by Rebecca Kate
I can’t pinpoint exactly when our relationship took a turn into dangerous territory, but I remember a few moments where it was an obvious shift. My eighteenth birthday party was one of them.
Leah hadn’t yet turned eighteen and wouldn’t until after the new school year started. We were heartbroken because we were finally going to be separated. We had been with each other our entire lives, but Leah got a scholarship to NYU, and I had planned to stay in town and go to the local college here in Colorado Springs.
I didn’t want her to go. No one did. But NYU wasn’t something you passed up in order to stay within your comfort zone. So her dad and I accepted it as best we could. Our parents threw us a combined birthday party since Leah would be away for her actual birthday in September. The party was at Mason’s house, and he had a grand backyard with a pool, a fountain, and a lot of gorgeous trees.
We both had boyfriends at the time, so naturally, we planned for our boyfriends to attend. My boyfriend Fredrick was a little older at twenty-two, and he tended to give off a moody artist vibe. A songwriter, actually. He was very talented, and he knew it.
Fredrick rarely wore anything that wasn’t black or grey, and he hated crowds. He only came to the party because of me. I didn’t love him. He didn’t love me. But we had a good time together, and I enjoyed dating him. He liked to fuck to interesting music, and he played my body like a well-tuned guitar. It was invigorating and fun.
He hated discussing politics and religion just as much as I did. I found that comforting. We were right for each other in that moment in our lives, even if most of the people in my life hated him. And you know what, he hated them right back. It came as no surprise that people weren’t exactly thrilled that I brought him, but Mason had never met him before; so his response was surprising.
Fredrick wasn’t much of a drinker. The few times he did drink, he got very handsy and clingy. It was as if he let go of the asshole personality deep within him and instead welcomed a free love, hippy, 70s vibe. That or maybe he was always an asshole and simply became a horny asshole when intoxicated. Still, I hadn’t considered that as I put on my tiny teal blue bikini.
I was not unaware of what I had to offer in the body department. I damn well knew I was beyond blessed with large, perky breasts, a small waistline, and a very round bottom. I also knew I had the legs to make any man drool. They were long, lean, and tanned. I worked out six nights a week and worked hard for my body, and I deserved to show it off a little. So that’s exactly what I was thinking as I donned my finest bikini.
Well, four beers in, Fredrick seemed to take notice. We sat on a long lounge chair, both facing the same side, me in my fabulous bikini, and Fredrick in jeans and a T-shirt since he was not a fan of swimming. He nuzzled my neck with his nose and whispered in my ear.
“Come on, babe. Let’s slip away for a second so I can get my hands on you. This bikini is killing me. Your tits look amazing.” His hand held me at my side in a zone hinting on indecent but still somewhat fine. “We can’t just leave. It’s my own party.” I rolled my eyes and went to shove his hand away.
He just placed it on my thigh instead, still not quite decent in a large crowd of my family and closest friends. As his mouth started kissing down my collarbone, approaching my chest, I happened to glance up. Mason’s sharp blue eyes pinned me in place. My pulse picked up immediately, hammering beneath its cage. My breathing increased as well, encouraging Fredrick to keep going.
He thought my reaction was because of him touching me. Boy, was he wrong. Mason could set me aflame from across the room, in a way that Fredrick and his wandering hands would never be able to do. I shoved harder at Fredrick, breaking eye contact with Mason. “Freddy, stop. My whole family is here. My mom and dad are just right over there, and Leah has young cousins here.”
“Then come with me, and let me touch you.” He pleaded with his big brown puppy dog eyes. He must have been pretty turned on with this damn show he put on.
“Like I said, I can’t leave my own party. Wish I could. Looks like you’re just going to have to wait until tonight.”
With a glint of mischief in his eyes, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me up. “Wait? Like hell. Come on. We’ll be quick. No one will even notice we’ll be so quick.”
