by Dilly Court
Lady Pendleton managed a tight little smile, nodding her head. ‘Of course, I understand. Perhaps Daisy would like to accompany you. Green Park is quite lovely at this time of the year.’
‘A turn around the gardens in the square will suit me well enough, Mother.’ Rupert glanced at Daisy. ‘Would you?’
She knew that she must face him alone at some stage, and she stood up. ‘Yes, that would be lovely. I’ll just get my hat and gloves.’
In the quiet of her bedroom, the one she had always occupied when staying in Grosvenor Square, Daisy checked her appearance in the cheval mirror, adjusting her hat so that it perched on top of her hair, which Beatrice had put up for her earlier that morning. She felt slightly uncomfortable in a silk gown that was at least a size too large for her and had to be cinched in at the waist with a cummerbund, and her tanned face looked oddly out of place beneath a wide-brimmed hat trimmed with flowers and ostrich feathers. Perhaps Rupert found her too much changed now, and unattractive. The war had altered both of them. Rupert’s boyish charm was gone, perhaps forever, and he seemed like a stranger. She left the sanctity of her room to join him in the vestibule.
He proffered his arm. ‘I won’t keep you out too long, Daisy. I expect you’re still rather tired after all the travelling you’ve done.’
She was inexplicably touched by this sudden show of consideration, and she felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to smile. ‘I’m tougher than I look, Rupert.’
Sedgwick, the Pendletons’ butler in Grosvenor Square, hobbled forward to open the heavy double doors and Rupert thanked him with a warmth that had been lacking when addressing his mother or Daisy. ‘How are the rheumatics, Sedgwick? Not troubling you too much, I hope.’
‘Not too bad, sir. I’m always better in the warm weather.’ Sedgwick returned his smile with the indulgence of a much older man speaking to a favoured child. ‘It’s good to have you home again, sir.’
‘It’s good to be home, Sedgwick.’ Rupert put on his peaked cap and stepped out into the sunshine with Daisy on his arm. They descended the steps and crossed the road to enter the gated garden, which seemed to slumber in the hazy afternoon heat. There were a few nannies pushing their charges in their coach-built prams, and some more elderly residents seated on benches in the shade of the London plane trees. It was cool and green and peaceful with the smell of newly mown grass filling the warm air and birdsong wafting on a gentle breeze. They walked in silence for a while. There was so much that Daisy wanted to say, but she could not find the words to express her feelings.
‘I’m afraid I’m not much company,’ Rupert said at length. ‘Can’t quite get used to being back in London where nothing much seems to have changed.’
‘I know what you mean,’ Daisy said softly. ‘I feel the same.’
He stopped and for the first time he looked her in the eyes. ‘Do you really?’
‘Yes, I do. No one here can imagine what life is like across the Channel, or the true suffering of the men in the trenches.’
He dashed his hand across his eyes. ‘It’s hell. Sometimes I think I’m a coward because I can’t stand the mindless carnage and loss of life. It all seems so bloody pointless.’
She squeezed his hand. ‘I know, and you’re not a coward. I won’t let you say that about yourself.’
He snatched his hand away and she noticed that it shook as he took a silver cigarette case from his pocket. ‘Do you mind if I smoke?’
‘Of course not, but that’s something you never did before.’
‘Almost everyone does over there. It helps to calm the nerves, or so I’m told.’ He took a cigarette and held it between his lips while he attempted to strike a match, but his hands trembled so much that it went out and he threw it down with an exclamation of annoyance. Daisy peeled off her gloves and tucked them into her pocket, and taking the matches from him she struck one and lit his cigarette. He inhaled deeply before exhaling a stream of blue smoke into the foliage above them. ‘Thanks.’
She dropped the dead match onto the dried earth beneath the tree. ‘You’re the one who needs to rest, Rupert. I’ve never seen you like this.’
He sucked smoke into his lungs, shaking his head. ‘I’m not fit company for anyone just now. I think I’d like to go on alone, if you don’t mind.’
‘But I do mind. Why won’t you talk to me? I’ve seen something of what you must have endured in the trenches. I understand how you must be feeling.’
