by Linda Oaks
“You two have been busy.” Sierra took me by surprise when she handed me a piece of folded up construction paper she’d had hidden behind her back.
“She wouldn’t let me see it,” Miley explained and then yelled for Hank, who upon hearing his name, dashed across the yard like his tail was on fire. He bounded up the steps and into the house heading straight for the kitchen.
While unfolding the piece of orange construction paper, I was aware of Sierra watching my every move. I don’t know what had occurred while I was gone, but the kid seemed to be warming up to me. Maybe it was because of my dog. Inside, she’d drawn a stick figure family of three, a funny looking blob with ears and a tail whom I assumed was Hank, and a house sitting in the background.
Emotion tightened my chest. If this was my family, I would treasure them — but they weren’t, and they never could be. My family had been taken away from me, and I would never allow myself to care for anyone else ever again. I couldn’t take that chance; losing Natalie and our baby had almost destroyed me.
“Thanks,” I murmured, and fought the urge to wrap my arms around the lost looking little girl standing before me, shyly watching my every move with wide eyes.
There was no way I could ever be her father; the man whom she judged others by for the rest of her life. I just didn’t have it in me, but I would try my best while they were here to chase those shadows from her eyes… and also her mother’s. I knelt down on one knee and pointed at the smallest drawn stick figure.
“Is that you?” I asked.
She inched closer to me; her tiny hand moved to rest upon my knee as her body leaned into mine. She trusted me. It hurt to breathe and when I inhaled, there was the smell of cotton candy. I realized then that Miley must have already given Sierra her bath for the night.
“That’s Hank, you, and Mommy. That’s your house,” she explained. I lifted my gaze from the paper, a timid smile graced her lips.
I didn’t know if I could handle this. Maybe Miley and Sierra would be better off staying with Cecil. I couldn’t save Natalie or our unborn child, so why did I think this would end up any differently? I wasn’t anyone’s hero, but when Sierra looked up at me with those big blue eyes, I found myself wishing things were different.
Miley cleared her throat, and I shook my head to clear my thoughts and flashed Sierra a brief smile before standing. The sudden sight of that bathrobe clinging to Miley’s lush curves now held my full attention.
Holy Hell, how did I miss that?
“Are you hungry?”
“Starved.”
She appeared relieved at my answer, but the husky tone of my voice had her nervously fiddling with the belt of her robe. When I looked at her, food was the last thing on my mind. Even though it wasn’t in either of our best interest, I wanted her in my bed and beneath me.
“Mommy and me made lasagna,” Sierra stated, and at hearing her speak, I snapped out of the lustful haze I’d been under. I’d completely forgotten about the kid. This was the very reason Miley was dangerous. She was a distraction I couldn’t ignore.
“We’ve already eaten,” Miley informed me. “I didn’t know when you were coming home.”
“I’m hungry again,” Sierra announced, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. Without thinking, I ruffled her hair and, when I realized what I’d done, I quickly pulled my hand away.
Don’t get too close! Keep your distance! I reminded myself. I really wanted to, and I needed to in order to survive. The possibility of having what little remained of my heart torn from my chest again wasn’t even an option.
“Oh shit,” Miley muttered, and darted past me and Sierra.
“Mommy said a dirty word,” Sierra informed me, just in case I had missed it.
“Where’s the fire?” I called out as she ran for the stairs with her robe flapping around her shapely legs — and what a mighty fine pair of legs they were indeed.
“Go ahead and eat. I left the damn water running!”
“Little ears!” I reminded her, and was rewarded with an obscene gesture that I would love to make into a reality.
With a chuckle, I glanced down at Sierra. Her brow was scrunched in concentration. She looked up at me and held up her hand mimicking Miley’s gesture. “What does that mean?” she asked, and I chuckled. My chest shaking with laughter.
“It’s a dirty word,” I informed her, and she yanked her hand quickly behind her back staring up at me.
“Am I in trouble?”
“Nah.” The grin on my face eased away the worried expression on hers. I ruffled her hair again and she smiled back at me. “Let’s go eat lasagna, kid. That is, if Hank hasn’t already beaten us to it.”
