“No, Fenella, I’m really grateful. Honestly.”
“Thank you, Dawn. You’re too kind.” She sighed. “You know… oh it doesn’t matter.”
“No it does. Please go on.”
“Are you sure? I don’t really have anyone to talk to about these things and sometimes, it all builds up.”
“You can tell me, Fenella.”
“Thank you, dear. When Paul retired, I thought we were going to do all the things we’d planned years ago. We have National Trust membership and I was looking forward to visiting the places we’d admired for so long. He used to show me all these beautiful stately homes and castles on Instagram and we’d talk about how we’d visit them.”
“And it hasn’t happened?”
She shook her head. “He’s always still so busy and I don’t like to ask.”
“But you should, Fenella. You have a right to spend time with him too.”
“It’s like retiring gave him a new lease of life and it doesn’t involve me. I can’t play golf, I’m terrified of going out on that damned boat because I can’t swim very well and I’m not that good on social media, so I can’t even get involved with Wallace and Lulu’s Instagram page.”
“You could learn how to do that. If you like, I’ll show you.”
“I’d be very grateful for some lessons in that respect, Dawn.”
“No problem at all. But what will you do about Paul? You should be honest with him because perhaps he doesn’t even realise that he’s neglecting you.”
Fenella shrugged. “Perhaps I will. Or I’ll just get on with it, I guess. I’m good at that. My sons and their families don’t live close enough to visit every week, and Dawn, please don’t think that’s a criticism. My husband prefers sailing and golf to taking me around stately homes and castles. All I do have to enjoy is a slightly wicked crush on a TV character.”
Dawn smiled.
“You know, Fenella… It would really help us out if you could come to stay more regularly. Perhaps you could pick the children up from school once a week – I could speak to the head teacher and get your name on the trusted contacts list – and you could help me out with the baby. Even once a fortnight if it’s too far to drive on a weekly basis.”
Fenella nodded. “That’s very kind, Dawn. I promise that I won’t do any cleaning unless you ask me to do it.”
“That’s settled then.”
“Every other Thursday?”
“Whatever suits you.”
“Now go and get some rest, dear.”
“Thank you. Good night, Fenella.”
“Call if you need me.”
Upstairs, Dawn changed into her fluffy pyjamas then slipped under the quilt. A noise outside made her jump but she realised it was the wind. It had been breezy all day and the wind was now picking up. Perhaps the weather was changing and the Indian summer they’d talked about was on its way out.
She wondered what Rick was doing. Was he sleeping or engaged in conversation in some swanky London club? Was he poring over figures and offering advice, or was he laughing with some attractive woman who was pawing at his arm and fingering his tie as she hung on his every word…
Stop it!
This wouldn’t do anyone any good.
She picked up the top book off the pile on her bedside table – a psychological thriller that had been raved about recently – and opened it. But the words swam before her eyes and she tried to read the page four times before realising that this wasn’t going to work. Instead, she tried to think about her conversation with Fenella. It had been one of revelations and she hoped that their relationship would be stronger because of it. And that Fenella would feel needed, because she hated to think of anyone feeling lonely or left out. There was no need for that at all.
Chapter 10
Dawn woke to a buzzing sound. She reached for her mobile then peered at the screen. It was six o’clock and she’d received an alert from the mobile network about cinema tickets. As if that would be her first concern on waking. She realised that she must have fallen asleep trying to meditate, as the lamp on her bedside table was still on. Exhaustion had obviously claimed her in spite of her reservations about being able to rest.
She sat up and propped the pillows up behind her then took a few deep breaths before looking at her mobile again. There were no missed calls and no text messages. Rick hadn’t tried to make contact at all.
Well she was not going to spend the day moping around. There was probably a perfectly good reason why her husband had not called her and she would have to give him the benefit of the doubt or go mad. Besides, all this stress wouldn’t be good for the baby.
She got up, showered, dressed then went downstairs. Fenella was in the kitchen making pancakes. Laura and James were sitting at the breakfast bar, fully dressed, tucking into pancakes covered in chopped banana.
“Good morning,” Dawn said as she kissed their heads.
“Morning, Mummy.”
“Hi, Mummy.”
“Morning, Dawn. Pancakes?”
“Uh… yes, please. I actually feel quite peckish.”
Fenella handed her a plate then loaded it with two pancakes and gestured at the bottle of maple syrup. “You want that, bananas or both?”
“Banana will be fine, thanks.”
Fenella nodded then chopped up a banana into a bowl and passed it to Dawn.
“Thank you.” Dawn smiled at her mother-in-law and saw warmth in the older woman’s eyes. It lifted her own spirits and she wondered if it was usually there, and if she failed to see it because she had a version of Fenella in her head and that version hadn’t been warm and kind. Until now.
“I was thinking that I can drop the children off at school this morning then go shopping for you. Do you want to write a list?”
Dawn swallowed the banana she’d been chewing.
“That’s really kind of you, thank you.”
“I’ll do that then when I come back, I’ll pack my things.”
