by Nikki Duncan
Pushing off the ballroom floor, he went after his shirt, finding it where it had fallen when she stripped him. His pants and shoes were where they’d fallen too. On the rare occasion he fell asleep before Lori, or left a mess, she cleaned it up. Having everything in its right place helped her feel in control and settled, like her world was right.
She’d left his clothes, not even bothering to straighten them. Silently impactful, the basket of goodies he’d brought sat where she’d left it the night before. Untouched.
Her world was not right.
Trevor’s heart pounded with the painfully precise force of a jackhammer. Life had forgotten kindness for too long, endangering them and then separating them, but they’d found their way back to each other. They’d found happiness capable of chasing away darkness. They didn’t even argue, not that he gave her anything to get upset about.
Until now.
Pulling his phone out, he called her. Every unanswered ring was a jab to his heart. Her world was really not right.
Dressed, he grabbed the basket she’d left behind and went to find her. He wasn’t sure what he’d say when he finally found her, but he needed to come up with something. It had taken a long time for her to open up and tell him everything she’d gone through, every bit of darkness she’d lived. The more she’d shared about herself and her past, the more he understood why she didn’t accept his proposals.
She loved him. He had no doubt about that. But anytime she’d found herself in a relationship she wanted to keep she’d ended up losing it. She’d have backed out of Tulle and Tulips if her lone, longtime friend Misty hadn’t stood by her the whole way. Lori was afraid to believe he would be different, and allowing herself to say yes to a proposal meant she believed. Waiting for that day, for her, would be worth however long it took. He’d thought she was getting close to acceptance.
Until he’d hurt her.
“Damn it.” Slamming into his car, growing angrier with himself over every second that ticked by, he headed toward her home.
The hurt on her face in the moments before the accident that had almost killed him, an accident she saw herself as being responsible for, couldn’t hurt as intensely as what she must be feeling.
The fear of rejection in her eyes when she’d stepped off his elevator after a long absence, when she’d thought he would reject her, couldn’t be as fierce as what she feared now.
He’d let her down in a way that would have her doubting the security of her world.
She wasn’t at her apartment, though she rarely was these days. She hadn’t gone to his, where they spent most of their time. She hadn’t gone to his office apartment. The only option left was that she’d gone to stay with one of the Tulle and Tulips women, but there were eleven of them. And it was the middle of the night. He would call every one of them if it wasn’t the early morning hours of an important wedding day.
Lori would not appreciate him putting a blight on Darci’s wedding.
He tried calling her again, tried every few minutes, but she never answered. Voicemail after voicemail he pleaded desperately for her to call him back. To let him know where she was. To let him say he was sorry.
She didn’t even text him.
He grabbed a fresh suit and tie on his way out of his apartment but didn’t change. Instead of going back to the hotel right away, Trevor went to the beach where he’d tried to take her on a date before. There’d been a fair in town, with a Ferris wheel.
As far as he knew, Lori had only returned to the grounds once for a First Saturday fair. She otherwise avoided the place, saying it reminded her of a time when things had first turned darkest. It was where she’d tried to get lost when she was being pursued. It was where she’d been captured, and what had come after was nothing short of the torments of hell.
He’d talked her into riding the wheel with him once, and held her while she trembled through the entire ride. “I’m never coming here again,” she said as she stepped from the bucket seat.
He’d curled his arms around her, hugging her to his body and wrapping her in whatever warmth she would take. “Are you at least glad you did it this time?”
She hesitated before answering. “Only because you were with me.”
“You deserve a life free of pain and fear, Lori. I’ll do my part to make sure you have it.”
She’d rested her fingers on his face and smiled. “I hope you’re patient enough for me to believe that.”
“Take as long as you need.”
The fair and wheel were gone now. Empty booths sat around, waiting to be filled for a fair or festival, and Trevor saw the past play out before him in vibrant color.
The area surrounding him crowded with the sounds and smells of thousands of people visiting a fair. Oblivious people who didn’t give a first thought, let alone a second one, to a man holding a trembling woman and making promises. She’d asked for patience, and he gave it easily most days. On the days he struggled, he found ways to hide it from Lori, because the longer she took to accept him the stronger he believed she may never be ready.
She wanted to believe to her core that she could trust him. He wanted to know just as badly that she’d committed every part of herself to him. Even the damaged pieces of her heart and soul she reserved for herself.
If she was thinking things were going wrong between them, that darkness had again found a way in, she might retreat to old habits. The fairgrounds had been a long shot, but he had to try.
Turning away from the locked gates, he headed toward the beach he’d followed her down before. The sand beneath his bare feet when he’d pursued Lori before had been just another surface to walk on. When they’d walked side-by-side and hand-in-hand it had been a cool balm of hope and promise.
This time, with his mind and heart clouded by the fear of losing her again, the sand finding its way into his shoes was a grating irritant. Each grain felt more like a pointed pebble that had been designed to drive home the levels of his idiocy.
