Finishing her salad, Jennalee sipped a Coke and looked around. “Does Noel Sutherland bring his kids?” she asked the party.
After a moment’s silence, Anita answered. “Poor Noel.”
“Poor Noel?” Troy cut in. “It’s poor Phyllis and the kids, having to live with that jerk.”
“He’s a troubled man,” Anita said. “I think he’s gotten lost in the family somehow, eaten up by it, and you know that’s entirely possible. Look at me.” She held out an arm. “You can’t see the bite marks but they’re there.”
“Mother, please,” said Troy.
“Last year Noel brought his boys to the fireworks and they had a good time, or I think they did, until he found fault with something, I don’t know, the people nearby or some such. Made a scene, then gathered up the family and left before the show started. Phyllis came by our table and I remember her look was so sad. And tired, of course. She just said he’s upset and hurried after. A man who drives his family toward some kind of unattainable perfection is bound to be unhappy.”
As she spoke, Jennalee couldn’t help but think of the screaming woman who was taken into police custody the day before. Where was she? And wasn’t she caught in the same trap as Noel? As maybe all of them were? Except the Laidlaws, of course.
As talk deepened on family, Harley rose. “Thanks for the food and the company, but Lee and I are going to walk around before the show, stake out a good spot. Have fun.”
“Take some water,” Carl said, handing them a bottle.
Harley thanked him, then took Jennalee’s hand, eased her from the bench, and they set off. “Enough,” he said, and Jennalee left it at that.
“Where are we going?” she asked as they worked their way to the back end of the park, where a low fence marked the border.
“To a good spot up on the hillside.”
It was nearly dark now and Jennalee enjoyed hopping the fence and scrambling up the hill. Halfway up lay a fallen log, though no tree stood nearby. “Somebody decided a long time ago this was a good spot,” she said. “Was it you?”
“When we were kids, Garth and I dragged the log over here, so it’s kinda ours. Have a seat.”
Jennalee sat for about a minute, then slipped off the log to sit with her back to it. “Much better,” she said, and Harley joined her.
Night was well on now, clear and warm. Then came a sudden whee of something sent airborne, and the first giant burst of the evening, a huge pink thing that rained down so much, Jennalee ducked. Harley began to laugh.
“They can’t reach you,” he said. “It just seems like it. Trust me. I’ve always sat here and never got singed.”
Jennalee couldn’t bring herself to sit back up. She lay in the grass so Harley did, too, the show seeming to be directly over them, even as she knew that was not the case. Burst after burst came, always with the whee and loud pop, yellows, greens, blues. Starbursts with thin points, round bursts, ones that sparkled several colors, others that drifted like a waterfall. One after another they kept on, and Harley took Jennalee’s hand, giving her a squeeze. She edged closer to him and decided it was a fine night.
They didn’t speak during the show. It wasn’t necessary. Jennalee found herself surprised at how simple things could be with a boy and how good it could feel. She looked over at Harley, enjoying his profile reflecting the colors of the sky.
A vivid purple and blue burst struck just then, so bright the cool colors looked hot. And at that moment, Jennalee found herself almost tingling with delight and further, with the need to act upon it. She squeezed Harley’s hand and he squeezed back, but it wasn’t enough now so she rolled toward him, ignoring the overhead show.
If he were any other boy, this was when she’d unzip his pants and pull out his penis. She’d handle it until the boy was squirming, then get her mouth on it and give him a thrill. Looking at Harley, who didn’t look at her, she had to hold herself in check because her usual way felt so natural yet suddenly not. Harley was an odd boy, for sure. Just because he’d had sex with a man didn’t mean he couldn’t with a woman. She knew if she went to work on him now, he’d respond, because boys had little control over their penises. She could get one up with a look if she chose.
It wasn’t fair how Harley played hard to get, mainly because she knew he wasn’t playing. But his thing with Carroll Fraser was over, he’d been clear on that, so why trap himself with just men? Had there been others? she wondered. Boys at school? Pawn shop patrons? It was too much to consider, so she rolled onto her back and tuned in on the fireworks just as three went off a second apart, red, white, then blue. Oh yeah, she thought. Fourth of July.
