He nodded, then grinned at them both. “I really didn’t think today would go as well as it has done. In fact, I wish I’d put a bet on it. I might have made that a month’s driving.”
Aaron glared at Loukas. “Jackass, what did you have to say that for? We never bet on anything that counts,” he assured Alexa.
“You don’t have to worry. I’m not offended. I know what the two of you are like.” She really did. As far as she could tell, they’d calmed down some since the last time they’d been together like this.
Reassured, he smiled. “Good, I don’t want you to think we’re bastards for being so crass. It’s just what we do.”
“I know, honey. I know.” She cocked a brow at Loukas. “I’m as shocked as you are. I didn’t think I’d be starting my evening here tonight, that’s for damned sure.”
“Fate has a way of working itself out.”
Eyes widening at that, she turned to Aaron and said, “Hell, I’m not the only one who has changed. Since when did Loukas start believing in fate?”
“Since your grandfather intervened in our love lives,” Aaron answered with a grimace. “Ever since then, we’ve all been relying on destiny to bring you back to us.”
Her throat squeezed at that. How the fuck had she lived without these three in her world? He seemed to sense how teary that made her, and he reached for her hand and gently tucked her fingers against his. The simple connection warmed her soul.
It wasn’t just sex she’d been lacking all these years, but genuine human affection. Hugs and kisses from her mother and father were one thing, but this was something else. Leon, Loukas, and Aaron had made the choice to love her. Had made the choice not to let her go.
Throughout all the years, all the pain and despair, they hadn’t given up on this.
That gave her hope, hope that everything would work out and that her presence in their world wouldn’t wreck the relationship that bound all three of them together.
* * * *
“I’ve always wanted to come here,” Leon remarked as he looked around the hotel lobby.
The mass of marble, chic brocade lining the walls, the heavy scent of sandalwood in the air, the touches of the outside in the countless floras decorating the room, all of it gave the impression of luxury, but with a freshness, a burst of life that was unusual in staid hotel receptions.
As he peered around the cavernous room, they walked deeper into it, heading for a bank of elevators that were situated on a mezzanine landing. When they walked up some stairs, his thoughts almost drowned out by the loud fountain bubbling away next to it, he came to a sudden standstill at the sight he saw at the top of the staircase.
As quickly as he stopped, he started again and strode over to the large painting decorating the wall. He turned to her, his mouth working as he pointed to the portrait. “When did you get this?”
Her smile was shy. “A long time ago.”
He blinked. “It had to be. I did this when we were in America.” He turned back to the nude etching that had been the integral part of his first exhibition. This one was Loukas, but there had been several of both of his lovers. For some reason, this had taken the public’s interest over the others and had made him a household name…for anything but his bad-boy/partying ways.
It was a mixture of different techniques, a mass of textures. He’d used oil, watercolor, acrylic, even wax to create the beautiful replication of Loukas’s form.
Leon could remember the day Loukas had posed for this particular painting. He’d bitched all the way through the session, grumbling about everything, glaring at Leon whenever he’d had the chance.
It had been a study in torture using Loukas as a subject. Aaron was so much easier, but, and it was perverse of him, Leon got a kick out of making his lover suffer. For that reason, for every three paintings he had of Loukas, he had only the one of Aaron.
Staring at the butt cheeks he’d lovingly rendered, he turned to Alexa and asked, “You must have bought this from a third party. I know where all my paintings were sold.”
“You think you’re the only one to come up with companies to protect your name?” She cocked a brow at him. “I didn’t want you to get the satisfaction of knowing I’d bought some of your work. As soon as I saw that”—she pointed to the canvas—“I knew it was Loukas. Even though I wanted to hate you all, I couldn’t. I had to have it.” Alexa ran a hand through her hair, and he wanted to kiss the embarrassed look off her face, but knew she had something to say and resolved to let her do just that. “I have more. They’re all over the hotel.”
“Not in your quarters?”
Her lips pursed as she shook her head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Too painful.”