Sinking down where they’d sat the first time, he pulled his phone out again. He dropped his forehead to his knees and the unanswered rings echoed in his soul.
“You’ve reached Lori Mullins with Tulle and Tulips Designer Weddings.” Her voicemail picked up. Her tone was light and happy, hopeful and full of the love she had for her job and friends. And him. He wouldn’t allow himself to believe differently. “I cannot get to the phone at the moment,” her message continued, “but leave your name, number and the reason for your call and I will get back with you. Have a brilliant day.”
“Lori.” He sounded defeated to his own ears. She was the one thing that could bring him to his knees and make him beg. “I let you down, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Please let me know where you are. That you’re okay. That we can talk. I really need to talk to you.
“I’m at the beach; you know the spot. I’ll be here in case you want to talk before the wedding.” He sighed, doubting she would come to him. “If I don’t see you before, know that I’ll still be there for you. I love you, and I’m sorry I caused your heart pain.”
Trevor ended the call, slipped the phone in his pocket, wrapped his arms around his knees and stared out over the water. Plans had always served him well, but he was coming up blank in the effort to think of a perfect apology.
This time it didn’t seem good enough to simply say “I’m sorry”.
Chapter Four
Lori had woken with the realization that a day had passed without a proposal from Trevor. Betrayal and abandonment had warred with each other and clouded her mind. As a former spy, one habit she’d never released was always having an exit plan. She’d taken a stash of cash and one of her former IDs out of her purse’s secret lining and rented a room in the hotel.
It had never been her plan to use the backups, and certainly not as a way to hide from Trevor, but old habits became instinct when she found hers
elf backed into a corner. Even an emotional one.
Wrapped in a robe from the hotel, she curled up under the covers and stared blankly at the TV. She’d seen the movie that was on before, but she couldn’t think of the name. She didn’t really care.
She only cared about figuring out why the lack of a proposal one day had the power to shatter her. It was ridiculous and didn’t mean Trevor felt any different today than he had yesterday. She certainly wasn’t a weak woman who needed a man to complete her.
Her phone rang. It would be Trevor, but she didn’t bother getting up to answer it. She wasn’t ready to talk to him, to face whatever it was that had driven her away from him.
She wanted Trevor though. She wanted him as much now as she had when they’d first met. He consumed her thoughts as completely as he had when she’d been kidnapped and held captive. The memory of his touch lived as vividly in her mind as it had when she’d been recovering and living under protection before the trial of the madame she’d helped bring down.
Everything about Trevor and the way she felt with him was… She struggled to name what it was because it was unlike anything she’d experienced. Maybe that made it normal, maybe that made her normal for the first time.
A proposal of marriage was a normal part of life. Perhaps that’s why she’d latched on to the power of them and hadn’t accepted one yet. If this kind of pain was normal, she wasn’t sure she was cut out for it.
Her phone rang several more times. She let it go to voicemail every time, and every time it jingled with the notification of a new message.
Testing her strength, she retrieved the phone and dialed her voicemail. Trevor was in a panic looking for her. The longer she listened to him, the more she felt like an ass for making him worry. She’d selfishly only thought about her own misery and hadn’t given any real thought to the fact that her disappearance would sweep him back to the time when he hadn’t been able to find her. When he now knew she’d been held captive and tortured.
Sinking into the depths of selfish sorrow, she listened to his last voicemail.
“Lori.” Defeat was evident in his tone, and it exacerbated the self-loathing currently filling her. The man who never begged was begging. He’d never let her down and now she was letting him down. “I let you down, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Please let me know where you are. That you’re okay. That we can talk. I really need to talk to you.
“I’m at the beach; you know the spot.”
The beach was the last place she’d go, which was probably why he’d gone there to look for her. He’d expect her to do the unexpected. Or at least he’d hoped she would.
“I’ll be here in case you want to talk before the wedding. If I don’t see you before, know that I’ll still be there for you. I love you, and I’m sorry I caused your heart pain.”
As hurt as she’d felt, she wondered if he wasn’t suffering more. He sounded like it. Changing back into her clothes, she went to the door to go to him. To apologize for her stupidity and selfishness. She couldn’t make herself grip the doorknob. She couldn’t convince herself to go to the beach where her world had first fallen apart.
He would come to her if she told him where she was, and that was tempting. Very tempting. It was also the reason she wouldn’t tell him where she was.
She was a different person than Trevor. When she went to him, when she gave him everything he wanted, it would be on her terms. And the beach, a place she equated with darkness, wasn’t the right place.
No. When she gave him everything he wanted, everything she wanted, it would be in a place where happiness shined brightly. The backroom of her office, with satin and tulle spread on the floor, came to mind. Or the apartment off his office. Both places held memories of some of their brightest moments.
Both felt as wrong as a random hotel room after they’d hurt each other’s feelings.
Unable to go to him or call him to her and equally unable to let him keep suffering, she texted him.
I’m fine. Just need a little time. I’ll see you at the wedding. Sorry for making your heart hurt.
