by Lowe, T. I.
“Why are you reading over this?” I pick a stray shrimp off my plate and pop it into my mouth. The fried treat is delectable.
“I’d like to know what we are getting ourselves into.” He answers while he makes a notation on the paper.
“Look Mr. Businessman, I haven’t agreed on anything.”
He gives me a look with his brow slightly raised before focusing back on the papers.
What was that look about?
We sit for a while, with Lucas studying the paperwork and me munching through the rest of my lunch.
“Did you know that your dad left no debt on either business?” he asks eventually.
“No, but that doesn’t surprise me,” I say and finally begin my own investigation with the paperwork. I don’t get very far before my phone alerts me to a new text message. I look over at the screen and sigh in relief. Julia. Finally.
It only says, I’ll be there, but that’s enough. I need her. I need her like yesterday, but am glad to get to have her tomorrow.
I’m guessing you may be pretty curious about my elusive sister by now. Well, that’s complicated. I’ve not seen her but very briefly over the years since what happened that year with Evan. Julia didn’t even show up for Bradley’s funeral and I’m still not sure she will for our dad’s. We’re not close as I wish we could be. It’s as if Evan Grey and the devil planted an ugly, thorny vine between us, and we have never really been able to figure out how to get around the hurtfulness of it. I don’t know much about her, but I’m willing to share what I have. It’s not any prettier than my own story, but I guess I owe it to her, and maybe to you, to share it.
~ ~ ~
Too many long months passed before Julia finally returned home from the facility my grandparents had placed her in to nurse her back to health. Even though she no longer resembled a skeleton, my sister was still quite slim, but her beauty had been restored once again. A warm glow replaced her pale skin, and her hair had a golden shine present once more. Her big, blue eyes still had an emptiness about them though, but I figured that was a permanent feature. I could guess my eyes held that resemblance to her.
Julia formed quite an attitude while she was away from us. This did not go over very well with Jean, especially since she was the one to receive the brunt of it. Julia’s reserved, well-mannered persona was replaced with a prissy arrogant attitude. She had this remarkable confidence about herself too that I envied.
She announced one day right in the middle of chores that she and I were going to the beach. She didn’t wait for Jean’s refusal. She grabbed our suits, the keys to the car, my hand, and dragged me out the door. Even though I knew there would be unpleasant consequences, it felt great. I’ll never forget the dumbfounded look on Jean’s face as we walked out of the house.
“This is fun, right?” Julia asked as we sunbathed on our towels after a swim.
“Yeah. This is great. I’ll probably get a face-frying when we get back for going along with you.” I couldn’t help but feel uneasy about our return to home later that day.
“You are one brave chick. You don’t fool me,” she said.
I remember looking over at her. She looked flawless with her golden skin and white, flowing hair. No one would be privy to the scars riddling her from inside. It was my first notion that my sister would make one killer actress. She didn’t fool me though. And I wasn’t fooling myself. I felt nowhere close to being brave. “You’re joking, right? I’m just a scaredy cat.”
“Savannah? Were you not the one that called Grandma and Grandpa? Were you not the one to sneak them in the house to get me help?” Julia pulled her oversized sunglasses off and tried to look me dead in the eyes, but I couldn’t meet her gaze.
“If I was brave, I would have stood up to Evan and not let him hurt you so much. Instead I just ran away.” Shame washed over me while Julia stiffened at the mention of that devil’s name. The guilt of me disappearing and leaving her to endure who-knows-what has always eaten at me. Especially after noticing those bruises on her that awful day. He had never hit me. Rape was enough, but I can only imagine how being secretly beaten could inflict more life-long damage.
She bolted up off her towel and snatched me up too. “I never want you to say his name again, Savannah,” she whispered, trying to hush the conversation away. “I will never discuss this with you again. I can’t and I won’t. You are brave. You survived.” She chanted this a few times. I think she was trying to convince both of us. With that, Julia released me to collect her things and announced our day together was over. She never invited me to another beach excursion or anything else with her again. Well, with the exception of two trips, that is. I’ll get to that in a minute… Maybe…
It wasn’t long after our beach day that Julia was discovered by a modeling agency at the mall. The agency had set out to scout some new fresh faces for the industry and Julia definitely fit the bill. That very same day, my sister came home, packed her bags, and headed for New York to begin her modeling career. I was shocked and completely crushed that my sister had so easily walked out of my life without any hesitation. She had finally found her way out and hastily took it. I guess I couldn’t blame her—except for the fact that she left me behind. My eyes were opened to the fact that it is every man for himself. I also concluded that I could only depend on myself. I know it sounds bitter and cold, but that was my life. That thin thread of hope that me and my sister could mend our relationship and overcome what we had endured severed completely after she left. It finished breaking us apart. I didn’t want to give up on us, but I felt I had no choice.
My sister’s demons followed her all the way to New York and took up residence with some newly discovered demons as well. Julia got so wrapped up in the lifestyle of drugs and partying that it landed her in rehab a few times. She barely visited and only called on holidays. In many ways, she had begun to remind me of Jean. She was the most important person in her own world, and our mother had always acted the same way. Our rare conversations always revolved around her and the big adventure of the moment. If I did ever get a word in, Julia would just interrupt with “Oh, that’s nice” and without hesitation go right back to talking about herself. She stopped hearing me all together. I was no longer significant in her world, and I would eventually become used to it.