The show finished with a huge fireworks flag on the ground and applause drifted over to the hillside. Then the sky was dark. Nothing but stars and half a moon.
“Good show,” Harley said without moving.
“Totally.” Jennalee wasn’t sure what was next. Maybe this hillside spot had been a plan for something else, and in a minute, Harley himself would unzip his jeans and present what she wanted. She was thinking of him naked when he sat up.
“How about we walk back to the inn?” he said.
“Walk? Are you kidding?”
“It can’t be more than a mile or two,” he said, “and it’s nice out. Plus I don’t feel like motorcycles right now. Or parents.”
Now Jennalee sat up because she saw he had a plan. He didn’t want to do it here. Sure. Too many people too close by. He knew of some spot on the way, some little nook off the road, and he’d pull her in there. She could fee his tug, see him drop his pants to present his erect penis. Maybe he’d want more than a blowjob. Maybe he’d want to fuck. She hoped he had a condom, but surely all boys traveled with them.
“Okay,” she said. They stood and started down the hill, Jennalee tingling again. She almost giggled, she was so excited, and as they worked their way back to his parents, she thought of him thrusting between her legs. He’d be more caring than Garth, that much she knew.
“We’re going to walk back,” Harley announced once they’d agreed with his parents that the show had been grand. “See you later.”
He didn’t wait for a response, and Jennalee was surprised neither Lizann nor Earl offered advice on not being out too late or some other parental line. “Your folks are so cool,” she told Harley as they left the park and turned up the road toward the inn. “No bugging you to be careful or not be late.”
“I’m nineteen. They know better, plus they trust me.”
She almost said she did, too, but caught herself because she really had no idea if that was in the mix or even what the mix was. All she knew was she’d soon find out.
Chapter 18
“It’s like a freeway,” Jennalee said as cars passed them.
“Just going home,” offered Harley. “It’ll thin out in a little while.”
And it did. Half an hour later they seemed the only two inhabitants of the area, going along at an easy pace, road to the right, fields and trees to the left. “Great night,” Harley said.
When they’d gone what Jennalee was certain was a mile without saying much and without Harley pulling her into the bushes to fuck, she spoke up.
“So now that you know me, now that we’ve shared burgers and fireworks, can you tell me why you split with Carroll Fraser?”
Harley issued a sharp laugh. “You certainly know how to ambush a guy.”
“Oh, God, I’m sorry. Really, I didn’t mean to get nosy, but—”
“Relax,” Harley said. “It’s not a problem. You just caught me off guard.”
Relieved, Jennalee gave it a second, then prodded. “So?”
“Sorry. I’ve never explained it to anybody. It’s kind of all over the place, you know?”
“Sure, okay. Take your time.”
When he remained silent too long, it got Jennalee fidgeting inside, which caused her to blurt, “Did he dump you?” which she immediately followed with, “I’m sorry. I’m just super curious.”
&nbs
p; “Okay,” Harley said on a long exhale. His pace slowed, like he needed his strength to handle the telling. “I told you how I loved him and when I turned eighteen we started having sex. Well, after a year, when I was nineteen, I found out he was screwing someone else.”
“Oh, no,” Jennalee cut in. “How awful.”
“I couldn’t handle it. It never occurred to me he’d want other people when he had me, plus I’d never been through anything like it because there’d never been anyone else. Just Carroll, love of my life. I didn’t say anything at first, telling myself I didn’t own him, but that was impossible to believe because he owned me, at least I thought so. I got drunk a few times, practicing became torture because it reminded me of him, but I couldn’t stop lessons because Mom would ask what’s wrong and that’s the last thing I needed.”
Jennalee’s heart was breaking on his behalf. She wanted to grab him and hug him, but kept her distance because she needed to know one thing: if it was over with Carroll, wasn’t the coast clear for her? “So what did you do?” she asked.
