by Marta Szemik
“Sarah, I have to keep a shield between us.” He stepped forward until he stood only a foot away from me.
“Why?” A hint of his testosterone oozed toward me, and I held the air in my lungs. His scent danced inside me.
“Because if I don’t, I’ll do something we’ll both regret.”
The lump in my throat cleared with difficulty. This wasn’t the first time in the past year that Xander had almost crossed the line of our friendship. At one point, he and William had had a falling out after Xander stumbled upon me naked in the bathroom and made a comment about my perky front. They hadn’t spoken to each other for a month. Although it was an honest mistake, Xander apologized. Eric convinced us to let it go, that it wasn’t Xander’s fault. I trusted Eric more than I trusted my own instincts. After all, he was the only one who recognized me after my body had been switched for the witch’s.
“Xander, I’m with William.” I whispered with a difficult breath.
“I know. Believe me, I know.” His shoulders lowered, Xander brushed my cheek with the back of his hand.
“Then why?” I held my gaze locked with his.
“Because I’m a man.” He licked his lower lip.
“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“I can make you feel better.” He lifted my chin, rubbing his thumb on the dimple below my lip.
“Xander . . .”
I wanted to pull away but couldn’t. A magnetic force held me close to my best friend. Stepping back would feel like falling off a cliff, death.
“I’ve known you all my life, and you bear the closest resemblance to someone I’d known well. Your curves are identical, your smile, the way your eyes light up when you say my name.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear with his other hand.
“That’s because you’re my best friend. I trust you. I . . . I care about you but not in the way you want me to.”
“I know, Sarah.” He sighed. “I care about you too, and not in the way you may be thinking right now, but our friendship is the closest thing to love I may ever have.”
“Why can’t you find someone?”
His laugh was bitter. “I already found her, but we cannot be.”
“Who?”
“It’s complicated.”
“You know you have a friend in me forever, right?” I leaned in to comfort him, even though I knew shouldn’t have.
“I know,” he whispered, burrowing his face in my shoulder, nestling his nose in my hair.
The cologne he wore today smelled more attractive than other days. There was a hint of the woody musk I loved to smell on William, along with a sweet aroma of raspberries and the tartness of a rose.
Xander lifted his head, bringing his face inches away from mine. I’d never looked at his mouth the way I did today. The pull toward him was more than magnetic; it was magical. His lungs expanded against my front as his chest pressed into mine. Xander’s eyes mellowed, and his lip swelled, inviting me. I refused to breathe, afraid that if I did, my next breath would be shared with his.
“Shit!” He pulled away.
I shook off the pheromones that drew me closer to him, shivering like a wet dog. What just happened?
“I’m sorry about this, Sarah.” He backed against a tree.
“What was that?” My hand flew to my mouth then my head. I paced in a circle wondering how my feelings for Xander could have been so strong. I cared for him, but this was more than caring. This was love, lust and desire all combined into one.
He held up his hand. “I’ll fix things, I promise.”
“What do you have to fix now?” I froze, my forehead wrinkling.
“Look, if I show you where Xela is, do you promise to keep your distance?”
I nodded like an eager kid.
“And you won’t question why I’m keeping her?”
I nodded again, stepping from one foot to the other.
“Nor hurt her?”
“Yes, yes, yes. I agree to it all.” I grinned.
“Pinky swear?” He held out his hand, hesitant.
I didn’t laugh. This was the most important promise Xander could make.
“Pinky swear.” I hooked my finger into his.
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Because even if I take you to her, I don’t want you to see where she is.”
“Fine.” I shut my eyes, keen on seeing Xela. If I could face her just once, perhaps she’d answer my question as to how I’d changed. This was progress, and much more than I expected after Xander discovered my trail on him.
A ripping sound drew my gaze, and I opened my eyes long enough to see that Xander had torn the sleeve off his shirt. I closed them again as he tied the sleeve around my head, covering my sight.