He pulled me behind him toward the side of Mason’s large house. Mason. That thought had me glancing back. Mason wasn’t looking at me anymore. No, he was distracted mid-conversation with Leah and her boyfriend, Tommy. Tommy was a good guy. He was closer to our age, at nineteen, and had already been in college for two years now. He was polite and easygoing. Mason had no issues with him dating his daughter. They were a perfect couple.
When we got to the other side of the house, Fredrick immediately backed me up against the wall and crushed his mouth to mine. His large hand came down on my breast, and he squeezed. His satisfaction could be heard through his growl as he tested the weight of my breast in his hand. He ground his erection into my midsection, showing me how much I affected him.
Then he slid one hand down my stomach, into my bikini bottoms, and directly into my wet heat. “Fredrick!” I called out, surprised by his hastiness. He was usually eager to have sex, but never this rough and quick. To his defense, I had been holding out on him lately because I really just hadn’t been in the mood.
My shouting quickly turned into moans as Fredrick’s quick fingers wound me up impatiently. “Come quick, babe. I need to fuck you,” he growled out, making me dizzy from the combination of fingers and the kisses on my neck.
My orgasm hit me wave after wave of white-hot pleasure, and I yelled his name over and over as my eyes rolled back in my head. He buried his face in my breasts, letting me ride out my orgasm on his hand a minute longer. “What the fuck is going on!” The very last voice I ever wanted to hear mid-orgasm with another man, shouted over the pulsing in my veins.
I don’t know how long we stood there. I certainly didn’t speak, though Fredrick had no problem jumping in to fill the silence. “What do you think is going on? Get the fuck out of here!” Fredrick growled to Mason while shifting to cover me.
Mason grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him off of me immediately. He looked back and forth between us. He took in my heavy-lidded eyes, and Fredrick’s erection, and turned fully to me, obviously still not getting it. God, it was mortifying being caught in this situation with these two. “I heard yelling. Are you okay, Scarlet? What is going on?”
Oh shit. He thought Fredrick was forcing me into this. Clearing my throat, I answered him as best as I could. “I, uhh, yeah, I’m okay. We just—I just—”
“Came all over her boyfriend’s fingers,” Fredrick answered for me, putting his arm around me and meeting Mason’s unbelieving glare. I watched as four clear stages of understanding hit Mason in waves; confusion, awareness, embarrassment, and anger.
“There are children just right over there!” Mason pointed back over to the pool. “This is completely inappropriate!” Fredrick rolled his eyes, and Mason huffed. “I hope you had your fun because this is my house and I think it’s time for you to leave!” he deadpanned, grabbing Fredrick by the shirt and shoving him over to the side gate door. Fredrick was known for being an asshole and for always having the last word.
He couldn’t pass up an opportunity to piss someone off or rub their face in it. So naturally as he reached the gate, he slid the two fingers that had just been inside me up to his nose and inhaled deeply. “I did have fun. Happy birthday, Bunny.” Then he shoved out of Mason’s hold and left.
Mason kicked a heavy boulder and began to storm passed me, not sparing one single glance in my direction. I grabbed his arm, and he recoiled immediately, throwing me a disgusted glare. “Wait, you’re not going to tell my parents, are you?” I asked, knowing my parents would have been extremely disappointed in me.
My parents didn’t know I was sexually active. They thought the entire idea of a woman being sexually active while not in a serious relationship with potential was just wrong.
They had lectured me over and over about how sexuality was sacred and meant only to be shared with a special person. Time and time again they stressed the importance of waiting until I found a man worthy of me.
With the number of times they have asked if Fredrick and I are serious and if I am being smart and not giving him too much of myself, it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that they would be disappointed that he was the man I chose to lose my virginity to. Mason turned back to me reluctantly. “Scarlet, you’re an adult now. What would there be to tell? You askin’ if I’m going to tell Eliza and Will that I now know exactly how your face looks coming down from an orgasm? No, that I think I’ll keep to myself.”
