by Lucy Clark
‘Stacey—wait.’
She unlocked her car and put her bag inside before turning to face him, the driver’s door between them.
‘What about us? Isn’t what we feel for each other worth pursuing?’
She reached out and placed a hand to his cheek, determined she wouldn’t cry. ‘If you love someone, set them free.’ She smiled lovingly at the man who had stolen her heart, now and for ever more. ‘You are going to be amazing. You are going to achieve such great things—and those great things are going to help so many people. I could never stand in the way of that.’
Her voice broke, and before she completely lost her resolve to set him free she turned from him, climbed into the car, shut the door and started the engine.
‘Stacey!’
She tried not to hear the pleading in his tone as she carefully reversed out of the driveway, only belatedly remembering to switch on her headlights. Even though they lived only a few blocks from each other she still had to pull over to wipe her tear-filled eyes because she couldn’t see properly.
When she reached her house she headed quietly for her bedroom and, uncaring that she hadn’t changed or brushed her teeth, she lay down on her bed and allowed the tears to fall. She loved him. She loved Pierce with all her heart. But she could never live with herself if he sacrificed his own dreams for her. His dreams were his, and he deserved the chance to achieve them.
‘If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they’re yours. If they don’t, they never were.’ She recited the quote into her pillow, hoping amongst hope that one day Pierce would return to her—because she would always be waiting for him.
*
‘Good morning, sleepy-head,’ Molly remarked as she came into Stacey’s bedroom. ‘Or should I say good afternoon?’ Molly put a cup of tea on the bedside table, then walked to the window, where she opened the blind to let a bit of midday light flood into the room.
‘What?’ A groggy Stacey lifted her head from the pillow, trying to open her bleary eyes. ‘What time is it?’ She put out a hand to search for her bedside clock, but nearly upset the cup of tea in the process.
‘Steady on. It’s half-past twelve.’
‘Oh, my goodness—Jasmine!’ Stacey sat bolt upright in bed. ‘I was supposed to take her clean clothes and pick her up hours ago.’
‘Chillax, sis. It’s fine. Jaz called and asked if she could stay until later this afternoon. She said she was having fun helping Nell adjust and teaching her, with Samantha’s help, how to use the crutches properly. Still, I thought you were probably going to go and check on Nell anyway, and besides, it gives you more time to play cutesey kissey-face with Pierce.’ Molly grasped her hands theatrically to her chest and then sighed dramatically. ‘Oh, most beloved, take me in your arms and kiss me until I see stars.’
‘Knock it off, Molly.’ Stacey slumped back down onto the pillows.
‘Wait. I know that tone. What’s wrong?’ Molly came over and sat on Stacey’s bed. ‘What’s happened?’
‘It’s over.’
‘Between you and Pierce? But how? But why? But yesterday everything was peachy.’
‘I’m not sure I want to talk about it right now, Molly.’ Stacey rested her hand across her eyes. ‘Would you mind doing Nell’s check-up when you pick up Jasmine?’
‘Isn’t that the coward’s way out? Besides, Nell will be expecting you.’
‘Ugh!’ Stacey picked up a spare pillow and put it over her face, yelling her frustration into it.
She knew Molly had a point—that Nell would be confused if Stacey didn’t turn up to do the check-up and right now the last thing Nell needed was to have even more instability—but the thought that Stacey would probably bump into Pierce when she went was something she simply didn’t want to face right now.
Molly lifted the pillow off her. ‘I hate always doing what’s right. I hate it, Molly.’
‘Are you afraid you’ll see Pierce when you go?’
‘Of course I am.’ Stacey flicked back the bedcovers and stepped out of bed, heading to the bathroom. When she came back it was to find Molly sipping at the teacup. ‘I thought that was for me.’
‘You’re clearly in no mood to drink a relaxing cup of peppermint tea. You need coffee, my soul sister, so why don’t you have a shower and I’ll make you one? Then George, Lydia and I, along with the rabbits as a diversion for Nell, will come with you to the Brolins’ house and run interference for you so that you don’t have to speak to Pierce.’
