They would be the ones who’d be afraid.
And I was going home and my dad wouldn’t be sitting gloomily watching afternoon television. Instead, he wouldn’t be home till teatime. He’d come in smiling, and him and Mum would chat together, laugh together. They would make plans for getting something done in the house or booking a holiday. Things we couldn’t afford before. The whole atmosphere in the house was different now he was working again.
And all this because I had kept my lip zipped – my mouth shut. I’d kept quiet.
If only I could have talked it all through with Sean. I would have loved to have phoned him as soon as I got home, told him everything. But all this had happened because I had told no one. Not even Sean. It had to remain my secret.
Did I walk taller when I went to school next day? I thought I did. Sure of myself. Confident. Unafraid. There must have been something different about me because Sean noticed.
‘Hey, you look pleased with yourself! Did you win the Lottery or something?’
‘Why? Am I grinning from ear to ear?’
‘Just about.’ He stared at me. ‘Hey, wait a minute. Bet I know. You phoned Veronika last night. She said she fancies you. No accounting for taste, is there?’
‘Belt up about Veronika,’ I told him. And he did, for a wee while at least.
But I was happy that day. My life could only get better after that. I was sure of it.
g
17
Tuesday was my Scout night. Sean didn’t come. He thought the Scouts were rubbish, but I had been a member since the Cubs and I still enjoyed it.
‘Sitting around a camp fire singing “Ging-gang-goolie”? I don’t think so,’ he would say. That was his opinion of the Scouts.
The Scout hut wasn’t far from my house, but far enough for my dad or mum always to insist on picking me up. That night, I got a text from my dad.
WORKIN L8 W8 4 ME
He hadn’t a clue how to text messages.
Johnny, the Scout leader, told me it would be no bother for me to stay on. ‘I’ve got a couple of things to sort out. You can wait in the office with me.’
That was the plan, until I looked through one of the windows and saw a man standing on the tree-lined street.
Armour.
He was waiting for me. Had to be. But why?
And did that mean he knew where I went on a Tuesday night? Did he know everything about me? Did he know my dad was working late?
He’d got my dad the job – maybe he could make sure my dad was kept late so he could come here and talk to me.
Why?
I wanted to ignore him, sit in the office with Johnny. But my curiosity got the better of me. I had to know why he was here.
‘I’m going to wait outside, Johnny,’ I said, standing up. ‘It’s a nice night anyway.’
‘Sure thing, Leo. But don’t go without letting me know your dad’s come for you.’
It was a lovely night. The sky was pink, and gave the whole street a pink glow. Even the trees were pink. It gave everything an unreal feeling. As if I was moving into some kind of fantasy world.
The door of the Scout hut closed behind me and I crossed the road to where Armour stood under the trees. As I was walking towards I said him, ‘You knew my dad would be working late. Did you arrange that?’
Armour smiled. He had white, even teeth. He took care of himself. His hair, his clothes, his teeth. He wore expensive clothes. He wore gold.
‘Yeah, Murphy, the guy who owns the company – he owes me a favour.’
‘Another one? Didn’t you use up your favours getting my dad the job in the first place?’
Where did I get the nerve, talking to Armour like that? But I had to know.
‘You’re a smart boy, Leo,’ he said. ‘I like that.’
I wanted to tell him I didn’t care what he liked, but this time the words just wouldn’t come.
‘You’re wondering why I’m here, I suppose.’
I glanced around, making sure no one could see us together. If my dad found out I was even talking to Armour he’d go spare. I checked the window of the Scout hut in case Johnny was watching. But no one was there.
‘It crossed my mind,’ I said.
‘I need a favour from you, Leo.’
He needed a favour from me, Leo McCabe?
‘You’re a boy I can trust. You’ve proved that. There are so few people I can trust – in fact, there’s no one I can trust. Not for this.’
I stepped back. A cold shiver froze my spine. ‘I’m not doing anything illegal.’ I was regretting even coming out to talk to him. I didn’t want to do him any favours.
He shook his head. ‘No, Leo. I’d never ask you to do anything like that. I need you to pass a message on for me. Only a message. That’s all.’
My heart was pounding. I wished I was anywhere else but here. My common sense told me to bolt. Self-preservation – and curiosity – kept me there.
‘You know how bad things are in this town, Leo,’ he went on. His voice was soft. ‘I want things to get better. I’ve had enough of violence. It was the way I grew up, Leo. My dad was a hard man.’
And I remembered my dad telling me that. How people were scared of Armour’s father. ‘Big Bad Armour’, they used to call him.
‘I thought I had to be a hard man too,’ Armour went on. ‘But I want to be finished with all that. Can you understand that, Leo? I want to live a decent life. I want my family to live a decent life. And to do that, I have to make peace with Nelis. No more fighting. No more trouble. Now that McCrae’s out of the picture, it’s time we did that.’
‘Can’t you just phone him?’ I heard myself say.
‘Can’t trust phones. Phones can be bugged.’
‘Email him then.’