“And don’t use your senses. I’ll be confusing you anyway.”
“You know you don’t have to do that,” I said.
“You’d be surprised what kind of trouble acute senses can get you into.”
I exhaled. “Okay.” But I crossed my fingers behind my back.
Fur tickled against my leg. Xander had shifted into a wolf and sidled up beside me, indicating that I should sit on his back. The dip just above his hinds was a perfect seat as he carried me through the forest. The cool wind wrapped around my limbs. Leaning forward, I burrowed my face in his fur and tightened my grip. He sped between the trees at his fastest sprint, sometimes circling back the way we’d come. I tried not to use my senses, but that was like asking a human not to breathe. My senses were part of me and not something I could turn off, not anymore. And Xander knew that.
He leapt over a creek, then a second one, much wider. At one point I thought he’d jumped over a gully; perhaps he did. After a while, his sprint turned into a trot, then a walk. Xander shook his torso, wriggling me off his back. Breaking bones and cracking ribs told me he’d shifted back, and I removed my blindfold. We continued as two humans on foot.
Twenty minutes later, we stood in a valley deeper in the Amazon than I’d ever ventured. I’d never been to the Grand Canyon before, but this place was exactly what I imagined that geographical wonder to be, except here, the forest didn’t thin into pink rock cliffs. It expanded, the greenery as luscious as it was in my corner of the jungle. I looked up, shielding my eyes from the sun directly above us. A stream of fresh water gurgled nearby, and my stomach grumbled.
“We’ll get food on the way back,” Xander told me, stepping toward a rock the size of a minivan.
I nodded when he turned back at me.
“When you see her, don’t listen,” he continued. “She’ll try to sway you, and if she does, I’ll have to sedate her.”
“Okay,” I said cautiously.
“And wipe that smirk off your face. You look like you’ve just won a prize.” He paused, then added. “Trust me, you haven’t.”
Xander pushed aside a boulder to reveal the dark opening of a cave. We stepped into the endless abyss. As my sight adjusted, Xander lit the end of a branch he’d retrieved from beside the entrance. I smelled gasoline. The torch cast pervasive shadows on the walls. Chills ran up my spine—not from fear, but adrenaline. I felt the way I had four years ago, when I fought against Aseret, then tricked Xela to get my body back. Anxiety rushed through me, mixed with nerves and excitement of the unknown. My passive life before I met William and knew who I was had long been gone, and I craved danger and someone to challenge my strength all the time.
Xander led me ten steps down into the cave before pushing open a wooden door. Rusted hinges squeaked, sprinkling copper-colored dust in an arc along the cave floor. In one corner of the misshapen almost octagonal room, black roses bloomed on a low bush with one red flower in the midst of its leaves. The aroma from the blossoms hit me as soon as we entered; their intense scent reminded me of the rosy scent I’d smelled on Xander. Walls lined with shelves held pots and clear jars filled with skeletal ingredients and gooey liquids; dried herbs hung from the ceiling. The burrow rem
inded me of Mrs. G’s hill, but this one felt lonely. Even with the heat streaming from a fireplace, the chills never left my spine. Anyone living here was meant to be isolated from the world.
“This was her house?” I asked.
“No, this is a replica of where she lived in the underworld.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand why you would do this, Xander.”
“I . . . I have my reasons,” he stuttered. Xander’s voice never shook. His eyes darted from me to a darker corner of the room. He stepped in front of me, blocking my view, probably wary of me, fearing I’d kill the witch.
“I promised I wouldn’t do anything,” I assured him.
“Sometimes promises are broken.” He raised his brows.
“I can see how much this means to you.” I turned in a circle, examining the room again, “This promise holds true, Xander. I won’t touch her.”
He rolled his eyes but didn’t lecture; I wondered whether he knew I’d crossed my fingers behind my back.
Xander stepped aside, clearing my view of the witch. I took two steps forward.
“Far enough.” Xander’s arm flew in front of me.