Chapter Five
I’m fine. Just need a little time. I’ll see you at the wedding. Sorry for making your heart hurt.
As assurances went, Lori’s text didn’t do much. Still, he’d waited another hour on the beach before dragging himself home for a shower. Guilt had Trevor reading between the lines of her words until all he heard was her resolute agony.
A few hours early, hoping to catch a little time with Lori and smooth things out, Trevor pulled up to the hotel and breathed another steadying breath. The woman he loved did not do drama, especially in public. She would have her professional face on to hide any evidence of something being off. He needed to do the same for the sake of their friends and for her.
Darci and Victor deserved the perfect wedding they were hoping for.
A metallic tap against his car window jerked Trevor from his thoughts. He turned his head to see Jace Nichols, head of Blue Chip Technologies security, standing outside the car smiling and rubbing his hook along his jaw. Jace wasn’t an easy man and losing his hand in war hadn’t made him any softer, but he was a great man and the best head of security to ever work at Trevor’s company. He was also a good friend.
“You coming inside?” Jace asked.
Jace was always ready to lecture someone on being aware of their surroundings, but his current grin told Trevor he was probably more thrilled to have caught his boss off-guard. Trevor prided himself on never being caught unaware these days.
Trevor pasted on his best smile and nodded. Jace stepped back to allow room for the door to open. He wasted no time, as was normal, voicing his opinion on what he’d observed. Unexpectedly, his observation took a direction Trevor wouldn’t have guessed.
“You getting tired of these weddings not being yours?”
“It doesn’t get easier,” Trevor admitted.
“You’re a better man than me to keep asking.”
“You’d do it for Misty.”
Jace shook his head as they walked toward the hotel. “I’d have tied and dragged her to the altar a long time ago.”
“You’d have been castrated when you untied her.”
“She’d be more inclined to jam a heel into my eye while I slept.” Jace chuckled, never deterred by his wife’s defiant spirit. “You ever think about dragging Lori down the aisle?”
Think about it. Dream about it. Plan it. Lori possessed more than her share of defiance, and she could probably render him motionless with a single blow of her bare hand. “I’d be on a gurney before I could get a rope on her. The women already here getting ready?”
Jace aimed an uncomfortably insightful look at Trevor before answering. “For a few hours.”
Trevor nodded as the automatic doors slid open before them. “Lori and I haven’t done much talking since I got back in town.”
“I hear that’s normal for you two.”
It was, but for entirely more pleasurable reasons. “Do you ever wonder how much of our sex lives Lori and Misty share with each other?”
“I try not to think about it,” Jace shuddered. “And I don’t listen if Misty tries to share details of what she’s been told. I just don’t want to know that much about you.”
“Same here.” But the thought nagged that if Lori really told Misty everything about them, which he suspected she did, then she wouldn’t hesitate to tell her about him failing to propose. It was kind of a big deal, after all.
“It’s about time you guys showed up.” Burton Anderson, Leigh’s husband, looked like a man fleeing a trap as he exited the ballroom. “The soundboard has gone out, the hotel tech is clueless, and none of the Tulle and Tulips staff wants to disturb the women or Vic. Rumor has it Vic’s friend, Kyle, is good with technology, but he’s busy wrangling Groot.”
As if that point needed proof,
Vic’s Great Dane, Groot, charged by the doors leading to the patio where the reception would be. His long, fast strides challenged even Kyle, who was used to pursuing thieves.
“I could fix the arbor if that had broken,” Burton shrugged, “but technology…”
“Show me the way.” Trevor jumped on the chance to help Lori, to show in even a small way that he was one hundred percent interested in anything and everything that made her happy. At the moment, that meant keeping the wedding hiccup a secret so Lori and her friends could focus on Darci.
Burton turned back to the ballroom and led them to an area that had been blocked off by a fabric backdrop. No unsightly sound equipment would be allowed to mar the elegance of a Tulle and Tulips wedding.
A hotel A/V tech was scratching his beard and staring at the board. His tool box was on the floor nearby, but all he’d pulled out were a pair of needle nose pliers that weren’t likely to do him much good. “I’m not sure I can fix this. I set these things up; I don’t build them.”
“Need a hand?” Trevor asked.
The tech looked at him, hope shining in his eyes. “You know anything about this stuff?”
“A little.” He’d been the Tech Club President in high school, been offered a scholarship to three of the top technology schools in the country and won a few engineering awards in college before creating Blue Chip Technologies.
His days were more frequently spent selling ideas and running a company than they were with actual hands-on applications. Victor, his head of Technology Development, would occasionally let him play in the lab.
Slipping behind the board, Trevor’s fingers tingled with excitement. He rarely had the opportunity to work hands-on with technology anymore, and never on something so basic as a soundboard. There was a definite thrill in returning, however briefly, to the kind of thing that had gotten him started.
“I hear there’s a soundboard issue,” Lori said as she stepped around the partition.
