“Then go secure something,” Rafe said.
“All of you, out!” Trish said, her voice cracking like a whip. “I can’t concentrate with you bickering like cubs.”
“Emma should stay,” Jesse said. “She and Jace have a connection—”
“They’re going to have to be connected from the other room,” Trish snapped. “Do you want him to die while we’re arguing? Out!”
They left the room, Emma biting her lips in anxiety.
“He’s going to be okay, though, right?” she said to Jesse, once they reached the living room. “Once she gets the bullets out, his shifter healing…”
“I hope so,” Jesse said. He looked at her. “Shifters heal fast, but we’re not invincible. If the bullet hits the wrong place and we lose enough blood, it can still kill us. Or if the trauma to the organs is bad enough that our healing abilities can’t keep up.”
Emma bit her lips. She hated being in another room, when Jace was in there fighting for his life because of her. They’d just found each other. He couldn’t die now, before she had a chance to see if she wanted to be his mate.
“I’ll see about some food,” Jesse said. He started putting together sandwiches. Rafe stood at the window, looking out, playing with the cord on the window blinds. He looked like he was barely holding it together. Kane went out on the front porch, where Emma could hear him talking into his radio.
Emma paced the living room while she waited, eyeing the closed door to the bedroom. Part of her wanted to burst in there to be with Jace, but startling Trish in the middle of surgery wasn’t going to help anything.
Jesse handed her a plate with a sandwich. Emma took it with a murmured thank you, and began eating mechanically. She had to keep her strength up, and she didn’t remember when she’d last eaten a decent meal. But she barely tasted it.
Finally Trish came out, wiping her hands on a cloth. Amerind was behind her.
Emma stood up, but Jesse beat her to it. “How is he?” Jesse asked.
Trish said, “Still with us, but…” she glanced at Emma. “I don’t know,” she said. “I couldn’t get at one of the bullets, and I think they were both coated with something toxic to shifters. There’s no other explanation for why he’s not healing properly.”
“But he’s going to make it,” Rafe said. He was trying to sound strong, but Emma could hear the forlorn note in his voice. A hint of the young boy he’d once been, with only Jace and Jesse to hold on to.
Amerind’s eyes were filled with pain. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s possible that his healing abilities may be strong enough to overcome this, but realistically, he may not make it.”
Emma could feel the sense of tragedy in the stunned silence that spread over the room. She herself felt like she’d been punched in the stomach, but even through her own pain, she could see by the wide-eyed, shell-shocked looks in the faces of the others how completely devastating this news was to them.
This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t let it happen.
She turned to Jesse. “You said earlier that there might be something I could do to help him. What did you mean?”
Jesse shook his head slightly, as if trying to focus. Then his gaze snapped over to her. “The bond,” he said. Hope blossomed on his face. “Amerind, she said that Jace told her she’s his mate. And you felt them invoke the bond. Can’t she help him heal?”
“She’s not his mate,” Kane said, from the doorway. “She’s a fucking human. I keep telling you that.”
Amerind said quietly, “From what Jace told me, it’s possible that she is.”
Kane snorted.
Emma wanted to slap him. What was this guy’s problem?
Kane’s radio crackled with static, and he moved back outside, to Emma’s relief. “Kane here. Go ahead,” he said into the mic as he disappeared.
“Even if she is his mate,” Trish said, “they’re not fully bonded. If he could draw healing power from her, he’d have done it in the van.”
Emma’s heart plummeted.
Rafe said, “Isn’t there some way they could finalize the bond? If it could heal him—”
Amerind shook his head. “The final bonding requires consummation. A complete joining. That’s clearly impossible, in Jace’s condition.”
Rafe’s face fell. Trish was frowning thoughtfully, though. “Is the physical joining absolutely necessary?” she asked. “I thought that was just a gateway to the joining of their spirits.”
Amerind turned to her. “Are you suggesting a spirit bonding?” he said. “That hasn’t been done in centuries. And it requires kirian. Jace isn’t strong enough to withstand that.”
“I know,” Trish said. “And I know the risks. But if it might save him…”
“They’d both have to take it, though,” Jesse said, with a worried look at Emma.
Emma was getting tired of being talked about like she wasn’t there.
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” she asked. “Since it seems like most of this hinges on me.”
Trish and Amerind exchanged glances. Jesse put the heels of his hands to his eyes, then rubbed them and sighed. “Okay,” he said. “Usually, in order for true mates to seal the bond, they consummate their union—”
“Have wild mind-blowing sex,” Rafe interpreted helpfully.
“—with the intention of bonding,” Jesse finished, with a squelching look at Rafe. “That causes their spirits—their energy—to join, and the bond is created.”
Amerind picked up the explanation. “However, as Trish said, the sexual union is simply a way for the couple to reach the state of total surrender to each other that allows the bond to happen. There may be another way to accomplish that. It’s a drug called kirian, which brings the user to another level of consciousness—sort of like Native American shamans using peyote for vision quests. Supposedly, fated mates who take the drug together can meet on the spiritual plane and bond there.”