“It was another student, pianist a year older than me. He was new and I could tell right off something had changed with Carroll and me. We still had our time, nothing different that way, and when we were together like that, I convinced myself everything was okay. Then I’d leave but instead of going home, I’d hang around and Brad would show up. That’s the guy, Brad. He’d be in with Carroll for hours. I don’t know how many times I was late home because I watched his house. Most times I’d give up and go home, feeling worse than ever.”
“So did you finally confront Carroll?”
“Not before I lectured myself on every aspect of sexual freedom. I had no right and knew it, but feelings don’t care about rights. It was months, miserable months, and then one day, not during sex but during my lesson, I stopped playing and just said right out, ‘I know you’re fucking Brad.’”
“What’d he say?” asked Jennalee.
Harley stopped walking. They were near some oak trees and he wandered over under one. Jennalee followed. For once she waited.
“He said good. He said it was healthy for me to know how life and sex work. Stupid me. I couldn’t hold it back. ‘But I love you,’ I said, and he smiled and put his arm around me. ‘Of course you do,’ he said, ‘and I love you, too, but that doesn’t mean we’re in a committed relationship.’ I didn’t know what to say to that. I wanted to cry because he was breaking my heart, and he saw it and took me into his arms, kissed me. You can guess what happened next.”
“Sex,” said Jennalee.
“Yep. I was very late home and had to make up some story that he’d taken me to dinner because no way I could eat. I was a total wreck.”
“How awful. What then?”
“I didn’t sleep. In the morning I told Mom I was quitting lessons with him. She tried to get a reason out of me, but I begged her to let it go and she did. That was just a few months ago.”
Jennalee threw her arms around him and hugged as tight as she could. “I am so sorry he hurt you.”
“Thanks.”
After a minute, she kissed his cheek and then his lips and he responded, but not enough. Easing back, he said, “Let’s go,” and he walked out to the road.
“Shit.” Jennalee sprinted after him. Once beside him, she had no idea what to say. He had to give her a chance. She’d be so good and hadn’t she gone tomboy for him? Embarrassment started to creep in and she fought it down by wondering aloud how much farther to the inn.
“I’m guessing half or maybe three-quarters of a mile,” Harley said, as if nothing had passed between them when, in fact, he’d cast her aside.
Lost as to what was next, she skipped ahead, then turned to face him, all smiles, as he came to her. “What time do you leave tomorrow?”
“We check out by eleven, but take our time leaving. There’s something fun about watching the others climb back into their lives.”
“I’ll miss you,” Jennalee said, her voice catching when she’d had no intention of showing further emotion.
“Lee,” Harley said softly, sounding almost parental. She bit her lip to stop any tears. “Lee,” he said again.
“I’m okay,” she managed, though her nose was starting to run.
He stopped her, turned her to him, and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Listen to me,” he said, getting totally parental.
“Don’t talk down to me!” she snapped, pulling away and wiping her nose with the back of her hand.
“I hadn’t planned to,” he said. “I just want you to understand.”
“That you don’t like girls? That you don’t like me? I get it, okay? I get it.”
“I do like one girl, one very special girl,” he said, “in every way but one, and that one I can’t help. If I tried to be what you want, we’d both be miserable, I guarantee.”
“How do you know? Have you been with a girl?”
“No, and I think that says a lot.”
“You couldn’t try? I’m really good.”
He smiled. “I don’t doubt it, but it’s not something I can change. I’m attracted to men sexually. Done deal. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love somebody like you. Love doesn’t have to be sexual.”
Jennalee couldn’t believe this, but she kept from saying so. Instead she asked, “Do you love me?”
“How could I not? We’re so much alike and you’re about the most fun person I’ve ever met, plus you’re a fabulous pianist.”
“And if I was a boy, it would be perfect.”
