by Ellie Mack
"Seemed like she was into you to me."
"Or maybe she's really good at her job, and I wanted more than she did."
"I never saw her taking her other 'patients' out to the beach or pier."
He shrugged taking a swig of the beer, regretting how he had shut her out and didn't even say goodbye.
“I follow, Brah.”
“This guy at the VA specializes in military and PTSD and prosthetics. I’m seeing the counselor over there. He said that I need to address the PTSD from combat first, then things will ease up from the shark attack.”
“I disagree. I think the ocean is your cure, not your combat. You gotta get back out on the water. Take charge. I think until you face it, you’re not going to feel like a whole man.”
Nate harrumphed. “A whole man. That’s rich. I’m obviously not a whole man anymore, Kai.” He threw back the rest of the beer, setting the empty bottle down. His jaw squared as he stared off to the distant horizon.
Kai turned to his cousin. Squinting his brown eyes, he set his beer down in the sand.
“This shell is a place for your spirit to dwell. When we are injured, it tests our true spirit. How we respond to that determines whether we are whole. Until you face your fears, you are incomplete.”
Kai leaned toward him slightly. “I say we practice island therapy. First, I take you to talk to Uncle Ravi. Mom calls him Ravioli. He’s been where you are, Brah, he can help you more than that counselor.”
Nate swiped his tongue over his teeth, irritated at Kai. He ranked “island therapy” right up there with groveling to win Kini back.
“Then we go see Uncle Phan. After that, you choose which path you want to walk. I won’t pressure you. You have to decide.”
It made sense. Visit two uncles, then make his decision. The ball was in his court. Nate already knew his answer, but he'd go through the formality. "Fine!"
Nate agreed to Kai’s proposed plan. At first, he was resistant, but then Kai sweetened the deal and pointed out that they couldn’t have a proper ceremony for Nate’s mom’s ashes if he wouldn’t get back out on the water.
It was the one thing that pushed him past his fears–to be able to honor his mother the way she would have wanted.
Uncle Ravi had a prosthetic left leg, very similar to Nate’s. Kai left him alone with the elderly man for an hour. During that time, he listened to a man that outwardly appeared broken, but inwardly had more gumption than half of the men in his unit combined. Toward the end of his visit, Ravi coaxed Nate to the water’s edge, but it was as far as he would go. Ravi, swam out to the break line waiting for his wave.
As Nate held his hand over his eyes shielding them from the sun, he envied the man’s resolve. That was what he needed, but how could he get from where he was to there? He watched enviously as the old man rode the board with ease, his metal prosthetic only noticeable if you knew it was there. It was as though the artificial limb was now a part of him making him complete.
The next day, they went to visit Uncle Phan. He was a crotchety old guy, looking much older than his actual age of sixty-five. Uncle Phan had both of his legs blown off in Vietnam and never moved past it. He functioned in his house, but fear controlled his life. It was evident in the slight nuances of how timid he was about rolling over a threshold or hesitant to try anything new.
While Phan poured over an old photo album, reliving the worst days of his life, Nate turned to Kai. His cousin had done the impossible and changed his mind.
“I get it. Door number one.”
As they rode back to Kai’s house, Nate took Kini’s business card out of his pocket. She had written her personal number on the back for him to reach her any time. He took a big breath, hoping he wasn’t too late.
Nathan sat at the kitchen table turning the card repeatedly, stalling. Would it be better to walk over to her apartment? Or in his case, hobble?
He drained the bottle of Powerade, then made his way to the bathroom. In person was probably his best chance. The reflection that met him was sad looking. He'd stopped shaving, hadn't gotten a haircut, hell, he hadn't even bathed regularly.
His haggard appearance aged him by at least ten years as he noticed the lines and dark circles around his eyes. There was no way he wanted her to see him like this.
A quick shave, fresh shirt. He stopped and sniffed his underarm…a shower would be the first order of business. He thought about when the last time he had showered and shaved. Raking his hand over the full beard he decided to stop at the barber on the way. Neither Vera nor his girls had said one word about his disheveled appearance up to that point.
Fifteen minutes later, Nathan was dressed as if he were ready to teach a lecture. He really had to go shopping since his best shirts were the university polos. He put on his slippah, bitter still that he had to pay full price for a pair of shoes that he could never wear the left one of again. Well, maybe in the future, when he got a prosthetic that looked like flesh. He attached the adhesive band of the special made slippah that had no toe thong to the top of his prosthetic foot. It at least looked somewhat normal.
Nathan was becoming proficient on his new prosthetic leg, managing a relatively smooth gait. It was the metal one while he waited for his custom fit model, but if he wore trousers, no one would be the wiser. It was a deceptive lie, but it helped him cope for the moment. He was adjusting in small steps.
Joe’s barbershop was on the corner, a block before the apartment complex where Kini lived. Nate had committed everything she had shared to memory, even though at the time, he was embarrassed to do more than the grueling physical therapy sessions. He pushed the door open to Joe’s shop.
“Hey, Nate, been a while. Have a seat there, I’m almost finished with Mr. Chen.” Joe was a distant cousin. It seemed nearly everyone on this island was related somehow.