He smiled again. ‘Email Nelis? I don’t think so. No, I have to let him know I want to make a deal with him. But I can’t have anyone know what I’m doing till it’s done. It has to be top secret. So I need someone I can trust to set it up. I want you to be my go-between. Do you know what a go-between is, Leo?’
‘What it says, I suppose. I go between the two of you, passing messages.’
‘Would you do that for me – pass a message to Nelis?’
‘Have I got a choice?’
‘There’s always a choice, Leo. It’s up to you. I won’t hold it against you if you say no.’
He had dealt with the Bissett Boys for me. My dad had a job thanks to him. He was only asking me to do this one little thing. What was the harm in it, I thought. Pass a message. A message that might bring peace to the town. Something my dad was always saying he wanted. A peaceful town again.
There was no time to think it all through. My dad would be here soon. I couldn’t let him catch me speaking to Armour.
A decision had to be made.
There’s always a choice.
I made mine.
‘OK. Where do you want me to meet him?’
g
18
Armour was gone by the time my dad arrived. When he picked me up he said I looked as if I was in a daze, standing there at the door of the Scout hut waiting for him, gazing off into the sunset. He was right. My head was in another place altogether.
What had I done?
I had wanted to put it all behind me. Be finished with it – Armour out of my life. And here I was promising to go to Nelis, give him Armour’s message. Tell Nelis he wanted to make a deal.
I felt sick inside again. I’d felt sick since Armour’s car had moved off, swallowed by the trees, reminding me of a silver snake slithering back into the undergrowth.
‘Sorry you had to wait, son,’ Dad said. ‘Last-minute order. Don’t know how it couldn’t have waited till the morning but I cou
ldn’t very well say no. I’ve only started in the job. Knew you’d be OK here with Johnny.’
And it seemed to me then at that moment, I knew more than my dad. I knew why that order couldn’t wait. And I knew that I hadn’t been OK.
I thought about it all next day – a dread in my stomach. Couldn’t get it out of my mind. I was going to meet Nelis after school.
‘He’ll be at the pool hall. He practically lives there,’ Armour had said. ‘Go there and just tell him. I want to make a deal with him. He’ll know what I mean.’
That was all. Seemed simple.
I’d told Mum I was going into town after school. I’d told Sean I was going straight home. It was a carefully planned operation. I’d said I would do it, and I would. A payback for my dad’s job – and for the Bissett Boys.
And that would be that. Finished.
I did a U-turn after I left school, taking the road into town and hoping no one would see me. Thinking all the time what excuse I would make if they did.
And Armour’s message repeating itself over and over in my head: ‘I want to make a deal.’
A peace deal. A deal to stop the fighting and bring peace to the town. That thought was all that consoled me. It kept me going. What I was doing might stop all the gang fighting in the town.
The pool hall is on the main road at the far end of the town. They say you take your life in your hands if you play pool in that place. My dad never does. He goes to Barnhill FC’s pool hall.
The pool hall is where Nelis and all his boys hung out. He was there, standing on the steps at the front door as I walked towards it. As if he was waiting for me. He watched me as I came near, and as I climbed the steps to the entrance he flicked the cigarette he was smoking over my head on to the pavement. He wanted to scare me. I was glad to say I didn’t flinch.
Nelis was skinny, his face scarred by the fights he’d been in. He had a mop of pale red hair. He didn’t look half as impressive as Armour. Nelis looked like your typical ned. But he was much scarier. There were loads of stories about him. Like the one about the best friend he had taken up over the moors and put a gun to his head. He’d claimed the friend was stealing from him. As if anyone would dare to steal from Nelis. He took his car, made him strip off, and then told him to get out of town and never come back. That ‘friend’ had never been seen again. But others weren’t so lucky.
Nelis was bad.
I’d never seen him before – not in the flesh. But his photo had been in the papers so often he was easy to recognise. I remembered one photo in particular. Coming out of court sneering at the cameras, two fingers held high. A ‘not-proven’ verdict for a crime everyone knew he’d committed.
I tried to keep my voice steady. Tried to look him straight in the eye. ‘I’ve brought you a message from Armour.’
He didn’t answer me. Just stared at me with watery blue eyes. They weren’t a match for the colour of Armour’s.
‘He said . . . he wants to make a deal.’
His mouth curled. I had a feeling that passed for a smile with Nelis. He nodded. ‘A deal, eh?’
‘Yes.’
‘Sounds OK to me. You tell him we have to meet then.’
I almost tumbled back down the stairs. ‘I can’t tell him,’ I said. ‘I’ll not be seeing him again.’
‘Sure you will,’ he said. ‘You tell Armour if he wants a deal, we have to meet.’
I wanted to scream at him. This was me finished. No more messages. No more contact. I had a feeling Nelis wouldn’t listen.
‘You can sort it out yourselves from now on. Nothing to do with me.’
‘You go back and tell Armour, if he wants a deal we have to meet.’
I was the go-between, Armour had said. Passing messages. I should have known better. It wouldn’t just be one message! I backed down the steps, not turning from Nelis. Not taking my eyes from him. I was almost away when he said it.
‘So . . . you’re Armour’s boy, are you?’
g
19
Armour’s boy, he had called me. Was that the way he saw me. Armour’s boy?