Stacey relaxed a little and rushed over to hug her sister, almost making Molly spill the tea. ‘Thank you. I knew I could count on you.’
‘Always.’
Stacey got dressed and had something to eat, while Molly organised the children and the animals, then drove them all round to Nell’s house.
‘I just love walking up this path,’ Molly said. ‘It really does bring back so many wonderful memories. I’m glad someone we love is living in this house and making it her home. It’s like the house is ready to make the next generation of memories.’
Stacey didn’t reply. She was too focused on looking around the garden, half expecting Pierce to pop out from behind a bush, wearing the same gardening clothes he’d been wearing that first day she’d met him. It seemed so long ago, yet in reality she’d known Pierce for less than two months. Still, in her heart it felt as though she’d known him for a lot longer.
When she entered the house she looked around quickly, but still there was no sign of him. Jasmine and Nell were seated at the table, doing some puzzles. Samantha was in the kitchen baking.
‘I like baking when I’m feeling stressed or a little out of sorts,’ the woman told them as she checked the cupcakes she had in the oven. ‘Besides, I know these ones are Nell’s favourite, because when I bring them to work she tells me they’re her favourite, so I thought, why not make some to help cheer her up?’
‘Good idea,’ Stacey remarked, smiling as Nell’s eyes lit up upon seeing the rabbits, as well as George and Lydia but more so the rabbits. Stacey wasn’t going to ask where Pierce was, or even if he was there. She was just going to do her job and then, if Molly wanted to chat, Stacey would head next door to check on Mike and Edna. But thankfully it was Jasmine who gave her the information she sought.
‘Pierce isn’t home at the moment. He got called into the hospital this morning and that’s why I said I’d stay with Nell.’
‘Oh.’ Stacey was both relieved and disappointed at the same time. She didn’t want to see Pierce and yet she yearned to see him. She loved him so much. ‘Right, well…Nell, let’s get your check-up over and done with. When you’ve finished that puzzle I need to check your blood pressure and your foot—’
‘And listen to my heart?’ Nell asked. ‘Can I listen to my heart? Pierce sometimes lets me listen to my heart. It goes ba-dum, ba-dum.’
Stacey smiled. ‘Of course you can listen to your heart.’
The check-up didn’t take too long, and when Samantha asked if they’d like to stay for Sunday afternoon snack-time Molly raised a questioning eyebrow in Stacey’s direction.
‘Sure. Why not?’ she remarked, hoping against hope that Pierce didn’t return from the hospital while they were still there.
Thankfully she managed to enjoy a leisurely afternoon tea and say her goodbyes to Nell and Samantha.
Jasmine was quiet on the drive home, and it wasn’t until they walked in the door and waited while George and Lydia took the rabbits back to their hutch, that she turned to Stacey and demanded, ‘What’s going on with you and Pierce?’
Stacey blinked, a little taken aback. ‘Pardon?’
‘Pierce looked half sick this morning, all pale and grey, as though he’d eaten something terrible. I asked him if he was OK and he just said, “Yeah.” But I could tell there was more wrong than he was saying. And then when you came you were like a mouse being chased by a cat, and you looked all pale and grey, too.’
Molly placed her hands on Jasmine’s shoulders, then kissed
her sister’s cheek. ‘She’s not just a pretty face.’
Jasmine merely stared at Stacey, as if to say she wasn’t moving until she got an explanation.
‘Well…uh…Pierce and I are…well, we’re going to stop seeing each other for a while.’
‘You’re not going to stop me from seeing Nell?’ Again there was that defiant, adamant tone.
‘No. Of course not. Nell needs you—well, needs all of us—now more than ever.’
‘What? What do you mean?’
Stacey took a deep breath, then looked at Molly, and then back to Jasmine. ‘Pierce is heading overseas.’
‘What?’ Molly and Jasmine spoke in unison.
‘Nell will soon be living independently, just as she’s always wanted.’
‘And Pierce will be free to do whatever he wants?’