I made the mistake of visiting Julia the summer after I graduated high school. Yes, here we go. It’s not pretty, just let me tell you. It was such a shock to actually be invited to come see her. I really missed her so I eagerly agreed to fly to New York—like an idiot. It was my first time on a plane, as well as to New York, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The flight went smooth even though I was scared to death. I believe I stayed a nervous mess until my feet returned back to South Carolina soil later that week.
As soon as the plane landed in New York, I began wishing I had never agreed to the trip. For starters, Julia was too busy meeting with her agent to pick me up from the airport. This left me with the task of hailing a cab and figuring out how to get to Julia’s apartment building all on my own. The cab driver could barely speak English and he had a hard time understanding my southern accent. We were definitely two very confused and very aggravated individuals. He finally pulled up at the correct building after forty-five minutes of “huh?” and “I not understand.” More to my surprise was the fee for the cab ride. It cost me a good chunk of the spending money I had for the entire week’s trip. I not so politely told him he was robbing me and the unfairness of it. He simply replied with another, “I not understand.” “Bull” is what I called out to him before he abandoned me in the heart of New York.
Just when I thought the situation couldn’t get any worse, Julia was not home yet. I was not allowed to enter the building without her, so I spent the first afternoon of my trip to New York waiting on a hot, busy sidewalk for my inconsiderate sister to show up. Fear of getting lost and heavy luggage prevented me from venturing too far from the building. I had enough sense to not leave my belong
ings unattended, so I just stood around waiting.
Luckily, there was a hot dog vendor only a block from the apartment building. It was the first morsel of food I had a chance to eat all day. I asked the vendor man to give me the New York Special, and I do believe it was the best hot dog I had ever eaten. Too bad it hit my stomach like a ton of bricks. Of course, Julia didn’t make her way home for another two hours after I dined on that dang hot dog. By that time, I was completely exhausted, my clothes were drenched in sweat and my stomach felt like a volcano ready to explode. I found some shade under the edge of the steps and spent the agonizing afternoon hunched atop my suitcase, praying for some relief. My sweaty shirt and jeans made my misery even more agonizing. The humidity in New York was just as relentless as it is in South Carolina. For some reason, I thought I would be getting a reprieve from that, at least. A few people actually tossed some spare change at my feet. I figured I probably looked pretty pathetic.
Just when I had made my mind up to try to journey back to the airport, Julia showed up. She looked so sleek and so thin. The heat didn’t even seem to faze her. She exuded this cool, sexy demeanor, and I was instantly intimidated by her for the first time ever. There was no way I could ever pull off such a manner as that. I felt very lacking in her presence. Still do, if I ever see her.
“Hey chick,” Julia sang as she breezed by me. She just seemed to float up the steps of the building. “Let’s get out of this heat.” She waved her prissy hand around as though to shoo away the humidity. It seemed to work for her. I mocked the same motion behind her back, but got no results.
With just a quick glance my way, Julia entered her apartment building. It took all the energy I could muster up to drag my things inside. I guessed all of her manners had to have wasted away with her figure. She never apologized for making me wait so long, nor did she ask to help me with my suitcase and bag. I was so close to calling Dad and begging him to come get me, but I didn’t want to bother him.
Once we entered her apartment, I headed straight to the cramped bathroom and stayed for about an hour. My bag and I could barely fit in the small space, but I managed it somehow. I immediately peeled off my sweat-drenched outfit. The coolness hit my body and a wave of nausea and dizziness swept over me. After throwing up my first and last vendor hot dog, I sat on the edge of the tub and had myself a good pity party. The day had totally overwhelmed this ole southern girl.
After I pulled myself together, I began to check out my small surroundings. You could barely turn around in the tiny space. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and let out a little gasp at the sight of the knotted-haired, flush-faced train wreck that stared back. I quickly realized I was not ready to go face my sister being the mess that I was, so I began to snoop a little bit. I decided to check Julia’s medicine cabinet out. It was filled with prescription pain relievers and sleeping pills. Sadly, that did not surprise me. In a small cabinet beside the tub were tons of makeup, perfume, bath oils, and face creams. It looked like the entire beauty counter from Macy’s was crammed in there. I guess it took a lot to maintain that better-than-you look. Once my belly finally settled down, I helped myself to some of the pricier-looking body wash and used it generously during a much-needed shower.
After dressing in a cooler sundress, I reemerged from the bathroom feeling a good bit refreshed. Expensive perfume followed me around. I guess my sister had that indulgence right, because it did make me feel somewhat better. I looked around the apartment in pure amazement at how compact it was. The living room/kitchen wasn’t much bigger than my bedroom back home. A beaded curtain served as the door to Julia’s bedroom alcove, which was covered in clothing and accessories galore. The sitting area was not much tidier. Water bottles and cigarette packs were scattered on every table. I figured those were probably the two main staples in my sister’s diet. I just couldn’t get over how bony she was. She used to be so healthy looking with her long lean athletic build, but now she seemed frail in her rail-thin body. Like, if I bumped into her, she might break.