He turned his head to give her a stony stare. ‘No you don’t. Nobody does, least of all a woman. I don’t want to hurt you, Daisy, but I’m not the man I was. I don’t think I’ll ever be that person again. Leave me before I ruin your life.’ He walked off, leaving a trail of smoke in his wake.
Daisy stood still, hardly daring to breathe. This was not how she had imagined their meeting, and she could not simply allow him to walk away. She experienced the sudden need to bring everything out into the open, including her own fall from grace. She ran after him, clutching at his sleeve. ‘Wait a moment. What are you saying, Rupert?’
He came to a halt, staring straight ahead and avoiding her gaze. ‘Isn’t it obvious? I’ve changed, Daisy. You don’t want to tie yourself for life to a man who can’t hold a cup without spilling it down himself; a man who cries in his sleep like a baby.’
She touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers and her eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m so sorry, Rupert. I don’t know what to say.’
He removed her hand gently, staring down at the diamond ring as it sparkled in the sunlight. ‘Release me from our engagement, Daisy. I doubt if I’ll survive much longer anyway, and you’d be a widow almost before you were a wife. The chances are that very soon I’ll be joining Teddy in heaven or hell, wherever the poor chap is now.’
‘Don’t say things like that,’ Daisy cried, choking on a sob.
‘I’ll instruct my solicitor to settle an annuity on you so that you’ll be independent for the rest of your life, but let me go with as good a heart as you can, and forgive me.’
Blinded by tears, she tugged at the ring and thrust it into his palm, closing his fingers around it. ‘I do release you from your promise if that’s what you want, but please allow me to help you. I’ve seen men suffering as you are now, and you shouldn’t go back to the Front. There are places . . .’
‘You mean a convalescent home or a mental institution. They’re for cowards who want to get away from the fighting. I’ve risen to the rank of major and I’m not going to disgrace my family name by taking the easy way out.’ He strode off and she ran after him, causing heads to turn but she did not care. She could not bear to see him in such a distressed state.
‘Wait, please. Don’t walk away from me. You would never be called a coward, Rupert.’
He quickened his pace. ‘Go away, Daisy. Leave me in peace.’
She caught up with him at the gate, barring his way. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To my club and I’ll dine there this evening. I’m leaving for Dover tomorrow, and I don’t want a lot of fuss.’ A fleeting smile softened his harsh features and he bent over to brush her lips with a kiss. ‘This is goodbye, Daisy Bell.’ He lifted her aside bodily and let himself out of the garden.
She stood for a moment frozen to the spot. Nothing had prepared her for this. Despite the summer heat she was chilled to the bone and shivering. She watched him until he was out of sight, heading for his club in Pall Mall. She felt bereft and desperately sad. Perhaps he had sensed that she had reservations about their marriage? If so she was sending him off to war in the cruellest possible way, and it shocked her to realise how much he really meant to her. She had lost someone who was more than a lover: he was her lifelong friend.
She stood very still, as if frozen to the spot, but she could not face returning to the house and the inevitable interrogation by Lady Pendleton. She had no notion what she would say, or how she would explain Rupert’s behaviour to his mother. She spotted an empty seat on the far
side of the garden and eventually gathered enough energy to make her way there. She sat down, staring into space, barely noticing the gradual disappearance of the nannies with their young charges, followed eventually by the elderly ladies and gentlemen, who were no doubt returning to their comfortable homes for afternoon tea or to take a nap before changing for dinner.
Sparrows pecked in the dust around her feet and pigeons waddled about on the grass seeking out the odd worm and insect. Eventually, when a robin landed on the bench at her side, cocking its head and staring at her as if silently asking her why she was still here, she came to her senses and rose to her feet. The small bird flew up into a tree to perch on an overhanging branch and it seemed to wink at her. Its cheeky stance brought a reluctant smile to her face. She was shocked and saddened, but life would go on. Her heart ached for Rupert and she wished that there was something she could do to help him, but she knew him only too well. The Pendletons had a stubborn streak and once he had made up his mind there was only a slim chance that he might have a change of heart.
