by Janette Oke
Ellie’s thoughts continued with her brother Luke’s leaving. Her mama’s baby. At least for so many, many years, Luke was the baby, though his time with that position was quickly coming to an end. Ellie had seen just how hard it was for Marty to let Luke go. And close behind Luke’s leaving was the marriage of Arnie. And Arnie was always so anxious to get home to his Anne that he scarcely had time for even a hello anymore. Ellie loved Arnie and was touched by his love for his Anne. When—or if—Ellie ever had the joy of being someone’s wife, she hoped someone would feel the same way about her.
Again Ellie’s thoughts turned to Lane, and the tears continued to stream down her cheeks. She loved him. Oh, how she loved him! How proud she would be to be the wife of such a man. But she couldn’t; she just couldn’t. It would be more than she could ever bring upon her mother. To ask her to lose another daughter to the West would be too much. Ellie would never do such a thing.
She fumbled with the latch to the barn door and heard excited yelps. Already the dogs were ready to greet her. She let herself in and carefully hung the lantern on the hook by the door before allowing herself to respond to their wild greeting.
“Oh, Rex,” she sobbed, taking the nearly grown Rex into her arms and pulling him close. The dog seemed to sense that something was troubling her, and instead of his usual frenzied play, he crowded up against her, softly licking her tear-wet cheek. A low whine escaped him.
“Oh, Rex,” she said again, the tears running more freely. “He’s soon goin’ back. He’s goin’ back west, an’ I may never see ’im again. Never.” Ellie buried her head against the fur of the only friend with whom she felt she could share her burden and cried out all her sorrow.
Lane, too, was in a state of torment. He had reached home from the wood cutting, done the chores, and spent a miserable evening pacing the floor. Finally he went to bed, but his troubled mind would not let him sleep. Quickly the days were passing by. It would not be long until it was time for him to return to Willie’s ranch. Once back west, he would be many miles and many days away from Ellie. How could he stand never to see her again? Oh, if only he had never met her, then he would be unaware of how much he had missed—how much he loved her. She was the kind of woman he had always dreamed of sharing his life with. Her gentle spirit, the sparkle in her eye, her understanding …
He had felt that they were so right for each other, and he had been foolish enough to hope and dream that she felt that way, too. She does, I’m sure she does, Lane argued with himself. I’m sure she could love me if only … There it was again. The situation did not change in spite of Lane’s yearning. It would be unfair to even ask Ellie to go west, knowing that she felt it would bring such pain to Marty. No, it would be wrong. For Ellie, being as sensitive as she was, could not know true happiness herself if she knew her mother was suffering. It was unthinkable. Even Lane, with his aching heart, knew that.
But wait, Lane checked himself. Who says I have to go back west? He could stay right where he was. He could farm or get a job in town. Ellie would not need to leave her mother. That was it! They would stay, and he would be free to express to Ellie his great love and his desire to share the rest of his life with her.
For a moment Lane felt wild with excitement. He could hardly wait to talk with Ellie. If it hadn’t been so late at night, he would have gone to her immediately. What would the Davises think if he came riding madly into the farmyard at midnight, crying out that he had solved the problem? No, he must wait. But could he wait? Yes—wait, he must. He would go see Ellie at the first opportunity. Saturday night. In fact, he would beg off log cutting early so he could hurry through the chores. A feeling of deep relief passed through him, so thankful was he to have found a way through the muddle. “Thank ya, God,” he whispered. “Thank ya fer makin’ a way.” And Lane turned over and slept well for the first time since Christmas.
SEVENTEEN
Letters
The long days of a snowbound January dragged slowly by. Marty had finished her preparations for the baby and now was impatient for it to arrive. On January the twelfth, she stood and stared at the calendar on the wall. Surely the month must be further along than this, she told herself. But no. It was right there in black and white. It was truly just January the twelfth. Marty moved about restlessly, wondering what to do with herself. She knew there were little jobs about the house she could busy herself doing, but nothing caught her interest or seemed to be worth the effort. She paced back to the window and stood looking out at the softly falling snow. Would it never quit snowing? It seemed to Marty that she had been looking at mounds of snow for months and months. She turned from the window with a sigh and stared at the calendar again. How many more weeks must they—?