I had to maneuver around piles of magazines and the craziest-looking high-heeled shoes tossed all over the floor to get to the couch. Then I had to move things over just so I could have a seat on the bright violet-colored thing. The main colors in the room consisted of dark fuchsias, deep purples, and vibrant teals. I know that sounds crazy, but it worked. Minus the clutter, the apartment had an exotic appeal. Young and hip was the vibe—just like Julia.
“There you are,” Julia said surprisingly. She popped out from her bedroom wearing a short silk robe. “I almost forgot you were here. It’s my turn to get freshened up.” Her speech was slightly off, and I wondered what might have been her drug of choice at the moment. I really didn’t want to deal with a drugged-up version of my sister for the duration of my visit, but I guessed I wouldn’t be given the choice on the matter.
Julia disappeared into the bathroom for what felt like eternity. She stayed in there for two and a half hours. Seriously! While she did who knows what, I looked through most of the magazines and even tried on some of her crazy shoes. Shoes were the only part of my sister’s wardrobe I could wear anymore. I checked out some of the clothes that covered her entire bedroom floor. To my disbelief, they were all size zeroes. How on earth could someone be a size zero? What was next? Size negatives. I was actually six sizes bigger than her and that blew my mind. There went borrowing something hip and cool to wear right out the blame window. Talk about feeling self-conscious…
The emotionally and physically draining day hit me after a while, so I shoved the pile of stuff off onto the floor so I could stretch across my sister’s couch. I easily dozed off. Julia finally emerged from the bathroom sometime later, waking me. The aromas of lavender and chamomile from her bath swept throughout the living room. She was still in her robe, but her hair and makeup were freshly done. I let out a long sigh of frustration at the thought of how long it might take her to actually get dressed.
“I’ll be right out.” She then disappeared into the jungle of clothing for only thirty minutes. This surprised me.
It baffled me that I had been in her presence for about four hours, and the only words uttered were pretty much “hey” and “I’ll be right out.” No real conversation had taken place. I worried the entire week would consist of the same. Julia had become really wrapped into her own life, and she definitely made it clear that I wouldn’t be getting in the way of it during my visit. I figured I should just try to make the best of it and not let everything bother me. I also kept reassuring myself that I would never have to visit her again.
It was nearing eight o’clock when Julia stood before me and twirled around to show me her next-to-nothing short, black skirt with a sleeveless, white blouse that was backless. The outfit was completed with lots of silver bangles and six-inch black stilettos. She looked absolutely glamorous and she knew it. Her wavy, platinum blonde hair was swept in a loose side ponytail that spilled over her right shoulder. I’m sure this was intentional as to show off her bare back.
“What do you think?” She acted as though she wanted my approval as she did her little prim show in front of me.
“I love those bracelets.” I eyed them as I spoke. I really did.
“Thanks.” She looked a bit disappointed at that being my only compliment. I had to put up with Jean’s whiny needs too much. I refused to do it for Julia as well. I was sure she received plenty of attention without needing any from me.
“Are you ready?” She asked as she headed to the door.
I was still sitting on the couch with my crumpled sundress on and my hair a mess. “Ready for what?” I asked.
“For some fun.” That was all the info she let me in on for the plans of the night.
“Well crap! I can’t go out looking like this, Julia. I mean, really?” I motioned towards the length of my body, disapprovingly.
“Look, little sis, I’ve got plans for the evening, so get your butt in gear or stay here. It’s up to you.” Julia stared at her cloc
k on the wall. “I’ll give you fifteen minutes before I leave you.” With her cell phone already plastered to her ear, she made her way to her room.
What the heck? I might as well live a little. I certainly didn’t want to spend my first New York night alone in the cramped apartment while being smothered by overflowing size zero clothes. My size six self was a bit overwhelmed by that fact.
I went to the bathroom and tried to pull myself together, once again. I tried to copy the side ponytail look of my sister’s, but just couldn’t seem to pull it off, so I let it hang loose in its natural brown waves. I threw my well-worn jean jacket on with the white sundress, after trying and failing to smooth out some of the wrinkles. I rolled up the jacket sleeves before digging around in Julia’s jewelry collection. I borrowed some chunky silver bracelets and hoop earrings to finish off my look. Staring into the mirror, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold a candle beside my sister but relented that it was as good as it was going to get. Within my allotted fifteen minutes, I grabbed a pair of Julia’s western-style boots and headed out the door.
Julia hailed a cab like it was the simplest task to do on earth. All she did was wave that prissy hand in the air and the street was at her command. I had a feeling that would not be the effect I would earn if I tried to mimic her. The girl seemed larger than life. I had to shake my head at her abundant glamour. We began the night at a little bistro, where I ordered a grilled chicken salad. I thought it would be best to play it safe after my incident with the hot dog. Julia only ordered a glass of wine.
“Aren’t you going to eat something?” I asked the rail-thin Barbie doll. I felt awkward eating in front of her.