Emma narrowed her eyes, watching their reactions. It sounded like a lot of airy-fairy hocus-pocus to her, but she’d be willing to give it a shot if there was the possibility it would help Jace.
“So what’s the catch?” she asked.
“Kirian is a dangerous drug,” Jesse said. “Giving it to Jace in his weakened state would have a good chance of killing him.”
“And it’s meant for shifters,” Rafe added, a frown creasing his forehead.
Emma raised her eyebrows in silent inquiry.
Jesse sighed. “Which means that giving it to you—in any condition—would quite possibly kill you.”
There was a silence.
Emma stared at them. “And that’s our only choice?”
Amerind said, “Well, no. We can wait and see if Jace improves.”
“But if he doesn’t, then the longer we wait, the weaker he gets, and the more chance he won’t survive the kirian,” Emma said.
None of them would meet her eyes.
At that moment, Kane shoved the door open. “Rafe,” he said, “I need to talk to you. Outside.”
“Not now, Kane,” Rafe snarled.
“Are you Second or not?” Kane snarled back. “Because if you want to give up your spot, I’d be happy to take charge of this cluster fuck of a pack. Just say the word.”
With a growl, Rafe pushed himself away from the wall and followed Kane out of the cabin.
“Can I see Jace?” Emma asked. “Maybe me being there will help him.” And I won’t have to take a drug that will probably kill me, to try to do a ritual that’s probably just a myth.
Trish nodded shortly. “Go on back,” she said.
Emma made her way back to the bedroom. Jace was lying on the bed, the covers up to his waist, his tattoos showing stark against his unnaturally pale skin. His lips had a bluish tinge, and his chest was barely moving with his breath.
Emma went over and stroked his cheek, his stubble rasping under her fingers. She leaned over and pressed her forehead to his, willing him to draw on her s
trength, to fight. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this. Sorry I didn’t agree to be your mate while there was still time. Sorry for everything.”
The door opened softly, and Amerind entered the room. Emma looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. “He’s not getting better,” she said. “How much longer can we wait?”
Amerind said, “Kane just got word from our lookout down in town. Three trucks full of paramilitary troops just passed through Cascade, headed this way.”
Grant’s men. She stared at Amerind, eyes wide. She didn’t have to say anything—they both knew what would happen if Grant’s men got to Silverlake.
“If Jace were a full alpha, bonded to the pack and the land, then he could invoke the territory’s defenses,” Amerind said. “There’s a chance he could save us all.”
He walked over to the table with the medical supplies and opened a battered, ancient-looking leather bag. He drew a small glass vial out of its depths, and cradled it in his hand. Then he set it gently on the table and left the room.
He was leaving the choice up to her.
Emma picked up the vial and closed her hand around it. Jace had gone out of the cave, to almost certain death, to buy Emma time. To save her.
If she was a worthy mate, the least she could do was do the same.
She found a scrap of paper and wrote Grizzly’s name and phone number on it. ‘Emma’s contact,’ she wrote. Then she folded it over and wrote Jesse’s name on the outside. He had the passwords to the cloud account where she’d stored Alexander’s data. If this didn’t work, now he’d know who to give it to.
Then she uncorked the vial. She slid her hand under Jace’s head and shoulders and lifted him up, dribbling the liquid into his mouth. He swallowed automatically.
She tossed back the rest as if she were doing a shot. It hit her stomach and her whole body seized, pain shooting through her. She felt as if she were burning from the inside out.
Emma barely managed to make it to Jace’s side, lying beside him and clutching his body, before the pain claimed her.
Chapter 23
Jace was running through the pine woods, wind racing through his fur. The forest was strange and yet familiar, as if he’d been here before, so long ago that the memory had faded from his consciousness.
He slowed his pace to a walk. Sun shone through the leaves with a murky light, with the occasional bright yellow beam piercing through to the forest floor. The air smelled fresh, like spring, with a hint of damp earth and succulent prey.
The woods opened to a clear pond surrounded by soft grass. He drank deeply, the water filling him like liquid light. He felt whole, healed, perfect. As if he could stay here forever.
And yet, when he looked down at the mud at the edge of the pond, he saw that his paws left no prints.
What was this place? How had he gotten here?
Below the feeling of contentment, of perfection, something nagged at him like an unscratched itch. There was something that he had to remember. Something important.
And then he forgot that as a delicious scent wafted to him on the breeze. It smelled like pack, like home, like childhood and family and barbecues and happiness.
He followed it through the woods, to the edge of a cliff. The air blazed in front of him, like a doorway lined with silver. And on the other side, strangely, were wolves that he could almost recognize.
The scent pulled him further in. Was that—his father? Could it be? And those other shadowy forms…his childhood pack? But they were all dead…
He took another step forward, and then another, his nose nearly up to the strange doorway. He’d forgotten the cliff in his desire to see what was on the other side. He raised his paw to take one more step…
“Jace?” The call came from behind him, in the distance.
“Jace? Help me, Jace. I need you!”
The voice sounded familiar. Important. It was…
Emma! The name and the memory exploded into his mind all at once. His mate. His love.
