She was clearly teasing, but Jana knew she’d hurt Lucy more with her comments than her friend was letting on. “Listen, ignore everything I said earlier. You’re still you. Blonder, but still a dork at heart, okay? I love you, that hasn’t changed. It’s me, not you. It’s just that nothing is staying the same. Not you. Not Grady. Most definitely not me. And I guess I’m not handling it well.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t sorted this all out for myself, either. I mean, you are right, I do feel more confident most of the time. But I also still feel like I’m playing dress-up. Last night I wanted to just be me. See if Jason responded to the woman behind the NASA bra. And that’s when the date went downhill.” Lucy shrugged. “I like feeling more confident, but I’m not sure I want to do all this”—she gestured to her hair, herself—“girly maintenance stuff to have it.”
“Do you think that maybe the reason the date didn’t feel right was because Jason doesn’t fit with you?”
“Are we back on the prom thing? Because I hope we’re not held accountable for life for all the stupid things we said and did as teenagers.”
“Fine, fine. He’s a prince among men now.” She lifted her hand. “A hot, rich prince. I’m still not feeling any real connection between you two. You said the date was awkward.”
“It was, but that was because of the snails. And the foie gras.”
“And the fact that he shops for cashmere in New York City and has a tailor,” Jana added.
Lucy’s expression turned stubborn. “I told you about his family, how they were disappointed he got into law, and how hard that’s been for him to handle.”
“Yeah, poor Jason has to settle for being a big-time lawyer instead of a jock. Lucy, this is a guy who orders weird stuff without consulting his date, then talks about himself all night.”
“I asked him to order. I was nervous. Besides, he only ordered exotic food because he was trying to impress me.” She paused, wiggled her eyebrows. “He thought I was exotic and mysterious.”
Jana choked on a laugh. “Sorry,” she said, then lifted her hands when Lucy pretended to swing her water bottle. “Don’t clock the pregnant lady for inappropriate laughter. Yet another good reason to be with child.”
“See? I am helping. Was Dave happy you agreed to go to Canada for Thanksgiving?”
Jana sighed. Apparently, she wasn’t going to avoid this particular topic after all. “I think he was more relieved than anything. He doesn’t know what to do with me, and I know he’s hoping the women in his family will just fix me and make me happy. Of course, I’d probably be less cranky if I could just stop puking all the damn time. I’m either heaving, crying, or sleeping. And I can’t tell you how much fun that makes my workdays, trying to hide all that from my lovely coworkers.”
“You haven’t told them yet, huh?”
“No. They must think I’m having the world’s worst PMS or something. And I’m fine with that. Once I get past this first trimester, I’m praying my stomach settles. I’m still not sure when I’ll tell them.”
“You could always say nothing and let the bump speak for itself,” Lucy said, motioning to Jana’s stomach.
Jana just shrugged. Telling her coworkers and her boss was the least of her concerns at the moment.
Lucy squeezed her arm. “I wish I could make this easier on you. I still think you should consider talking to a counselor or something.”
“Hey, ‘research’ is my middle name.”
Lucy brightened. “You picked up some books?”
“Did you know there is a ton of info on postpartum depression now, but almost zero for during-partum depression?”
Lucy frowned and Jana was suddenly really tired of this subject. So she did what any self-respecting best friend would do, she changed the subject back to Lucy. “So the Date From Hell is over, no kiss, thinking you’ll never see him again . . . what was that secret smile all about?”
Lucy refused to be distracted. “You can’t keep ignoring this and hope it will go away, you know.”
Jana gave her a weak imitation of her dry smile. “Watch me.”
“Yes, and in about seven months you’re going to be in for a shock.”
Jana groaned. “Don’t remind me.”
“Jana.”
Lucy looked so sad for her, Jana knew she had to end this discussion now. She really wasn’t up for it. “If you really want to help me, you’ll take my mind off of this by talking about anything else. Even Jason Prescott. So what was the big news?”