Near the back end of the room, Xela sat in a wooden chair, her arms chained behind her. The shadow of a webbed root penetrating the ceiling in front of her concealed her body. Beside the chair sat a bowl filled with leftovers. Xela’s head had fallen forward.
“She’s sleeping,” I said in a low voice.
“No, sedated.”
“Why?”
“I can’t explain everything, but I’m not hiding her to spite you.” Xander turned to face me again, his eyes suddenly mellower and the tautness in his jaw softened.
The smell of black roses filled the cave. A new rush of endorphins swam through my veins. My sight blurred.
“I’ve never met another woman like you,” Xander whispered.
Xander’s breath caressed my face. I wanted to push him away and punch him the way I’d normally do, but I couldn’t. Something held me in this gloomy room, and part of me felt as if I was in a different time and space. The Xander with me today wasn’t from today; he was happier, with shining eyes. He looked like he was in love and carefree. His skin glowed like a teenager’s who just hit puberty. Each inhale was deeper than the previous and his breath contained hope and vigor. The burden of his shapeshifter duties was gone.
The pull toward him increased. I wanted Xander to place his arms around me, and as if on command, he did. Part of me felt like it’d travelled back in time as well. My soul watched from the side as my body reacted to his. His eyes sparkled, and I didn’t want to take away his happiness. He pulled me in closer, tightening his hands on my hips before running them up both sides of me to my arms, and finally framing my face. My front felt glued to his hot body, which responded to my rushing pulse. I leaned in, needing him to do things to me that only William had done.
William.
“Take me back,” I whispered, pushing away from his chest with difficulty. “Take me back to William.”
Xander’s eyes bulged, and he jumped back.
A cackling laugh echoed through the cave. Xela lifted her head, unable to contain her mirth.
“Stop that!” I yelled, feeling my ears press against my head.
“Ah, what’s the matter? William ain’t enough for you?” she taunted.
I sprang forward, ready to rip her heart out, but Xander stopped me midway. My fists pounded on his chest, but I may as well have been hitting rock.
“You can’t stop me, Xander,” I hissed.
“You can’t hurt her.” Xander pleaded in a forceful voice. He tightened my wrists in his hands, and I felt like I’d been imprisoned with supernatural cuffs.
“Oh, the poor boy misses his witch.” She laughed again.
“What is she talking about?” I asked.
“I can’t do this. You have to leave, Sarah. Please.” His pain-filled eyes pleaded more than his words.
“What are you doing to him?” I yelled toward Xela over his shoulder. “Why do I feel empty and different? You stole my rage!”
“I don’t think she stole your rage.” Xander pushed against me, backing me toward the door. My feet pushed against the earthen flooring, mounting dirt behind my heels.
“Why are my emotions out of whack? I know you did it! It’s all your fault!”
Xela only laughed. The pitch increased until the shelved jars began to crack, one after another. Soon, my eardrums would burst, and I couldn’t shift them the way Xander could his.
I pulled my hands to my ears, turned on my heel, and darted out of the cave. The witch’s laugh followed us.
I stepped out in the sunlight and stomped my foot. “Ugh! She’s not going to answer me, is she?”
“Calm down, Sarah.”
What was that in there?” I turned to face Xander and touched my lips.
He grinned. “Me trying to kiss you?”
“You’ve tried before; it’s no big deal,” I said, concentrating on the blooming daisy at my feet.
“No big deal?” he exclaimed.
“The problem was, this time, I wanted to kiss you as well.” I lowered my head. It had never occurred to me before to kiss Xander. I considered him like a brother. But today, the lust inside me grew, and Xander seemed more like a man to me than a brother.
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” He smirked.
“You knew this was going to happen?” When he nodded, I added “Then why did you let it?”
“It was the only way for you to understand why I cannot let anyone come here. I didn’t want to push it this far, but you gave me no choice. Xela’s magic is powerful, and we haven’t been able to contain it.” Xander paced between me and the opening of the cave.