“What?”
“Well it’s probably time for me to be going, Dawn. Give you some space to sort things out here.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
Fenella nodded. “I do. You’re better now and if you need me again, you just ring and I’ll come straight back. But you and your family need some time alone to prepare for the little one.”
“But who will make me pancakes, Nanna?” James asked.
“I’ll make extra then freeze them, so all your mum needs to do is heat them up in the mornings. How does that sound?”
“Like a good plan.”
Dawn smiled at her son. He was so easily bought with food.
“Nanna is going to visit more often now, so she’ll be able to make you pancakes when she comes.”
“Are you, Nanna?”
Fenella nodded. “Whenever your mummy needs me.”
Laura was chewing absently, silently, her eyes focused on something in the garden.
“Laura, what’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“I just need to check on Lulu and Wallace before school, so I’m trying to eat my breakfast quickly.”
“Good idea.”
When they’d finished eating, the children went outside and Dawn helped Fenella to tidy the kitchen.
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
“Well, for being understanding.”
“I might seem like a pompous old bag at times but I do mean well, you know.” Fenella shook the cloth she’d used to wipe the cooker top over the sink then rinsed it.
“You’re not a pompous old bag.”
Fenella chuckled.
“We all go through trials in life, Dawn, and marriage certainly isn’t easy. I do hope that you and Rick manage to sort this out but even if you don’t, I hope you’ll be happy. Life is so short.”
She placed a hand on Dawn’s shoulder. “You’re a good mum and a loving wife. You deserve to be treated well. Make su
re you’re honest with Rick. Do not let him off the hook.”
Dawn inclined her head.
“Same goes for you with Paul.”
“Unfortunately, I’m not very good at practising what I preach.” Fenella pressed her lips together.
“Mummy!
James ran into the kitchen.
“No, I want to say!” Laura pushed past him and stood in front of Dawn panting.
“What is it?” Dawn scanned her children’s red faces, met their shining eyes.
“It’s Wallace.”
Oh no… not again… The new one couldn’t possibly have died too.
“What’s wrong with Wallace?” Dawn steeled herself.
“Come and see!” James grabbed her hand and pulled her outside.
In the garden, Laura knelt in front of the hutch then slowly opened the door to the sleeping compartment. Dawn noticed that her daughter had put Lulu into the garden run. She steeled herself, preparing to see a stiff little body, but instead, Wallace was there, eyes wide and nose twitching as he spotted his owners.
“Wallace is a mummy!” James shouted.
Dawn stared in shock at the straw.
From behind her, Fenella laughed. “How on earth did that happen? Wallace is a boy isn’t he? And even if he wasn’t… You only have one guinea pig don’t you?”
“Yes.” Dawn turned to meet her mother-in-law’s eyes then she winked at her. “I’ll explain later.”
“Yay! Can we keep them all?”
Dawn looked at the four tiny white guinea pigs, then at her children’s delighted expressions and knew that she couldn’t refuse. They’d already lost one guinea pig, even if they knew nothing about it, so she could hardly deny them this.
“I guess so. But I think we’d better give them some darkness now and close the door so they don’t get cold. Wallace has a big job ahead of him… I mean her.”
“Wallace is a girl!” Laura shrieked then she held her belly as she giggled.
“Indeed she is.”
“Can we have a boy baby then Mummy, because there are too many girls now.” James frowned, his light brown brows meeting in the middle of his smooth forehead.
“I’ll see what I can do.” Dawn ruffled his hair then ushered the children towards the house. “Come on, time to get ready for school.”
Fenella led them inside and Dawn turned and gazed at the garden. Lulu was hopping about in the run, stopping to nibble at the grass. Dawn realised that it was lucky that the rabbit hadn’t attacked the baby guinea pigs – she thought she recalled reading that they were called pups – or even eaten them. That thought turned her stomach but she knew she’d read about rabbits turning on their own young. They would need to get another hutch now to give Wallace some space to raise her family. Especially as it had turned colder and Lulu couldn’t stay out in the run all day.
More than ever, she wished her husband was here, so she could speak to him about what had happened and so that he could help her to decide on what needed to be done.
She stepped inside the kitchen and closed the door.
Then her heart leapt as she spotted Rick standing in the hallway, his face dark with stubble, his eyes red and his suit crumpled as if he’d slept in it. Laura and James were clinging to his hands, asking him why he’d come home from work at this time and Fenella was trying to get them to go upstairs to brush their teeth.
“Laura, James, go on upstairs. I’ll be up in a bit.” Dawn used her strictest voice and the children listened, as if aware that their parents needed some time alone.
“I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” Fenella gave a quick wave.
Then it was just Dawn and her husband and the air was filled with tension so thick she could barely breathe.
“I am so sorry,” he whispered. “I’ve done something terrible.”
***
Dawn wobbled and Rick was suddenly beside her, taking her arm. He helped her to a chair and she sat down then placed her palms flat on the kitchen table as if to anchor herself.