Lucy paused for another moment, then apparently sensed Jana’s desperation and did as she’d asked. “He called this morning.”
Jana couldn’t help the surprised look. “Wow. Less than twenty-four hours later? Hmm.”
“I know. Less than twelve hours, actually.” Lucy looked like she barely refrained from clapping her hands together. “He even had to go to the trouble of looking up my number, since I didn’t give it to him.”
Jana didn’t want to mention that Jason had probably put a secretary or assistant on that task. “So, where is he taking you this time?”
“He was asked to speak at some lawyer thing downtown at the Willard and wanted to know if I’d be interested in being his date. It’s this Friday.”
Jana frowned. “‘This Friday’? Sort of last-minute.”
“It’s a week away. And don’t go raining on my parade. I know he’s out of town all week and probably couldn’t get anybody else and I’m just available, but I don’t care.” She leaned forward a little. “It’s dressy. And I imagine I’ll get to meet some of his coworkers, so he must be pretty confident of me.”
Jana wished she felt the same confidence.
Lucy huffed out a sigh. “What? Go ahead, crush my happiness.”
Jana’s dry smile felt far more natural this time. “It’s my job to keep you grounded in cold, harsh reality.”
“And your version of that would be?”
“That he’s probably known for bringing a different woman to every function he’s invited to. I don’t know that I’d get all excited about meeting the coworkers, is all I’m saying. Sorry,” she added sincerely.
“No, no, you’re right. And I thought about that, too. But then I figured, why be such a pessimist? I didn’t think we’d have another chance, and now we do.” She glared at Jana. “Yes, I want another chance.”
Jana lifted her hands. “Fine, okay. So, tell me one thing, did he happen to sort of mention what he’d like you to wear?”
Lucy looked immediately guarded. “Why do you ask?”
“Aha! He did, didn’t he?”
“So what if he did, what difference does that make?”
“Just that you said he was all ‘You’re so mysterious,’ until you told him you’re a grade-school teacher who can’t eat snails, and then things got all awkward. I’m just trying to keep your perspective here.”
“He knows I clean up nicely.”
“He knows you can borrow hot clothes on demand. He wants you to look more like Exotic Reunion Lucy than Demure Dinner Lucy, am I right?”
“Maybe,” Lucy said, obviously trying not to sound defensive and failing.
“And wasn’t it you who said you felt like you were hiding behind the blonde highlights and fake nails?”
“You know, I’m beginning to think best friends are a highly overrated commodity. First Grady deserts me, now you.”
Jana debated for all of two seconds before blurting out, “I talked to Grady yesterday.”
Lucy’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t you tell me? Is he still pretending he doesn’t know me? What am I saying, of course he is.”
“It was last night, a few hours after I got home from your place.”
Lucy’s eyes narrowed. “Who called who?”
“Whom. And with not one, but two English professor parents.” Jana tsked.
“You’re stalling. You called him, didn’t you? Did you tell him I was out with Jason?”
“He knows.”
<
br /> Lucy slapped her thighs. “Oh, great. First I leave Grady standing in front of the Hay-Adams because I’m too busy revisiting my giddy schoolgirl past, and now he knows Jason asked me out for a date? Fabulous.” She swore under her breath. “I guess I’ll be eating turkey alone this year.”
“I, uh, I haven’t told him about that yet.”
Lucy just looked more forlorn at the news. “I’m thinking it’s not going to matter. What are we going to do, J? I mean, I love Grady; I miss him like crazy. I can’t stand that this has broken us up.”
“I think we’re all going through some stuff right now.” Jana laid her hand on Lucy’s knee. “It’s not just about you.” She wished she could say more. She hated seeing either of her friends suffer.
“Okay, so you’re dealing with”—Lucy waved her hand in the general direction of Jana’s stomach—“and I’m dealing with my new split-personality issues. I know Grady is very disappointed about my seeing Jason, but honestly, it’s not such a big thing that he has to treat me like a pariah. It’s not like I’m going to bring Jason to Pizza Night. He’s still talking to you.”