“What about now?”
The tautness about her lips dissipated into a smile. “Maybe.” She stepped closer to the painting, carefully, lovingly, traced her hand over the frame. “I wanted this above my bed the instant I saw it. It would have been a study in torture back then. It was hard enough finding lovers without having a visual comparison hanging above us as we fucked.”
He grunted at her bluntness. “I really don’t want to think of you fucking other guys.”
She snorted. “You lot are really cavemen, aren’t you?”
“We are where you’re concerned.” He eyed her. “Don’t lie. Do you want to think about who we’ve been with?” Her wrinkled nose was answer enough. “Exactly.”
“In my case, you should thank them for being shitty lovers. All it made me do was pine for you lot,” she grumbled. “That first time with Aaron was crap, but I knew it would get better. I just knew it.”
“Aaron thought you’d hate him for sleeping with you and then just leaving the way we did.” He blew out a breath. “He told us how excited he was at your talk, at realizing you were on the same page as us, and that he couldn’t help himself. The next day, your grandfather got in touch and ruined everything.”
She rolled her eyes. “Understatement, ya think? Hell, Leon, I hated all of you. I couldn’t have hated you any more. But it was a weird hate. It wasn’t like my feud with Lindsey McKenzie at school. I knew he hadn’t loved me and left me. But I was confused, and I thought what we’d talked about must have made him hate me, made all of you hate me. It didn’t make sense, but you wouldn’t talk to me to let me explain. And by the end, I just missed you all so much. That was all I could ever really focus on.”
He reached for her hand and squeezed. “We missed you.” The doors to the elevators slid open, and he tugged her inside. Once in the private box, he watched as she slid a card into a slot in the onboard computer, and then they let the machine do the work. “You probably wouldn’t believe how much we did actually miss you. We got into some bad shit. Some really bad shit. It took us a good two years just to get over being made to do without you.”
She shook her head. “I wish I could yell at Papou.”
“You think we didn’t feel the exact same way?” He grunted. “I think it was a good job he died when he did, because if he hadn’t, I think we’d all have gone after him. Especially during those first years. We were all into drugs. Things were fucked up.”
Astounded, she gawked at him. “You? You were on drugs?”
When he flushed, she gawked at him some more. “I OD’d.”
“You overdosed?” Her furious shriek had him wincing. “You nearly died, and nobody ever told me?”
When she tried to tug her hand away, he tightened his grip. “We didn’t tell anyone. It happened when we were over in the States. Loukas and Aaron handled everything at the hospital, and then, we all checked into rehab. We kept a low profile and got ourselves clean.”
Panicked rage made her blood boil. She could feel her eyeballs literally pulse with her wrath. “I don’t fucking believe this. You nearly died. I nearly lost you.” She sucked in a breath, but that breath wasn’t enough to calm her down. Her lungs felt as though they were seizing in her chest, and she suddenly couldn’t breathe.
Air wasn’t getting into her body. She gasped, then wheezed as the panic attack hit her out of nowhere. It had been years since she’d had one, she’d had hypnotherapy treatments to combat the attacks, but this…this shit was more than her control could take.
“Can’t breathe,” she gasped out. She struggled to get a hold on the rhythmic inhalations and exhalations that suddenly made breathing feel as difficult as an algebra equation.
“Oh shit,” Leon bit out, and within seconds, she was in his arms and being swept out of the elevator.
The attack had hit her right between the eyes, so much so, she hadn’t even realized the elevator had come to a damned standstill.
She let him carry her, let him take control because she didn’t have any. Every part of her was focused on trying to do what her body instinctively knew, but her brain was getting in the way, acting like a roadblock.
Suddenly, she was on a sofa, and her head was being pushed down between her knees. She heard scrabbling hands as he sought out whatever it was he was looking for in the kitchen, and then, seconds or even minutes later, a paper bag was in front of her, puckered up to fit around her mouth, and strong fingers supported the bag as they held it to her lips.