He shook his head and issued a sigh, which was not the right thing for him to do. Jennalee bolted toward another stand of trees, where she began slapping the trunk of an oak. Harley walked over to her. “You do this with your parents when you don’t get your way?” he asked.
“Sometimes.”
“Does it work?”
“Sometimes.”
“You do know,” he said, “you can’t get everything you want in life.”
“I guess.”
“Not good enough. You do know.”
“Yes, I do know, okay? That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“Fair enough,” he said. “But you have to accept how things are between us. No tantrums, no nothing. There’s no choice.”
“Not ever?”
“Not ever.”
“So what happens when you meet the man of your dreams?” she asked.
“You’ll have a new friend.”
“I don’t believe that. You’ll totally forget me.”
“Like I ever could. There is no possible way to forget you, Lee. We’re the best of friends, officially, okay? I want to be around to see how you turn out because I bet you’ll really be something one day, this great pianist wowing them all and sporting a wicked sense of humor and a very cute smile.”
Jennalee shrugged in frustration. “See. That kind of talk makes me want to pounce on you. Here’s where we should be doing it.”
“That’s not a very good frame of mind,” Harley offered. “Happy doesn’t require sex. Happy can stand on its own, even between men and women.”
“You’re sounding like a parent again, or maybe a sex-ed teacher. I like how boys always want to do it. It’s exciting.”
“No argument there. But maybe it shouldn’t be so automatic.”
Jennalee offered no comment so Harley took her hand, as a good friend would, and led her back onto the road’s edge where they resumed their walk home.
When a motorcycle was heard, Jennalee thought it was Earl or Lizann, but this one shot past, then stopped up ahead. There were two riders and, as she approached, Jennalee saw it was Garth. When the other rider removed the helmet, she saw Andrea Witherspoon.
“Hey, man,” said Garth to his brother. “And look who’s with you. Enjoy the show? We were there, saw some of it.” Here he laughed, his eyes on Jennalee, who wanted to die. Andrea said nothing, just shook out her long blond hair.
Harley kept quiet while Jennalee waited for Garth
to spew something awful about her. She was relieved when he said, “Okay, then,” squeezed Andrea’s thigh, gunned the bike, and roared away.
“He’s an asshole,” Harley said.
“Amen,” said Jennalee.
When the inn glowed in the distance, Jennalee posed a question. “Troy is your cousin, right?”
“Probably ten times removed or something. Why?”
“Well, he’s gay. Are you attracted to him?”
“No, I’m not. Liking men doesn’t mean I’m automatically attracted to anyone gay. That said, I do like Carl, so I keep my distance.”
“Carl? Whoa, good to know. I’ll have to keep an eye out.”
Suddenly Jennalee realized she sounded playful. Suddenly she saw the whole issue was becoming almost acceptable, probably because Harley had said he loved her every other way. And she had heard of women having gay men as best friends. She just never expected to be one.
“How about we hit the pool?” she suggested. “It’s still fairly early and I don’t want this night to end, plus I don’t think it’ll be full of Sutherlands. With all they’ve had going on, I bet they’ve all crashed.”
“Except for the hard liners,” Harley said, “but yeah, let’s hit the pool.”
Harley started to walk faster so Jennalee walked faster still and soon they were jogging along, laughing. Then Harley stopped. “Smell that?”
Jennalee stopped and sniffed. “Smoke.”
They looked ahead toward the inn. “That glow isn’t lights,” said Harley. “It’s fire.”
Now they ran full out, the smoke thickening, the glow brighter. Running up the winding path, Jennalee said, “It’s at the back,” and she shot from the path to skirt around the first buildings. When she passed Six, she ran back to the path, Harley trailing, people rushing ahead of her. Then she rounded Seven and the fire came into view.
Building Eight was one story, four rooms occupied by the Laidlaws and the Noel Sutherlands. Both Sutherland rooms were ablaze, men with garden hoses attempting control. “Look,” Jennalee said as she and Harley stopped behind Building Seven. “It’s Wesley.”
Sutherland Page 17