Flames engulfed my cheeks as I struggled not to look down and fidget. “I’ll tell you one thing though. You deserve better. Look, I was young once too. I get it. And for the most part, still to this day, I am a firm believer that if it feels good, you should do it. But you deserve better than a man-child fingerbanging you on the side of another man’s house while not ten feet away everyone that actually means something to you celebrates your birthday without you.”
His words sucker punched me to the gut. Mostly because I knew he was right. I was there to celebrate mine and Leah’s birthdays. I was not there to ignore my guests or make anyone uncomfortable. My head hung with shame. Before I could even say anything, Mason disappeared back into the party, leaving me with nothing but regret. Regret and just a dash of something else; heat.
The rest of the party went without incident. Mason and I were cordial, if distant. Though I couldn’t help but notice that the times I glanced across the room at him, he was already looking at me. He did try to hide it by quickly glancing away, but I saw him. I always saw him. I was aware that I wasn’t the only woman that had his attention that night though.
One of my dad’s cousins, Belinda, had taken notice of him at the party. I tried to ignore the pang of jealousy in my stomach. But every time she laughed, her crimson fingernails touched his chest, and he’d grin and look down at her lips. And every time he looked at her lips, my stomach dropped. He looked casual and charming, in his element as he likely regaled her with interesting conversation. He was single, he was hot, he was a catch, and Aunt Belinda took notice right away.
There was nothing stopping him from dating her, or even just having casual sex with her. He could do as he pleased, and the twinkle in his eye as he smiled at her said he knew it. My stomach went sour and sat like lead inside me. I felt chills coming on and knew I had to look away.
I hadn’t experienced that level of jealousy before that moment in my life. What was worse was that I had no right to the feelings I was experiencing, and it took a conscious effort to keep them from showing. To distract myself, I pulled Leah to the side and asked if she wanted to run inside and sneak a shot of whiskey with me.
“I thought you’d never ask! This chick my dad works with just told me a delightful story about the first time she got mugged in New York. As if I wasn’t already nervous about living in a new city by myself. I need a drink!” she said, dragging me across the yard to the back door.
“People are the worst! You’re going to have a great time in New York.”
“I’d have a better time if you moved there with me...” she said, getting shot glasses down for us. By eighteen we knew exactly where the shot glasses were kept and didn’t need a milk chaser for our whiskey like we had in our early years.
“Stop. We’ve had this conversation before. You know us Colorado natives. Colorado ‘til death! You’re the weird one, wanting to go off into the world and explore other places. This is our home,” I joked, half serious.
“It’s just college, Scar. I’m not saying I’ll live there forever. You know I’ll probably come back when I get my degree. Just like you could if you’d step out of your comfort zone even a fraction.” Leah rolled her eyes.
“Even if I wanted to, you know I wouldn’t have gotten into NYU. Plus, in-state tuition is so much cheaper. My mom and dad will make every move for me if I let them pay for my stuff. I’m not willing to put myself in that position.” She couldn’t argue with that, so she took a second shot, and handed me the bottle.
I made my rounds through the crowd in the backyard and engaged in small talk conversation about my future plans to follow my passion for the written word to college. Before then, only my parents and Leah knew about my journaling habits and the creative short stories I indulged in in my free time.
People only saw me as the introvert with her head in a book that participated in sports as a child but always seemed below average and out of place in those settings. Because it wasn’t until high school that I realized the only outdoor activity I enjoyed doing was running, and that was only because it allowed me to organize my thoughts alone and be active and push myself without having to be a team player.
I never did learn how to say no to my parents as a child, and that subjected me to years of soccer and ballet that I rarely enjoyed. From the moment I realized I was allowed to make decisions for myself, I took every opportunity I could to do just that. My parents were supportive most of the time, understanding that they couldn’t push me to be any more successful than I was destined to be. I was going to be the person I was meant to be with or without them hovering.