She made her way slowly back to Pendleton House. Sedgwick opened the door and she could tell by the expression on his lined face that he had already guessed the truth. He had known Rupert since the day he was born and had watched him grow to manhood. There was little or nothing that happened in the Pendleton household that escaped Sedgwick’s shrewd eye, and Daisy felt that here at least she had an ally. ‘Mr Rupert will be dining at his club this evening, Sedgwick,’ she said softly.
His gaze never wavered from her face, but he inclined his head slightly. ‘Exactly so, Miss Lennox. Lady Pendleton is in the drawing room if you would care to join her. I’ll instruct Betsy to bring a fresh pot of tea.’
‘Thank you, Sedgwick. I’ll go to my room first, but I’ll be down shortly.’
Dinner that evening was a sombre affair. Lady Pendleton was visibly upset by her son’s absence and she confessed to being worried about him. Daisy tried to reassure her but even to her own ears her words sounded hollow. They took coffee in the drawing room but it was obvious that Lady Pendleton’s thoughts were elsewhere and she excused herself early, saying that she had some letters to write. Daisy was left in solitary state amongst the priceless antiques and elegant furnishings, but she felt uncomfortable and out of place. This was not a home, it was a mausoleum filled with precious artefacts but it had no soul. It was little wonder that Rupert felt more at ease in a gentlemen’s club than in his parents’ town house. She found herself wishing that she was back in Rainbow’s End. The old building might be in danger of tumbling down and it boasted none of the modern amenities, but its welcoming atmosphere always wrapped itself around her like a warm hug. Daisy felt suddenly homesick. The only possible course open to her was to return to Nutley Green on the first available train next morning. She went to bed early but sleep evaded her. She could only think of Rupert and worry about him. He was in desperate need of help, but there was nothing she could do to heal wounds that were mental rather than physical. She fell asleep just as dawn was breaking and was awakened some time later by Betsy, who brought her a cup of tea and offered to run her bath.
At breakfast, when Daisy asked if Parkin might drive her to Liverpool Street station, Lady Pendleton begged her to stay for another day at least. ‘It’s bad enough that Rupert has such a short leave. I’ve no idea why he stayed away last night,’ she said, giving Daisy a searching glance. ‘There’s nothing wrong between you, is there, my dear?’ Her gaze alighted on Daisy’s left hand and her eyes widened with concern. ‘Where is your ring?’
Daisy’s hand went automatically to the gold chain which she still wore around her neck. ‘I’ve grown used to wearing it close to my heart. I can’t wear jewellery of any sort when I’m on duty.’
Lady Pendleton breathed a sigh of relief. ‘I thought for one dreadful moment that you had broken off your engagement. You wouldn’t desert Rupert now, would you, Daisy?’
‘Of course not, ma’am.’ Daisy prayed that she would be forgiven for the lie, but she did not want to add to Lady Pendleton’s worries for her son’s wellbeing.
‘I just can’t understand why Rupert dined at his club on his last evening at home.’ Lady Pendleton buttered a slice of toast, leaving it on her plate untasted. ‘It’s so unlike him. He seemed so preoccupied, and I don’t think he looked in the best of health. I thought he would have a few days with us at least, but it was almost as if he couldn’t wait to go back to his unit. What do you think, Daisy?’
‘I think he’s a very brave man,’ Daisy said truthfully. ‘He has to do what he thinks best.’
Lady Pendleton’s lips curved in a smile. ‘You’re right, of course. It’s just that one never ceases to be concerned for one’s children, even if they are grown up.’ She picked up the slice of toast and nibbled at a corner before putting it down again. ‘But you will stay on for a day or so, won’t you?’
‘I’d like to of course, but I really ought to go home and see my family.’
‘Yes, I understand, but I do so enjoy young company. Why don’t you go shopping this morning? You can purchase anything you like and charge it to my account. I want to spoil my future daughter-in-law.’
‘That’s very kind of you,’ Daisy murmured. She was trapped and she knew it. She longed to make a clean breast of things but she knew that the truth would hurt Lady Pendleton, and she could not bear to see her suffer. It was cowardly, but Daisy was in full retreat and she made her escape as soon as possible.