“We?”
“Mira and me. You should have seen her face when I tried to kiss her.” He shook his head at the memory.
“Ew! Your sister?” I burrowed my face in my hands.
“Could you control your lips in there?”
“No.” Blood rushed to my cheeks as I squeezed my eyes shut, still unable to look at him.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped. That way it’d make your trip worthwhile.” He took my hands away from my face.
“Don’t do that again,” I warned.
“Fine, but you need to understand,” he walked back to the cave entrance and pushed the boulder to cover it, “it wasn’t me in there. The closer you get to this cave, the more powerful she is. You need to stay away.”
“Fine.” I spat a bit harder than I meant.
“Pinky swear?” Xander pulled out his hand.
“Pinky swear.” I sighed but crossed the fingers of my other hand behind me again. The unexplained connection I had to the witch would bring me back, even if I didn’t want to admit it out loud. Part of me craved the unknown and the rush I felt when Xander came so close to me. I wanted him as much as I wanted William, and I couldn’t forget what had passed between me and my best friend.
The witch’s laugh roamed through the valley, circling back to our ears again.
“Don’t pay attention to her.” Xander lowered his head.
“You’re asking a lot.”
“I know.”
“It seems that she’s sucking the life out of you, and I don’t like it.” I stepped forward to take his hand to comfort him. The contact flowed over my skin like satin, and my pulse raced. Xander took my other hand, and the feeling intensified. Every time I touched him, his life vibrated with mine. My heavy breathing raised my chest higher. All I wanted was to give in to the warmth oozing from Xander and let him fulfill the tingling urges near the bottom of my pelvis.
Xander’s lips hovered above mine, then he whispered, “We’d better go, before I get slapped for you kissing me.”
Startled, I jumped back, straining to concentrate on something other than my hot best friend. Xander released my hands, and I sped away through the trees toward the stream I’d heard earlier. I dove in feet first and sank be
low the cool water, letting it chill my heated body.
Xander waded into the river up to ankle depth, his pants rolled to his knees. He offered his hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t let it happen again,” he said as he pulled me up, “if you promise not to come here.”
“Fine.” I shook the lust off my body. That was some magic.
“You’re soaked.”
“Really?” I said sarcastically.
“Hop on and close your eyes.” He shifted into a wolf.
I swung my leg over his back and gripped his fur, pressing my body along his back as he took off. Xander’s heat warmed my limbs through my drenched clothes. My eyes stayed open as he galloped through the forest, across fields, and over gullies, memorizing the way to the cave, careless about my promise. If I knew Xander the way I thought I did, he’d know I didn’t mean it. He’d know I wouldn’t be able to stay away. Did he want me to break it? Did he want me to come back despite saying he didn’t?
As we left the boundary of the valley, I heard Xela’s laugh inside my head for the first time: “I’m still here, Sarah. I’m still here.”
Chapter 2
After an hour long gallop, we returned to the clearing in the Amazon. The glade was one of my favorite places, along with the tree house and the emerald pond. Living anywhere else wouldn’t be the same. With the rain season nearing its end, the jungle gorged on streams and rivers filled to capacity. Most of the sun spots that once speckled the grass from above as if viewed from under a strainer were gone. William had pruned the overhanging branches, but their leaves tripled in size during the rainy season and stole most sunny patches.
At the side of the cabin linen curtains fluttered in the windows of our bedroom. The logs extended beyond the original walls that had been burned by the seekers when they captured me. The extended space allowed for the twins’ rooms to connect to our master suite through a shared bathroom. The layout of rest of the cabin remained the same, only larger, to accommodate the entire family and frequent guests: Mira, Eric, and Xander. We’d enclosed the lab, separating it with a glass wall from the kitchen and open living room. William’s mother, Willow, used the space to produce serums, most of which revived dead blood, and were sent to our distribution centre in Mexico. The potency of the serums increased with each new trial.
