
I took a few minutes to absorb the news, but when I finally had, I held my belly and cried with joy. I was going to have his babies, twins even. I felt like I had gotten him back in a way, yet knew I would be facing it all alone. I cried with various emotions running through my head. I just knew I had to be strong for our unborn children. I would love them just as I had loved him.
EPILOGUE
Ryken
Three months previously…
We were somewhere above the Atlantic, heading back to New York. Mara had returned to the cockpit and Seraph had ordered me to leave her alone. Meanwhile in the cargo hold, I was feeling desperate, with a rouge slap mark across my face. I felt sick to the stomach, scared out of my mind at the thought of losing the one person I had ever loved. I realized it only hours after meeting her and knew I would never stop loving her. I could only hope she would forgive me eventually.
I wondered whether my mind was playing tricks when I heard rustling behind a pile of boxes. I felt sure there was someone else in there with me.
‘Hello? Anyone there?’ I asked.
Seconds later, an elderly lady stood before me. She was elegant, dressed in some sort of African-inspired smock dress and distinctive pieces of jewellery. She had extraordinarily long, platinum grey hair running down her back, and piercing green eyes. I stood to survey the woman, looking her directly in the eye. I noticed the resemblance immediately.
‘Eve? Am I right?’
‘You are right, young man. And you are, of course, Ryken.’
I scratched my head, wondering whether I should say anything else.
‘But you’re dead? And you’re here?’
She sat down and motioned for me to sit next to her on a bench. I wondered whether I was going mad, having seen all these similar-looking women on this one jet. I surveyed her face and saw the same mouth and round cheekbones that Seraph also had. I could have easily been surveying what Seraph would look like in decades to come. The woman had obviously led a full life, yet didn’t look withered or tired. Instead she looked vibrant and healthy.
‘And if you don’t mind me saying, you don’t look as if you’re at death’s door either.’
She eyed me up as if to get the measure of me and gave a slight chuckle. She deigned to speak, ‘Bless you. Indeed, I am not some figment. I am not dead. Though in some ways I am dead, aren’t I? At least in the eyes of the world, the one which believes whatever it is told.’
I agreed with my smile only.
She smiled back and asked casually, ‘Did you get my invitation by the way?’
I started to piece together everything in my mind and knew this would prove to be a scintillating conversation.
‘She’s devastated you’re dead. There must be a reason for all this.’
She became slightly defensive, shifting in her stance and expression. She drew back as if to reel in her disdain for my “stating the obvious”.
‘You either live to see yourself become a villain or die a hero… or heroine, in my case. Believe me, I wouldn’t have done this to her unless it was absolutely necessary. I needed to be dead and I’m going to tell you why.’
‘I really hope so, because right now she despises me.’ I rubbed my cheek, explaining, ‘Your daughter just told her about me being an emissary.’
She chuckled but didn’t seem surprised. ‘That was naughty of Mara wasn’t it, but I needed to get you down here. And yes, I know about your employment my dear. I knew about your job even before you did. I gave you that role because I knew you wouldn’t let me down. I’ve watched people like you for most of my life Doctor Hardy, and believe me, nothing shocks me more than to think of someone who worked for Officium coming within a mile of Seraph. But I had faith that a gentleman like you would do the right thing, and even though deception is sometimes a bitter pill to take, it can lead us to something better.’
I chastised myself again for lying to Seraph, not telling her the truth from the start, and Eve noticed the torment cross my face.
Bluntly, she asked, ‘You love her, how could you not?’
I faced the floor and muttered, ‘As soon as she showed me she wasn’t all hard faced and tough, I loved her. Wanted to protect her. Wanted to… you know.’
She pursed her lips and shot me an accepting expression. In that small space with her, time stopped. Nothing concerned me. She would not judge me nor what I had been forced to do to make my way here.
‘Believe me, I know all about that. In fact, you know, the rigors of love are more what you should prepare yourself for. Falling is easy, I should know, but what you do afterwards is the hard part,’ she warned.
I turned to look at Eve with a look that gave away my turmoil, but she assured me, ‘Ryken, you’ve proven yourself enough already. Now you need to hear what I have to say. Listen… if you never do anything else ever again… listen to me now.’
She took my large hands within her own and her skin felt like frail tissue paper, but was so warm and comforting, still so vital. I was mesmerized by her eyes and felt so intimidated, I had to fight the urge to look away in embarrassment as she drew me into her gaze.
‘Ryken, I died because I needed to get her over to England so that she would cease her investigations temporarily. No other reason would have brought her over so swiftly. I also needed to make my enemies think they had gotten rid of me. The news of the Operator’s death has no doubt reached Crispin Childs, but he doesn’t yet know why I am what I am. In fact, there is another story there I hope to never have to tell.