Despite her pressing need to return home, Daisy spent a surprisingly pleasant morning exploring the department stores in Oxford Street. She had almost forgotten what it was like to see shops filled with luxury items and to see people who were well dressed and well nourished. It was like being in another world, and putting the past resolutely behind her, for a morning at least, she decided to enjoy her brief taste of freedom.
She bought a pair of kid gloves and a small bottle of her mother’s favourite perfume, but she paid with her own money. She had no intention of taking up Lady Pendleton’s generous offer; it would seem like stealing. By lunch time she was footsore and hungry, and as she had spent most of her money she made her way to the relatively new and reasonably priced Lyons Corner House in Coventry Street. She had often visited it with Beatrice when it first opened and had been impressed by the grandeur of the building and the different types of restaurants, all with their own unique style. She chose the brasserie and was shown to a table by the window. It was a relief to sit down and she was studying the menu, trying to decide between a ham salad and a dish of macaroni cheese, when a uniformed waitress approached her table. ‘May I help you, miss?’
The menu fell from Daisy’s nerveless fingers. She leapt to her feet and threw her arms around the young woman, causing the other diners to gasp in amazement.
‘Ruby, I can’t believe it’s really you.’ Laughing and crying at the same time, Daisy hugged her as if she would never let her go. ‘I’ve been searching for you ever since you left us.’
Ruby pushed her away gently. ‘Please don’t. Everyone’s looking and I’ll get the sack if the restaurant manager spots me hobnobbing with the customers.’
Daisy released her instantly and sat down. ‘I’m sorry. I was just so surprised and pleased to see you.’
Ruby glanced nervously over her shoulder. ‘Would you like to order now, miss?’
‘We must talk,’ Daisy said firmly. ‘When do you finish your shift?’
‘Three o’clock. Now for God’s sake give me your order. I can feel the manager’s eyes boring into my back.’
Daisy felt a bubble of hysterical laughter rising in her chest but she managed to suppress it somehow. ‘I’ll have a ham salad, please, and a roll and butter.’
‘Would you like anything to drink, miss?’
‘Water, please.’ Daisy handed her the menu. ‘You look awfully tired, Ruby. I hope they’re not working you too hard.’
‘Your lunch will be with you in a jiffy, miss.’ Ruby scutt
led off towards the service door, leaving Daisy in a state of confusion and exhilaration. She drummed her fingers on the starched white tablecloth as she waited for Ruby to return with her order. It was not that she was hungry, her appetite had quite deserted her, but she was determined to pin Ruby down to a meeting.
She waited outside the staff entrance for more than an hour, pacing the pavement in a state of nervous anticipation. It had been impossible to have a conversation with Ruby in the restaurant but now Daisy was hoping for an answer to the riddle of Ruby’s disappearance which had been bothering her for over a year. Her patience was rewarded at last when Ruby emerged into the street. This time the hugging was mutual and Ruby’s eyes were wet with tears as they drew apart. ‘I was sorry to leave without seeing you, miss.’
Daisy shook her finger at her. ‘If you call me miss once again I’ll throttle you, Ruby Flagg.’
Ruby’s small features creased into a wide grin. ‘You and whose army?’
They collapsed against each other, giggling like schoolgirls. Daisy was the first to recover. ‘I want to know everything. Why didn’t you answer my advertisements in the newspapers?’
‘I had my reasons.’
‘But you were in the family way. I know that’s why Mother sacked you, which was terribly wrong of her. Bea and I came up to London looking for you. We couldn’t find your father and we went to see your sister but she wasn’t very helpful.’
‘Don’t tell me,’ Ruby said, pulling a face. ‘Our Nellie didn’t want to know either.’
‘That’s right. Where did you go and how did you manage?’
‘Look, Daisy, it’s not that I don’t want to chat about old times, but I’ve got a bus to catch. I got to get home.’
‘Then I’m coming with you. You won’t run away from me this time.’
‘All right, but where I live isn’t the sort of place that you’d normally go to.’
A vivid memory of the mud and filth of the Ypres battlefield and the appalling conditions when they first entered Lamarck flashed through Daisy’s mind. ‘You’d be surprised,’ she said mildly. ‘Come on then. Let’s go.’