Rick took the chair next to hers and sat facing her. She noticed that he couldn’t keep his hands still, he was wringing them together, his knuckles were white and his cuticles were ragged as if he’d been chewing them through the night.
“So you’ve done something terrible?”
“Yes. Well I think so. Although it might not be terrible… it depends how you see it, really.”
“Something unforgiveable?”
“I’m not sure.”
The ground shifted beneath her and she gasped.
“Dawn?”
“I’m all right. Just a bit dizzy.”
“I am so sorry for putting you through all of this.”
“Rick, if you’d just let me know where you were last night. I was so worried.”
“God, I know.” He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I’m sorry, I was in such a state. Jake took me to a bar and we got drunk and… I’m just sorry. I was in no fit state to come home.”
“You didn’t come home because you got drunk? What if something had been wrong with one of the children or with the baby… I wouldn’t have been able to reach you.”
Dawn expected to feel anger rising again but instead a strange numbness was taking over, spreading like ice through her limbs and dulling her thoughts. Making them sluggish.
“Dawn, I’d better just get straight to the point here. I got drunk because of what I did.”
“Did you… did you cheat, Rick?”
She clamped her jaw shut to stop herself crying, although a lump had risen in her throat and her eyes were burning.
“Did I cheat?” His bloodshot eyes widened. “Me?”
“You’ve been acting strangely. You’ve been distant. You didn’t come home last night and now you’re telling me you did something terrible. What’s worse than cheating?”
“Dawnie, I love you, I would never cheat on you. Is that what you thought?”
“Well look at me!” She gestured at her jogging bottoms and baggy t-shirt then at her face, where she knew she had a line from a crease in the pillowcase. Her hair was pulled into a messy ponytail and she certainly didn’t feel at her most attractive.
“Look at you? Dawn you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
“But right now I’m all fat and swollen and…” Her lip wobbled so she stopped talking.
“You’re absolutely gorgeous. I love you so much and even if you put on twenty stone, I’d still love you because you would be you. Don’t you get that? And right now, your body is changing again because you’re carrying our baby. That, to me, makes you even more beautiful.”
“Really?”
He took her hands. “Really. I’ll never ever want anyone else. That’s why I married you. I have never ever cheated and I never ever will.”
“So what’s wrong then? Why all the secretive phone calls and longer hours and the distance between us? When you were home last week, things seemed so much better but then you stay out all night…”
“If you think I’ve been distant then I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be at all. I’ve just had a lot on my mind. I did before you found out you were pregnant again but it kind of added to the pressure.”
“It wasn’t the best time, was it?”
He shook his head. “No, but I don’t care about the timing now. I’m delighted that we’ll have another child, but for me, I need to be able to provide for you all. I want you to be happy and secure and if you’ve been feeling the opposite of that then it’s an ironic mess.”
“Oh Rick.” She squeezed his hands.
“Dawn… yesterday I quit my job.”
“What?”
“I quit. Well, I didn’t exactly walk out empty-handed but the company has suffered some losses recently and they asked for volunteers to come forward to accept redundancies.”
Dawn’s mouth had fallen open so she forced it shut.
“You don’t need to worry, Dawnie, it’s a good package. I wouldn’t have
considered it otherwise. I promise you that.”
“You gave up your job?’
His cheeks blanched. “You’re not happy. See, this is why I was concerned you’d think it was terrible. The last thing I want to do is to put you under more pressure. But honestly, angel, we have more than enough money to pay the mortgage and bills for two years… more if we’re careful. I know it’s not the best time to be careful with money with a new baby on the way but I won’t just sit around doing nothing. I have some ideas… and contacts. I know people who’d give me a job tomorrow. I’ll need to go into the City for a few days next week just to tie up loose ends but then I’ll be free.”
Dawn started to laugh.
“Dawnie?”
“Rick, I’m not worried. We still have money that we saved when I was working. We won’t be broke; I know that. And if it came to it we could sell this house and downsize.”
“I don’t want to do that to you and the children.”
“No, I know. But it’s always an option. And after the baby’s born, I could look for work. Do some supply teaching just to keep some money coming in. I was hoping to go back to work anyway, wasn’t I… before we found out we were expecting again?”
“So you’re not mad?”
“Not at all. In fact, I’m delighted. Just think of the time we can spend together. It was so lovely having you home last week.”
“Well, that was one of my ideas. I could set up as an independent financial adviser. Work mainly from home and go out when necessary. It would mean I’d be around more for when baby number three comes.”
“Oh Rick I love that idea.”
“And if you want to return to work next year, then that’s up to you, but you know you don’t need to.”
“I know that, but I think I’d like to. Even if it’s just for a day or two a week.”
Her heart soared as she let everything sink in. Rick wouldn’t be working such long hours anymore. He wouldn’t have to leave for the train at the crack of dawn or return after Laura and James had gone to bed. It would be so good for the children. So good for them.
Autumn at The Cosy Cottage Cafe: A heart-warming feel-good read about life, love, marriage and friendship Page 9