‘So, I needed to die for so many reasons, and yet I knew it would cause hurt. I foresaw it would turn a lot of people’s worlds upside down. But I have been working for this cause for so long, waiting patiently for the right time, and this was it.
‘Seraph’s recent investigations in New York have unsettled Officium. She recently turned her attention to a debauched senator who we know is high up in Childs’ group, possibly even his prospective successor. It is thought Childs is dying and he’s desperate to secure his legacy. I received word that emissaries have been watching her every move. I got the overwhelming feeling that I could no longer protect her. You see, I had been secretly feeding her information about the city’s officials for years, and she never knew it was me. It was her protection, and I paid several brave men and women to gather this information, some of whom lost their lives in the process. However, I began to fear our enemy would stoop to any level to finally get Seraph off their backs.
‘Therefore, with all these factors in play, I decided it was finally time to take decisive action. I needed someone from the inside, and you proved the perfect choice after Camille pointed you in the right direction all those years ago. They know about your father Ryken, and they suspect you, but they hope you can still be corrupted and that is why you
remain alive. They probably put out the story about the storms to ensure you and Seraph would come together, enabling them to keep an eye on you both with greater care. However, they didn’t realize that I was also aiming for the same end, and that I could see what they couldn’t. I could see that neither you nor she would be broken by them, and together, you will beat them. I foresee a test Ryken, a test of your mettle, and it is only you who can decide which way you go. But I have faith in you.
‘Now, this is what you are going to do when you get back to New York. You will be dropped back at your respective apartments and you will stay there. You will stay in your apartment and wait.’
I shook my head, pleading, ‘I can’t leave her, what if they stake her place?’
She pulled a small nGen from one of the deep pockets in her dress and handed it to me. ‘Take this. It’s secure. I will contact you if I hear anything. If she needs you, I will let you know.’
I took the device and looked it over before hiding it in my inside pocket. It was a primitive thing and would possibly prove safer.
‘She has a letter containing instructions and it has many other revelations that will not be easy for her. She doesn’t know it yet, but she will need you. There are worse things ahead to face. We can never get complacent Ryken, never let yourself believe this is over, until it really is. You can’t breathe a word of our conversation here to her, you understand? I know it will be hard, but it’s for the greater good. You cannot risk her safety. You cannot tell her I’m still alive. In fact, I mean for you to never tell her. I won’t make her grieve for me twice. Promise me?’
Her eyes were clear and sure; she had thought this through for a long, long time. I could see it had taken its toll on her, this decision to “retire” of her own, free will, and leave everyone behind.
‘I understand. It won’t be easy though, you know she’s like a dog with a bone when she knows something’s not right.’
‘I know her better than anyone, and believe me, you’re going to have to do some expert lying.’ She continued to hold my hands between her own, in a motherly way, squeezing my fingers whenever she thought I needed comfort.
I stared at her for a lengthy period, knowing there was more she had yet to say, yet hating the promise of more fighting. More breaking down walls to just be able to live a normal life. I waited and it was like she was willing me to ask the question, so I did.
‘Tell me what I have to do, Eve.’ I just wanted to get it over with, so did she, as soon as she knew I was ready for it.
She looked at the floor, trying to breathe away the dread that was creeping across her face. She knew I didn’t need to see that. She took a few moments before she looked up, with her eyes shining brightly.
‘You need to die, Ryken.’
I deliberated for a few moments, taking it all in and nodding, before she continued to explain.
‘You need to wait until the time is right. I will let you know. Keep that nGen with you at all times. They are gathering at their New York headquarters, which I’m sure you have knowledge of. You and Seraph will go to one of their old lab buildings, the one in Brooklyn… you know which I talk of?’
‘Yes, but there won’t be anything there, will there?’
‘No, but we need to convince them that they have beaten you. Seraph doesn’t need to know that this is a ruse, either. We need to throw her off the scent, too. The security won’t be that difficult to break, now that what we need is elsewhere. You won’t find anything in Brooklyn and then you will leave the city. This is their ultimate aim – to get you both out of their way. They will imagine that they have beaten us, but when they are least expecting it, we will strike at the very heart of their organization.
‘The Principal will contact you with instructions and you must follow them to the letter. Over the years, my people were careful to protect my identity. We have worked so quietly. However, my death has given them wings and my forces have become less passive. They have been systemically testing Officium’s firewall defenses with the message, “we believe in the Operator”. I hope Crispin fears an uprising in my absence because he should. My forces will continue to strike fear into Officium’s arrogant, cold hearts until the time is right. I’ve no doubt those who are not entirely loyal in their group have already begun disbanding… and the director’s plight will finally unravel. He will be arrogant enough to believe that he still has a chance, but we know better…
‘You will die after completing this task. You know even after their demise, there will be survivors of Officium out for revenge… and we can’t risk your relationship with Seraph compromising her.’