“Calm down, baby. Calm down. There’s no need for any of this. I’m fine. We’re all fine. Just like you will be too. Let’s breathe in and out. In and out.”
Her eyes stung as she studied him, feeling tears prick under the lids, but she clung on to him, studied his handsome face like the lifeline it was.
She sucked in a breath.
“Good girl,” he murmured. “Now, exhale. Come on. You can do this.”
Alexa nodded and did as bade until, after what felt like a lifetime, she was finally breathing a little easier. She clung to the bag when he tried to take it away, and gripped her fingers around his supporting hands. “Don’t go,” she mumbled into the brown paper.
“I wasn’t going anywhere.”
“Liar,” she retorted, grumbling at him.
“I was going to get my cell. We need to get you to a doctor.”
She shook her head. “That’s not necessary. It’s just a panic attack. I’ve had them before.”
He scowled at that. “You never had them when you were younger.”
Alexa stiffened but remained silent.
“You mean to tell me they came on after we left?”
“No, that would be ridiculous,” she hedged, then squirmed when he studied her like she was a slide under a microscope’s lens. “Well, maybe.”
He moved one hand away from hers and scrubbed his face. “Your grandfather has a lot to answer for.” That seemed to be the agreed theme of the day.
Papou, she thought, I’ll make you bloody pay for this.
“Yeah, I guess he does,” she murmured as she slowly pulled away from the bag. “I’m okay now. I don’t need it.” When he made to take it away, she said, “No, sometimes they start up again. I don’t need it now, but it has to stay close. I thought I had them under control, but I always have these damned things in the house.” She crumpled the paper, glaring at it.
“All right, agape mou, whatever you want.”
She nibbled her lip as she stared down at her knees. Eying the crumpled hem of her skirt, she fingered the fabric and sighed. “You’re going to tell them, aren’t you?”
“Damned right I am,” he snapped.
“What if I don’t want them to know? I haven’t had one in years. And if I hadn’t found out that you’d almost died, then I wouldn’t have had one then.”
He rolled his eyes. “My aunt Inga has panic attacks. I know they’re unpredictable and difficult to control.”
“I won’t let them take over,” she retorted staunchly.
“Are they why you’re a bloody recluse? We know you hardly ever leave this damned hotel. Not unless it’s for a special event.”
She pursed her lips.
“It is, isn’t it?”
She wanted to shake her head, she really did, but she couldn’t lie. What was the point? “I’m not good in social situations,” she murmured instead. “I-I do better here, with my things, in my own company.”
He narrowed his gaze at her. “Does your mother know about this?” At her slow sigh, he sucked in a breath. “Christ, she doesn’t. How the hell have you kept this from her?”
She shrugged. “I just did. Look, make no mistake, I don’t have a panic attack at the prospect of going to a party. I don’t have to take medication or anything. It’s just, well, embarrassment, I guess. I’m nervous that I’ll have an attack in public, in front of everyone. You know how big a goldfish bowl we live in. I know the talk would spread, and people would stare at me, just willing for me to break down. That can’t happen if I stay out of it.”
“What triggers them?”
“My hypnotherapist said stress, but it’s more than that. We couldn’t really identify a trigger, but, I didn’t exactly tell him about the three of you, so I didn’t give him all the facts.”
He scowled at her. “Why didn’t you go to a psychologist?”
Alexa waved a hand. “My doctor was trained in both psychology and hypnotherapy. Don’t worry, I didn’t skimp. My mental health means more to me than it does to you.”
“I doubt that.” He grunted. “I can see why you’re pissed that you didn’t know about our problems with drugs. I want to smack your butt for keeping this from us.”
She glared at him. “Just you try.”
“I’ll have to sometimes. It might make you listen and see sense.” He tilted his head to the side. “I can’t keep this from the guys.”
Alexa blew out a gust of air. “No, I guess not. Just…well, tell them not to make a big deal out of it. If they do, then—”
“Then what?”