Ellie must have been watching Marty’s restlessness for a while. She said, “Why don’t ya go an’ have coffee with Kate? She’s prob’ly as restless as you are.”
Marty turned to Ellie in surprise. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I’m a case, ain’t I? I never remember bein’ so impatient with any of the rest of ya.”
“Ya were too busy lookin’ after the others an’ the house an’ all the laundry an’ the feedin’ of—”
Marty’s cheery laugh broke into Ellie’s comments, and Marty thought Ellie looked up at her with relief.
“It’s good to hear you laugh, Mama,” she said. “We haven’t had enough of it round here lately.”
“Yer right,” Marty said. “I was too busy. Havin’ you here has made a lazy complainer outta me.”
Ellie protested, but Marty went on. “Boy, ya must find me hard to live with. Feelin’ sorry fer myself, when I’ve got so much to be thankful fer. But yer right. I will go see Kate. Maybe she is impatient, too, though she’s had more sense ’bout all of this, I’m a thinkin’. She ’least has enough sense to stay busy.”
Marty began to draw her shawl about her for the short walk across the yard. “Been worryin’ ’bout Ma, too. Wonder how she’s doin’. Haven’t seen her fer a while, an’ I just know she is missin’ Ben somethin’ fierce. Wish I could go on over an’ see her, but yer pa will never let me—not in this weather.”
Ellie looked up from the recipes she was paging through. “S’pose we could go on over an’ git Ma an’ bring her here,” she suggested.
Marty was thrilled with the idea. “We could, couldn’t we? Oh, would ya? I mean tomorra, could ya? Ya could leave right after breakfast an’ Ma could stay on fer lunch. I’d do up the dishes and the mornin’ cleanin’ an’ ya could—”
“All right,” said Ellie with a smile. “Iffen it means thet much to ya, I’ll go in the mornin’.”
“Thank ya,” said Marty.
“I’ll talk to Pa as soon as he gets home from town,” Ellie promised.
“Thank ya,” said Marty again. And she turned with a smile to go see her Kate.
Kate was as glad to see Marty as Marty was to get out.
“Oh, I was hopin’ fer some distraction!” Kate cried. “I was thinkin’ of comin’ up to see you, but Clare made me promise not to go out alone with it so slippery underfoot.”
Marty smiled, remembering the many times when Clark had warned her of the same thing.
“I was very careful,” she said, then confided, “but I’ve never had a lick of trouble—not with any of the babies thet I carried.”
Even before Kate stirred the fire or put on the kettle, she urged Marty to “come see the baby’s room.”
“It’s all done now,” she explained as they moved to the door of the bedroom. “Oh, I just love it. Our baby just has no way of knowin’ how very special he is. Iffen he knew how much his ma and pa had fussed over ’im …” Kate left her sentence dangling and laughed at their foolishness.
They entered the room, and Marty gasped. “Oh, it’s lovely.”
She crossed to the new crib that Clare had put so many hours on and ran a hand lovingly over the smoothly polished wood.
“He did a fine job on this, Kate,” she said and felt that her words wer
e inadequate. Kate must have thought so, too.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” she enthused. “I had no idea Clare was so clever with his hands. I’ve never seen me a nicer baby’s bed. An’ look—he made a little chest to match it!”
Marty looked about the room—at the frilly curtains, the green walls, the handmade quilts, the pillows, the chest, the carefully chosen pictures, and especially the hand-turned bed—and her eyes shone almost as brightly as did Kate’s.
“An’ look,” said Kate as she pulled open drawer after drawer to reveal tiny baby garments. “We are all ready now. Everythin’s here … now we just wait.”
“Wait,” echoed Marty. “Sometimes it seems so long. I hope we can make it … both of us.”
Kate reached to give her a squeeze, and the two women chuckled as they hugged over the two unborn babies.