Jana wished she’d kept her mouth shut. It was hard enough talking to him and not forcing the Lucy Issue, as it was. She didn’t need to do this with Lucy, too. “Just let him be a jerk for a little while. Let him blow off steam, bury himself in his work, and then when he surfaces and realizes how much he misses you, he’ll come around. You know he will.”
“I wish I felt as certain of that as you.” Lucy shook her head. “I just wish he could be more like you about this. I mean, it’s obvious you’ve no love lost for Jason, either, although I really think you should reserve judgment until we see where this thing goes. But you’ve managed to put aside your personal animosity and focus on what I’m getting out of this.”
When Jana pointedly looked away, Lucy dragged at her arm until she met her gaze again. “What?” Jana said. “I’m trying to be open-minded, but you’re right. I think Jason was a prick in high school. A good-looking, charming-as-the-devil prick, but a prick is a prick.”
“Why don’t you say that a little louder?”
Jana opened her mouth to shout it to the world, only Lucy jerked her arm and shushed her. “Okay,” Lucy said, glancing around. “I get it.”
“And just what are you getting out of it, anyway?” Jana asked.
“There’s chemistry there. When he danced with me, kissed me—”
“You were so caught up in the idea of being kissed by Jason Prescott I bet you don’t even remember how it felt.” When Lucy didn’t immediately reply, Jana pointed a finger. “Aha! I’m right. The chemistry is just you being desired by a desirable. When you get down to it, you don’t really like the guy much.”
“He didn’t treat me badly on the date. I just think . . .” She trailed off and picked at the label on her bottle of water.
“What?” Jana asked more gently.
Lucy sighed a little, looked up. “Yes, he seems a bit bigger than life, but he has that kind of life. He was also more human than I expected, and nothing but polite with me. If the fault on the crappy date lies anywhere, it’s with me.”
“You?”
Lucy smiled a little. “See, that’s why I have you as my best friend. Thanks for the instant defensive reaction. I feel better now.”
“You’re welcome. Now, explain how the Date From Hell was your fault.”
“Because he was exactly what I knew him to be. But I wasn’t what he expected me to be. The dance night was a sham on my part. I mean, that was me in that dress, with those jewels and that hair. But we didn’t really get any chance to talk there, to know anything more about each other than that there was chemistry between us. That was enough for me. Enough to want to go out with him when he asked. I just thought when he started to get to know the real me, the chemistry sort of died a little on his side of things.” She smiled. “Then he called me. So maybe I was just too flustered to read things right.”
“So you’re going to the Willard this Friday.”
“Sue me. I’m human. He’s interested. I’m still curious.”
“Except the person he asked out was Vixen Lucy.”
“You’re making me feel even more schizo about this whole thing than I already do.”
“Well, you were the one who said you wanted to start keeping it real. How long do you think you can keep up the Glass Slipper Barbie front?”
She abandoned her attempts to peel the label off the bottle and looked squarely at Jana. “Vivian thinks if I just walk the walk and talk the talk, eventually it will become more natural for me.”
“So, okay, let’s go with that theory. You start to like the whole spike heels, siren dress, perfectly-plucked-everything deal. You get used to the whole girly-girl routine, embrace your outer Barbie. Fine. But that doesn’t change who you are on the inside. You’re still a third-grade teacher from Alexandria with a goofy sense of humor, no personal shopper, and two dorky best friends.”
“A more confident third-grade teacher from Alexandria with a goofy sense of humor and two dorky best friends. Or one, anyway.”
“Can you be confident enough to go mingle in Jason’s world and still feel like you can be yourself?”
“Honestly? I don’t know,” Lucy answered. “I guess I feel like I’ve come this far and I want the chance to find out.” She grinned. “Look at it this way, even if Jason never calls me again, I’ll have dipped my toes into a whole new dating pool.”
“Just be careful they don’t get bitten off,” Jana muttered.