He ran toward the voice, listening for her, scenting the wind. The voice grew fainter, and he had to strain to hear it. He raced through the woods, knowing somehow that he had to find her soon. She was in danger.
Underneath a huge spreading oak tree he saw a woman lying on the ground, her face contorted in agony. “Jace,” she whimpered.
He bounded toward her, nuzzling her face. “Jace?” With a great effort, she wrapped her arms around his neck. He could feel her shaking. She was so cold.
He lay down beside her, cuddling as close as he could, trying to warm her. The shaking stopped, and her voice grew stronger. “You found me,” she said. “I was so scared you wouldn’t find me.”
He licked her face, and she smiled. She was getting better. He could feel it. In a moment she sat up, hugging him and fondling his ears, kissing his head and stroking his fur.
He rubbed his head against her, whining in pleasure.
“You’re okay,” she said. “At least, you’re here. Can you understand me?” He dipped his head to show he could. “Can you shift?”
He had to concentrate. He felt like he should be a wolf, but looking at her, he realized he could be a man. To be with her. At the thought, his form changed. The transition felt odd, as if it should be harder. But in moments he was crouching next to her.
It took him a second to remember words. She clung to him, and he wrapped his arms around her, feeling her warmth.
“Where are we?” he asked.
She looked around, biting her lips. “I’m not sure we’re anywhere,” she said. “Or if this is even real. But according to Amerind, we’re in the spirit world.”
All his memories came rushing back. The cave. The fight. The bullets tearing through him. “How the hell did we get here?”
Emma told him her story, from the time he was shot until she’d taken the potion. Jace rubbed his hand through his hair.
“So let me get this straight,” he said. “I’m lying in my cabin at death’s door, Alexander Grant’s men may be coming for all of us, and Kane wants to take over the pack and fight them off.”
“Yeah,” Emma said. “Jace, I’m so sorry. This is what I was afraid would happen when I dragged you into this whole mess.”
“It’s not your fault,” he said. “I wouldn’t leave it alone.” He cupped her face in his hand. “I’m a shitty alpha—I always knew I would be. But at least I got the chance to meet you before it was all over.”
“It’s not all over,” Emma said fiercely. “We can still fight them. But you’re the one who has to lead the pack. They can’t do it without you.”
Jace shook his head. “Kane can lead them. Or Rafe. They don’t need me.”
She grabbed his upper arms and shook him. “That’s not true,” she said. “You should have seen how devastated they were when they realized you might not make it. They love you. They’d do anything for you. And they need you.”
He shook his head. “I can’t help them now. I failed.”
Emma took his chin in her strong fingers and made him look at her. “You listen to me, Jace Monroe,” she said. “You haven’t failed. But if you give up, you will fail. There’s a way we can do this.”
Jace jerked his head away.
“How?”
Emma took a deep breath. “Bond with me,” she said.
Jace stared at her. “What?” he said. “That’s crazy. You don’t want that. A few hours ago you thought I was insane for even suggesting it.” He paused. “And anyway, we don’t know if this is even real. If it would translate to the real world.”
“Amerind says it would,” she said. “Do you think I would have taken this nasty freaking potion if I didn’t believe him? It’s only supposed to be for shifters. They didn’t even know what it would do to me.”
Jace realized why she had been in such bad shape when he found her. She’d taken something that might be poison to humans, just on the chance she could be with him.
He
stared at her. “You did that for me?”
Emma nodded. “I couldn’t stand to lose you,” she whispered. “Bond with me, Jace. I can heal you so that you can bond with the pack, and with your territory. Silverlake will be safe. Please, you’ve done so much for me. Let me do this for you.”
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. “But you don’t want to spend your life with me,” he said. “You don’t love me.”
He heard her whisper in response, “Yes I do.”
Warmth flooded through him, as if a floodgate had been opened. His lips found hers with a desperate yearning, kissing her deeply. She opened herself to him, twining her tongue with his, pressing herself against him.
She was so warm. So soft. The scent of her filled his nostrils, going straight down into his heart. She feathered kisses across his chest, sending trails of heat through him. Something uncurled, deep within his soul, and reached out to her.
More than desire; more than love. The need to give her all of himself, to allow her into his soul. She was everything he was lacking—the catalyst that could bring his wolf and man together, make him into his best self.
And he wanted to do the same for her.
He reached for her clothes, and they seemed to melt away as if they were nothing. The air began to shimmer around them with the power of their bond, making them stronger together than they were individually.
The magic coursed through Jace, giving him new strength and vitality. It was strong and sweet, wild and pure. He could ride the wind, and run forever.
He ran his hands over Emma’s body, drawing her to him.
She fit so perfectly against him, her lush softness complementing his hard muscles. He wanted to wrap her around him, lose himself in her sweetness.
But he couldn’t get lost. They had to fight. They had to make themselves strong. Strong together.
She was stroking his skin, and he reveled in the tingles of lightning that seemed to trail in the wake of her fingers. It was amazing, the most amazing feeling he’d ever had with a woman.
Fugitive Mate (Silverlake Shifters Book 1) Page 13