When he realized how many relatives he had here, he questioned Vera if there were any connections from her family to his. It had turned around on him quickly though, she became the Fifth Inquisition with her rapid-fire questions to him, but she let it slip that Kini had inquired about him. It had given him a sliver of hope.
“All right then, chair’s open. What are we doing today?” Joe ran his fingers through his shoulder-length hair assuming that was the main thing he wanted.
“Full shave and a trim. I kind of like the longer look, and the University doesn’t object. I don’t want it to get much longer, but…just a trim for now.”
Joe went to work with the clippers, trimming off the bulk of his beard as the two men talked about the weather, the surf, and the string of crimes that had been in the news.
When he had finished, Nate looked at least five years younger. He had ignored most everything, even the beard in his state of depression. Clean-shaven once again, it was an outward sign of the steps he was taking to remove the inward fog. The fresh haircut didn’t hurt either.
Nate paid Joe then headed to Kini’s apartment. With every step, he was alternately trying to build up his courage, or talk himself down from turning tail and going back home. It was never this hard when he started dating Tonya. But then again, years later he found out she’d been two-timing him with Tom since they’d begun dating.
He hated to admit it because he was never one to take divorce lightly, but he was glad she was out of his life. Not only after finding out about Tom, but her negativity was hard to take. He was glad to have Jalyn and Jasmine back with him, and thankful, at least for that part, of their relationship.
Deep in thought about his daughters, he found himself at Kini’s apartment door. He held up his hand to knock, freezing.
What if she didn’t want to see him? What if she was dating someone else? What if she thought this was an intrusion?
The door opened, and Kini walked right into him.
“Oomph!” Kini had been talking to someone with her head turned away from Nate. She spun around facing a solid wall of chest. Stepping back a half-step, she looked up. “Nate! So good to see you. Wha
t are you doing here?”
“I never did pay you back for that lunch at the food truck ,and well, thought I would see if you wanted to head down to the beach and get something…on me.” He offered a weak smile.
“Oh! Um, well I was just about to go to the surf shop with Raul.”
A Polynesian man with tattoos on both arms and the side of his neck stepped into view, just behind Kini. He recognized some of the tribal markings as the same as a few of his students.
He was too late. Of course, a beautiful woman such as Kini would have a guy already. Nate mentally kicked himself. He nodded to the guy. He wasn’t about to shake his hand and congratulate him for beating him to the punch. “OK. Well, if you would like to sometime, just give me a call.”
He turned to go home, anxious to get there and sulk in private.
“Actually, I’m free tonight if you want to make it dinner.” She put her hand on his shoulder before he got out of reach.
Nate’s eyes darted back and forth between her and the tatted guy. He wasn’t in any shape to fight this guy even though he was shorter and kind of wiry. He didn’t really know what to say back to her.
“Raul, this is Nate Fletcher, molecular science and bio-medics professor at HU.” Kini stepped to the side a bit.
Raul shot his hand out to shake his. “Nice to meet you, sir. I’ll be taking classes this fall.”
The guy had a firm grip, that was something. “Maybe I’ll see you in my class sometime.”
“Raul is my cousin. He lives on Kauai, but he’s staying with me for a week, so he can tour the campus and attend freshman orientation. Hey, why don’t you go to the surf shop with us?”
Cousin? Nate’s eyes flickered between Raul and Kini.
Cousin?!
“Sure.”
They rode the elevator down to the ground level where Kini’s car was parked. She motioned for Raul to get in the backseat so Nate could ride up front.
“Have you been surfing?” It was innocent enough, Kini had no way of knowing that he was still dealing with PTSD.
“No. Not yet.” He sighed, feeling like a failure when he wanted to impress her. “Kai keeps trying to get me back out there. He offered to take me out in his boat this weekend.”
“Want some company?” Kini turned down a side street, cutting across a couple of blocks to the back lot of Stan’s Surf Shop.
Maybe his luck was changing!
“Yes!” He answered before thinking it through. Just as soon as he said it aloud, he began worrying that he’d embarrass himself.
“Uh, just so you know, this will be the first time back out on the water. Trying to work through my fears.” He shrugged, feeling deflated.
“Hey, I think you’ve already made amazing improvements. It’s a process. When you were seeing me as your therapist, you were defeated. I worried about you.”
She pulled into a spot against the back wall. “Stan’s got a big sale going on, end of summer inventory blow-out. Thought I’d get a new board, maybe a new suit.” She waited at the end of the car for him to make his way around to her.
“I’ma go ahead on in,” Raul tossed over his shoulder as he made a beeline for the door.
Kini chuckled. “My graduation present to him. I told him I’d buy him any surfboard he wanted if he finished school and graduated. Last fall he was hanging out with a gang, skipping school, even got arrested a couple of times for misdemeanors. I guess the board was a good incentive.”
“You know what’s funny? My mom gave that incentive to me as well. I was in trouble in my junior year of high school. She chewed me out good, then told me that if I thought I could get my shit together, she’d buy me the best surfboard she could afford, and we would go to Hawaii after I graduated.”
“That’s awesome! So, what board do you ride?”