There was disgust in Jasmine’s tone, and Stacey held up her finger in reprimand.
‘Pierce is an amazing man who has done a lot of research and written many scientific papers on the subject of adult autism—especially with regard to integration.’
‘I know what integration is,’ Jasmine said, before either of her sisters could explain. ‘Remember the school I went to in Perth? The school I loved? My friends I loved, whether they had a disability or not?’
‘Yes. Of course. Well, Pierce has been offered a job in America and…he’s going to take it. When he’s there,’ she went on before Jasmine could say another word, ‘he’ll continue his work with regard to integration with an experienced team of researchers. The work he can do there will help thousands and thousands of adults with autism to be better accepted by society.’
Jasmine pondered Stacey’s words for a moment, then crossed her arms over her chest and glared at them both. ‘I don’t see why he has to go to America to do that,’ she said, then turned and stomped off to her bedroom.
‘I get the feeling Jasmine really does like him,’ Molly remarked as they both braced themselves for the ritual slamming of their sister’s bedroom door.
Stacey slumped down into a chair and rested her head in her hands.
‘Does he have to go?’ Molly’s question was quiet.
‘Yes.’
‘Do you want him to go?’
‘Yes.’
‘What? Why? I thought you were in love with the man.’
Stacey lifted her head and looked at her sister. ‘It’s because I’m in love with him that I’m making him go. He deserves the chance to fulfil his own dreams just like me moving here, or you doing surgery, or Cora going to Tarparnii, or Nell living independently. Pierce has dedicated all his time and effort to Nell. He’s a good man, with a big heart.’
‘Will the two of you still stay together? I mean nowadays long-distance relationships aren’t that difficult to maintain thanks to internet chats and emails and stuff.’
‘I don’t know.’
With that, Stacey stood and headed towards her own bedroom, to lie on her bed and cry some more.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
BY THE END of November Stacey was worn out. She went to work early in the morning and returned late most nights. She’d started a night clinic in an effort to catch up on the overflow of patients but also to give her time to ferry her siblings around to their various after-school activities. Most nights she collapsed into bed with exhaustion.
Molly helped at the clinic as much as she was able, but after an hour or two was often called in to the hospital, leaving Stacey and Winifred to cope with whatever patients were left.
‘You can’t go on like this,’ Winifred said late one evening, giving Stacey a big hug. ‘You’ll work yourself into an early grave.’
‘I know. But the new locum will start soon and then, come Christmas-time, Cora will be home.’
‘It’s a shame Pierce took that job in America before his contract here was up.’
‘I fired him,’ Stacey told her.
‘What? Why would you do that?’
‘Because he never would have left to follow his dreams otherwise.’
Winifred sighed and patted Stacey’s arm. ‘You really love him, don’t you?’ she stated.
‘Yes.’
It was as simple and as complex as that. Yes, she loved him. Yes, she missed him. Yes, she wanted him back, to have her arms around him, to have his mouth pressed to hers.
‘He’ll be back before you know it,’ Winifred promised. ‘Go on home, love. I’ll lock up.’
Stacey hoped Winifred was right—that Pierce would be back sooner rather than later. Before he’d left for the States he’d tried to contact her, but she hadn’t wanted to take his calls. He’d emailed her but she hadn’t wanted to read them. Cutting herself off from him was the only way she knew how to make the pain in her heart decrease.
Two weeks after Nell had broken her ankle, two weeks after Stacey had fired him and told him to head overseas, Pierce had been due to leave. The night before his flight she’d gone to bed early, not wanting to dwell on the way her heart ached for him. She’d awoken to the soft sound of someone knocking on her bedroom window and cautiously she’d peeked through the curtains, her heart swelling with love when she’d seen Pierce standing there.
Pulling on a dressing gown and slippers, she’d headed outside to see what he wanted, instantly concerned that something had happened to Nell.
‘Is Nell all right?’
‘Nell’s fine. I’m not.’ He’d hauled her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers in one swift movement that robbed her of breath. ‘I’ve missed you these past weeks, Stacey. Why didn’t you return my calls? My emails?’