But if I gave them an inch, they often took a mile. I didn’t want them to pay for me and use that as justification to tell me what to do with my life. As it was, the few times I stood by them at the party, they completely took over the conversation bragging about my mediocre achievements. “She was on the school newspaper, you know. She really has a knack for the thing,” my mother said to just about anyone that would listen.
Yes, I was on the school newspaper. Being on the school newspaper looked good on my college applications, and it was easy writing. I wasn’t Pulitzer bound though. They were proud of me, so I played the part at the party and hid how uncomfortable it made me feel to have the spotlight on me. I was nearing the end of my time at home with my parents and would get to go out in the world and stand on my own two feet soon enough.
I was certain I knew how to ask if the time came that I needed my parents help. I just wanted to be my own person, and that wasn’t too much to ask. At times, I wished I had been given a sibling if only to have another person for my parents to obsess over and cling to when they were feeling protective, like they needed to make all the decisions.
But I didn’t, so my life was all theirs to obsess over.
Three
Weeks went by where I barely saw Mason. He was working all the time, and Leah and I were getting ready for our first semester at college. By getting ready, I mean soaking up our last days together by eating at our favorite restaurants in town and buying things from Target and The Container Store that we didn’t actually need.
A few times Mason called while we were out and about and asked if we wanted to go to dinner as he was just getting off of work. I always managed to come up with an excuse and avoid it though. Call me crazy, but I couldn’t sit across from a man that I’ve had a huge crush on so recently after he witnessed me in the throes of passion with another man. I just couldn’t.
Which is why he was the very last person I wanted to call that day a month after Leah moved to New York while I was stuck in the bathroom crying my eyes out in the middle of a Alpha Tao Omega party. I was shit out of luck though. I had no other choice. It was Mason or nothing. Another moment in my life when siblings would have been useful, or at least friends besides Leah. But alas, I was an introvert and very new to college.
I looked down at my phone, willing it to give me another option, and then almost screamed when someone banged on the door right next to my head. “Did you die?! I gotta fucking piss!!” I crawled to the other end of the bathroom, hoping he’d just get the message and go away.
I scrolled through my contacts, coming up on the M’s and just stared at his name for a moment, trying to gather the courage to hit the button. The angry drunk banged on
the door once more, causing me to drop my phone, and I scrambled to pick it back up while squeaking for him to just use the other bathroom.
Shaking, I pressed send and put the phone to my ear. I had to do something. I couldn’t sit in there all night. Ring. I should have hung up. Ring. I really should have hung up. Ring. “Scarlet?” He sounded confused which didn’t surprise me since I hadn’t spoken to him in such a long time.
Hell, even when I was present in his life, I certainly didn’t make it a habit to call him out of the blue like this. Our phone calls and texts consisted of little more than asking for the whereabouts of his daughter, so I would have been confused too. Still, I had no other option, so he is who I called. “I need your help.” I whispered.
“Are you okay?” He lowered his own voice, which almost made me chuckle. He didn’t need to be quiet. He wasn’t holed up in a bathroom trying to not bring attention to himself like I was. He was safe at home.
“Yes. Well, kinda. I need you to come get me.” I could feel the alcohol begin to angrily sway through my stomach. I might have had too much.
“Where are you?”
“Uhh, in the bathroom of a frat house. I can text you the cross streets, I think, but I don’t know the address.”
“The bathroom? A frat house? Are you okay? What happened? Are you drunk?” His voice was no longer a whisper, no, by then his voice was approaching a yell. I could hear rustling around in the background, and I wondered what he was doing.
“I’m a little drunk, yes. I think—I think I’m okay, I just—I just—look, will you please just come get me? I can’t leave the bathroom.” I caught a sob and closed my mouth, my lip trembled from the force of holding back my tears.
I knew he could tell on the other end because he sighed and lowered his voice once again. His gravelly tone soothed me almost instantly. “All right, sweetheart. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. Stay there. Text me the location. I’m leaving now.”