“We’ll make it,” Kate promised. “We’ll make it, ’cause it is so much worth waitin’ fer. Oh, Mama, it’s gonna be so much fun to have a baby of our own. We have been so happy, but this … this is gonna be … be … near to heaven.”
Marty smiled. She remembered so well the excitement of waiting for the arrival of her first child. She had anticipated every one of them—that was true—but there was just no excitement like the arrival of the first one. She nodded to Kate, warm memories making her eyes mist over.
“Best we go out there an’ have thet tea,” she said, “’fore I git all emotional an’ weepy.”
Kate led the way back to the kitchen. They lingered over their cups. Marty told Kate about Ellie’s proposal to pick up Ma Graham for a day’s visit. “It’s been so long,” she said, her voice full of feeling, “an’ I’ve been so worried ’bout her.”
Kate agreed that it would be good for both of them to have a long chat. “But I’ve been thinkin’ thet Ellie needs a break, too,” Kate continued. “She has been lookin’ rather peaked lately, an’ she just seems … well … different.”
“You’ve noticed it, too, huh?”
Kate nodded in agreement.
“Clark an’ me’s been talkin’ ’bout it,” Marty said. “She needs to git out more, thet’s what I’m thinkin’, but she doesn’t really seem to want to, even when she has a chance.”
“What chance?” asked Kate.
“Well, I remembered thet the young people were talkin’ ’bout a skatin’ party, an’ I suggested thet Ellie go, but she wanted no part of it.”
“But I can understand Ellie not wantin’ to go alone.”
“Oh, she wouldn’t have gone alone. I asked Lane to take her.”
“You asked Lane?” Kate’s shock was evident.
“An’ he said he’d be glad to,” Marty assured her. “But Ellie said she didn’t want to go.”
“What else did Ellie say?” Kate asked thoughtfully.
“She said they were all ‘kids.’”
“Maybe she just didn’t want to go with Lane.”
“I don’t think so,” Marty said slowly. “Ellie seemed to like Lane just fine. They was always laughin’ an’ talkin’ together. Why, he helped her with the dishes, an’ she gave him thet favorite dog she fusses over so. It would have been so nice fer Ellie iffen Lane had been round more, with Arnie an’ Luke both gone, but he’s not been back lately, an’ Ellie didn’t want to go to the party, an’—”
“Mama,” Kate stopped her. “Do you think Ellie an’ Lane … well, thet they had a sweethearts’ quarrel?”
“A sweethearts’ quarrel,” said Marty in bewilderment. “Land sakes, they ain’t sweethearts. They’re more like brother an’ sister.”
Kate looked unconvinced. “Did you ever say that to Ellie?”
“Say what?”
“Thet they were … sorta … brother an’ sister?”
Marty thought back. “Well, somethin’ like thet, I suppose,” she admitted at length.
“An’ what did Ellie say?”
“She said thet … she said she didn’t want Lane fer a brother,” Marty said as she recalled the incident. She hesitated, then began to frown. “Now, why would she say a thing like thet?” she asked Kate.
“It fits, doesn’t it?” Kate asked at last. “It sounds to me like Lane an’ Ellie had ’em a disagreement.”
“I wonder…? I never had me any idea they might have thet kind of interest in each other.”
Marty stirred her cup of tea around and around as she thought back over a number of things that had puzzled her. Kate might just be right. Things were beginning to fit.
“When I think on it,” Marty admitted slowly, “they would be well suited to each other. I couldn’t wish anyone finer than Lane fer my Ellie. He’s the most sensitive, carin’ young man I have ever met.”
Marty absentmindedly continued stirring. “I wonder what happened,” she mused out loud. “They seemed to be gettin’ along so well together. I’m afraid I’m guilty of already seein’ Lane as one of my own.”
“I don’t see thet as makin’ a problem,” countered Kate.
“Well, somethin’ must have happened. I do admit it’s had me worryin’. Couldn’t figure out fer the life of me what got into the two of ’em…. Funny Clark didn’t see it. He’s usually so perceptive.”