“A Blackbird seven-foot longboard. Of course, it has a big chunk bit out of it, so I guess I need to get a new one. Can’t get rid of it, though, my mom got me that board.”
“Not too many haoles can relate to that kind of incentive.”
“Yeah, my buddies gave me all sorts of grief.”
He opened the door for Kini so she could go in first. The excitement of that first board hit him as he saw the back wall lined with boards. He nodded to himself.
The tide was about to turn for Nate Fletcher.
Nate decided to take Kini somewhere nicer than the food truck for their first official date, so he called in reservations at Xan Lu's, one of the prestige restaurants in the area.
That weekend, she accompanied him on Kai’s boat. He had to use the techniques the therapist told him a couple of times, but eventually he got onto the boat, and after twenty minutes, he nodded to Kai that he was okay to go out on the water.
When Kai was out on the open water, he stopped the boat and dropped anchor. Eventually, Nate dipped his hand in the water. He wasn’t ready to get the rest of him in but reaching over the side of the boat with his hand was a big step.
The next few weekends, they repeated the same scenario. Nate would nod when he was all right to leave the dock and then reach into the water eventually. He surprised his cousin when he moved to the rear of the boat, sat on the platform sideways, and let his right leg dangling in the water. Next thing, Nate had slipped into the water. At first, he had a bit of trouble getting his balance, but he quickly made the adjustments.
“This calls for a celebration, cuz.” Kai broke out the beer all around as they headed back to the docks at sunset. “Next week, I have a big surprise for you. It will be a big test. You don’t have to do it, but it will help you conquer your fears.”
All week long, Nathan tried to get out of Kai what the surprise was. He asked if it was okay for him to invite Kini, as she had accompanied him on all the other trips. They had been dating regularly for the past month, with her stopping by after work a few days a week. Kini got along well with his girls too, which was a big plus.
When Jalyn and Jasmine found out that Vera was her aunt, the girls questioned her relentlessly to find out what they could do to surprise their nanny.
When Kini told them that her aunt’s birthday was coming up, they collaborated their efforts to plan a surprise party for her.
Things seemed to be falling into place for Nate. His children were happy. His relationship with Kini was deepening. They had spent hours talking and walking along the beach and the boardwalk.
Nate was hesitant to push for an intimate relationship, but Kini made the first move.
She pulled him down on top of her on the sofa after the girls had been put to bed.
The first time he let Kini drive, hesitant to make any move that might put her off. When she kissed him deeply, pulling him closer, the fires that he’d held in burst into a full flame. He unclasped her bra, eager to taste those tiny buds that had teased him throughout his therapy. He raked his lips and teeth over them, causing Kini to arch up.
He slid her capris down over her hips as he caressed the soft skin of her stomach and edged downward to feel the moisture gathering between her legs. His ego was beyond boosted as he dove between her legs, anxious to hear her moans of pleasure.
They tried to keep it quiet with the girls upstairs, but a few times, the sounds of elicited passion couldn’t be contained. After her first climax, he moved on top of her, awkward for a moment in balancing himself as his hard shaft found its home at her core.
They moved as one, her building crescendo of increased breaths and moans causing him to become more excited and moving him closer to release. He wanted this to last for them both, so he stopped for a few seconds, asking her to shift positions. He moved to lay down on the sofa, pulling her down to straddle him. Kini soon found a good rhythm as she circled her hips in between bounces up and down as she flexed her firm thighs.
Nate’s hands gripped both her breasts as he squeezed, pulling her down onto him. He couldn’t last much longer. When she circled her hips, grinding into him, he could not hold back any longer. His hands moved d
own to her hips as he held her tightly, pistoning upward until they reached their peaks at nearly the same time.
They lay together on the sofa in an exhausted glow before moving upstairs to his master suite.
The next weekend came, and Nate was nervous, yet excited, to see what Kai had in store for him. Kini drove them down to the docks, and they went to Kai’s boat. Only it wasn’t Kai’s boat sitting there. Instead, there was a boat fitted with a shark cage. Nate stopped dead in his tracks as he stared at the cage.
His first instinct was ‘Hell no!’
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t feel ready.” Kini squeezed his hand in hers.
What was Kai thinking?
Nate swallowed the fear rising in his chest, as he thought about visiting the two older men. One had moved on, the other was bitter and still living as a victim. He was tired of being the victim. He saw a future with Kini, but not if he remained imprisoned by the PTSD. He took a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”
He strode confidently to the boat. Kai popped out of the cabin. “Hello, cuz. This is Paolo Rodriguez. He’s been doing this for years, and he’s the safest there is.”
“Fuck you, cousin.” Nathan’s jaw was stern even though he was laughing. He saw the logic in it, but it did nothing to alleviate the instant fear that rose inside of him.
Paolo stepped out of the cabin to shake his hand.
“Any sane person should be afraid to get in that cage. Now, mind you, it’s the safest there is, but the idea of being submerged with sharks all around should rightfully put the fear of God in anyone. The thing is, we must learn the difference between fear and respect for the creature.”
Nate shook his hand as he listened to the spiel. It made sense, and yet, it terrified him.