I felt a dreadful sense of loss even though I was yet to complete this task. Perhaps I knew it was because I would never be the same again.
I recognized an affinity with the old lady; the way neither of us bent to the will of others or their weaknesses. Our ultimate self-belief was what made us who we were, remaining steadfast amongst the corruption. I absorbed everything she had said and knew what had to be done. Deep down, I was secretly pleased I was going to be part of this. I could finally right a few wrongs. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I trusted Eve. She was a force to be reckoned with, a watchful purveyor of the human condition.
‘You chose me because of my father, didn’t you?’ I guessed.
She didn’t seem shocked by my suggestion, maintaining her gaze.
‘Yes, that, and so many other reasons.’
‘I need you to tell me what you know.’
‘People who suffer addiction will do anything to feed it, unless they are strong enough to battle against it. They will also do anything to hide it, and in your father’s case, they bribed him to become an informant, otherwise they’d shatter his reputation. Colleagues of his across Manchester who tried to investigate Officium were killed and his inner demons got the better of him.’
I breathed a sigh of relief at having my suspicions confirmed, before she continued, ‘My own mother was an addict too, and after I finally realized I couldn’t help her any longer, I never saw her again. She died in 2023 and I truly regretted not making peace with her. She never met Tom or Mara, but perhaps we might meet her again in better circumstances… maybe in a realm beyond this world.’
I understood completely. I had one more question, however.
‘How did you manage to stay so strong, after everything?’
She appeared taken aback, slightly offended almost. Her eyes narrowed on me and she rose from the bench with some effort and turned away. She hid her face from view and gathered herself to make a lasting reply.
‘I learned long ago to survive on nothing Ryken, even before I married Tom, and that is what you will have to do too. To have had him in my life at all was a blessing I was thankful for every day. When he died, I had to become something more, something indestructible, in order to really become the Operator. Fate found me and molded me to become seemingly infallible. But I had a lot of friends to help me along the way, and they got me through. You, however, will have to go it alone. You know what needs to be done, anyway, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’
Somehow my mind had become so clear and I knew what my place was. I was tasked with this because Seraph couldn’t save herself, only I could. I knew how difficult it might be for her to go on, but I also knew at least without fear of death, she may seek a quieter life.
I knew the path that lay ahead and that was all that mattered. Hopefully at the end of it all, was a pathway to peaceful days spent loving her.
‘Where do you mean to go when this is all over?’ I asked Eve.
‘Mara and I mean to stow ourselves away somewhere incredibly quiet and desolate, and live out the rest of our days in harmony, away from all this. We can finally just be mother and daughter. Only you and Camille will know the truth Ryken. I have to detach myself completely otherwise I will never be free. This world will go on without me, and I will go on without the world. My last days need to be mine and mine alone. Someone like me ca
nnot simply just come back from the dead. You can, however, to take care of her. My precious angel. She is strong, so very strong, but she needs you more than you realize. She reminds me of myself when I was young. Simply surviving, until one day a man turned my head and showed me what it could be like to really love someone, to really be with someone who knew what I was feeling without me even speaking, who finished off my sentences before I did, who made me complete and pushed me to be the best I could be. A soul mate, life partner and best friend. Even during the worst of times, love can spring up from nowhere and prove to be transformative, inspiring and life-giving.’
I could have cried, knowing what she had lost. Yet she had not succumbed to bitterness. I shook my head in disbelief and admitted, ‘I’ve never heard anyone talk so honestly about love like that.’
‘Ryken, love her as if every day is the last. She just needs time and for you to be there for her. Believe me, she’ll not let you go easily once she’s got you.’
I stood up to take the woman’s hand within my own, bending down to kiss her satin knuckles.
‘It’s been a pleasure meeting you,’ I said genuinely.
Her face tinged with blushes and I felt a little gratified knowing she approved.
‘Goodbye Ryken. Remember everything I said. I’ll be in touch. Now go… and wait.’
‘I will… and Eve, thank you.’
She bowed her head and I returned to the cabin above.
The journey continues in…
THE INFORMANT
Author Note
This book has an interesting story of its own. It began as a dream so long ago now. It was an idea that persisted in my mind, something I held onto, hoping one day to be able to pursue it as a novel. During a long period of maternity leave in 2011/2012, I started writing.