When Miley returned downstairs, Sierra and I were sitting at the kitchen table playing cards. She’d asked for Memory. I hadn’t had a clue what that was, but after she had explained the game to me, we’d improvised by making the best of it with the playing deck I’d kept to pass the long nights, since I didn’t own a television. My gran used to say T.V. would rot your brain. She didn’t believe in them.
Sometimes after a long day’s work, my mind refused to shut down even when my body was so bone tired that I could barely move. I’d pass the time playing solitaire while trying to distract myself from my thoughts… the ones that kept me awake long into the night. If I were lucky, I didn’t dream; or on those rare occasions when I did, I dreamt of Natalie, not the nightmares of her and that day, but flashbacks of the two of us together that played out almost like a movie, except they weren’t in black and white like the old movies Natalie had always loved.
My gaze drifted over Miley. She was so different from Natalie, and yet, I still found myself drawn to her. Her lips curved into a soft sweet smile as she stood watching us. Her damp hair was straight and brushed away from her forehead, drawing my attention to her stunning face. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, making me instantly think dirty thoughts. Her skin was glowing from her recent bath, and even though the dark shadow of a bruise resided high on her cheek and a cut marred her lip, none of that managed to detract from her beauty. She was fucking gorgeous.
“Mommy, come play,” Sierra said, flashing Miley a smile as she held up the cards in her hand.
“You did the dishes?” Miley asked as she walked over to the table, noting the empty sink, and scooted out a chair to sit down beside Sierra.
The look of amazement on her face had me chuckling. “Yeah, who do you think does mine? I didn’t let the maid have the night off, darling.”
She shook her head and smiled at me, then she stuck out her tongue. “So, how do we play this game?”
I leaned back in my chair crossing my arms over my chest as Sierra explained the rules to Miley. Underneath the table, I could hear Hank snoring softly from the aftereffects of a full belly. The pup was a bottomless pit. He’d eaten a huge plate of lasagna right along with me and Sierra.
“Are you ready?” Sierra asked, drawing my attention back to the game.
For the next forty minutes, we’d played our own homemade version of Memory and I’d listened to the giggling of Sierra and Miley along with their playful banter. I tried to keep myself here in the present instead of drifting off and focusing on a past I couldn’t change, but the sight of the two of them together left me yearning for “what might have been.” Life was a cruel, heartless bitch, and she’d brought me to my knees for the last time.
This wasn’t my family, and I’d do well to remember that.
Sierra was smart, and it was hard not to feel a sense of pride whenever she’d chosen the right card then looked up to see if I was watching. When she saw that I was, she’d smile triumphantly. She was just like her mom, and it would be so easy for me to let myself drown in what they could offer; the chance for a family of my own… a chance for love… a chance to belong. I shoved those thoughts aside, instantly feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of anyone ever replacing Natalie or our child. It was better to live with the ghosts of my past than to travel that road again
. It could only lead to more heartache.
Raising my arms over my head, I stretched and caught Miley’s gaze. Her eyes were drawn to the tug and pull of my muscles, and from the expression on her face, it was apparent she liked what she saw. I was in pretty good shape, but was getting as stiff as a board from sitting in this damn chair. With a mischievous grin on my lips, I lowered my arms and flexed my biceps showing her the guns. A telling pink flush instantly stained her cheeks.
“You ass.” She mouthed with a grin. I chuckled and gave her a wink, drawing a curious look from Sierra.
“All right, young lady, time for bed.” And instead of Sierra making a big fuss as one would expect, she started picking up the cards. I decided to help and reached for the ones in front of me, stacking them. Sierra was on her knees in her chair and leaned across the table handing me the box and the remainder of the cards.
“It was fun,” she said with a wide smile.
“It sure was.” I shuffled the cards and then placed them back into the box. “You tired?” I asked, since I’d seen her yawn twice in the last few minutes.
“Her bedtime is at eight-thirty,” Miley said. “I know it seems a little early, but by the time we brush teeth, read a story, and get settled in, it’s after nine.