“Sometimes it’s the most difficult to understand those closest to you,” Kate said, and Marty knew she was right.
“Well, now thet we know,” Marty determined, straightening up in her chair, “there should be somethin’ a body can do ’bout it. Sure wouldn’t want to lose Lane as a possible son-in-law.” She smiled across at Kate.
“Better go slow, Mama,” Kate warned her. “Maybe we are on the wrong track. An’ maybe the two of them won’t welcome any interference.”
“I’ll not jump into it,” promised Marty. “First, I’ll talk it over with Clark an’ see iffen he agrees with us. He’ll know what should be done—iffen anythin’.”
They changed the subject and finished their tea.
“Thank ya, dear,” Marty said at the door, giving her daughterin-law a kiss on the cheek. “I needed that—all of it. Iffen we are right, I feel thet a load’s been lifted off me concernin’ Ellie. I will admit I was some worried. But I promise,” she continued laughingly as she held up her hand, “not to go bargin’ in.”
Kate laughed with her, and Marty wrapped her shawl once more about her and headed for her own house. The air was crisp and the snow still fell, but Marty felt as though she had been given new courage and purpose to face the many tomorrows ahead.
When Marty reached the warmth of her own kitchen, she had further reason to rejoice. Clark had returned from town, and the mail he brought with him contained three letters. Letters from her children! Marty could scarcely believe her good fortune.
Missie wrote that their winter had been mild, and Willie felt it had been the easiest winter yet on the cattle. They had enjoyed the visit of Willie’s brother and family. Missie didn’t know how her Josiah and Nathan would ever be able to entertain themselves once their cousins had gone. They had all enjoyed one another so much.
The church was continuing to reach out. Two of the regular families had moved away, but Henry had been calling on other ranches in the area and had already recruited one new family to join them. Another family had shown some interest, and they were all praying that they, too, might soon be desiring to share in Sunday worship.
Baby Melissa was growing daily. She was such a contented child, and she already thoroughly believed that her older brothers were the most important people in her world. Everyone loved her, and Missie feared lest the ranch hands would spoil her.
The boys were growing. Nathan had started school as planned and seemed to be a promising student. He was busy trying to teach his young brother, Josiah, to read. Josiah was eager to learn and had managed, under Nathan’s tutelage, to recognize half a dozen words. The family laughed about it and tried to dissuade Nathan from further teaching duties.
Missie said that they missed Lane and would be so glad to have him back again. Marty stopped her rea
ding. For the first time since her talk with Kate, Marty realized if Lane and Ellie were truly interested in each other and they were to resolve their differences—whatever they were—Marty would be losing another daughter. It would not be easy, but this time Marty felt she would be prepared. God had helped her to give up Missie and Clae and Luke. Surely He could help her if Ellie should decide to leave them, too. Marty finished Missie’s letter and picked up the letter from Clae.
Clae was all excited about the little church where Joe was serving as a part-time pastor. She had never seen her Joe happier than he was now, even though the demands on his time were so great. The people were very kind to all of them, and they felt at home among them. It was the first she had really felt at home since leaving her family behind and traveling east. Clae, at last, felt free to voice her true feelings over the move. At first, she said, she had been so homesick that she had felt she just couldn’t bear it, and she had prayed daily for the time to pass quickly so they might go home again. God had now answered her prayer in an unexpected way. He had given them love and friendship and a contentment in His will that she wouldn’t have thought possible. She no longer chafed for home—though she still missed them all very much—but she was quite at home where she was, as long as Joe was happy and she had her little family and their new friends.
Esther Sue was getting so grown-up. She loved to help with her baby brother. The baby was a source of joy to each one of them. He looked much like his father, although his coloring was more like his mama.
They were still thinking of accepting a church in the East for a while, although eventually they did plan to come back to the rural area. Joe felt he would be more suitably placed in a farming community than in a city, but he believed he had so much he needed to learn before leaving the area where the seminary was. He could take a pastorate and fit in some night classes for a while and better equip himself for the ministry.