I wasn’t Armour’s boy. I stormed away from him, and knew without even really thinking about it that I wasn’t going home. Not then. I was going to Armour’s house. I would pass on the message and let Armour know I was not his boy. Not now. Not ever.
I knew where he lived. Me and Sean had passed his house one day when we were up visiting Sean’s auntie. She lived in the Drumshantie estate. Or the ‘Drummie’ as we call it here. Armour’s turf. Sean had pointed the house out to me. A bungalow on a corner. Stone lions guarding the front gates. ‘To show he’s the king around here, I suppose,’ Sean had said.
And Armour’s words came back to me. Leo – lion – the symbol of kings.
At the town centre I jumped on the bus that would take me up to the Drummie. I hardly noticed anything, I had so much going on in my head. Couldn’t even be sure why I was going there.
But of course I did know why. Because I wanted it over. I’d pass on the message and it would be finished. And I would get on with my life. Forget all about Armour.
As I approached his house the stone lions seemed to be watching me. Wondering why I was there too. I glanced around. What if someone saw me? Someone who knew my mum or dad? What if Sean heard I was here?
In that second I would have turned on my heels and left. But it was at that moment the front door was hauled open and Armour stood there. He was wearing a designer T-shirt, as blue as his eyes. He was smiling broadly.
‘Leo, hello, what brings you up here?’
I blurted the words out. ‘You never told me Nelis would give me a message to give to you. He gave me a message. That’s why I came here.’
‘And you brought his message right here. Thanks.’
‘I’m only going to tell you this and that’s me finished. Right?’
‘Right, Leo. Right,’ he said.
I didn’t move closer. I was ready to run as soon as I told him. Armour seemed to understand. ‘What was his message, Leo?’
‘He says he wants to meet you face to face. That’s the only way he’ll make a deal.’ I drew in my breath. ‘And don’t ask me to go back to him. I won’t do it.’
‘Wouldn’t ask you to,’ he said at once. ‘I’ll handle it from now on. You’ve done enough.’
I turned to go.
‘Do you want a lift?’
I didn’t look back. ‘No. I’m fine.’
‘Have you got enough money for the bus?’
‘I’m fine,’ I said again.
He wasn’t going to let me go. I was sure of it.
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Thank you, Leo.’
Hardly the words of a killer. A murderer, a gang boss. Armour said ‘thank you’ and closed the door. He even offered me a lift. He asked if I had enough money for the bus. He was trying to make peace with Nelis.
McCrae had been evil. The town was better off without him.
The town was better off – thanks to Armour.
My dad had a job – thanks to Armour.
I was mixed up and just to mix me up even more, the Bissett Boys were hanging around the bus stop at the town centre. As soon as I stepped on to the pavement they clocked me.
They turned and stared at me. And I stared right back. Wasn’t afraid to do that, not now. I didn’t turn and run. It was the Bissett Boys who bolted. They saw me and they were off, running in the opposite direction.
They knew.
I was Armour’s boy. Had they heard that too? Nelis’s words came back to me.
I was safe from the Bissett Boys – thanks to Armour.
No, I wouldn’t see him again. I would have nothing to do with him.
But the thought wouldn’t go away – Armour wa
sn’t so bad.
g
20
A week went by. Nothing more from Armour. It was all over. I was sure of it. And Aidan’s birthday party was coming up. I met Sean in town on the Saturday so we could get him a present between us.
‘What were you doing up the Drummie last Thursday? My big cousin saw you on the bus.’
The first thing he asked me. The last thing I wanted to hear. I should have known someone would have seen me, but did it have to be Sean’s cousin? Sean had cousins everywhere. Family spread all over the town. Of course one of them had seen me. I had to think fast. But not fast enough for Sean.
‘Who do you know up there?’
I still didn’t have an answer. Now he was looking at me suspiciously. ‘What’s the problem?’
‘I’m trying to think,’ I said. ‘I mean . . . remember. I mean – last Thursday – how am I supposed to remember that? Who do you think I am, Brain of Britain?’
‘I’m only asking.’
‘I was going a message for my mum.’ A lie, blurted out without thinking it through. Always a mistake.
‘Your mum asked you to go a message up the Drummie for her?’
Stupid, stupid thing to say. The Drummie was one of the worst areas in the town. My mum and dad, like Sean’s, picked us up everywhere we went. She would be hardly likely to send me up there by myself.
‘I know, that’s what I thought. Don’t know what she was thinking about.’
Still he wouldn’t let it go. ‘What kind of message?’
This time I snapped at him. ‘It was private, right? None of your business.’
His jaw dropped. He looked hurt. No wonder. I’d never talked to my best mate like that before.
‘Secrets,’ he said. And for a second I thought he knew. He knew everything. ‘You’re keeping secrets – and we always said we’d tell each other everything.’
I had a quick answer for that. ‘I can’t tell you my mum’s secrets though, can I?’
He still looked hurt. At that moment there was a distance between us wider than a chasm. And I told myself, from now on no more secrets. I’d never keep anything from him again.
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