“Princesses need their beauty sleep,” Sierra explained, and I couldn’t help but smile at her explanation. Miley stood and pushed in her chair. Sierra came around the table to stand beside me. With a hesitant glance at Miley, who shrugged her shoulders at me, I looked at Sierra. What did the kid want?
Before I could even speak, tiny arms tried to wrap themselves around my neck. At her touch, I froze; helpless against her simple gesture. When she climbed the rest of the way into my lap, my hands automatically curled around her waist steadying her before she fell. She pecked a kiss against my cheek then climbed down just as quickly as she’d come. It was hard to swallow past the sudden lump lodged in my throat.
“Goodnight,” Sierra said, but I refused to look at her or at Miley. Instead, I stared straight ahead and focused on the lone magnet stuck to the front of the refrigerator door.
“Nate.” I heard Miley call my name, I chose to ignore her. Vaguely, I noted her taking Sierra’s hand in hers. I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t. When I looked around, they were gone. I was all alone. Even Hank, the traitorous bastard, had deserted me. My heart thudded painfully in my chest.
What in the hell had just happened to me?
“Fuck!” I slammed my hands down hard onto the table and shoved myself up from my chair.
I had to get out of here!
CHAPTER FIVE
BY THE TIME I’d finally finished with inventory, everyone had already left for the night. It was past time for me to do the same. When I arrived back at the house, all the lights were out except for the one on the front porch. The sky was dark. There wasn’t a single star in sight. There was a rustling in the bushes. I didn’t think too much of it since Hank ran off all of the wildlife. From corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of him, and he was running straight toward me.
“Hey, shithead,” I said as he jumped up on me. I rubbed his thick coat. He was panting hard. The dampness from his front paws wet the denim of my jeans. I’d bet ten to one, Miley had let him out to take care of his business before bedtime and the fucker wouldn’t come back. He was good for that.
Without making a sound, I opened the front door. In the darkness, I made my way across the living room to the couch and sat down to tug off my boots. I was tired, but I couldn’t quit thinking about the events of the day, about Miley and Sierra. When I left, I didn’t even tell them goodbye. That had been an asshole move on my part.
With a defeated sigh, I headed upstairs with Hank hot on my heels. The hall light was on and the door next to mine cracked open. As if drawn by an invisible cord, I entered the room as quietly as possible and walked over to the bed. They were both sound asleep.
As I stared down at them, unwanted emotions squeezed my heart. Miley lay resting on her side, her cheek nestled in her palm. Her full lips were slightly parted in sleep. Long strands of strawberry blonde hair were spread across her pillow. With her delicate features, she reminded me of an angel. A slim arm lay draped across Sierra’s waist. Even in sleep, it seemed as if she felt the need to protect her. The sleeveless white gown she wore rode high on her thighs displaying silky skin that glowed like satin in the dim lighting from the hall. My hands itched with the need to touch her. Before I could stop myself or even think, I was trailing a finger along the firm, supple silkiness of her skin.
Taking a deep breath, I took a step back and shook my head realizing what I’d done. I didn’t want to feel this way. I would help her get rid of her crazy ass ex and then we all could go back to living our regular lives. I had nothing to offer them. There was no room for her or Sierra in my life. It would have been easier for me if Miley were some random stranger, but we had a history. She was a part of my past.
On the nightstand beside the bed, I spotted her phone. She didn’t have a password set so I quickly programed my number into hers then sent a text to my phone. Earlier, we’d forgotten to exchange numbers. It wouldn’t happen again. Whenever Miley was around, I couldn’t keep a straight thought in my head. With another glance at the bed, I forced myself to turn around and walk from her room. I decided to leave the door open just in case either of them needed me during the night.
Of course, Hank was lying in my bed, sprawled in my spot. That sorry son of a bitch, I thought as I yanked off my clothes and pushed him aside. “Move,” I grumbled, and he finally gave in, but first, he had to stretch before crawling the remainder of the way onto his side of the bed. With a grunt, I laid down and crossed my arms behind my head to stare up at the ceiling as I listened to Hank softly snore. I willed my mind to go blank, but it was no use. All I could think about was her. Thoughts of the woman in the room next to mine were enough to keep me awake the rest of the night.