“Your confidence in me is so inspiring,” Lucy said dryly.
“It’s not you I lack confidence in. I just don’t want to see you—”
“Get hurt. I know. And I appreciate that you guys worry about me, even though I think it’s misplaced. But I think I’ve got my eyes pretty wide open at this point. It’s still just as much about figuring my own self out as it is in getting a man.”
Jana just gave her a look.
“Okay, so if I happen to get laid and he happens to make six figures a year and drives a Carrera, I’m not exactly going to complain.”
Jana sipped her water and didn’t say anything, and for a few minutes they both turned their attention back to the action on The Mall. “You know I do get that you’re just trying to figure things out for yourself. I don’t want you to limit yourself, or not reach for new things.”
Lucy shot her a sideways smile. “Now you sound like a mom.” Her smile grew when Jana scowled. “Maybe you should embrace that reality. Reach for it instead of being so terrified of it.”
“I thought we were talking about you.”
“Oh yeah, you’re all for me taking risks,” she teased, but gently.
Jana smiled a little. “A girl has to try.”
“Yes,” Lucy said, quite seriously, “a girl does.”
Jana ducked her head, wishing she could duck the whole issue. “So,” she said, taking a deep breath, then looking at Lucy, “what if I reach for it, embrace this whole motherhood thing . . . only to find I can’t hack it? That I resent the hell out of my own child for having the nerve to be born and wrecking all my carefully laid plans?”
Lucy pulled Jana into a hug. “You won’t be in this alone, you know.”
“Parts of it I will,” Jana said testily.
Lucy loosened her hold on her and smiled. “Yeah, but they make really good drugs for that part.” Then she took Jana’s water bottle and set both bottles aside before taking Jana’s hands in hers. “We’ll be with you every step of the way. Before and after.”
They were both sniffling and Jana could only nod. “Thanks,” she managed, wishing she could better articulate what Lucy’s support really meant to her. Instead, she pulled her into another hug. They held on to each other tightly for several long moments, sniffling occasionally, before finally letting go.
They picked up their water bottles and each took a sip, their thoughts their own for a few moments.
“So,”
Jana started, after clearing her throat, “if I promised to work harder at finding a solution to my problems over my pregnancy, would you give up seeing Jason? You know, to get back in Grady’s good graces? For my sake?”
Lucy swung a surprised gaze to Jana, then rolled her eyes when she realized Jana was kidding. “I’ll deal with Grady,” she promised her. “One way or the other.”
Jana wished she could trust in that, but Lucy had no idea what she was really dealing with. And Jana simply couldn’t be the one to tell her. That would have to come from Grady. If it ever came at all.
Chapter 24
All he wanted was a hot shower and the sweet oblivion of sleep. It had been a long week. Who was he kidding? It had been a long month. And only part of that was the project he was currently heading up. As daunting as it was exciting, most of his waking moments and a goodly number of his sleeping ones were spent dreaming about carbon nanotubes and microfluidics.
He stepped out of the elevator and was fishing out his key when he turned the corner and stopped short. The person who consumed the rest of his waking and sleepless moments was presently slumped on the floor next to his door, apparently asleep.
He glanced at his wristwatch, but he already knew it was past two in the morning. What the hell was she doing here? Stupid question, jerkoff. Apparently he’d ignored her long enough, and now it was time to pay the piper.
He’d wanted to call her. She wasn’t the only one who wanted to get them back to some semblance of normalcy. He just had no idea how to go about it. He’d gone to the reunion dance with the intention of . . . hell, he wasn’t quite sure what his intentions had been that night. Confronting her? Being there for her in case Jason was still the same asshole? Both? Neither?
All he knew was that when he’d laid eyes on her wearing that sequined getup guaranteed to give even a dead man a hard-on, he’d been both disappointed and disconcertingly turned on. Hey, he was a red-blooded male and very much alive, thanks. But hard-on or not, the disappointment was worse. That hadn’t been the real Lucy there that night.
Sleeping with Beauty Page 28