‘Pierce.’ She tried to pull away from his arms but her efforts were half-hearted at best, because with all honesty that was the place she wanted to be the most. ‘I can’t do this.’
‘What? Let me hold you? Let me kiss you? Stacey, I’m not going to see you for…I don’t even want to think about it. I need this—these memories—to get me through.’
‘I know, but I—’
He silenced her with another heart-melting kiss, and this time Stacey couldn’t help but cling to him. ‘Oh, Pierce.’
‘I don’t know how to do this,’ he told her.
‘Do what?’
‘Be selfish.’
‘I know. You’re the most giving man I’ve ever met.’
‘And yet here I am, doing what I want to do.’
‘For a change,’ she finished. ‘And, for the record, you’re not being selfish. You’re following your dreams and you deserve the chance to do it.’
‘But what if this isn’t my real dream? What if my dream has…changed?’
‘You won’t know for sure until you get to America.’ She shook her head and kissed his lips. ‘You’ll have a great time,’ she encouraged him, trying desperately to instil enthusiasm into her voice.
‘It would be far greater if you were to come with me,’ he said, but Stacey shook her head.
‘It’s not my dream, but I believe in you.’
He kissed her again. ‘And that, my beautiful, wonderful, most beloved Stacey, is worth everything.’
‘What time does your flight leave?’ she asked.
‘I need to leave for the airport in an hour.’
‘Come and sit with me.’ And so the two of them sat on the chairs on her small veranda, content to hold each other and look at the stars, thankful the October night was not too warm for cuddling.
When finally it came time for him to leave, Pierce kissed her with such passion that she swooned.
‘Please take my calls while I’m overseas.’
‘No.’
‘What? Why not?’
‘I can’t bear to hear your voice or to see you over the internet because it’ll just make me miss you more.’ And she wasn’t sure whether she’d be able to cope with that.
‘OK, then. What about emails and text messages?’
Stacey thought about this for a moment, then nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘Good.’ He exhaled happily before kissi
ng her once more, then walking over to the hire car parked in her driveway.
She was glad he hadn’t asked her to take him to the airport, because there was no way she’d ever be able to say goodbye to him and then watch him get onto a plane and leave her. Even this, standing in her own driveway and crying as he drove away, was bad enough.
Now, six weeks since he’d left, Stacey still found it difficult to get out of bed every morning, knowing she wouldn’t be seeing him at the clinic. Her dreams were always of him, and she lived for his emails, loving the excitement she read in his words about the research he was doing and the staff he was working with.
Nell’s ankle had healed nicely, and all in all she’d coped with the disruption to her usual routine quite well—so much so that she’d refused to go back to catching the bus to and from work and now had a standing arrangement with the taxi company to pick her up every morning and drop her home every afternoon.
Jasmine still went round every afternoon after school, sometimes with George and Lydia and sometimes just by herself. Then, on Friday afternoons, Nell would join the rest of the Wilton family as they all headed over to Mike and Edna’s for dinner, bringing the rabbits with them. Mike would offer instruction and coaching in the art of encouraging rabbits to jump higher over an obstacle.
All in all, Stacey’s days were jam-packed with family and patients and longing for Pierce, but when December arrived the days seemed even longer. More patients. More ferrying her siblings to and from their various after-school events. More stress, and most of all more missing Pierce.
‘Cup of tea?’
Stacey opened her eyes where she sat, slumped on the sofa after another hard day at the clinic. She was surprised to see Jasmine standing before her, holding a piping hot cup of tea out to her.
‘Oh, Jazzy.’ Stacey was overwhelmed at the thoughtful gesture, but sat up straight and sighed with relief as she accepted the cup. ‘You are a life-saver, my gorgeous sister. Thank you.’
Jasmine looked as though she, too, was about to burst into tears, and after Stacey had taken the cup the teenager hesitated for a moment, before sitting down next to Stacey.
‘Mmm. That is a perfect cuppa.’