The next morning when I opened my eyes, Hank was licking my face. It was obvious he needed to go outside. I was tired as hell. In the early morning hours, I’d finally managed to drift off to sleep. The last time I remembered looking at the clock it had read 3:54 a.m. Hank crowded against me. Impatient fucker. I pushed him aside and climbed out of bed, then grabbed my pants from the floor. After tugging them on, I headed down the hallway with Hank following right behind me. For most of the night I’d tossed and turned, preoccupied by my thoughts. The sooner I found Ryder Blade the better.
Looking in, I saw Miley and Sierra were still sleeping. It was embarrassing the way I’d behaved last night, and I didn’t want her to catch me in her room. She would probably think I was as big of a creeper as her ex. After letting Hank outside, I grabbed a quick shower, got dressed, and headed for the kitchen. I needed caffeine. I was waiting for the coffee to perk and staring out the window when my phone began to ring.
Who in the hell was calling me this early in the morning?
My phone buzzed near the edge of the counter, ringing loudly within the quietness of the room. I needed to adjust the damn ringer. Just in time, I managed to snag it from the counter before it fell to the floor. Absently, I noticed the number on the caller id.
“Hello.”
It was the Sheriff. He informed me that a couple of his deputies had picked up Ryder Blade on some bogus charge and were bringing him in for questioning concerning a recent theft in the area. In regards to Ryder’s record, he’d been clean since his release from the pen six months ago. There were no outstanding warrants. The Sheriff said that he wouldn’t be able to hold him for long, and informed me if I wanted to speak with him I needed to get my ass down to the station pronto.
When I arrived at the Crawley County Police Department, Ryder Blade was there and he was waiting for me. He smirked when I walked in then grinned at the officer who had been trying to question him. “I know my rights.” I heard him say, and I was pretty sure he did since he’d spent the last three and half years locked away
in the Hurley County State Penitentiary on a possession charge.
“Long time, no see,” he sneered. I ignored him and nodded to the officer who in turn casually walked away from the desk leaving the two of us alone. Ryder started laughing. It was all I could do not to grab the slimy piece of shit and bash his head against the corner of the desk.
“What are you doing in town?” I asked, cutting to the chase. “Why are you harassing Miley Triton?”
Cool blue eyes regarded me inquisitively, and then he grinned even wider displaying straight white teeth. “Well let’s see… hmm.” He tapped a finger against his chin as if he were thinking. “Oh… it’s a free country the last time I checked, asshole.”
Rage bubbled like acid in the pit of my stomach. I clenched my hands and tried not to let my temper get the best of me. “You need to listen, you little shit. Stay the fuck away from Miley. You only get one warning. Leave town and go back to playing the little bitch for your MC. Leave her the hell alone.”
He laughed out loud, his chest shaking. “You this torn up over a piece of pussy, man?”
It was then that I lost it.
His head snapped back as my knuckles connected with his chin. It was pure reaction. Adrenaline coursed through my body. There was a roaring in my head, and the urge to rip him limb from limb consumed me so I hit him again. He was a big man, but not as big as me. He grabbed me around the waist, but I managed to keep him pinned in the chair and slammed another punch to his face. With a growl, he bucked like crazy and ended up landing a shoulder to my stomach. The sudden blow combined with his weight threw me off balance. I gripped his leather jacket and struggled to stay upright, but he lurched backwards. The next thing I knew, I was pitching forward. Everything happened so fast. The chair tipped and we both toppled onto the floor.
Ryder grunted near my ear, but I jerked my head away. I wouldn’t put it past him to try and bite me. “Payback’s a bitch,” he said, grinning. Blood oozed from the corners of his mouth. His teeth were tinged pink. I’d had the good fortune to land on top of the fucker, and don’t think I didn’t take advantage of it. I drew back my fist once more, barely dodging his. When I got through with him, he’d never put his filthy hands on Miley ever again.