“They’ll start to build up in my head again. I don’t want that.”
Nodding his understanding, he stood, then reached for her hand to help tug her up. “I think it’s time for you to shower.”
“You mean, I can’t come to my own party covered in cum?”
He grinned. “Well, it might turn a few heads. I thought that was the last thing we all wanted.”
She pouted, then, turning serious, eyed him. “I won’t deny you, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“If someone asks me if we’re dating, which I guess after today, we are, then I’ll say I am. Just as I will if they ask me if I’m dating Aaron or Loukas.”
He fidgeted. “Is that wise? This island, it’s…Shit, not just the island, the country. If we don’t keep this quiet, who knows what will happen?”
“Think about it. We’re all independently wealthy. We’re all powerful in our own rights. I won’t go out of my way to publicize what’s going on, but I won’t lie about what we have together. That’s all. I’ve spent too much time without you to do that to you.”
He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “I appreciate that, love, but honestly, there’s no point in talking like this without the guys here. We’re going to have to arrange something to keep the gossipers at bay.”
She glared at him. “You want me to lie?”
“‘Want’ isn’t the right word,” he snapped. “In a perfect world, we’d all marry you. But Greece is conservative. It always has been, and it always will be. People here don’t accept anything unorthodox. You know that. What we’re talking about is enough to have us cast out, for Christ’s sake. Our lives would become fodder for the papers. The church would probably condemn us as a bad influence.
“This is my home. This is where I want to live and where I want to raise a family. If keeping quiet and being secretive means we can do that, then I’m all for it. Aren’t you?”
Alexa grimaced. “Why are you making me out to be the bad guy? I love you, Leon. I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known what love is. And that’s how it goes for Loukas and Aaron, too.”
“There is no bad guy in this. Or, if there is, it’s society. It’s the way it goes, honey.
I don’t want to argue about this because there’s no use. We can’t change anything.”
She eyed him for a second. “You really want to marry me?”
“What the hell do you think?”
“Well, I don’t know. Until a few weeks ago, I reckoned you’d dumped me because I was a pervert. This morning, I learned that the last ten years really had been a waste of time. That my grandfather had gone out of his way to protect me and instead had destroyed my happiness. Then, I just learn that you almost died…It’s a day for shocks, Leon.”
“Amazing how much can happen in such a short space of time, right?”
“Pretty much,” she retorted snarkily.
His chuckle was wry.
“If someone read this in a book, they’d think it was crazy.” She peeked up at him through dense lashes. “I guess it is.”
“I don’t care if it’s crazy or not. The way we feel about each other hasn’t died a death, and that’s why we can just pick up where we left off.”
“I don’t think it’s as cut-and-dried as that. We’re all different people now. We’ve all changed. What Papou did has shaped us, and we need to learn who is standing here now.”
Leon sat down beside her. “I guess it’s naive to think we can just go back.”
She reached for his hand and gripped it tightly. “No, not naive, just wishful thinking. It would be great if we could, but too much time has passed. For so long, I’ve had to suppress every feeling I’ve had for you. Good or ill, I’ve just had to blot it out.
“To the island, hell, to Greece, what I want is perverted. When Aaron just confirmed it by dumping me, everything I wanted felt so wrong, so damned dirty. For a decade, I’ve had that in my head. That I’m sick. That there’s something wrong with me. When I opened the Corsakis, I did it because I wanted to reach out to people like me. I wanted to see that I wasn’t sick.”
“I wish I could take his words back.”
She shook her head. “Who knows where I’d be if he hadn’t said them? Everything happens for a reason, Leon, and I have to believe that I’ve made the best of what I had. Feelings aren’t on a switch. I couldn’t just stop loving you back then, and I can’t stop resenting you with a click of my fingers. Knowing the truth helps, but it will take time for me to trust you again. It helps knowing how serious you all are about this.”
Old Enough to Know Better [The Corsakis Hotel 2] (Siren Publishing Menage Amour) Page 9
